It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.

So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival

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And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.

You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.

I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.

And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.

For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?

Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?

I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.

Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.

Freedom is priceless.

And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.

Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.

Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.

There I said it.

Never let what makes you special weigh you down.

Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.

Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.

Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.

It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.

I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.

To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.

To inform. To Understand. To Accept.

So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:

What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?

What can you do to inspire others to do the same?

I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.

Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.

Time to live with pride.

I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.

Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.

Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.

Harsh. Tell me about it.

You see I have been ghosted before by

…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;

…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;

…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;

…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;

friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.

A bunch, I know. Whew.

But trust me, I learned my lesson well.

Never chase people back.

That’s called having self-respect.

The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.

You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:

Am I not good enough?

Did I do something wrong?

Is there someone else?

And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.

Do yourself a favor: don’t.

You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.

I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.

Here are 5 ways to help you recover after being ghosted:

  1. Accept the situation as it is

Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things,  blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.

2. It’s about them, not you

No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.

3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal

Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.

4. Remember who you really are

Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.

5. Plan your comeback

The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.

There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.

It’s a sad day for me.
My fur baby, Miyuki just died.

And the rain outside matches the tears falling down my cheeks as I write this.

You see it’s not easy to let go of someone who has been with me for 3 years.

You see, I have always described Miyuki as my kindest, sweetest cat (I have 6 more).

He was, true to this description, till his last breath.

I vividly remember how I fell in love with him the first time I saw him in a Pet Shop in Cartimar.

I was just supposed to buy fish and supplies for my aquarium when I decided to just take a walk to look around the other pets available there.

Trivia: I always had a soft spot for animals and growing up, I used to say that I wanted to be a Zoologist someday. But after realizing that Science and I don’t really have much chemistry, that dream of mine changed eventually.

But back to my chance meeting with this beautiful soul.

I remember seeing him from afar, his big built and wavy tuxedo fur caught my eye immediately because he stood out amidst smaller sized kittens his age. Add the fact that he had a gold chain on his neck then, so how could I have missed him? Haha!

“He’s so huge and cute!” I told Drei who was accompanying me then who was also as mesmerized as I was.

I then approached the seller and asked about him. Back then, he was an 8-month old, big-boned exotic persian kitten with chubby cheeks and a flat low nose. Yes, I wanted to grab him and squeeze him and his overly fluffy black and white fur because he was that adorable when he looked at me but I had to stop myself as he wasn’t mine then…yet.

“How much?” I nonchalantly asked, pretending to be disinterested but deep inside I wanted to kidnap him already.

The seller gave a steep price and explained that Miyuki was just delivered that morning because the original owner was migrating abroad and could not take Miyuki with him. My heart broke into a thousand pieces then knowing how it must have been painful for both of them to be separated.

I nodded, said thanks and started to walk away after giving Miyuki one last look. I knew deep inside then that we had a connection but I was fighting with my inner logic that I went there to buy fishes for my aquarium and not a cat. Not a big, tuxedo cutie cat with beautiful eyes that warmed my heart instantly.

Walking away was futile as I found myself constantly thinking about Miyuki and discussing with Drei how much I wanted him but found him too pricey for a totally unplanned purchase.

But I know myself. I don’t fall in love easily. But with Miyuki, I just knew it immediately.

Was it the gold chain? His sad story? Or his purpose in my life eventually?

After doing two more rounds to process my thoughts, I found myself walking back to where Miyuki was. I remember having doubts when I approached the seller again and requested to hold Miyuki in my arms.

It felt like home. I was truly happy.

I knew one thing right then and there: He was my fur baby.

The way he hugged me tight and looked at me with such peaceful eyes allowed me to understand where he is coming from.

I had been left behind suddenly before by people whom I thought would stay. And it sucks big time. I can’t let it happen to this beautiful creature whose loyalty will put others to shame.

So trusting the Universe, we negotiated and after some calls, the odds aligned in our favor. We got Miyuki for the price we wanted. Though not a steal, that value was far less compared to the joy it brought me knowing that he was now mine.

And to seal that deal, the moment I hugged him again, he pooped on me. Haha! I remember not knowing whether to laugh or cry then. I saw it as a sign that he marked me his as well.

Who would have known that was the start of a beautiful 3-year love story with my kindest fur baby? One that I never thought would end until today because I had everything planned out: he will have his own wife and kids, we would take countless Christmas pictures as a family and watch Netflix and cuddle endlessly.

It was a beautiful vision.

A vision that I had after spending almost everyday with this beautiful soul who never got tired of reminding me how special I was no matter whatever I was going through at any moment.

One who never judged me when I felt I did something wrong nor when I had my moods.

He would still knock at 5am at my bedroom door, eat breakfast at 6am happily, sit by my side quietly at 9am as I start working , nudging me from time to time when he wants to go to the bathroom to do his business or when he just wants a quick hug in between. After a long day, he would quietly hop on my bed after I do my prayers and watch Netflix with me, staring at me every now and then to check if I am still awake or if he wants to be held. He perfectly knows that on or before 9pm he has to get out of my room so I can sleep, and he can wander around my place.

He was everyone’s favorite cat because he was the first one to ever reach out to all my other fur babies. He would never show aggression and will approach them slowly with eyes wide open and gently touch them with his hairy paw and smell them as he butts head with them. I always enjoy watching him play with the younger kittens, his energy quite surprising given his calm demeanor. He even has this practice of bracing himself as if like the toy race car that you have to pull back first before he launches himself forward to chase my other fur babies during play.

He has always been hard to bathe and would not look at me each time I had him take one or after he was groomed. He fears the presence of strangers and being placed inside the cat bag, because I feel he still has this notion that he was to be given away, time and again I have proven wrong in the last 3 years because my entire family showered him with so much love and affection he truly wanted and deserved, like how he managed to touch our lives in such a wonderful and meaningful way.

Even my dear friend Jen, the official godmother of my cats, who would take care of him whenever I will be traveling oversees fell in love with him and would always praise Miyuki for being such a sweet, lovable cat. I can’t blame her. He was an angel.

And today, as he was finally laid to rest after getting sick barely in a week’s time, he embarked on his journey using his little wings towards cat heaven, wherever that may be.

It pains me to have realized the signs that he was feeling something weird in the last few days, maybe because I was also too caught up with a lot of things in my life e.g. my cousin died a couple of days before, some changes in work schedules, project delays and a number of other matters that made me overlook that my Miyuki was trying his best to let me know he was saying goodbye.

I remember how he would go to my room and lie on my bed looking at the window quietly and stay there for long periods of time.

I can recall asking him at night when he cuddles near me when he would refuse to go out of my room even when it’s time and how he will run back in whenever I will bring him out. It struck me he wanted to stay by my side then.

When he started not eating and losing his energy, I would feed him by hand and hold him tight which in turn will make him take little sips of his milk and little bites on his food. He wanted to please me till the very end.

He started isolating himself from the rest of my fur babies and he will oftentimes go underneath the Christmas tree I had, something which he has never done before. Maybe it was his way of making himself be remembered during my most favorite time of the year.

And when I decided to bring him to the vet, he let out loud cries, I don’t know whether it’s because of pain or of pure sadness because he didn’t have enough time to say goodbye to his other brothers and sisters and it was obvious he didn’t want to leave us.

He knew. I just felt that.

And as much as I hate to say this, I think I knew too.

As a person who always writes down his dreams, I wrote 6 days before his death that I dreamed about Miyuki was dying. It was after having another dream about my aunt who passed away two months ago and she was crying.

I guess the Universe was already giving me signs then but since on that same day I had that dream, my cousin died from a motorcycle accident there after that may have led me to ignore it until it was too late.

But I know in my heart that I did everything I could, with all that I had to save Miyuki. I was there when he was admitted to Manila Feline Hospital and stayed there until I could. I never stopped reminding him how much I loved hime and that we will be waiting for him at home. He gave me one last look before I left. This was right after I came back from work on a weekend.

A few hours later, he died.

The last look he gave when I called his name took all of his strength remaining just to say goodbye and acknowledge me. I can never forget that face.I can never forget him.

Writing this now made me realize how much of an impact Miyuki had on my life.

He taught me how it is to love unconditionally.

Of how to appreciate simple joys.

How it feels to be supported and appreciated as I am.

He taught me how it is to look at others without judgment as I come from kindness.

I wish I could just be as kind as my kindest cat.

Miyuki was one of a kind. And he can never be replaced.

Run free, Miyuki.

Please watch over us all. I will miss you terribly.

You will always be my kindest, sweetest fur baby.

I love you forever Miyuki.

I always say this to people who are forcing themselves in certain situations:
Don’t come from obligation. Come from inspiration.

Makes sense right?

I mean who wants to be merely forced to do things just because it’s their duty or that responsibility was bestowed upon them?

Whether it’s about being the eldest in the family to take care of all your siblings or the youngest who is expected to just listen and follow,

To being the breadwinner in the family,

to having a senior (or most junior) position at work where expectations and deliverables vary

among others.

Can you relate?

I guess the bigger question is: how much do you really like what you’re expected to do every single day based on the role you portray?

Let’s be honest. It can be quite hard at times.

Simply because as you try to live up to the expectations of others, you oftentimes put yourself and your needs last simply because you feel that you shouldn’t be a priority because work (or your role) calls.

Imagine the stress, the shame, and other negative emotions that are brought about by the pressure to conform and just deliver.

However, truth be told, forcing yourself won’t do you (or the relationship at stake) any good.

You’ll only end up hating yourself and the space you’re in, in the long run.

So the key here is to come from inspiration, as you fill in each responsibility or duty with new meaning to keep you going.

Here are 5 ways to turn your obligations into inspiration:

  1. See your responsibilities as opportunities for growth

As you challenge yourself by handling multiple tasks all at the same time, you allow yourself to learn and grow in the process. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may seem at first, by embracing it fully minus any form of resistance, you get to make the most of the journey as you become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .

2. Take note of the lives you can change

You are perhaps the ray of hope everyone else around you needed at that time. Be that enabler of change. Know that the seeds you plant today may bring about that much needed growth and change you dreamed not only for others, but for yourself as well. It just had to start with you loving what you do.

3. You allow your relationships to bloom

Never underestimate your impact in the lives of others. By willingly helping out, you help build trust and establish stronger bonds with the people around you. This makes the journey easier when you allow them to support you as well to ensure that everyone is on the same page, with the same goal in mind so you never feel alone as you take the lead.

4. You get to recognize your own value

It could have been anyone else, but it was handed on to you. There’s a reason for everything and God does not give you any challenge that you can’t overcome. It’s been given to you because it’s meant to teach you beautiful lessons you need moving forward. You are the chosen one. You are good enough, worthy enough. Know that someday you will look back and realize why everything had to happen that way. Simply because, they were preparing you to become the person you’re meant to be.

5. You don’t end up having regrets

When you don’t like what you’re doing, you tend to complain left and right, oftentimes missing out on the important moments, milestones and lessons along the way. By loving what you do and being inspired by your own responsibilities, you get to maximize the space you’re in and look beyond desired results as you just focus on enjoying the journey while living fully. Don’t let your obligations stop you from making the most of this lifetime.

I hope after reading this, you have unburdened yourself from the responsibilities you may be carrying.
Use them as a springboard instead that will bring you closer to what you’re meant to be:
an amazing inspiration to everyone else around you.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be beautiful and worth sharing.
I hope this hits home hard.

Seriously. Having a highly curated life on social media does not exactly equate to enjoying life as is, in general.

But come to think of it: why do people tend to hide the other (note my conscious decision to use that neutral word) of life?

What is it about the less than perfect moments that make us want to hide them?

What misconceptions do you have about your own?

Take this time to reflect:

Which part of your life are you hiding from the rest of the world due to shame?

A failure?

Unguarded moments caught on cam?

Criticisms from others?

Your next chapter?

What makes you want to bury them into oblivion?

I know that you may have your own reasons for keeping them invisible to the prying eyes of everyone around you but hey, I just want you to know this:

It’s ok to share those less than perfect, less than happy moments with the rest of the world.

It doesn’t make you less of a person each time you talk about what others may be dreading to discuss.

In fact, by doing so, you become a beacon of hope and strength for all those who need to overcome their own shame.

On that note, allow me to share with you the 5 things you should not be ashamed about:

  1. Your past

How many times have you heard me say: “Your past should not define you.”? There, I said it again. But hey it’s true. Think about this: you can’t exactly turn back time more so undo what has been done. You can only focus on learning from the experience. That means, whatever you’ve been through before, no matter how tough life was, it’s ok. Show off your battle scars. They are beautiful reminders that you’ve made it this far in this life time, a privilege which not everyone gets to enjoy because they let their past hold them back.

2. Your present

Where you are right now at this point in your life is only temporary. So why be ashamed of it? It’s merely a pitstop; just a tiny spec in your life’s journey ahead. Wouldn’t it be inspiring for others to see how you decided to work on yourself at present to eventually become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever ? Know that your life at present does not have to be free from flaws to be meaningful and rewarding. What is important to remember here is that you were brave enough to start and committed enough to continue on with your journey.

3. Your relationships

Never hide the people you truly matter to you. Whether it’s a family member, a dear friend or a special someone, be proud of the relationship you have. That shows how much value you put in the relationship by acknowledging it fully. Ok, you don’t have to go overboard about posting sweet pics or writing mushy stuff every now and then; what I am saying is that never deny people in your life, regardless of how others may respond to your admittance. It’s ok though. You are not here to please anyone nor allow anyone to dictate whom you could share spaces with.

4. Your struggles

It’s normal to have ups and downs in life. Take that to heart please. Never be ashamed of your struggles. It’s ok to be vulnerable and admit that you need help. It actually shows how strong you are and how mindfully aware you are of your own needs and wants. At the end of the day, too much pride won’t help resolve your challenges on hand so best if you acknowledge your own difficulties and allow yourself to receive the support you need as you inspire others to be comfortable enough to ask for help too. No man is an island and nobody’s perfect so just stay true and give yourself what is due.

5. Your goals and dreams

No matter how big they may be, you are very much worthy of your own goals and dreams. If you truly want to manifest them to reality, speak with pride about them and feel as if they already came true. Don’t ever minimize them or shrink yourself just to fit in or to avoid being judged by others. It will never be worth each time you shortchange yourself. You have what it takes to succeed and no matter how ambitious you may seem, you have nothing to explain to others who aren’t even part of your dreams.

As you are, you are worthy to take up space, express yourself and live life fully and free.

Never let shame make you feel otherwise.

Time to live brave and proud.

Never say die.
How many times have you heard this in your life time?

Whether someone told you this or you have made this your own mantra, it still serves the same purpose:

To remind you to never give up.

I know, easier said than done.

I mean admittedly, life isn’t exactly perfect at all times. Well, it doesn’t have to be really, for it to be beautiful and meaningful, but this is a totally new context all together.

What I am basically saying is that sometimes life has its own twists and turns and sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are far from ideal, oftentimes very difficult to handle.

And when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we find ourselves wanting to just throw in the towel, run away and hope and pray by doing so closes that unwanted chapter.

Can relate?

Take this time to think: when was the last time you almost gave up on something? On someone?

What was the compelling reason then?

What was the impact of your decision?

I know that while some of you may think that it was the best decision made during that time, others may not exactly share that sentiment most specially after the dust has settled.

Because in reality, at times, giving up isn’t exactly the best solution.

Here are the 5 times you should not give up:

1. When things are hard

    Fact: you can only grow and become your own #bestmeever outside of your comfort zone. Which means when situations seem to be getting tougher and tougher and you feel overwhelmed, the key here is to pause and ground yourself, not run away at the first sight of the problem. Know that things may be hard at the beginning but if you totally commit to overcoming the challenges on hand, they become easier as you learn and grow in the process. Stop resisting and start embracing things as they are because they ae teaching you the valuable lessons you need moving forward. As they say, no pain, no gain.

    2. When you truly want something

    As Simon Sinek said: “Remember your Why.” You’ve made it this far. Why let everything go to waste by giving up now? Your goals and dreams deserve your 100% commitment so keep going. Remind yourself how much each one means to you and what is the value of achieving your goals and dreams eventually. Make your reasons larger than life so that they don’t get dwarfed by challenges along the way.

    3. When it takes a lot of time

    Not everything has to happen all at once. Greatness takes time. So should you. Don’t ever hurry growth as you may end up with half-baked results. Know that delays can also be blessings as they serve as your springboard towards improving yourself along the way as you discover the silverlining in each. Be more patient with yourself and your growth. You will fully bloom when it’s time. Until then, enjoy the journey.

    4. When others are not supporting you

    I’ve said it time and again before and I’ll say it again: you don’t need anyone’s go signal for you to finally give yourself what you truly want and deserve as you pursue your biggest dreams. Don’t let the lack of support from others stop you from what you’re called to do (and be). Be your own biggest cheerleader. Know that once you decide and commit to pushing through, you will eventually meet the right people who deserve to share spaces with you in this new journey of yours and who will support you unconditionally. Let others watch and see, because more often than not, they are secretly hoping that they were brave enough to at least try the way you did in their space. Yep, you are most probably triggering their insecurities.

    5. When you have failed before

    Your past doesn’t define you. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed before for as long as you keep going and keep improving each time you try again. Do things differently. Seek a new mentor. Learn from your mistakes. Do what you think is best so that this time around you don’t let your past failures haunt you and distract you from your goals. Know that those failures of yours will eventually be someone’s inspiration to try harder in their space and your entire journey will be someone else’s guide to ultimately surviving in this life time. Be the inspiration they (and you, yourself) need.

    At the end of the day, remember this:

    You will always be worth another chance, another try.
    So please, don’t ever give up.

    Coaching can be such a rewarding experience.
    And this is based on actual experience.

    You see, being a full-time professional coach for several years now, I got to maximize what my coaching practice has to offer: being able to work when and where I want to, being able to help people from all over the world get the breakthroughs they deserve while learning, growing, feeling fulfilled and genuinely happy along the way too.

    I often get told by people that they want to pursue the same career because time and location freedom matter a lot to them.

    I always tell them the hard truth though: it’s not easy to become a full-time professional coach. Because beyond the seemingly luxurious and freedom-filled lifestyle, is a whole lot of hard work on myself and my clients as well.

    At the end of the day, it’s all about having a stable number of happy and satisfied clients and numerous testimonials and referrals based on my work as a coach.

    Easier said than done though.

    Consider the number of competition you have. Their offers. Their price points. And your chosen niche and practice.

    What do you think is making it hard for you to secure coaching clients?

    Sharing with you the 5 common reasons why you are not getting coaching clients:

    1. You are not putting yourself out there

    People need to know about you and what you do for them to become interested. How are you maximizing your social media platforms? Are you visible in the platforms where your desired clients are? Do you contribute to online discussions on LinkedIn or Facebook communities? Do you speak in reputable conventions? If you’re too shy or you’re quite uncomfortable showing up as a coach, then this is your sign to think again. As the saying goes, to see is to believe.

    2. You don’t have a coaching brand

    Amidst a sea of professional coaches, it’s very important to have a coaching brand that stands out from the rest. What do you represent in the coaching space? Who’s your market? What and how are you communicating? If you’re still unclear about these, then perhaps it contributes to the confusion your audience has about you. And for those with discriminating tastes, being just like one of the many won’t really make their cut.

    3. Your price point needs adjustment

    I always say that it’s important to put value on ourselves and in what we do best. In relation to that, we must also be humble enough to acknowledge our capabilities, credentials  and body of work at present. This means that the goal is that you must be worth more than what you charge for.  So if you’re only beginning in your practice, settle with an entry level rate. Work your way up. Go the extra mile. Let your value increase as you gather receipts of success consistently. Never overpromise. Never overprice. Make sure always that your prospective customers see you as a worthy investment of their time, money and resources. Remember: highly paid coaching superstars don’t happen overnight. So take your time and do the necessary work so you can charge as much.

    4. There’s no rapport

    A chemistry session presents the perfect opportunity to determine if there’s a fit between the coach and coachee. Question is: how do you present yourself during a chemistry session? Quick tip: never take for granted free sessions such as this. Just show up as your authentic self as you get to know the client better, genuinely listen and ask powerful questions. The goal should not be just to earn per se as you close the deal, but rather, make a positive lasting impression.  Don’t go too hard sell. That breaks the intimacy of the session.

    5. You don’t have client testimonials

    Word of mouth is one of the most powerful form of marketing. Your reputation precedes you. The question is: what can you show to showcase the amazing results that you deliver? Who can vouch for you? What are your clients saying about partnering with you for their growth? Shared experiences matter a lot. After all, investing on one’s self and one’s growth is one of the best investments a person can make so make yourself highly bookable via the good reviews your clients have given you. No amount of online advertisement can compensate for authentic reviews in the long run. So if you’re just starting, give as many free sessions as you can and secure client testimonials from them. Focus on building your credibility first.

    Hopefully you can take a step back and assess which of these aspects need work on your end.

    Remember to be patient with yourself and your growth as a coach though.
    Because when you’re truly ready, your clients will come.

    No pain, no gain.
    I think this has always been instilled in us while we were growing up.

    To make us work harder.

    To allow us to endure more.

    To purge our character.

    However, come to think of it, as I grew older and become more aware, I have realized that pain need not be the be all and end all of everything.

    I think achieving our goals should not always be associated with having to endure painful situations first because truth be told, there are times when rewards do come easily, simply because everything is meant to happen that way.

    Because even during our happiest times, we can gain a lot too.

    From learnings to giving life a second chance. Or a third even.

    And suffering becomes merely optional or even non-existent along the way.

    This is just one of the myths that I have come to realize: that pain and suffering aren’t exactly 100% essential to one’s growth. Yeah, maybe to some extent yes, but know that we can always choose to grow in a manner that works for us, without necessarily banking on our previous narrative of resilience taught by our elders and society.

    And alongside this, allow me to share with you the 5 myths we have about painful experiences to help you see them in a different light moving forward:

    1. When you forgive, you must forget.

    Ok, I know that forgiving someone who has done you wrong isn’t exactly easy. Depending on who has caused you pain (the closer the person is to your heart, the more painful it becomes) and the gravity of the action done (break up, falling out, betrayal…you tell me.), it would really take more than just an apology to make things right. Here’s the thing: for me, if you really want to make things right, forgive the person when you’re ready (given your own time, space and conditions) and choose to remember the lessons. This simply means that as you look back at that painful incident, you no longer have heightened emotions towards the person who has done you wrong, but you are quite at peace realizing the lessons which that event has taught you. And no, you don’t have to force yourself  “bring back the old times” after forgiving someone if you feel that person no longer deserves to share spaces with you. You can always just choose to co-exist in your own respective spaces, until such time you realize otherwise.

    2. You can fully unlove someone when things don’t work out.

    In my opinion, no matter how painful the cause of your heartbreak may be, I believe that you can’t really totally unlove someone. If a person already has been a part of your life in a beautiful way, meaning you shared wonderful memories, grew together and inspired you along the way, even if someday things are no longer the same, you just can’t invalidate the existence of that relationship. What you can do though is accept the fact that you can love the other person on a different level instead e.g. from romantic to familial, loving someone from afar, recognizing the existence of the person who was once part of your life and taught you valuable lessons you needed moving forward.

    3. An apology is needed to have closure.

    Ok, while it would be wonderful to get that sincere apology from the person who has wronged you to allow you to move on, it’s not always the case. Sometimes it comes in too late. At times, it never happens. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold just because you are still waiting for that person who has caused you pain to make amends. Sadly though, we don’t have control over the emotions and actions of others. So it’s never a guarantee. Choose to give yourself the closure that you need and want by really coming into terms what the painful situation is teaching you and how you can use what has risen from this awareness as you start all over again. Your internal dialogue with yourself, as you practice love, compassion and understanding will allow you to close chapters without depending on anyone else, when you are truly able and ready.

    4. You have to tolerate the one you love to make the relationship work.

    Nope, I don’t think so.  Tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love. More so if you are allowing yourself to be the recipient of rude and toxic behavior time and again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does. And when it comes to relationships, tolerating any form of wrong doing, contrary to the common notion of sacrificing for the sake of the relationship, will only result to bigger problems in the future. If you really want your relationship to work, be brave enough to have that difficult conversation and lay down all your cards, coming from a space of love and honesty and seek for a compromise. That’s how you can really work on your relationship: when both parties are willing to change for the better and exert the same effort in doing what’s best for you both.

    5. Outgrowing people means you are ungrateful.

    People come into your life for a reason, for a certain season. And the sad truth is, no matter how you try at times, you just can’t have everyone you grew up with play a part in your story as time goes by. Outgrowing people does not make you (or them) a bad person. We all change, in different ways, at different speeds. And that causes the relationships we have to change as well. While we try our best to make things work and make the relationships we have last, sometimes, when we have truly given our all and did our best, it’s ok to just let things be. The relationship you had already fulfilled its purpose – it’s up for you to nurture new ones along the way as you journey towards your best. Be grateful those happened and take all the lessons to heart. Because at the end of the day, the people you’ve outgrown will always be part of your past. And that’s something to cherish knowing that one way or another, they helped you become the person you’re meant to be. Life goes on for everyone.

    So now, I hope that with the awareness that you have about the myths surrounding the painful experiences you may have had, you are able to discern fully what will be best for you moving forward.

    Simply because:
    There’s a whole lot more to gain when you look beyond the pain.

    Whatever you take for granted will be taken away from you.
    This hits home.

    Seriously. No one (and nothing actually) deserves to be taken for granted.

    I mean, hear me on this: everything happens for a reason.

    And everyone who comes into your life has a purpose to fulfill.

    It may not be evident at first and at times we may even be resistant if things don’t go as planned.

    However, it is important to always keep our faith intact and to trust the process (and ourselves) accordingly.

    Because only then we will get to discover the silver linings in each and every experience we have.

    Given that, I want you to take this time first to be one with your surrounding.

    What experiences do you have at present?

    Who are in your circle?

    What changes have you embraced?

    Being mindful about your life at the moment allows you to recognize everything that has brought you to where you are at present and the purpose each one serves.

    This teaches us to see each and every event, person, thing or space through the lens of gratitude, which can help us amplify what we want more of in life as we approach seemingly difficult situations with the least (or no) resistance.

    There is so much beauty and power when you appreciate life as is.

    And to give you a head start, here are 5 things you should not take for granted in your life.

    1. Your overall health and wellbeing

    As the saying goes, health is wealth. And this holds so much truth. It’s very important to always prioritize your over all health and wellbeing. That simply means indulging in regular self-care, surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, giving yourself what is due as you invest on yourself and your growth without feeling guilty. Think about this: if you can’t really do much if you’re bedridden, unhappy or totally stressed in your space so make sure that you don’t set aside your health and wellbeing for the sake of your work or just to please others. It’s definitely not worth it.

    2. Your genuine relationships

    It’s quite rare that you meet people who really have your back through good times and bad times so when you have them in your space, treasure them. Family, friends or any loved one who fall in this category deserve your 100% commitment, as you nurture your relationship with each one of them. Ensure that you always find time to check on each one of them, address any issue that may arise coming from a space of love and respect and celebrate them and the relationship that you have every single day, in all possible ways. Not everyone is qualified to take their place so never make them feel neglected.

    3. Your talents and skills

    You are the best investment you can ever make. So always take time to recognize your strengths, skills and talents that set you apart from the rest and nurture them. Take time to practice daily and share your gifts to others. Don’t ever be overconfident about them that you just assume that you could always deliver what is expected from you. Be humble enough to realize that you, much like everyone else, has room for improvement and you can always upgrade and upskill as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .

    4. The challenges along the way

    I know. It’s quite hard to accept that life isn’t exactly smooth sailing at times. And more often than not, we try to brush things off that do not align with our plans or if they seem tougher to face than usual. But hey, I wanted to remind you that you should never set aside those because they carry with them the important lessons you need moving forward. Never let them invalidate your progress. Embrace them as they are. But learn how to look for the silver linings there after. They are just as valuable as any other milestone you will have during great days. Or even more actually.

    5. The opportunities given to you

    It’s true. Somewhere out there, someone wants to trade places with you because they see that you are so blessed in so many ways. So never take the opportunities given to you for granted. Whether it’s a new job, a second chance in life or love, or a chance to make a difference in the lives of others (or even in yours, as well), make the most of them. Give your best, with all that you have because truth be told, you can never be sure if you will be receiving the same favors in the future. You only have this lifetime to make the most of each and every opportunity to grow and be happy.

    Hopefully after reading this you now see all the things, people and situations which fill your current space, in a different light.

    Simply because, you also have a purpose to live alongside each one of them.
    So never take them (or yourself) for granted.

    “And the winner is….”
    Not me.

    Yep, you read it right.

    I didn’t win during last night’s ceremony for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank PH.

    Don’t get me wrong: the winners were deserving. Amazing stories. Beautiful advocacies. I celebrate you guys! Congratulations again! Such a beautiful experience to have shared spaces with you all. Beyond grateful also to the management of CIMB Bank PH for having me as one of the nominees for the inaugural edition. I am honored to be given a platform to tell my story and advocacy.

    Admittedly though, coming from a space of honesty and vulnerability, when my name wasn’t called, it hurt initially.

    I really wanted to win for all the people who have shown me their unwavering love and support all through out my journey: from my family, friends, loved ones, listeners, viewers, readers and complete strangers who appreciated my two video entries beautifully edited by Anton , allowing them to bring to life my story and my advocacy anchored on inclusivity and diversity.

    But beyond that, I also really wanted to win the cash donation for my charity of choice, Camp Pag-Ayo Inc. , an NGO that advocates stigma reduction through art towards the LGBTQIA+ Community, HIV/AIDS and Mental Health. Despite that, I will still continue to work with them as promised, with or without the grant.

    It is what it is.

    So after taking several deep breaths and letting everything sink in, I remember telling myself the very thing I frequently tell others when faced with seemingly difficult situations:

    Everything happens for a reason.

    And that made me smile.

    Because looking at what happened from a different perspective, I discovered the 5 learnings I had from losing.

    Allow me to share them with you here:

    1. It’s not meant for me and that’s ok.

    There were criteria for judging. Personal preferences of the judges. And some other factors which may have determined that I wasn’t a fit for whatever it is they were looking for as of the moment. However, I have come to realize that despite that, I still felt the love and support of all the people who rallied for me, the members of the press who praised me and my advocacy and complete strangers who told me that they were vouching for me. And I shouldn’t take those for granted and let them be overshadowed by my initial feeling of disappointment. Even in my practice as a professional coach, I always tell my mentees that they can’t be the coach everyone expects them to be. And that’s perfectly fine. We all have spaces meant for us in this life time. Remember, whatever will be, will be.

    2. My best will always be more than enough

    People close to my heart know that I am not really competitive as a person. Entering this competition, I just focused on what truly matters most: being able to give my all, do my best and utilize this new platform to share my story of hope to everyone around me. Regardless of the result, for as long as I feel happy, complete and fulfilled with what I have done and what I chose to become in the process, that will always be more than enough. There’s nothing else more than doing one’s best so why stress? Be kinder to yourself guys and just let go and let things be. If you gave your best, you’ve done well. Give yourself a pat on the back.

    3. Growth is a matter of choice

    I chose to see things in a different perspective: instead of focusing on something I initially felt I lost (but in reality, it’s one I never had to begin with — winning the competition, that is), I chose to focus on what I have gained along the way: an even bigger platform for me, made new friends, new advocacies to support, new learnings and insights, an opportunity to dress up and look good and leave a lasting impression (indulge me on this. I never thought my chosen Fairytopia Modern Filipiniana look would generate so much positive reactions from the people on-ground and online. I got to appreciate my own style bible more. Like I said earlier to a number of people praising me before the awarding ceremony began: win or lose, what’s important is that I look good. LOL)…and the list goes on. Yep, I can definitely say I am growing.

    4. Losing now does not invalidate my journey towards my best

    Come to think of it: not getting the top prize last night does not make me less capable or insignificant. It does not invalidate the fact that I already have my own share of success in my work as a professional coach and as a best-selling author, and in my personal life as well. It will not, in any way, make me lose the skills I have (and will continuously upgrade and use) and the lasting relationships I have nurtured along the way that have helped me carve my own path in this lifetime. Losing does not define me; it’s not the end of it all. It’s just part of my journey to keep me humble, grounded, mindful and grateful, things we need to practice in this lifetime. There is no need to prove myself to anyone as I feel very secure in my space. My pace. And I intend to keep it that way.

    5. Life always goes on

    One for the books definitely. But now, it’s time to move on and forward and explore the next chapter. I am a firm believer that one day, I would look back at this event with a smile as I realize how it opened up better opportunities that are really meant for me. And until that day comes, I will always take all the lessons I have learned to heart, while trusting the process, giving my all and being my best while remaining grateful and excited for the wonderful new beginnings ahead.

    Come to think of it now: with all these beautiful learnings I gained, I don’t think I lost at all.
    I guess I can say in my own way, I actually won.

    I celebrate you Self, now and always. In all ways.

    This one’s for you.

    And sharing with you guys reading this, too.

    Thank you all for being part of my journey towards my own #bestmeever .

    Cheers to exciting new adventures ahead!

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