Not everything (or everyone) deserves to be in your space.
And that’s perfectly ok.
You don’t have to force yourself to hold on to things or people which do not spark joy.
You don’t have to settle in a space that does not inspire growth.
And yes, you have that power of choice to turn your life around.
As the year draws to a close in a couple of days, now is actually the best time to reflect about what you finally need to let go of so that next year will be far better.
I have spent the last few weeks reflecting and this is the list I have come up with.
It was quite amusing coming to realize why I have tolerated them for the longest time thinking that they were normal or that I needed them when fact is, I can actually live without them and doing such will allow me to flourish more.
1.The drama
Oh my gosh, time and again I have been invited to participate in the drama of other people, whether as a by stander or an actual character in their story. I thought I was helping by being there only to realize that I only wanted to be there because subconciously I was being validated for having that sense of belongingness. Crazy I know. When I caught myself, I immediately distanced myself at the onset of any form of drama that is thrown my way. And yes, I am now living my own story, with my happily ever after.
2.) The extreme pressure on yourself
It’s a fact that the society has certain standards to be met and that people have a lot of expectations about me and what I do. That only adds up to the pressure I used to give myself, wanting to live up to my own ideals in harmony with those of others. Not good for me. I realized that I was practically driving myself to getting burned out and unhappy about what I was doing because I was doing all them out of obligation to comply rather than inspiration. So what I did though was loosen up: I allowed myself to go at my own pace, redefined my concept of productivity and allowed myself to find joy outside of what i do, and realize through happiness from within. End result: I actually became happier and my productivity is maximized even as I take certain days off.
3.) The excuses
I know that at some point, having excuses were meant to protect myself from an unfamiliar or unpleasant situation. However, come to think of it, what is making it difficult for me to express myself in black or white was the need to please by sugarcoating my words. When I arrested that false notion, I am pleasantly surprised that people loved my honesty and authenticity and that it was ok to just go do what feels right as long as I will be taking responsibility for my actions. The goal goes beyond succeeding in a new endeavor, but rather maximizing and growing from each and every experience that’s not limited by any form of excuse. At the end of the day, only my excuses and self-doubts can limit me. And I won’t let that happen. Not today, Satan. Haha!
4.) Your what could have beens
I know that at times we tend to look back at the past and succumb to the overwhelming thoughts of being able to do so much more before. These thoughts leave us doubting ourselves in the process at present. Fact though is that we all can’t turn back time. So upon reflecting, I personally just focused on what I have here and now and how I can make the most of it. It’s not about what could have been, maybe because it’s meant to be like that and that’s something I need to be able to accept. My new practice is to focus on what can still be as I do everything under my control so that I look at all past events, regardless of the results with much gratitude and the future, with much optimism.
5.) Your excess baggage
Yaaasss to this! I mean we all have been through a lot and perhaps even going through so much more at present. But hey, holding on to all these things and repeating them to ourselves over and over again will not help us find the right solution to them and will only lead to more anxiety. Clearing our minds and focusing on what we can still do, will. Don’t let your excess baggage distort your future journey. Travel light. Trust me on this. Everything becomes more enjoyable there after, provided you know where you want to go next and you are committed to make that happen fully.
I hope these help you reflect on your current space. If you’re having a hard time wrapping things up this year as you figure out what you can live without, then worry not. Will be launching my free workshop in my self-empowerment community this December so make sure to register in advance because limited slots are available so that next year, as you start it, will definitely your best year ever.
It’s ok not to be ok.
My exact space in the last 23 days.
This may come as a surprise for a lot of people because they still saw me working, smiling, coaching and inspiring others to become their best.
However, I told those who were really close to me about my real state then:
That I was tired. Sad. Burned out. Anxious.
Definitely not my own #bestmeever . The irony of it all. Haha!
I wanted to share this with you all to allow you to be comfortable with yourself and how you feel and help you manage your emotions and mental state along the way.
I am just very fortunate that I have a solid support system and I knew how to coach myself in between sessions with my own master coach.
I know though that it may be difficult for others so hopefully this blog post of mine can help you. One small step can make a very big difference in your life now, or in someone else’s who might be in the same dark space at present.
What you’re feeling is valid whether it’s sadness, anger, grief, or whatever it is. . Don’t invalidate it. Remember, the more you resist it, the more it will persist. Come from a space of humility and honesty and allow yourself to feel accordingly. That way you will be able to process your emotions better. Express your emotions accordingly: cry if you must, release your anger (or any other emotion) mindfully.
2. Give yourself a break
More than ever, now is the best time to rest. Don’t feel guilty for giving yourself a break. You can always take responsibility for your actions there after. What is important now is that you don’t force yourself to be highly productive when you’re not your best. You’ll only compromise your output and you’ll feel more frustrated there after. Take a day or two off or even a week. You know yourself better. Just make sure that you endorse everything properly and you explain clearly to all those who will be affected. In my case, I told my clients that I will be coaching remotely by the beach and I will be accepting less sessions in the process so I can have my much-needed time off, one I never did allow myself before when the whole pandemic started, because you guessed it, work calls.
3. Do things you love
I went to the beach because it’s my happy place. I made it a point to consistently do long walks every morning and evening while reflecting and coaching myself in the process. In your case, treat yourself to what makes your heart skip a beat, something outside of your usual routine and one that can make you appreciate yourself and your new space more. What is important here is that you allow yourself to grow in harmony with the present as you gain clarity about what’s causing your emotional and mental turmoil.
4. Talk it out
Don’t be afraid and ashamed to reach out to people whom you trust fully. Have your own support group. In my case, I only told the people who were closest to me and my coach that I wasn’t really in a good space. What I liked was that all of them didn’t try to give me any advice or forced me to have a coaching session immediately. They just told me to take my time off and talk to them when ready. And so I did. That allowed me to be able to feel secured all through out my personal journey, knowing that I am supported and loved accordingly. One thing though: it is advisable that you don’t have your meltdown on social media because at times that becomes a show for others more than just a concern. When at the brink of giving up, reach out. Even to a mental health professional or a coach to help you manage everything better.
5. Journal daily
Write down your thoughts. Whatever they may be. This mental dump will help clear your mind and allow you to unburden yourself in the process and have something to look back at when things finally fall into place eventually after the storm. Feel free to express your emotions accordingly with each thought and recognize breakthroughs and small wins along the way as you celebrate them. I am a firm believer that no matter how bad things may seem at present, there will always be a beautiful silver lining. You just have to be intentional in seeking the good beyond what’s in front of you. Yes, that’s very much possible so that you get to realize how blessed you are to begin with.
I hope these tips help you when you’re feeling down. Remember that’s only temporary.
Because soon, you’ll find yourself in a happier space again.
Been there. Done those. And I am now ok.
Hang on. I got you!
Not every story has a happily ever after.
Especially if you choose to stay in a toxic relationship.
I know. It might seem perfect at first.
Meeting (and being with) your dream guy/gal for the first time can seem like a fairy tale that came true.
However, as time goes by, things change. People change. You change.
And so does the relationship you’re in.
We can only cross our fingers that everything changes for the better.
But what if it does not?
What if the once sweet, oh-so-perfect relationship turns sour and too toxic, what do you do?
Do you hold on and wait?
Or do you take the next flight out?
Don’t get me wrong, there will always be relationships worth fighting for.
However, in my opinion, all parties involved must be willing to work things out.
It can never be just one sided.
And to be candid about it, that’s actually one of the many red flags of being in a toxic relationship.
Allow me to share with you the 5 signs you’re in a toxic relationship and what you can do there after.
This. I always believed that any relationship you choose to be in should bring out the best in you and not the worst. Whatever happened to what Disney taught us about having happily ever afters? Keep that in mind. There’s no point of settling in a relationship that makes you feel less of a person.
What you can do: Take a step back. Reflect. Where is this coming from? What are you tolerating? What is not working for you? In the process of doing so, always be true to yourself because your honesty will set you free.
2. You’re not growing
Feeling stuck? Spending more time doubting yourself than working on your dreams? Your relationships must inspire and help you to grow into the best version of yourself. If not, then think again.
What you can do: Reflect. What or who is stopping you? And why are you letting it happen? Analyze in the process: what’s the value of growing at this point in your life that will allow you to commit to it fully? You deserve the growth you envisioned for yourself. Don’t let anything or anyone make you think or feel otherwise.
3.) You don’t have a voice in the relationship
If you feel that you’re always set aside, taken for granted and disrespected time and again, it’s time to assess the relationship you’re in. It takes two to tango and you don’t deserve to just be a back up dancer for the rest of your life.
What you can do: Assert yourself. Be confident and brave enough to speak up. Ask yourself this: what will do you better in the long run, keeping mum about things that don’t sit well with you and tolerating how badly you’re treated or voicing out your concerns and owning your space so you can grow in harmony with the relationship you chose to be in by playing your part? Never let anyone silence your voice and your rights.
4.) You always have excuses
If you always find yourself justifying your decisions or covering up for your partner or the things that aren’t exactly working in your relationship, whether to yourself or to others, then, you might be trying too hard to convince yourself that you’re not in a toxic relationship.
What you can do: Inquire within. Why are you coming up with excuses? What do you want to achieve? What is the reality in front of you that you must accept? Remember, you cannot resolve what you continuously deny yourself of, whether it’s the truth or the opportunity to see things in a different light.
5.) You don’t feel whole
As you are, regardless of who you’re with, you should be whole. If you feel broken still and the concept of completeness, despite the presence of another person in your life, is non-existent, it’s telling you a lot about the kind of relationship you’re in. And yes, it’s toxic.
What you can do: Choose to give yourself time and space to heal and be whole again. Again, you can’t give what you don’t have and if your toxic relationship has drained you, then it’s time to fill your cup again. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to become your own #bestmeever .
After all that’s been said and done now, I hope that you realize that you owe it to yourself to be in a relationship that will allow you to become the person you’re meant to be.
Beyond your tolerations.
And if you need help re-writing your relationship story, whether with yourself or with others involved, don’t lose hope. just message me.
Let’s re-create your own happily ever after.
Fact: No one’s perfect.
So why do we always strive to look flawless in the eyes of others?
I guess it’ safe to say that it’s our ego acting up.
Making us want to look good at all times.
Making us feel insecure at times too.
But in reality, do we really have to embrace perfection as our own standard of happiness and contentment?
Come to think of it.
What’s the worst thing that can happen when you embrace your flaws and imperfections?
Still reflecting?
I hope these tips help you accept your flaws and imperfections better so that in the process you will be able to discover your very own #bestmeever .
There’s more to life than your work.
Like, seriously.
I want you to take this time to assess yourself: how many hours per day do you spend working?
How many hours do you have left to spend for yourself, your loved ones and things that matter to you in between?
If you’re having a hard time answering these comfortably, then it’s time for you to rethink your priorities, as you give yourself a much-needed break.
A break can mean anything from having a few minutes lounging around, getting a spa treatment, or finally going for that month long vacation in a place you’ve always wanted to visit.
1.) You are able to treat yourself with kindness
Self-care is key if you want to succeed in anything that you do. By listening to your mind and body and allowing yourself to relax and recalibrate, you keep yourself in tip-top shape holistically.
2.) Prevent unwanted burn out
Stress accumulates over time, most specially if you continuously immerse yourself in tiring situations. This leads you to hate whatever it is you’re doing and lose your drive over time. Yes, that’s a sign that you’re getting burned out. So it’s time for you to cool down and let yourself be so you get to decompress and let stress leave your tired body and soul.
3.) You get to pursue your passion
At the end of the day, it’s important to do things that make your heart sing and allow you to feel happy, complete and fulfilled. So take time to have breaks to pursue your passion and live your dreams outside of work. You will eventually realize that you’ve been missing on a far more beautiful experience for the longest time.
4.) You are able to nurture relationships around you
Work can pay the bills, but it won’t necessarily allow you to build lasting relationships with people who matter to you. So it’s very important to take breaks and just enjoy the company of people who have been with you through thick and thin, long before you have chosen to bury yourself with work. In the long run, these people have your back, which definitely can’t be 100% the same case with your work where everyone can be replaced by yet another new hire.
5.) You allow yourself to become your #bestmeever
Don’t ever let your work define who you are or what you can still be. Having breaks in between will allow you to discover more about yourself, gain clarity about what you really want and need so you can become the person you’ve always wanted to be.
I hope these reasons help you choose yourself and your over all well being more.
And you can always start by giving yourself what you deserve the most: a break from it all.
Don’t quit.
Oftentimes we are told that we have to fight long and hard for what we believe is worth it.
May it be a relationship, a career or whatever else we feel that used to make us feel happy, complete and fulfilled.
However, we must also bear in mind that people change. Things and situations, too.
So sometimes, our vision of a happily ever after gets distorted in the process.
And believing in fairy tales made us hold on and fight harder, until we get what we want.
However, what if it wasn’t meant to go that way?
Would letting go be an option?
At the end of the day, you can only do so much.
So allow me to share with you 5 signs that are telling you that it’s finally time to let go.
You are as important as anyone else. Don’t ever let your relationship or career make you forget who you really are and what you are meant to become. You owe it to yourself, as you give yourself the happiness you deserve. Don’t let anything or anyone disrespect you and make you doubt your worth.
If you are always in a constant struggle, fighting over even the littlest things, then maybe it’s time to reconsider. A toxic relationship or environment can never support your growth so why waste your time, energy and resources fighting just to survive? Choose to thrive there after, even if it means stepping outside of that toxic space.
If you have to continuously justify and convince yourself that something (or someone) is worth keeping, then take it as a red flag. It only means that you’re trying too hard to make things right (or at least make them appear fine) even if time and again you are left hurt, sad and completely broken by the very person (or career) you tried to protect.
Allow yourself to walk away if you have already given your all, your best at all times and yet nothing seems to really change. If you’re still subjected to lies, abuse or feeling inferior and unworthy time and again despite everything you’ve sacrificed just for you to stay, honey, take it from me: give yourself the respect and enough credit to just walk away. No more explanations needed.
If you are forced to compromise your values, do things against your will, commit self-harm or indulge in risky behavior that you’re not exactly accustomed to, then it’s time to take a step back (and away) from your current space. Nothing that brings out the worse in you can be worth it.
At the end of the day, remember that letting go does not always mean the end of something.
It can also signify the beginning of something far more beautiful than you have ever imagined.
Just trust yourself and the process more.
You’ll make it through.
As you become your own #bestmeever .
And they lived happily ever after.
Perhaps our favorite line in every fairy tale that we read.
After all, who doesn’t want to have a lasting relationship?
When you’ve found the one, I know that you’ll be more than willing to make things truly work out.
Allow me to share with you these 5 tips to help make your relationship last.
In order for a relationship to work, you guys must be on the same page. Don’t ever overlook the importance of reaching out and asking your partner about his/her needs and wants and allow yourself to share yours as well. Talk openly and honestly. Adjust accordingly there after based on your conversation. Allow yourself to give and receive the kind of love and affection you deserve.
Try new things. Or enjoy doing old ones. Explore and experience together. Never be too busy to be in love with that one person who changed your life. How can you support each other more as you get to know each other better while growing together? Keep that in mind.
Don’t let an argument make you forget the beautiful relationship that you have. Have enough time and space to reflect and understand the situation fully. Express your thoughts and apologize if needed. Forgive. Be more than willing to start all over again when you’re ready.
Don’t wait for any special occasion to show your love and affection. Make every single day special. Send sweet messages, surprise each other with random gifts. Hold hands. Give tight hugs. Make your partner feel special and remember all the reasons you fell in love with this person from the very beginning. Keep the fire burning.
I know that once you get in a relationship the assumption is that it has to be always about you both. But to be honest, that shouldn’t be the case. Allow yourself to have enough time and space and acknowledge your own needs outside the relationship. Become your own #bestmeever and allow your partner to do the same. Trust each other and know that by having that healthy space to grow individually as well, you become the best version of yourselves for each other.
I hope these will help you guys build that happy, stable, lasting relationship that you’ve always wanted.
Time to recreate your own fairy tale now.
Nowadays, with the pandemic, among others, times seem to be really challenging.
Ok, let me correct myself: times ARE challenging. Period.
I know that at some point, we all have experienced doubting ourselves and losing hope in the process as we become anxious about what tomorrow holds for us.
And I think that we have learned based on experience, having that kind of behavior wouldn’t allow us to thrive in our space.
Because truth be told, more than ever, we need to have a positive mindset as we remain optimistic about what lies ahead.
Nothing is permanent in this world. Same goes for whatever is bothering us now. So hold on to that fact that someday, all will be well. Having something to look forward to allows you to have a better perspective about life at present.
You can’t undo the past, even if you tried. But you can always work on your present and create the future that you want from scratch. Remember that what can still be will always be more beautiful than your what could have been.
Choose to see what went right. Big or small, celebrate your wins. You deserve to acknowledge yourself and your hard work. They will inspire you to do more in the process as you become your own #bestmeever.
Choose the company you keep. Remember, your immediate environment plays a big role in the way you think and react to circumstances in your life. So be mindful of the kind of people you allow in your space. Check on red flags every now and then. You’re not obliged to accommodate any form of negativity or toxic behavior at the end of the day.
At the end of the day, no matter how it went, there will always be something to be grateful for. Train your mind to look for those. That will help you realize how beautiful life still is amidst trying times.
There you have it. I hope these help you keep your hopes high as we journey together towards a brighter future ahead.
Here’s an interesting fact:
At times, what really makes a goal hard to achieve is not the lack of skills nor opportunities.
It’s the lack of self-confidence.
That feeling of not being worthy, not being good enough.
These are walls we built by ourselves.
They hold us back from becoming the person we are meant to be: our very own #bestmeever .
Let’s face it: it’s not that easy to be truly confident when we all have experienced a lot of down times in our lives.
It’s over and done with. So why hold on to whatever painful experience you’ve had up to this day? You have a choice to start all over again as you learn from what initially broke you so you can have your own breakthrough. You’re not defined by your past; you’re defined by the choices you make there after.
Somewhere along the way, you have succeeded in your own right. Celebrate those wins. If you’ve done it before, why worry about not being able to achieve the same now?
You’ve survived and made it this far. So why doubt yourself? Wear your battle scars proud. And give yourself that much-deserved pat on the back.
What normally freaks us out is the fact that we don’t have a plan to back us up as we pursue our goals, coming from a space of unfamiliarity. By carefully listing down all your options and specific steps on how you can reach your goals, you become more confident in the process knowing that somehow, you have it all figured out.
Be your own best fan. Tell yourself all the words you long to hear. Know that you are truly great within, you just have to consistently remember that, no matter what. The thing is: you’re actually the best person to remind yourself too.
There you go. I hope that these tips will enable you to level up your confidence so you can finally pursue your dreams with the greatest of ease.
Enjoy your journey as you break free confidently!
For some, work is life.
Like nine-to-five is dedicated solely to what pays the bills.
At times, it goes beyond that as well.
Longer work hours. No holidays.
More time with officemates. More time to build one’s career.
However, in the process of focusing too much on work for wanting to earn a living, we forget one important thing:
To live the life we have always wanted.
Take this time to read through this list of 5 things which I believe are far more important than work:
How have you been managing your stress lately? Have you had enough time to actually sit back, relax and pamper yourself? Remember, it’s very important to take care of your overall health, because at the end of the day, if it suffers, working won’t even be possible. Make sure to include exercise, healthy diet, meditation and other self-care routines in between to allow yourself to always be at the pink of health.
When the going gets tough, trust that your loved ones will never fire you. I doubt it if same goes at work. Haha! What I am just saying is, you also need to spend more time with people who truly matter to you because at the end of the day, long after work is over, they’re the ones by your side, no matter what happens. Working long hours can never compensate for missing out on very important family occasions, personal milestones and the like because those are priceless.
So yeah, cool, your work pays the bills and you get to reach the top of the food chain in your career ladder. However, beyond your success, are you really able to pursue what makes your heart fulfilled? Have you really given yourself time to pursue your passion or learn something new? Know that your own #bestmeever is not defined by your work alone.
Are you genuinely happy outside of what you do at work? Have you given yourself the permission to just be and experience the best things in life without feeling guilty about your work deadlines? Remember that it’s ok to put yourself as your top priority, simply because if you’re coming from a space of happiness, everything around you will be in alignment — your work included. Never deprive yourself from the kind of life you truly want and deserve.
Picture this, how would you like others to remember you? Someone who worked long hours or became a CEO of a company? Or someone who helped change their lives and inspired them to be their best? It’s all about allowing yourself to be relevant beyond the walls of your office by reaching out to others and making a difference in their lives. Know that you are never too busy to help and that allows your heart to come from a space of overflow. It helps to be surrounded with like minded people who can empower and inspire you from within.
I hope that you get to work on living the life you’ve always wanted.
Time in now.
