Fact: people will always remember not what you’ve done in the past, but rather the one thing (or things) that you have done at present.
I guess that’s where seeing is believing comes in.
And that is where judgement resides too.
Have you ever experienced being crucified (hopefully not literally though) by those around you just because of the that one mistake you have done, regardless of its size or impact?
I mean let’s face it, a lot of times people forget about your kindness when you commit something that’s totally out of character.
But hey, we are only human. And we are not perfect.
We are bound to commit mistakes. And that’s ok.
We have to be kinder to ourselves too.
However, we must also be mindful about our actions that come there after.
And of what comes next.
This was actually my realization that inspired me to write about this piece.
You see, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who had this habit of keeping others hanging when telling a story.
Are you familiar with the cliff hanger scenes in a series wherein you get too much excited to find out what the hero/heroine will do but then a commercial break appears or much worse, end credits signaling your long, agonizing wait till the next episode. Haha!
If you hate that feeling, imagine how I felt when my friend suddenly paused dramatically in mid sentence and looked at me smiling.
Mustering all my will power and courage as to not strangle her (haha!), I just looked at her straight in the eye, and asked in my least interested tone “And then?”
“You could have been more excited!” she said.
“I would have if you didn’t leave me hanging.”, me laughing harder.
Listening to her continue her story though, to be honest, it fell short of my expectations.
So that is what struck me: that I became too focused now on what she said after I asked “and then?” that I lost track of all other things she said beforehand.
And then demarcated the continuation of her story.
And the beginning of my disinterest (maybe because it was my inner self taking revenge for being left hanging, haha!) in her own delulu moment (sorry friend!).
Don’t get me wrong: I still let her finish and I genuinely gave my input about her concern on hand. After all, we are friends.
And at that moment, I realized an important lesson: we can always have our own “and then” moments.
My friend chose to handle things her way. That’s perfectly fine. It’s her narrative.
We can always pause first, reflect and test the waters. And then act there after.
We can always choose and commit to whatever decision we have made. And then we work on it.
We can always start all over again from scratch. And then work our way up once more.
People will always judge us, not just by the version they knew, but also by what we choose to become here and now.
Which means….when we define our very own “and then” moments.
And yes, it doesn’t need to flat out.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect:
How are you going to craft your new narrative?
What happens next?
What will your “and then” moment be like?
I hope this piece inspires you to finally focus on owning your next chapter.
Don’t keep yourself (and others) hanging.
It’s only the beginning.
Of something far greater than you’ve ever imagined.
Being brave can take you further in life.
So true, don’t you think?
Think about this: how many times have your fears stopped you from becoming your own #bestmeever ?
Hey, don’t start beating yourself up now because that isn’t exactly the solution to overcome whatever hurdles you may have now.
Remember: loving yourself is actually your own responsibility. So never forget to give yourself what is due: kindness, understanding and the chance to maximize all the opportunities given to you by being brave enough to go for them while feeling worthy all through out.
I know: easier said than done. Most especially if you feel that the world has collapsed underneath you and everything around you just looks and feels uncertain. Not exactly ideal for anyone, if I may say.
However, if you’re truly committed to yourself, your happiness and your growth, know that you can summon that inner courage you thought you never had. Yup, it has always been there; you just have to inquire within and let your inspiration draw it out as you re-write your own story once more.
Here’s the thing: change is inevitable and very much beautiful. You just have to trust yourself and the process more to be able to really see the purpose behind each one unfold. Resisting change actually makes you feel stuck and blurs your own vision of growth and happiness. Think about this: what if the seemingly uncomfortable changes you’re undergoing now is actually preparing you for greater things ahead? Patience my dear; everything will eventually fall into place.
2. Failures
Nobody’s perfect. So why even pressure yourself too much to be just that? Let yourself be. Do what you can with all that you have and with the clearest intentions on hand. That will always be more than enough. Even if things don’t go as planned and you find yourself at the “losing” end, know that it’s not the end of the world. It’s actually just the beginning for you as you take new lessons to heart and use them accordingly moving forward. Yes, failures can be blessings in disguise too.
3. Growing old
Growing old is a privilege. Not everyone gets to celebrate his/her birthday until his/her hair turns gray. Embrace it. Stop equating it with loss of beauty, significance, health or mobility. Instead, see old age as a sign of growth and wisdom, an inspiration for all those who have yet to embark on the journey you have accomplished. The key here is to ensure that you make the most of each and every moment so that when you look back someday, you won’t have any regrets.
4. Starting all over again
Back to zero. This is what a lot of people dread, most especially during old age where they feel they have so much to lose. Not true though. With nothing else to lose, there’s so much more to gain as you commit to working your way up. To be free to do and be what you want in this lifetime is a priceless experience so never let tenure or the fear of letting go of what you have prevent you from pursuing what you truly want and deserve. It will always be worth it.
5. Embracing your authentic self
As you are, you are very much worthy and deserving to take up space. Never let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise. By being brave enough to show your authentic self to the rest of the world, you inspire others to set themselves free too from their own fear of rejection and judgment. Be the inspiration you were called to be in this lifetime.
I hope you get to reflect accordingly about these so that you can finally tap into that courage within as you live the life you truly want and deserve.
Believe in yourself. You can do it.
Coaching can be such a rewarding experience.
And this is based on actual experience.
You see, being a full-time professional coach for several years now, I got to maximize what my coaching practice has to offer: being able to work when and where I want to, being able to help people from all over the world get the breakthroughs they deserve while learning, growing, feeling fulfilled and genuinely happy along the way too.
I often get told by people that they want to pursue the same career because time and location freedom matter a lot to them.
I always tell them the hard truth though: it’s not easy to become a full-time professional coach. Because beyond the seemingly luxurious and freedom-filled lifestyle, is a whole lot of hard work on myself and my clients as well.
At the end of the day, it’s all about having a stable number of happy and satisfied clients and numerous testimonials and referrals based on my work as a coach.
Easier said than done though.
Consider the number of competition you have. Their offers. Their price points. And your chosen niche and practice.
What do you think is making it hard for you to secure coaching clients?
People need to know about you and what you do for them to become interested. How are you maximizing your social media platforms? Are you visible in the platforms where your desired clients are? Do you contribute to online discussions on LinkedIn or Facebook communities? Do you speak in reputable conventions? If you’re too shy or you’re quite uncomfortable showing up as a coach, then this is your sign to think again. As the saying goes, to see is to believe.
2. You don’t have a coaching brand
Amidst a sea of professional coaches, it’s very important to have a coaching brand that stands out from the rest. What do you represent in the coaching space? Who’s your market? What and how are you communicating? If you’re still unclear about these, then perhaps it contributes to the confusion your audience has about you. And for those with discriminating tastes, being just like one of the many won’t really make their cut.
3. Your price point needs adjustment
I always say that it’s important to put value on ourselves and in what we do best. In relation to that, we must also be humble enough to acknowledge our capabilities, credentials and body of work at present. This means that the goal is that you must be worth more than what you charge for. So if you’re only beginning in your practice, settle with an entry level rate. Work your way up. Go the extra mile. Let your value increase as you gather receipts of success consistently. Never overpromise. Never overprice. Make sure always that your prospective customers see you as a worthy investment of their time, money and resources. Remember: highly paid coaching superstars don’t happen overnight. So take your time and do the necessary work so you can charge as much.
4. There’s no rapport
A chemistry session presents the perfect opportunity to determine if there’s a fit between the coach and coachee. Question is: how do you present yourself during a chemistry session? Quick tip: never take for granted free sessions such as this. Just show up as your authentic self as you get to know the client better, genuinely listen and ask powerful questions. The goal should not be just to earn per se as you close the deal, but rather, make a positive lasting impression. Don’t go too hard sell. That breaks the intimacy of the session.
5. You don’t have client testimonials
Word of mouth is one of the most powerful form of marketing. Your reputation precedes you. The question is: what can you show to showcase the amazing results that you deliver? Who can vouch for you? What are your clients saying about partnering with you for their growth? Shared experiences matter a lot. After all, investing on one’s self and one’s growth is one of the best investments a person can make so make yourself highly bookable via the good reviews your clients have given you. No amount of online advertisement can compensate for authentic reviews in the long run. So if you’re just starting, give as many free sessions as you can and secure client testimonials from them. Focus on building your credibility first.
Hopefully you can take a step back and assess which of these aspects need work on your end.
Remember to be patient with yourself and your growth as a coach though.
Because when you’re truly ready, your clients will come.
No pain, no gain.
I think this has always been instilled in us while we were growing up.
To make us work harder.
To allow us to endure more.
To purge our character.
However, come to think of it, as I grew older and become more aware, I have realized that pain need not be the be all and end all of everything.
I think achieving our goals should not always be associated with having to endure painful situations first because truth be told, there are times when rewards do come easily, simply because everything is meant to happen that way.
Because even during our happiest times, we can gain a lot too.
From learnings to giving life a second chance. Or a third even.
And suffering becomes merely optional or even non-existent along the way.
This is just one of the myths that I have come to realize: that pain and suffering aren’t exactly 100% essential to one’s growth. Yeah, maybe to some extent yes, but know that we can always choose to grow in a manner that works for us, without necessarily banking on our previous narrative of resilience taught by our elders and society.
Ok, I know that forgiving someone who has done you wrong isn’t exactly easy. Depending on who has caused you pain (the closer the person is to your heart, the more painful it becomes) and the gravity of the action done (break up, falling out, betrayal…you tell me.), it would really take more than just an apology to make things right. Here’s the thing: for me, if you really want to make things right, forgive the person when you’re ready (given your own time, space and conditions) and choose to remember the lessons. This simply means that as you look back at that painful incident, you no longer have heightened emotions towards the person who has done you wrong, but you are quite at peace realizing the lessons which that event has taught you. And no, you don’t have to force yourself “bring back the old times” after forgiving someone if you feel that person no longer deserves to share spaces with you. You can always just choose to co-exist in your own respective spaces, until such time you realize otherwise.
2. You can fully unlove someone when things don’t work out.
In my opinion, no matter how painful the cause of your heartbreak may be, I believe that you can’t really totally unlove someone. If a person already has been a part of your life in a beautiful way, meaning you shared wonderful memories, grew together and inspired you along the way, even if someday things are no longer the same, you just can’t invalidate the existence of that relationship. What you can do though is accept the fact that you can love the other person on a different level instead e.g. from romantic to familial, loving someone from afar, recognizing the existence of the person who was once part of your life and taught you valuable lessons you needed moving forward.
3. An apology is needed to have closure.
Ok, while it would be wonderful to get that sincere apology from the person who has wronged you to allow you to move on, it’s not always the case. Sometimes it comes in too late. At times, it never happens. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold just because you are still waiting for that person who has caused you pain to make amends. Sadly though, we don’t have control over the emotions and actions of others. So it’s never a guarantee. Choose to give yourself the closure that you need and want by really coming into terms what the painful situation is teaching you and how you can use what has risen from this awareness as you start all over again. Your internal dialogue with yourself, as you practice love, compassion and understanding will allow you to close chapters without depending on anyone else, when you are truly able and ready.
4. You have to tolerate the one you love to make the relationship work.
Nope, I don’t think so. Tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love. More so if you are allowing yourself to be the recipient of rude and toxic behavior time and again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does. And when it comes to relationships, tolerating any form of wrong doing, contrary to the common notion of sacrificing for the sake of the relationship, will only result to bigger problems in the future. If you really want your relationship to work, be brave enough to have that difficult conversation and lay down all your cards, coming from a space of love and honesty and seek for a compromise. That’s how you can really work on your relationship: when both parties are willing to change for the better and exert the same effort in doing what’s best for you both.
5. Outgrowing people means you are ungrateful.
People come into your life for a reason, for a certain season. And the sad truth is, no matter how you try at times, you just can’t have everyone you grew up with play a part in your story as time goes by. Outgrowing people does not make you (or them) a bad person. We all change, in different ways, at different speeds. And that causes the relationships we have to change as well. While we try our best to make things work and make the relationships we have last, sometimes, when we have truly given our all and did our best, it’s ok to just let things be. The relationship you had already fulfilled its purpose – it’s up for you to nurture new ones along the way as you journey towards your best. Be grateful those happened and take all the lessons to heart. Because at the end of the day, the people you’ve outgrown will always be part of your past. And that’s something to cherish knowing that one way or another, they helped you become the person you’re meant to be. Life goes on for everyone.
So now, I hope that with the awareness that you have about the myths surrounding the painful experiences you may have had, you are able to discern fully what will be best for you moving forward.
Simply because:
There’s a whole lot more to gain when you look beyond the pain.
Whatever you take for granted will be taken away from you.
This hits home.
Seriously. No one (and nothing actually) deserves to be taken for granted.
I mean, hear me on this: everything happens for a reason.
And everyone who comes into your life has a purpose to fulfill.
It may not be evident at first and at times we may even be resistant if things don’t go as planned.
However, it is important to always keep our faith intact and to trust the process (and ourselves) accordingly.
Because only then we will get to discover the silver linings in each and every experience we have.
Given that, I want you to take this time first to be one with your surrounding.
What experiences do you have at present?
Who are in your circle?
What changes have you embraced?
Being mindful about your life at the moment allows you to recognize everything that has brought you to where you are at present and the purpose each one serves.
This teaches us to see each and every event, person, thing or space through the lens of gratitude, which can help us amplify what we want more of in life as we approach seemingly difficult situations with the least (or no) resistance.
There is so much beauty and power when you appreciate life as is.
As the saying goes, health is wealth. And this holds so much truth. It’s very important to always prioritize your over all health and wellbeing. That simply means indulging in regular self-care, surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, giving yourself what is due as you invest on yourself and your growth without feeling guilty. Think about this: if you can’t really do much if you’re bedridden, unhappy or totally stressed in your space so make sure that you don’t set aside your health and wellbeing for the sake of your work or just to please others. It’s definitely not worth it.
2. Your genuine relationships
It’s quite rare that you meet people who really have your back through good times and bad times so when you have them in your space, treasure them. Family, friends or any loved one who fall in this category deserve your 100% commitment, as you nurture your relationship with each one of them. Ensure that you always find time to check on each one of them, address any issue that may arise coming from a space of love and respect and celebrate them and the relationship that you have every single day, in all possible ways. Not everyone is qualified to take their place so never make them feel neglected.
3. Your talents and skills
You are the best investment you can ever make. So always take time to recognize your strengths, skills and talents that set you apart from the rest and nurture them. Take time to practice daily and share your gifts to others. Don’t ever be overconfident about them that you just assume that you could always deliver what is expected from you. Be humble enough to realize that you, much like everyone else, has room for improvement and you can always upgrade and upskill as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
4. The challenges along the way
I know. It’s quite hard to accept that life isn’t exactly smooth sailing at times. And more often than not, we try to brush things off that do not align with our plans or if they seem tougher to face than usual. But hey, I wanted to remind you that you should never set aside those because they carry with them the important lessons you need moving forward. Never let them invalidate your progress. Embrace them as they are. But learn how to look for the silver linings there after. They are just as valuable as any other milestone you will have during great days. Or even more actually.
5. The opportunities given to you
It’s true. Somewhere out there, someone wants to trade places with you because they see that you are so blessed in so many ways. So never take the opportunities given to you for granted. Whether it’s a new job, a second chance in life or love, or a chance to make a difference in the lives of others (or even in yours, as well), make the most of them. Give your best, with all that you have because truth be told, you can never be sure if you will be receiving the same favors in the future. You only have this lifetime to make the most of each and every opportunity to grow and be happy.
Hopefully after reading this you now see all the things, people and situations which fill your current space, in a different light.
Simply because, you also have a purpose to live alongside each one of them.
So never take them (or yourself) for granted.
“And the winner is….”
Not me.
Yep, you read it right.
I didn’t win during last night’s ceremony for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank PH.
Don’t get me wrong: the winners were deserving. Amazing stories. Beautiful advocacies. I celebrate you guys! Congratulations again! Such a beautiful experience to have shared spaces with you all. Beyond grateful also to the management of CIMB Bank PH for having me as one of the nominees for the inaugural edition. I am honored to be given a platform to tell my story and advocacy.
Admittedly though, coming from a space of honesty and vulnerability, when my name wasn’t called, it hurt initially.
I really wanted to win for all the people who have shown me their unwavering love and support all through out my journey: from my family, friends, loved ones, listeners, viewers, readers and complete strangers who appreciated my two video entries beautifully edited by Anton , allowing them to bring to life my story and my advocacy anchored on inclusivity and diversity.
But beyond that, I also really wanted to win the cash donation for my charity of choice, Camp Pag-Ayo Inc. , an NGO that advocates stigma reduction through art towards the LGBTQIA+ Community, HIV/AIDS and Mental Health. Despite that, I will still continue to work with them as promised, with or without the grant.
It is what it is.
So after taking several deep breaths and letting everything sink in, I remember telling myself the very thing I frequently tell others when faced with seemingly difficult situations:
Everything happens for a reason.
And that made me smile.
Because looking at what happened from a different perspective, I discovered the 5 learnings I had from losing.
Allow me to share them with you here:
There were criteria for judging. Personal preferences of the judges. And some other factors which may have determined that I wasn’t a fit for whatever it is they were looking for as of the moment. However, I have come to realize that despite that, I still felt the love and support of all the people who rallied for me, the members of the press who praised me and my advocacy and complete strangers who told me that they were vouching for me. And I shouldn’t take those for granted and let them be overshadowed by my initial feeling of disappointment. Even in my practice as a professional coach, I always tell my mentees that they can’t be the coach everyone expects them to be. And that’s perfectly fine. We all have spaces meant for us in this life time. Remember, whatever will be, will be.
2. My best will always be more than enough
People close to my heart know that I am not really competitive as a person. Entering this competition, I just focused on what truly matters most: being able to give my all, do my best and utilize this new platform to share my story of hope to everyone around me. Regardless of the result, for as long as I feel happy, complete and fulfilled with what I have done and what I chose to become in the process, that will always be more than enough. There’s nothing else more than doing one’s best so why stress? Be kinder to yourself guys and just let go and let things be. If you gave your best, you’ve done well. Give yourself a pat on the back.
3. Growth is a matter of choice
I chose to see things in a different perspective: instead of focusing on something I initially felt I lost (but in reality, it’s one I never had to begin with — winning the competition, that is), I chose to focus on what I have gained along the way: an even bigger platform for me, made new friends, new advocacies to support, new learnings and insights, an opportunity to dress up and look good and leave a lasting impression (indulge me on this. I never thought my chosen Fairytopia Modern Filipiniana look would generate so much positive reactions from the people on-ground and online. I got to appreciate my own style bible more. Like I said earlier to a number of people praising me before the awarding ceremony began: win or lose, what’s important is that I look good. LOL)…and the list goes on. Yep, I can definitely say I am growing.
4. Losing now does not invalidate my journey towards my best
Come to think of it: not getting the top prize last night does not make me less capable or insignificant. It does not invalidate the fact that I already have my own share of success in my work as a professional coach and as a best-selling author, and in my personal life as well. It will not, in any way, make me lose the skills I have (and will continuously upgrade and use) and the lasting relationships I have nurtured along the way that have helped me carve my own path in this lifetime. Losing does not define me; it’s not the end of it all. It’s just part of my journey to keep me humble, grounded, mindful and grateful, things we need to practice in this lifetime. There is no need to prove myself to anyone as I feel very secure in my space. My pace. And I intend to keep it that way.
5. Life always goes on
One for the books definitely. But now, it’s time to move on and forward and explore the next chapter. I am a firm believer that one day, I would look back at this event with a smile as I realize how it opened up better opportunities that are really meant for me. And until that day comes, I will always take all the lessons I have learned to heart, while trusting the process, giving my all and being my best while remaining grateful and excited for the wonderful new beginnings ahead.
Come to think of it now: with all these beautiful learnings I gained, I don’t think I lost at all.
I guess I can say in my own way, I actually won.
I celebrate you Self, now and always. In all ways.
This one’s for you.
And sharing with you guys reading this, too.
Thank you all for being part of my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
Cheers to exciting new adventures ahead!
It takes two to tango. It has to be give and take. Always.
Heard those time and again when it comes to relationships.
And I truly agree.
I mean I have always been an advocate of healthy relationships that are grounded on love, trust and respect.
Those are vital ingredients that help every person involved in a relationship grow in harmony with each other and as individuals as well.
I also believe that we should always be intentional in the relationships we keep.
On that note, I want you to take this time to reflect first on the relationships you keep.
What is the value of that relationship?
How is it helping you grow into the person that you’re meant to be?
Are you inspired by it genuinely?
These are some of the questions we tend to overlook because we take for granted the relationships we have.
Or the other way around actually.
Either way, that won’t do any good in the long run.
No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship.
After all, we all deserve to be loved, seen, heard, felt and celebrated by the people we choose to share spaces with.
Now, I totally feel that some of you may be triggered already because you feel that you’re not exactly getting what is due from the relationships you keep.
Know that with that awareness about where you stand in your relationship, you are now beginning to acknowledge your value as a person and you can initiate the changes you want moving forward as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
A lot of relationships falter because the lines of communication are not open. At the beginning of every relationship (and even as it progresses), always remember to have that benchmarking conversation about where you are at present and where you want to go eventually. Indicate your needs and wants and try to come up with a compromise so that (all) parties will be fully aware of their responsibilities. This presents something to look back to when things seem to be somewhat unfair or agreements have been overlooked. At the end of the day, you cannot resolve what you don’t know so it’s very important to lay down all your cards accordingly.
2. Speak up as it happens
Never keep your feelings to yourself. Its much healthier if you voice them out coming from a space of self-worth and respect. Don’t hold back because tolerating the actions of the other party might come out as something that’s acceptable for them. Remember, the end goal is to make the relationship work by addressing concerns accordingly without formulating false narratives based on mere assumptions as you hold on to them. It’s not about how the other party will react; it’s about you acknowledging the feeling of being taken for granted, whether intentionally or otherwise.
3. Set and maintain boundaries
Some people will always try to assert themselves just to get what they want. Hold your ground. Emphasize that a NO is a NO. Not a conditional one. Not something that can be set aside. Establish your own rules which you feel will be beneficial for your own wellness and wellbeing. And that’s totally ok. You are still entitled to your own space even with the numerous relationships you keep. Never lose yourself in the process of just wanting to keep them.
4. Do self check-ins
You are just as important as the people you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s a family member, a friend, workmate or significant other. It’s best if you always take time to inquire within and ask yourself how you’re really feeling as of the moment, based on how others are treating you. Are you genuinely happy in the relationship? Do you feel valued? Or is there something missing that you must acknowledge and address accordingly? Don’t be afraid to face the truth because that’s the only way you can work on yourself and your relationships.
5. Assess the growth of your relationship then act on it
Reverting back to value, assess how far you’ve grown as individuals and how much your relationship has improved through time. Determine the roles and contributions of all the people involved in the relationship and do a check and balance if everyone is giving what is due accordingly to the welfare of the relationship. If you feel that you’re not growing in your relationship or if it’s only the other party that’s benefitting, assess what’s holding you back and what needs to change accordingly in the relationship for you to be able to maximize your own potential and achieve your own growth. On the other hand, evaluate how your relationship has changed for the better through the years. Are you guys still on track based on your goals set initially? What is the current state of the relationship? Communicate all these to the people involved so that you can address all accordingly moving forward. In the end, if it’s no longer working for you, do what you think will be best, coming from a space of giving yourself what you truly want and deserve, because yes, you have that choice.
Always remember that you, much like everyone else, deserves to be treated and valued the way you want to.
Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.
If they do take you for granted, feel free to grant them what they deserve:
your absence.
Because life is too short to stay in a one-sided relationship to begin with.
Not yet.
One of the most disheartening phrases to hear when you have a lot of expectations.
On yourself and on others.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes we associate the word “yet” with delays and detours. And everything else that is not fully in alignment with our plans.
That leads us to think that anything with the word “yet” in it means something bad or disappointing.
Think about it: when was the last time you used the word “yet” and how did you respond to it?
When asked about getting your big break?
When asked about being able to finally pursue your passion?
If you finally found the one after dating so many people?
Have you eaten yet?
And yes, I could go on and on asking you questions that you may have found yourself answering with a phrase or sentence that includes the word “yet.”
Now if you just caught yourself answering from a negative space as you see “yet” in a bad light, then this is your sign to inquire within and hopefully realize that it (the use of yet, I mean) is not really all that bad.
In fact, it can actually be just as empowering as the word “yes”, when used (and viewed) differently.
Here are some of the ways you can use it differently:
Example:
Question: Have you achieved your goals for this year?
Answer (seeing it as an end by itself): Not yet. It’s quite hard.
Suggested reframing: Not yet but I truly feel I can make that happen anytime soon as I have new opportunities in the pipeline.
2. Come from a space of curiosity as you explore possibilities.
Example:
Question: Have you checked on the latest trends online about coaching?
Answer (coming from a disinterested space, seeing it as an add on task): Not yet. Busy.
Suggested reframing: I have yet to check on them but please do tell me what they’re about as I think they can be of value.
3. Use it as an empowering qualifier instead
Question: Have you addressed your problem completely?
Answer (triggered): Not yet.
Suggested reframing: Having quite a hard time now yet I am learning a lot and I am very much committed to pushing forward, one step at a time.
I hope these reframes help you see the word “yet” through a positive lens moving forward. Allows you to stress less and focus more on improving yourself and what you can still do at the moment.
Remember, delays and detours will always be part of your own #bestmeever journey. so don’t fret.
The best is YET to come.
And that’s something amazing to look forward to.
Good or bad, each and every experience teaches you the lessons you need in life.
One of my favorite things to say during interviews and talks.
Because it just rings so true, in so many ways.
I know though for a fact that it’s easier to absorb and learn lessons through good times, but the bigger question is: how do you respond when things don’t go as planned?
Be honest with yourself now: what do you do exactly when faced with uncertainty and seemingly unfavorable situations?
Do you become angry?
Do you resist them strongly?
Do you panic and breakdown?
Or do you blame others for your situation?
These are just some of the common reactions of people who are caught off guard and swept away by their heightened emotions.
However, the key here is to let the emotions settle down first to reveal the true life lessons underneath the challenging times encountered.
Seemingly difficult at first but very much possible by giving yourself enough time and space to just breathe and let yourself be.
Remember: unless it’s a matter of life and death, not everything has to happen all at once so stop overthinking and stop over reacting.
There I said it.
So now you can focus on what really matters most: the value of challenging experiences in your life as you see each one of them in a different light.
Nothing is permanent in this world, including tough times. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, no matter how hard, it will eventually come to pass. Think about this: would the thing or situation stressing you now still matter in a year’s time? I am so sure not as much, or not at all. It’s not the end of your journey; it’s just part of your story. And you’ll be ok eventually.
2. Surrendering does not mean you’re losing.
You can’t control everything. And you shouldn’t even try to. There is beauty in letting go and letting things be. For as long as you’ve given your best, with all that you have and all that you are, that’s more than enough. As you trust yourself and the process more, you actually win in life because you allow yourself to be taken to where (and become what) you’re meant to be. And yes, your #bestmeever journey won’t always be easy…but it will definitely be worth it.
3. Real relationships reveal themselves during hard times.
I think one of the biggest blessings in disguise that tough times carry is that it makes you realize who is really there for you and who is meant to stay in your life when all of this is over. Painful realization yes, especially if the people you were counting on turn their back on you. However, at least it gives you a clear picture of where you stand in their life. You can do away with people who didn’t even bother asking you how you were, people who didn’t listen to your side of your story and people who simply vanished into thin air. They are not your people, So make sure you don’t invite them in your space when things go well eventually, even if they invite themselves in again. Quality over quantity and I am beyond confident that your life can go on without them. Because based on what they’ve shown, they were never with you in this journey to begin with.
4. You get to know yourself better when times are hard.
You are stronger than you think you are and more resourceful and capable than you ever imagined. With nothing else to lose as you hit the lowest point in your life, you begin to explore possibilities bravely and that can lead you to your next breakthrough. It’s all about tapping into your inner greatness, because truth be told, you have everything within to help you get through and succeed in this lifetime.
5. You can change for the better when you’re not bitter.
Never to late to embrace change. Allow yourself to stop resisting it as you let time and space take the lead. Everything will fall into place once you have cleared your mind and heart from the things you need to let go of, as you welcome what needs to take up space so you can start all over again on a better, happier note. As they say, growth can start off messy at first. And that’s ok.
Hopefully this blog post makes it easier for you to embrace hard times this time around.
Always remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now:
to learn the important life lessons to allow you to live life happily and fully.
Not yet. Maybe later. Someday.
How many times have you said these familiar phrases to yourself?
I want you to take this time first to reflect: when do you say these to yourself?
When you want to change careers?
Have dinner?
Say sorry?
Pamper yourself?
And the list goes on I am so sure.
But come to think about this: do these things ABSOLUTELY deserve to be set aside and delayed?
I mean, is it really about not having a choice at that particular point in time or is it how much deserving you feel you were, given whatever situation you were in?
Oops, that may trigger a little.
But hey, know that it’s ok to come from honesty and vulnerability in order for you to truly understand yourself and what really drives (or stops) you.
Because that way, you will be able to give yourself what is due, a number of which perhaps you have chosen to park initially because you were not coming from a space of self worth and self love.
Can you relate with me on this? Do you have a piece of clothing that you bought early on and you’re saving it for a special occasion? I used to be like that: thinking that I have to wait for a milestone or a life changing event for me to wear my new clothes or those deemed “too much” for everyday casual use. But then over the weekend, I caught myself upon seeing a bunch of unused clothes inside my closet. It made me think: why am I just staring at them and admiring them when I can actually wear them, for no reason at all? I just had to feel deserving at that particular point in time. And I really did. So off to the mall I went, my family quite shocked as they saw me wearing fancier than usual clothes for Sunday brunch. But all I said to them when asked was “Why not? Life is too short not to wear beautiful clothes.” And yes, you can quote me on that. Haha! P.S. At the end of the day, I can always wear them again when that special occasion comes. So why delay something I can be truly happy about now?
2. Treat yourself to something that you really want
Saving for the rainy days is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. But also consider that all those money won’t matter if you feel unhappy and deprived. Go watch that musicale. Get yourself that bag. Indulge in a premium pampering session at Roman Baths Scrubbing Salon (ok, pardon the shameless plug, haha!). You are very much deserving as anyone else so don’t ever put your needs and wants last. After all, it won’t be a daily thing — just once in a while when you feel that a little pick me upper can do wonders for you moving forward, as a sign of self love.
3. Get that make over
Because why not? You are allowed to change, look and feel beautiful inside and out without anyone else’s approval. It’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever — to be comfortable in your own skin as you evolve and grow into the person that you’re meant to be, no matter how that may look like. So yeah, schedule that salon visit after reading this.
4. Upskill and upgrade
You will always be the best investment you can ever make. So never set aside your personal growth because that affects everything (and everyone else) around you. I totally believe that if you want something, you will find means and ways to make it happen. Enroll in that class. Get yourself a coach. Level up your wardrobe. Get that laptop you need. It’s never too early or too late to give yourself what you need at the moment so you can grow fully there after.
5. Have a break.
You’re not a robot. And no amount of battery or fuel can help you function at your peak. It’s all about giving yourself that much deserved (and very much needed) break. You’re only human after all. You also need to relax, recharge and recalibrate accordingly. Go on that dream vacation. Hang out with your loved ones. Spend some quiet “me time” with your book and pet close by. You are allowed to disconnect from social media and just let yourself be with no pressure or worries. Take your time off to heal and allow yourself to feel and realize what you need to do as you start all over again there after.
I totally believe that there’s no perfect timing when it comes to giving yourself what is due.
Because now will always be better than later.
Or never.
