I have always loved writing.
And this is an understatement.
I fondly remember how I discovered my love for writing accidentally when I was tapped to join the school paper way back then in High School as a writer for the Sports Section. Me, in sports. Yes, I know. Haha!
But that particular experience started it all. From writing sports articles, I gradually shifted to writing literary and news pieces for the public to consume.
And during those formative teenage years as well, I finally found writing down my thoughts on my journal as something both liberating and empowering at the comforts of my private space then.
I guess that’s how my love for journaling started. And up to this day, I continue doing that practice that sets my mind, body and spirit free.
Which basically became my inspiration for creating my best-selling #bestmeever book series and recently, the first ever #bestmeever Life Coaching Planner so others can experience the transformative change of journaling when it comes to their overall health and well-being. That is why I made sure that my planner has a bunch of free pages and wide writing spaces for flowing thoughts.
Writing can really do wonders for you. Like seriously.
Your mental health suffers when you keep on thinking about things that rob you of joy and brings you so much stress and anxiety instead. Journaling allows you to do a mental dump — where in you just write down all your thoughts as of the given moment and analyze from there what needs your focus and what needs to go. You don’t have to hold on to each and every thought you have all at once. This frees your mind from the burden of having to process all at the same time, allowing you to relax a little more in the process.
2. Journaling allows you to become clearer with your dreams
Having your own quiet time allows you to inquire deep within and tap on to your greatest aspirations amidst the hustle and bustle of the real world. Journaling about your goals and dreams allow you to visualize them clearly, understand them better and strategize there after. It is when you are alone and immersed in your own thoughts that you come from honesty and vulnerability about things that really excite you and makes your heart skip a beat.
3. Journaling helps you recognize your progress
Writing down your milestones, big or small, allows you to have something to remind you during days that are tougher than others. Perfect for those who want to document their personal development journey, whether it involves getting your desired body or learning a new skill, journaling allows you to celebrate yourself along the way as you fill each entry about your latest adventure, realization or achievement.
4. Journaling helps you manage your emotions better
When overwhelmed by emotions, writing down your thoughts allow you to manage them accordingly This form of release allows you to center all your energy into putting words on feelings which you can’t explain , allowing you to analyze them better and deal with them there after. What I also like about this is that on a personal note, I have something to look back at when all the heightened emotions have settled and I can finally be rational again, enough to come up with the best, non-impulsive decision.
5. Journaling improves your productivity
How different will your life be if you get to learn and discover how to prioritize tasks, manage your time well and deliver results smartly? Well you can experience that and more through journaling as it helps you process your thoughts accordingly while you write them down. This action gives your brain a visual aid, which helps it work more efficiently without the need to dissect abstract concepts.
So have you thought about giving journaling a try yet?
Never too late to do so.
Who knows, you might find the next love of your life soon.
Writing.
You are exactly where you are meant to be.
I always say this to my coachees and mentees so that they will learn to be comfortable in embracing the current space they’re in, no matter how that looks like.
I know, easier said than done.
Much like being compassionate, or changing behaviors you have gotten used to or getting rid of disappointments.
However, much like all those mentioned, it’s still very much possible to enjoy the present and live life fully minus any form of regrets.
While some of our past seemingly painful experiences can bring about anxiety and worries, as it affects you overall wellness and well-being, it’s important to note that those actually provided you with life long lessons you need in your personal journey.
Yes, I am talking about the decisions which you have made before which left you thinking at present if everything was well worth it because it doesn’t seem that way.
Listen, don’t overthink. Everything happens for a reason, good or bad, so that you get to learn and grow from them there after. So stop beating yourself up for decisions that may have led to unexpected results but you know for a fact were all grounded on beautiful, pure and clear intentions.
Sometimes you outgrow people and relationships, not because they’re bad (or you’re bad), but rather simply because, you are no longer in alignment. Even the most familiar person you’ve been with for the longest time can change, in the same way that you can too, but always remember that sharing spaces is a matter of choice. It can’t be one-sided only. So when you feel that you no longer feel happy or inspired and you’ve done everything you can to make the relationship work, let go and be comfortable with it. It’s meant to be that way. And more often than not, it’s for the best. So don’t ever regret your decision of making space for new people in your life who are in alignment with your whole being at present.
2. Pursuing your dreams and passion
I am a firm believer of going for whatever makes your heart skip a beat and whatever inspires you to be your best, no matter what age or status you may have at present. Never feel bad about making that decision to make your dream come true. You deserve to at least give it a try and see where it takes you. You are very much worthy of turning it into reality so hang on, keep the faith, keep going and keep growing. You’ll make it someday.
3. Choosing yourself first
Never feel guilty for putting your needs and wants first at times. Remember: you can’t give what you don’t have so it’s very much important to practice self-care and self-love so you can come from a space of overflow. You matter as much as anyone else so don’t ever see yourself as a mere provider of everyone else’s needs and wants. You’re definitely more than that. And if people can’t accept that, it’s ok. Still allow yourself to do what’s best for you. You deserve that so never feel bad for giving yourself what is due.
4. Starting all over again from scratch
You are never too young or too old to begin living the life you want. It may be difficult at first but know that it gets better if and when you stay committed to yourself and your growth. Never regret your decision of embracing the life you want just because others are making you feel bad about it. They will never understand. And that doesn’t matter. It’s your life and you know what’s best because you’ll be the one taking responsibility after.
5. Investing on yourself and your growth
You are the best investment you can ever make. So never regret spending for whatever it is that will bring you genuine happiness and help you grow in the process. Whether it’s a new laptop, a certification program you’ve been wanting to take or a much needed vacation, go for it for as long as you take responsibility for each decision there after. Life is too short to deprive yourself of the opportunity to live fully as you become your own #bestmeever without any regrets.
I hope after reading this you get to see things in a new light.
You are who you are right now because of the decisions you made for yourself before. Embrace your being.
And it’s such a beautiful experience to discover what still lies ahead as you move forward without any regrets.
I am excited for you.
Things don’t go always as planned.
And that’s a fact.
At the end of the day, there are things far beyond our control: the future, unforeseen situations, emerging trends and even the behavior of people, among others.
And the lost of control over these things brings about “unwanted” change, most of which cause us stress and a whole lot of disappointment.
I know. We all dread that feeling of being helpless and frustrated about everything going on around us which seem overly traumatic at first, so to speak:
A broken relationship.
A missed opportunity.
A competition lost.
An unexpected plot twist.
And so much more.
However, letting our disappointments get the best of us will not only affect our mental health, but rather our over all wellness and well being as well. Imagine: being distracted, losing your motivation and sometimes your appetite, feeling angry and sad, blaming yourself and others, feeling insecure — just some of the things you may experience when you feel overwhelmed by the unexpected experiences you now have on hand.
Awareness is key if you want to be able to process things freely. Do not invalidate whatever it is that you’re feeling as of the moment, no matter how painful it may be. Running away from your own emotions will only worsen your state. What you can do is accept things as they are and try to inquire within and recognize what your emotions are really telling you. Example: not getting the job promotion made you feel sad and disappointed. However, digging deeper, the real reason is because you are fearful about not being able to pay your outstanding loans. Being able to determine the root cause of whatever it is you’re feeling now helps you address it strategically as you move forward.
2. Focus on what’s under your control
This is what we oftentimes forget: we are resisting too much the reality that we have on hand that’s beyond our control. The key here is to eliminate the need to be on top of everything and then just surrender (to) and trust the process. As you let go of the resistance and welcome change openly, you allow yourself to be free from all your disappointments as you focus on what can still be, based on the influence and power you have on the situation on hand. As I always say, let go of anything and everything that’s beyond your control. Life gets easier that way.
3. Intentionally look for the silverlinings
Asking yourself “what is this situation teaching me?” or “what can be good about this?” can do a whole lot of wonders for you. Each time that you focus on the lessons to be learned and the silverl inings, you unburden yourself from the negative emotions you may be feeling, disappointment included. When you change the way you look at things, you change the way you feel towards them.
4. Count your blessings
Difficult times make us forget how blessed we are to begin with. When faced with challenges, try to recall all your wins from the past and acknowledge how far you’ve gone. By mindfully doing so, you allow yourself to shift from a space of disappointment to a space of gratitude, which opens up your life to new opportunities there after.
5. Revalidate yourself from within
When things go wrong as they sometimes will, our self-worth gets hit the most as we begin to question our own skills and value due to the disappointment we are feeling as of the moment. However, we should never let ourselves be defined by external factors. What happens to us doesn’t define us. How we respond to them, does so it’s very important to give ourselves the validation we want and need so that we can rise above the situation and move on and forward accordingly. Never deprive yourself from hearing the affirmations you deserve to hear from the most important person in the room: you.
Feeling disappointed at the onset of things that have gone wrong is ok.
What is not ok is to dwell in that space because truth be told, you deserve so much more.
Nothing is permanent in this world. Including what initially broke your heart.
So take a deep breath, pick yourself up and start all over again.
Because you can.
You’re on your way to becoming your own #bestmeever .
Health is wealth.
This is perhaps one of the sayings we all grew up with.
I remember writing this down back then in grade school when I was answering a friend’s autograph book (my, my, I missed this!).
This alongside my other favorite motto then “time is gold.” Haha! I am sure you can all relate.
Kidding aside though, prioritizing my health has always been an advocacy of mine.
However, through the years, it has evolved from focusing on the physical aspect alone, to including several others: mental, social, emotional, financial…all of which comprise my definition of holistic wellness.
I have always believed that one should consider all the aspects that affects one’s overall well-being and that it’s ideal to treat each one equally to achieve that healthy balance, as part of becoming one’s own #bestmeever .
Truth be told: you can’t really function at your optimum if a certain aspect of your life holds you back e.g. your mindset, how you feel, the people around you, your finances — yep all these have an impact in your growth so you must be mindful on how you address each aspects needs accordingly.
You deserve to pause. To rest and recalibrate. Don’t ever feel guilty for giving yourself quality “me time”. You are worthy of that, as much as everyone else. Avoid experiencing burn out by recognizing your own limits, needs and wants in the pursuit of your goals. Whether it’s all about making pocket stops or taking a month long vacation, do what you must to keep you happy, inspired and charged up so you don’t end up hating whatever it is that you’re doing as of the moment. And yes, you don’t have to hurry life.
2. Declutter your personal space
And no, I am not just talking about your messy room. Haha! But yeah, that’s also included because remember: your physical space affects your mental health and your mood so always be mindful enough to keep it clean and tidy. Apart from that though, you may also want to declutter other aspects of your life which also influence your space: the people around you, your own behaviors and actions, situations you allow yourself to be in constantly — know which of these you need to let go off because they no longer serve you and which ones you need to nurture so that you can grow even more. What you allow in your space influences you so know that you have the power to choose what’s best for you.
3. Develop a healthy morning routine
How you start your day can greatly influence how the rest of your day will go. So it’s very much important to start your day on a happy and healthy note: meditate for a few minutes after waking up, affirm yourself and practice gratitude before having a hearty breakfast, find time to exercise and be mindful enough to notice simple joys that can inspire you for the rest of the day. Do these every single day and notice how your life will change for the better there after.
4. Start a passion project
Do whatever it is that makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Regardless of your age, it’s never too late to work on your passion project because that will give your life new meaning as it uplifts your sense of purpose. So yeah, this is your sign to start that business, build that NGO or audition for that role you’ve always wanted. You are your only limitation, so don’t let yourself (and your insecurities) get in the way of what you’re meant to be. Keep going — that gives your life new inspiration and meaning.
5. Invest on personal development
You will always be the best investment you can make so don’t ever feel bad when you spend for yourself and your growth. You need to value yourself enough for you to seek for ways on how else you can improve and grow so that eventually, you will end up happier and more fulfilled. Take that class. Get a coach. Embark on a self-discovery journey. You deserve to give yourself the kind of life you’ve always wanted to have. Go for it. That will always be better than having a lot of regrets about what could have been in the future.
I hope these help you improve your overall wellness as you learn and discover more about yourself in the process.
May you always be at the pink of health in all aspects of your life.
Because you deserve it.
Health is wealth.
And I believe that we can all agree on this.
However, as we grow older, we realize that this popular saying is not just about our physical health.
It also speaks true of the other aspects we have in our life.
This is essentially what holistic wellness focuses on.
It’s all about having a healthy state across physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual, financial and environmental aspects of one’s life.
Taking care of your own over-all health and well-being is part of practicing self-love and self-acceptance as you work on yourself, improve more in the process and become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
Physical
Mental
Social
Emotional
Financial
Environmental
Spiritual
I hope these tips will help you achieve the holistic health and wellness you want and deserve in your life.
At the end of the day, you are the best investment you can ever make.
So make sure you take care of yourself, holistically.
Dieting can do wonders for you.
And I think you will all agree with me on this.
Lose away those extra pounds and you become more healthy.
Shred off the excess fat and you become fitter.
Incorporate healthy eating regularly and it becomes a mindful, powerful habit that brings about change.
You see, dieting does not affect one physically, but rather helps one also to have better self-perceptions and healthier habits that bring about confidence, accountability and self-worth.
And like how your personal space affects your mental health, your diet also does the same thing. Eating healthily and mindfully helps your brain function better which then allows you to be at your best always.
So now, imagine if you can also have a healthy mental diet so that you can remain mentally fit. How different will your life be then if you are not overwhelmed by worries, anxieties or stress? Probably your life will be a thousand, or even a million times better. Haha!
Well, your prayers have been answered because now, I will share with you your guide to a healthy mental diet. Thank me later guys. haha!
But before we begin, allow me to introduce you to this premise of dieting: when dieting, there are things (food and habits) you need to consider: what you need to totally stop, what you can do less of, what you need to pause first, what you can do more of and what you should finally go for. A whole lot of work but hey, taking responsibility for yourself and your growth is part of you becoming your own #bestmeever so might as well commit to it.
Let’s apply the same concept to your healthy mental diet for better understanding.
This is one of the biggest, if not the biggest source of anxiety and worries among individuals because it puts unnecessary pressure and emotional and mental burden on a person who thinks that he/she is falling behind in life. This is not particularly true because everyone is ALLOWED to breeze through life at his/her own pace, in his own space. We all have different journeys so instead of complaining about what others have or don’t have, why not just focus on yourself and your growth? Living life was never meant on anyone else’s standards other than your own. Don’t let the lives of others make you feel that you have less in life. You don’t know what happens behind what they are showing to the rest of the world. For all you know, you might actually be doing so much better than you thought. Give yourself more credit. And respect your own personal journey.
2. What you need to lessen: your time on social media
Stop escaping reality. Remember, not facing your problems can only make matters worse in the long run. Instead of spending so much time online, why not try to become 100% present in your current space. Acknowledge both the good and the bad. Because every time you recognize what needs work and act on it, you allow yourself to grow. Don’t fall into the trap of having social media dictate what kind of life you should have because more often than not, standards are quite ridiculous online. While it’s ok to stay connected online, it’s so much more important to build genuine connections with people who really matter to you offline: your friends, families, loved ones and yourself, outside of the social media realm. By doing so, you allow your mind to be at peace with the present as it focuses on what really is, than what it could have been based on what you’ve seen online.
3. What you need to pause: your own expectations
Hurrying through life thinking there’s a deadline or an exact timeline to follow will only make you more anxious and sad if you’re not able to live up to your own expectations (and that of others too). Well now, allow yourself to breathe by just letting yourself be, going and growing with the flow, without the need to hurry or beat yourself up because of your own expectations. Know that whatever it is that you’ve been through or going through as of the moment, those are leading you to where you’re meant to be. So be patient with your own journey and be grateful for the space you’re in. And yes, you don’t need to get married at 25, have a family before 30, be a millionaire at 35 or retire at 40. You can live life and appreciate it for what it is, not based on how you expected it to be.
4. What you can do more of: me time
Self-care is never selfish. So give yourself just that. Take off the multiple hats that you’re wearing on a daily basis and just focus on giving yourself what is due: undivided time, attention and a whole lot of loving. Make sure that every single day, you squeeze in ample time in your schedule to do the things you love and reflect in between. Rest improves your mood and brain and body function so don’t ever compromise it for the sake of any deadline. I said this before and will say it again for emphasis: your work can wait, but your life can’t. At the end of the day, your wellness and wellbeing matter more.
5. What you can finally go for: self-improvement classes
Learning is a continuous process and every time you allow yourself to upskill you get a renewed sense of joy and fulfillment. Now is the best time to enroll in that class you’ve always wanted, whether it’s a baking class, a yoga class or even a coaching program. You are the best investment you can ever make so don’t ever short change yourself by scrimping on your learnings. Remember this: when you stop learning, you stop growing. So don’t even think of going that direction. You deserve more. Always.
Staying mentally fit is one of the biggest commitment you can make to yourself.
It may not be easy, it may take some time and a whole lot of effort.
But know at the end of the day, subscribing to your healthy mental health diet will always be worth it.
Make today your Day 1.
It’s not always about you.
Because the world does not revolve around you.
This.
Admittedly at times we tend to stress a lot when things don’t work out even if we have already done our best which leads us to become a little too sensitive for comfort.
Even well-meant feedbacks are taken like daggers because they hurt just as much.
However, we must take in consideration that it’s part of growing. Without feedback, whether good or bad, you wouldn’t know how else you can improve. And that can lead you to feeling stuck and unhappy if you continuously block what’s actually good for you and your growth.
Easier said than done, I know.
We always take pride in ourselves and our work because that’s what we are supposed to do: to love ourselves whole and embrace ourselves fully.
Correct.
And, what’s missing out though is that, unconditional love also requires full acceptance.
That we can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s perfectly fine.
So the big question is: how can you be comfortable with not taking things personally?
You know yourself better than anyone else. And every other person will have a different perception about you and what you’ve done. However, not everything that you hear is grounded on hard facts. Holding on to assumptions or opinions won’t ever get you the results you want. You will only confuse yourself more. Seek out an expert who can tell you objectively what you really need to hear. In the process of doing so, just keep your cool and park those opinions so they don’t block your logic as they play with your emotions.
2. It’s not about you, really
I said it before and I will say it again: it’s not always about you. People see you through their own lens of experiences. And those are definitely different than yours. So take to heart that their perceptions about you are coming from their own judgments which do not necessarily reflect your truth. So let them go.
3. Feedback is good
If you knew that it’s for your own good, something which can help you become your own #bestmeever , will you still be resistant to it? Take feedback as something for your consideration as you improve yourself along the way. You need not take them all to heart, learn how to discern what’s good for you. Take note though that you can only do that if you’re receptive to receiving them at first.
4. It’s still your call
Don’t let the words of others cripple you. You have the power to accept them or reject them. You just have to come from a space of authenticity and worthiness to be able to stand up for what you truly believe in. And trust me, you can. So stop stressing about what others have to say about you, because you are still in control of yourself.
5. You’ve proven yourself time and again
You making it this far speaks about what you’re made of and how far you can still go. If you have proven nay sayers time and again that they’re wrong, then why worry now? You have done it before. You can always do it again and again until they stop and accept that you will always be amazing beyond words.
After reading all these, I hope that you learn to not to take things personally.
Remember: you will always be more than what others have to say about you.
Keep shining.
Life is not perfect.
And that’s a fact.
We can only make the most of it by embracing each and every moment for what it is and what it brings.
And that includes the twist and turns, the usual curve balls and humps along the way.
Remember, no one can ever control or predict life in general. So don’t stress yourself trying to make things go your way always.
Because yes, that’s not exactly 100% possible.
However, it’s not easy admittedly to take that to heart always.
Most of the time, our own expectations (alongside those of others) get in the way.
Which eventually make us hate ourselves unnecessarily as we try so hard to figure things out by ourselves, in our terms.
We begin to question everything and everyone, including ourselves about the reasons why things are happening as they are.
Yep, change is inevitable. And usually, things get so chaotic before everything falls into place. Moving on or levelling up was never an easy task and the uncomfortable situation that you’re in right now is actually telling you that you’re embarking on either journey mentioned earlier.
2. You’re not yet ready
Greatness takes time. So allow yourself to fail forward. To commit mistakes. To experience hardships. Not getting what you want initially, whether it’s your dream job, a relationship you want or the recognition you aspire — is actually telling you to keep going as you keep growing. Try harder. Do better. Make room for improvements. Trust me, someday, your preparations will pay off.
3. You need to learn an important lesson
Any experience, good or bad, teaches us an important lesson we can use as we move forward in life. You are given challenging situations you can learn from so you can journey towards becoming your own #bestmeever . Please take note that if you’re experiencing the same stressful event over and over again and you noticed that it’s actually becoming harder and harder in the process, treat it as God’s (or the Universe’s) way of knocking some sense (and a whole lot of learning) into you.
4. You’re being protected
This is perhaps the trickiest one to spot. But it’s a real silver lining, if I may say. Life has its own way of saving you from toxic relationships, wrong decisions or merely settling. You just have to trust the process. Breaking up and letting go may be painful at first but what if staying was far worse? Think about that.
5. Better things are coming
Things have to fall apart to make room for better ones to come into place. Trust the process. Your space now might suck big time but know that it’s only temporary. Keep the faith. Keep moving forward. Better days ahead. Hang on.
I hope this list allows you to reframe your thoughts when things are not working out.
after all, they might actually be working right for you.
Finally.
Be your own greatest fan.
And that includes loving yourself whole and embracing yourself fully.
Which basically means, you have to stop hating yourself.
Hate is such a powerful negative emotion that we should be mindful about because it can wreck havoc not only on ourselves but on everything that we do and everyone around us.
However, we tend to hate ourselves when things don’t go as planned, when we fail to meet our own (and that of others too) expectations, when delays happen and we feel that we are not in control of the situation we’re in.
What escapes us though is that the more we hate ourselves, the more desired results don’t fall into place.
I tell you this now: how you treat yourself is a mirror of what you’re getting in life right now. Uhuh. Even the way others treat you is a reflection of what you allow (and don’t allow) in your own life.
I think I hit a nerve there, didn’t I?
Well, hopefully that opens your eyes towards the reality that you have to take responsibility for yourself and your life and not let other people, things or circumstances define you.
And while you’re at it, take this opportunity to learn how you can be kinder to yourself as you do away with self hate with these tips:
Pause. Breathe. Let calmness surround you. And ask yourself this powerful question: what’s under my control that I can focus on to help me get rid of this negative emotion? More often than not, we let ourselves be overwhelmed by what’s happening around us that we forget that what matters most is how we take charge of how we feel within and what’s under our control. Trust me, 5 minutes of grounding yourself can do wonders for you and lessen the anxiety, worries and stress that lead to unnecessarily hating yourself.
2. Remember how blessed you are
Yep, counting your blessings help. Give yourself more credit. You made it this far so admittedly you must have done something good in your life to deserve that progress. Take time to list down your blessings and allow yourself to feel grateful as you recognize each. In the process of doing so, you will get to realize that you deserve a pat on the back too. Give yourself just that.
3. Compliment yourself
If you find it easy to compliment others, apply that practice to yourself too. Self-affirmations can help empower you even during the most difficult days as you give yourself your own much needed boost of self-confidence and empowerment. Compliment your looks, praise your progress, remember your worth. All these matter. Like you do, too.
4. Question the validity of your negative emotion
There are perhaps a number of other underlying emotions that have resulted to self-hate. Try to uncover and understand them so that you get to process them better. As you get to deal with the root cause, you begin to slowly eliminate the negativity that resulted from piled up emotions coming from a space of overwhelm. I mean, do you really hate yourself for who and what are? Or are you just feeling scared about the outcome? Feeling guilty about what transpired? Yep, there can be many narratives that can be addressed differently, accordingly. Clarity is key.
5. Build a strong support circle
You are not alone in your journey. Other people share your sentiments so don’t judge yourself for reaching out for help. Surround yourself with people who bring out your best, you make you feel seen and heard and who can cheer you up when times are rough. Consider also seeking the help of mental health professionals if things become too much for you. Help is readily available. Always. You just have to ask.
To wrap this up, I just want you to take this to heart:
Never hate. Just have faith.
In yourself. In the process. And in the best days ahead.
You’re on your way to becoming your own #bestmeever .
So please, love yourself more.
“Don’t let money change you.”
One thing I always say to people who ask me for financial advice.
I mean, I am no financial guru nor a money making expert, however, I’d like to believe that I know how to manage my finances, one way or another. Haha!
Through the years, I made sure that I have enough money for investments, my savings and life’s little luxuries, enough for me to say that I can live comfortably with what I earn. And within my means, if I may add.
The latter actually is sacred to me; I don’t really splurge on stuff I can’t afford or would have troubles paying off.
That’s just me. Simply because I don’t want to fall into the trap of having so many debts to pay that may cause sleepless nights due to unwanted stress, anxieties and worries.
More than that, I also have seen a lot of relationships fall apart because of money matters. I mean, we’re talking about like years of friendship, families torn apart and romantic relationships turned sour because of unpaid debts.
Yeah, someone had to say that. And I guess being one of those who have experienced that, I can also relate fully to that ugly feeling when money takes control of even the most beautiful relationships, or so I (we) thought.
So since I have been asked time and again by people who are becoming highly anxious about their debts on how to deal with it, I decided to share my take on it.
Mind you, I do all these in the rare occasions I make a loan for an important investment e.g. a new property for AirBnB (there’s what you call good debt guys, none the less, it should be taken seriously as well) so that I get to maintain a good relationship with whomever I am getting money from e.g. super close friend (emphasis on super), bank loan etc. So yeah, it’s possible to make loans work for you without sacrificing your relationships.
Here are the 5 things you should remember:
The impulse of most people is to run away from their debts. Mind you though: you cannot resolve what you don’t face. So accept the fact that you have a debt to pay and face it responsibly. By this we mean not denying yourself to live in the now nor denying the existence of the debt, while you do away with the anxieties you are attaching to the future. When you start facing your “problem”, solutions will come to surface. You were brave enough to make that loan, so be braver to take responsibility for it.
2. Honor your word
Was there a contract signed? What were the agreements? Ensure that you are on the same page and never assume anything to avoid any misinterpretations. Remember, the moment that you affix your signature on something is the moment you put your credibility and integrity on the line. Never compromise them. Make sure to remember important dates and give payments that are due during that time. And yes, put everything into writing always.
3. Be honest
Ok, admittedly there might be some unforeseen events that may cause you to have problems paying up. Tell that upfront ahead of time. Approach with humility. Discuss possible solutions. Never just remain silent and wait for things to fix themselves, because more often than not, they won’t. Don’t give false hopes or pretend that everything is still according to planned. Remember, lying may get you off the hook initially, but will definitely put you in hot water in the long run. Honesty goes a long way. Never underestimate the compassion of people. But don’t ever abuse them too.
4. Practice empathy towards the other person
While it’s stressful to have debts, consider also that another person or party is involved. It’s not just about you. It’s also stressful for the person/party that you owe money to. So ask yourself this: how does the other person feel? what can help him/her understand better the situation I am caught in? What compromise can I propose for consideration? Remember, relationships will always be more important than money so be sensitive enough to acknowledge the needs and wants of the other person involved, whether a friend, family, loved one or business or work contacts. Initiate updates, assure them every now and then and commit to agreed upon deadlines. Don’t ever ignore them, make broken promises or open ended deadlines…I am beyond sure you don’t want that to happen to you as well and the other party/person does not deserve to be treated that way especially if they have done their part and have given you much consideration already.
5. Create solid plans
This can make or break any relationship. Seriously, if you don’t have any solid plans (and yes, that’s intentionally with an s!), then you’re putting yourself and your relationship in danger. Have plan A, plan b, or even a plan c to ensure that all bases are covered and you don’t go back to the other person/party with more negative news just because you only relied on one solution. While crafting many plans would be nice, committing to them is more crucial. Do away with lip service. Set exact deadlines. Seek help if needed. Walk the talk. Take the lead. That’s part of you becoming your own #bestmeever as you take responsibility for your self, debts and actions .
So let me end this blog post by reminding everyone that
your debts should never define you nor your relationships.
Your response towards them, will.
Take it from there.
