Today, it hit me hard.
In 3 months time, I will be turning 45.
It might be a non-issue for some.
But for me it’s such a big deal.
Don’t get me wrong: I am definitely most grateful for my entire journey.
From having to grow up amidst tough times, to struggling to prove myself to others, to allowing myself to take up space as I am, to living my dreams as I do what I love best and become what I am meant to be and go #unicorning all over — I can’t complain really as everything was definitely worth it.
I just feel sentimental now looking back at that converation I had with my 19 year old self: that I will retire by age 45.
I never thought it would be this soon though, now that I am in the process of reinventing myself once more, exploring new things, learning new skills and still pushing myself to go beyond the box which the rest of the world initially placed on me: the very place my 19-year old, unaware, angry self wanted to escape from.
And looking back, I guess I did.
However, truth be told, retirement now seems different for me than when I first thought about it 25 years ago.
Before I used to envision it as me, with my gray hair, sitting at my backyard, probably doing crochet (haha) and watching my pets play and time go by, with peace in my heart and so much money in my bank. Lol.
Now, it seems so different: I see myself still learning and growing as I pursue my PhD in Guidance Counseling, doing media stuff and going on-air, hosting programs and writing books and articles that touch the hearts and souls of many, doing inspirational and branded content while continuing to coach and help as many people as I can to become their own #bestmeever . I still want the peace in my heart and so much money in my bank but apart from that, I also want to maintain my healthy and fit body, a happy outlook and genuine, lasting relationships with my chosen people.
At first, a part of me felt a bit sad and guilty because I felt I was letting my 19 year old self down. But upon reflecting deeply, it was quite the opposite: my 19 year old self would have been so proud of me, seeing me now, because this version of me no longer wants to escape and prove himself to others.
I just allow myself to grow with the flow and take up space as I am with no fear or worry about being accepted, regardless of where I find myself planted in this lifetime.
I guess that’s the beauty of life: for as long as you’re breathing, you can always reinvent yourself and be your best version yet.
And yes, that applies to whatever age you’re in now.
Most especially if you’re my age because let me be candid about it: when you’re in your 40s, you tend to think that you’re too old for things and too late to start all over again because everything you have invested on before might go to waste.
Uhm guys, whatever happened to the saying “life begins at 40”? Hello.
Can’t blame them though. I mean starting all over again and reinventing yourself isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
But trust me, it’s very much possible.
Here’s the thing: without acceptance, you can’t really jumpstart your reinvention. Stop denying those times you find your thoughts wandering somewhere else. Or those moments you have been thinking about what could have been. Or those many sleepless nights spent thinking how differently you want your life to be. Those did not merely happen by chance — they are telling you to make that life changing choice to embrace what you truly want and need for yourself at this point in your life. Trust me, if those things are recurring, then the Universe is keen on delivering its message to you until you finally listen.
2. Be honest about what you truly want in this lifetime.
Believe me, no one really cares as much as you do. So stop making a big deal about what others may have to say or do about it. It’s your life. If you’ve spent more than half of it trying to fit in the mould others prepared for you then at this point in time, it’s your time to break out from there and go for what truly makes your heart sing with joy and you wake up with genuine excitement every single day. Does it involve pursuing a passion that you’ve set aside? Changing careers? A romance you put on hold? Going on that sabbatical break? Take it from nike: just do it. You deserve it.
3. Do away with things, people and habits which are no longer in alignment with how you want to reinvent yourself.
Alignment is key. Not everything and everyone can be part of your new journey. And that’s ok. Don’t feel guilty four outgrowing people, things and behaviors which no longer serve you well. It doesn’t make you a bad person. They have already fulfilled their purpose once in your life. Be grateful you crossed paths with them. But now it’s time for you to make space for new and better ones which can help you become what you are truly meant to be. Be open to receiving what the Universe has in store for you.
4. Begin with humility in mind.
Let me say this again: it won’t be easy but it will definitely be worth it. Start small. Be a learner again. Do everything with a curious mind and humble heart. Allow yourself to commit mistakes and learn from them. Things might start off slow but know in your heart that your new journey will always be better than feeling stuck in a life you never truly enjoyed. Saying “Oh well” will always be better than asking “what if” in the long run.
5. Honor your new journey bravely.
Stay committed. Take risks. Make every new moment count. It’s not the end of your story. It’s probably the biggest, most beautiful plot twist you can give yourself at your age. Don’t miss this chance to give yourself a happily ever after. Because you can.
I know these things may have struck a chord or two,
Well at least now you know that age doesn’t really matter.
And you’re not too late.
You are just in time.
To be really fabulous in your 40s.
Excited for you.
Starting all over again isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
Truth be told, that’s actually an understatement.
I mean, let’s be honest: who wants to start from scratch anyway?
Especially if you have invested so much time, effort and resources into building something which unfortunately didn’t work out as planned.
Like a relationship which didn’t prosper.
A business that folded up.
A change of career that didn’t push through.
Expectations that weren’t met accordingly.
And a bunch of other stuff that required you to build yourself (and your broken self esteem) from ground zero up once more.
Consider this though: starting from scratch isn’t all that bad, most especially if you see the value in doing so.
Remember: starting all over again allows you to rebuild your life exactly the way you want it to be, as you considered all the lessons you have learned from things that initially fell apart.
Yep, they had to happen so that you will have a clearer idea of what can still be improved in your space so that you eventually end up with the life you want and deserve as you become your own #bestmeever in the process.
Stop resisting. Trust the process. Acknowledge the space you’re in and come from humility and openness. Remember: you can’t make the most of your journey if you keep on running away or fighting back the experiences that will help mold you into the person you need to become for your next chapter. Do away first with your biases and assumptions because they blur beautiful possibilities and instill unwarranted fear.
2. Stop obsessing over the past
Psst. It’s over and done with. There’s nothing you can do to bring back time. And you shouldn’t even try. Channel all your what could have beens to what can still be as you focus on the now. Be at peace with letting go knowing that all things that have happened (and the relationships that you had) already served their purpose. Let them be as you set yourself free from all the things weighing you down so you can create more space for better things to come into your life.
3. Determine how your next chapter will look like
Without any clear goal, starting all over again isn’t really possible. I mean, knowing where you want to go and vividly having an idea of your desired next chapter allows you to plan your next steps based on what is still under your control. In the process of visualizing your desired new story plot, make sure you don’t limit yourself based on what you’ve been through or going through at present. Both will change, depending on the work you put in as you move forward. Explore possibilities. If nothing can stop you and everything is possible, how will your next chapter be like? Reflect. And make sure it’s one you truly like.
4. Dream big, start small
Don’t overwhelm yourself with the grandness of your desired next chapter. Chunk down your action plans into small steps. Be mindful about going at your own pace as you focus on your own goals and space. Also, know that your progress isn’t determined just by the steps you take forward, but rather, even as you pause or completely stop to reflect and recalibrate, you’re actually growing. So be kinder to yourself as you just do what you can with all that you have. That will always be more than enough.
5. Surround yourself with supportive people
Knowing that you are not alone in your journey can do wonders for you. Involve people who are closest to your heart in your journey and let them shower you with that much needed and deserved love and support when days seem tougher than usual. Celebrate with them your progress and allow them to inspire you as you move forward in life. You may want to document your journey as well and share it to the rest of the world, because for all you know, you are the inspiration someone, somewhere out there, needs at this point in time. You, moving on, has a purpose too.
To move on and start all over again is a matter of choice.
One that you truly deserve to give yourself.
And that starts by committing to starting all over again.
May this demarcate your Day 1.
