New year, new you.
How many times have you heard this?
Many I suppose. Year on year even.
There’s something about wanting to start the year right by turning a new leaf.
Quite timely and relevant if I may say.
I mean, after learning all the valuable lessons from the year that was, I am sure that when you take them to heart, you get to become your #bestmeever in the process.
Speaking of becoming better, the new year I believe is also the perfect time to explore and try out new things as you align yourself with what is dearly true to you.
So before even coming from a space of resistance or fear, try to consider this: you have nothing to lose but much to gain if you focus on (and commit to) improving yourself in the year to come.
Upskiling can do wonders for you, not only in terms of your career but also in terms of having personal fulfillment. Time to reflect: what skill do you need now that can allow you to upgrade your life? In my case, year on year, I try to get myself certified and trained for a new coaching discipline or any other complimentary skill that I can use in my coaching practice e.g. utilizing a new app etc. Whatever that may be, it’s never too late to learn it and use it moving forward. Just make sure you’re also interested in it and fully committed to the skill on hand so you don’t waste your time and effort.
2. A new hobby
Focusing too much on work can burn you out. Try to find a new hobby that you think you will truly enjoy and can help you decompress and relax amidst the your busy schedule. My suggestion: think of a hobby that can bring out your creativity. Or one that can help you earn money. Or even one that simply fills your heart with joy and fulfillment at the end of the day. It will be beautiful if you find all of those in one particular hobby. So whether that’s painting artworks or working out at the gym or even traveling, do what you feel your heart is telling you to do. It will lead you to what you truly need.
3. A new job
I have been out of the corporate setting for over 2 decades now so is resigning during December after getting the bonuses still a trend? Haha! Please enlighten me. But hey seriously, I think more than just getting the bonuses, I feel that the holidays have allowed people to reflect fully on what truly matters to them and what job makes their heart skip a beat. I will say this again: it’s never too late to start all over again and pursue a career that you find most meaningful. I mean, look at me: I traded my corporate hat before as a marketing and advertising executive to become a full-time professional coach. I mean admittedly the entire journey wasn’t a walk in the park but hey, looking back, it was one of the best decisions I have ever made because I get to do what I love most, have time and location freedom and feel genuinely happy and fulfilled as I change lives of others on a daily basis. So yeah, maybe this is the sign you’re looking for to finally give your CV a much-needed update and boost.
4. A new relationship
Ok, before you raise an eyebrow, it’s not just really about a romantic relationship. But hey, no one’s stopping you though if that’s what you truly want and you’re really ready to have one. A new relationship here can mean redefining your current one, whether it’s on a romantic, familial or work note. It can even refer to the one you have with yourself. The key here is to reflect on this question: what can make my relationship better? Answer honestly and give yourself whatever it is you need there after simply because, you deserve to grow in harmony with all the relationships you choose to keep.
5. A new mindset
“Whether you’re wrong or right, if you believe it, you’re right.” Can’t agree more. The new year presents a beautiful opportunity to check on your belief systems that no longer work for you or your mental patterns that hold you back. Allow yourself to come from a space of honesty and vulnerability so you can fully identify and address your mindset concerns. Consider the new year as a fresh start. However, mind you though: changing your mindset does not have to be scheduled during the new year alone – it’s actually a continuous process all year round and beyond. The key here is just to allow yourself to finally start seeing (and doing) things differently so you can have a different set of results too in your life.
Wishing you the best in 2025 and looking forward to seeing the new you!
It’s better to give than to receive.
One of the most popular quotes I grew up with.
Mind you, it applies to life in general. And not just during the holidays.
Admittedly though, however, planning what to give people this Christmas can be so stressful at times.
A lot of things to consider: the likes of the person, the budget, how to wrap it, where and when to send it….and the list goes on.
Ok, before you judge yourself: you are not over reacting. You only want what’s best for the recipient of your gift. Of course you want that person who means a lot to you become genuinely happy and feel appreciated fully.
But what if there was another way to achieve your desired results minus the stress and over thinking ?
I mean, at the end of the day, it’s not about how grand your gift is; it’s about how heartfelt your intentions are behind what you’re giving.
Time is the best gift you can give anyone, whether during Christmas time or not. Trust me, your presence means a lot. There are people who get so lonely during the holidays and no material gift can take the place of someone’s good company. Brave the traffic. Invite people (or yourself) over. Just be there to celebrate the holidays with people who are closest to your heart. It can change their lives. And yours too.
2. A hand-written love letter
It’s very rare nowadays to see long, love-filled letters from the heart so receiving them can be quite a pleasant surprise. I don’t know about you but there’s something about reading hand-written letters that makes me feel warm and appreciated all over. I like the rawness of the thoughts and the idea that the person giving it to me was writing it coming from an inspired space. All you need is a clean sheet of paper (if you still have stationaries, please—another rare gem!) and your trusty pen (I like mine in different shades which don’t blot) plus a nice, cozy space where you can pour your heart out as you write the most beautiful love letter yet.
3. Something you made by yourself
It’s time to put your skills and talents into meaningful use! Draw an artwork. Record a song. Compose a poem. Bake a cake (yummy). Create a video greeting. Whatever it is you’re good at (or even if not!), you can always create something beautiful if it comes from the heart. As they say, it’s the thought that counts and for sure your efforts will be greatly appreciated because those types of gifts give lasting impressions.
4. An opportunity to grow
Growth is one of the best gifts you can give to another person as it lasts long after the holidays are over. Whether it’s a pre-paid coaching program or a gym membership or even a self-care package , all these can help improve the overall wellness and well-being of your loved ones, allowing them to grow in harmony with life, no matter what space they’re in at present. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be part of someone’s milestones? You can be just that.
5. A prayer
It’s a divine experience knowing that someone prayed for you or offered their intentions during mass for your safety and wellbeing. I don’t know about you but it makes me feel so loved when someone tells me that he/she prayed for me. The good thing about this is that this gift is not religion centric; you can practice your faith and pray for your loved ones to whomever you believe is your diving being. With the clearest intentions, I am sure your prayers will be heard one way or another. Another plus: you can do this at your convenience, when you’re 100% present.
I hope my list today gave you an idea on how you can make the holidays for others even more special.
Remember though, while you have the power to give these beautiful gifts to others, you can also gift yourself with the same, by choice.
You are worthy, much like everyone else, to have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Time is gold.
I think that is one of the most famous quotes I grew up with.
However admittedly, back then when I was younger, I used to appreciate it on a superficial note.
As a mere answer to an autograph book question or to have something “profound” posted on my wall.
Through the years though, I saw it differently as I aged.
Much like how brought that to the surface when a coachee of mine submitted a list of his, 8 minutes past our agreed upon deadline.
While he had his own reasons, I wanted him to reflect on a question that perhaps can change his view about time (and life ) in general:
What do you think is the value of 8 minutes in your life?
And that led to a deeper understanding and appreciation of his commitment to himself and his growth.
I think through the years, with heightened awareness and new sets of experiences, I began to appreciate the value of time at its core, something which I impart generously to all of my coachees and mentees as they work on becoming the person they’re meant to be.
And I don’t just mean long term or seasonal changes brought about as time goes by. I also see value in each and every second that passes my life by, making sure that no time is wasted just because of uncalled for reactions towards unforeseen events.
Don’t get me wrong: not wasting time does not mean you always have to be on the go, moving forward and chasing your goals relentlessly. It’s all about the mindful use of time, no matter how long or short and that may be. And being mindful about it means making the most of it, whether resting, pausing or just letting yourself be in between pursuits of your dreams.
Being mindful means observing and sticking to your commitments, not only to others but also to yourself and your own growth. It’s all about intentionally finding time to do and give what is due so that you become your own #bestmeever no matter how busy life may be.
It’s all about becoming 100% present always as you go through life so that you get the most of each and every moment as you learn and grow in the process from all things, good or bad, that happens to you and for you.
It’s all about allowing yourself to feel, whatever it is that you need to acknowledge at any given point in time without judging yourself because you are entitled to that. What is important though is that as you set yourself free to express your emotions, it is imperative to practice accountability towards them too. At the end of it all, it’s never an excuse to let others around you suffer just because you were having a bad day. Take that to heart.
It may seem so trivial now to focus on just 8 minutes and make it seem like it’s larger than life, when we oftentimes take it for granted. However, truth be told, it is.
Imagine this: what can happen within 8 minutes? Reflect on your current space and see for yourself how valuable time can be.
You see, it can mean different things for different people:
…it can be life changing for a mother who gets to see her child for the first time after the long labor;
…it can heal wounds for someone who’s dying and wanted to make amends with his family and friends before going;
…it can make or break a much-awaited opportunity that’s presented;
…it allows for longer expressions of love between people.
And the list goes on.
What I am saying here is that 8 minutes isn’t exactly just a minuscule of time.
Depending on how you see and use it, it can be life changing. And believe me, that’s an understatement.
So at this point in time, I hope you see the value in each and every moment you have as you celebrate every breath you take.
You deserve to live fully. To become your own #bestmeever .
Because that can jumpstart something big for you in the long run.
You just have to give yourself time.
And fully committing for 8 minutes to whatever it is that will bring you growth and joy, for starters isn’t bad at all.
P.S. My coachee now submits way ahead of his scheduled deadline and found new inspiration along the way. My heart is happy, full, and proud. Thank you for the inspiration.
Surprise! My email inbox: 0 new messages.
Weird.
You see this has never happened to me before as I am used to getting my client confirmations, inquiries, brand collaborations, invitations and a whole lot more flood my email on a daily basis. And yes, including my online shopping bill. Haha!
So I was taken aback when I opened my mail and found it to be so at peace. Haha!
“Oh well, I could use some time off from reading all my emails.” And I didn’t give it much thought until I got a message on LinkedIn:
“We sent the updated certificate on Friday but I just got an delivery error notification just now.
Sending it to you here just in case. .”
Friday. I checked my email on this Monday. WTF.
My heart started racing and I instinctively checked on my domain hosting services for my bestmeever.com email.
OMG. It was no where to be found.
And then I saw one email that said my payment lapsed and they had to park my domain.
I was like, huh? My credit card was active and I had a back up which was also working.
How can that happen?
Even more questions popped into my head when I tried searching for my domain and found out it was already “taken”. What?! How can that be?
Here’s the catch: they want me to avail of a domain broker service worth P4500+ to get my domain back for a minimum of $1,000 USD.
I. Just. Can’t.
It was so surreal. I was admittedly caught by surprise that suddenly, my domain bestmeever.com for 5 years was no longer in my possession.
But here’s the wilder scenario, as my mind tried to grasp the impact of this sudden loss:
Two brand collaboration invites bounced;
Multiple client schedules for the week not registered;
Updates for Coach Awards and Global Gurus , competitions I was nominated in were not received;
Tracking for my online purchases gone.
…and the list goes on.
Gosh.
But then again, I realized, things like this happen in real life, in other aspects.
Take this time to reflect: has it happened to you before?
…missed out on an important meeting?
….forgot the password to your account which got locked?
…had something stolen from you?
How did you deal with it?
Whatever your response then, it’s ok. You still have time to tweak it as you read this.
Yup, it was a learning experience for me yesterday, and until now as I troubleshoot and write this.
I know. It can be so stressful. But think about this: panicking won’t help you in the process. In fact, making impulsive decisions can wreck even more havoc in the long run. The key here is to pause and ground yourself so that you can think of a logical situation when all your emotions have stabilized. Taking deep breaths can do wonders for you.
2. Assess the situation carefully
After recognizing your emotions and letting them settle, try to see the situation on hand objectively. What is the implication? What can you be missing out? What must you consider? What can be good about this? I had to answer all those 4 when I was trying to pacify myself yesterday and it gave me enough leverage to come up with what will work best for me at that given point in time.
3. Let go of anything beyond your control
This is a golden rule. I mean why continuously stress over things (and people) you have no control of? Stressing over them won’t change a thing and it won’t definitely guarantee you the desired outcome you want. Remember: you spend precious energy as you try to control everything. What you can do is utilize the same amount of energy and effort in letting go and focusing on what you can still influence as of the moment so that you don’t go around in circles.
4. Seek help
You are never alone and it’s ok to seek for help because that’s a sign of strength. Give yourself the assistance you deserve by acknowledging the fact that sometimes you can’t do things on your own. I immediately reached out to my web developer and to a couple of techie people I know for help and the guidance they gave me allowed me to formulate my options moving forward.
5. Check on your priorities
Based on your assessment of the situation, what should you focus on first? Again, it’s imperative to let go of all the distractions so that you can create a strategic pathway towards the soundest solution you need and want for yourself. Consider the help you have received and know that at the end of the day, you can only do so much so working on resolving one thing at a time is best. In my case, my priority was to inform everyone affected by the loss of my email and give them an alternative email where they can reach me instead. I am lucky though that people I reached out too were kind enough to understand the problem and were willing to make necessary adjustments.
You might be curious about my own resolution. Well, what I did was get myself a new domain hosting and service. You can now reach me at myke@bestmeever.net 🙂
I can definitely say that after 5 years, I am at peace with letting go of my previous domain, bestmeever.com. I will always be grateful for it served its purpose well and has been instrumental in receiving numerous good news and blessings through the years. Thank you.
However, life goes on.
And so can I.
Still on my way to becoming my own #bestmeever .
With my new email address.
“You deserve to give yourself the kind of love and understanding you willingly give to others.”
One of my favorite reminders, actually.
Let’s face it: oftentimes we forget ourselves in the process of wanting to please others too much.
In the end though, we realize that seeing the smiles on the faces of other people can’t really fully address your own void
To some extent yes, it brings you joy and a sense of fulfillment.
But have you ever thought about how important it is to acknowledge your own needs and wants?
So let me ask you this: when was the last time you put yourself first?
When was the last time you gave yourself what is due without feeling guilty?
If your answer is “never” or you have long forgotten when, then this is your sign to treat yourself kinder.
Hear me out on this: whatever you’ve been through, or whatever it is that you’re going through, no matter how f*cked up life may be, beating yourself up and depriving yourself won’t resolve the issue on hand or bring back time.
Hard slap I know. But you needed that.
If you want to change the space you’re in, start by being kinder to yourself.
Because as you take care of yourself more, you become happier and you also teach others how to treat you.
Stop questioning yourself whether you’re deserving or not of that kindness. That was never the question.
It’s all about recognizing your own worth and being comfortable with owning your space as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
Uhuh. Never disregard your own needs and wants. They matter. And you matter as much as anyone else. You don’t need to shut off that inner voice telling you what can make you become happier and more fulfilled in this life time. Acknowledge them and give yourself what is due. Because each time you fill up your own cup, you come from a space of overflow and you get to share more to others.
2. Have loving conversations with yourself
How you speak to yourself affects how you see and feel about yourself. Engaging in positive self talk allows you to appreciate and empower yourself more. Mind you though: it’s not just about saying things; it’s all about believing them too. On a personal note, what I do is that every time I stand in front of the mirror, I do my affirmations as I give myself the credit that is due, whole heartedly. Sometimes the exact words we need to hear need not come from others. We can just genuinely speak from the heart as we tell ourselves just those.
3. Set and observe boundaries
Respect is key in any relationship, including the one that you have with yourself. By setting boundaries, you allow yourself to exist in a happier space as you protect yourself from anything or anyone not in alignment with your core values. Never feel guilty for distancing yourself from unnecessary stress and drama. They don’t deserve to share spaces with you in the first place.
4. Invest on yourself and your growth
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is growth. You are the best investment you can ever make so don’t set aside opportunities to work on yourself, develop your potential and become the person you’re meant to be. Working on yourself is never an unnecessary expense — it’s a must if you want to make the most of this lifetime. So whether you enroll in a class that’s in alignment with your passion, get a coach, or go on that much needed vacation, do it. You grow more when you flow.
5. Pursue your dreams
You’re not just an enabler for others — you also deserve to make your dreams come true. Give yourself enough time and space to go for what you truly want in life. It’s never too late to listen to yourself and fulfill what makes your heart skip a beat. Make your own fairy tale come true by unapologetically taking steps towards your own north star, as you finally live your true purpose in this lifetime, whatever that may be for you. At the end of the day, you can always help others even as you pursue your own dreams. Never think it’s about choosing one over the other.
These are only 5 tips. You can do so much more to treat yourself with kindness.
Allow yourself to explore and implement them.
Because you are worthy of taking up space too.
You can only accept things which you fully understand.
This has always been one of my favorite things to tell my coaching clients.
So true, don’t you think.
I am basically coming from a premise that humans oftentimes, if not always, resist what is unfamiliar.
That is the very reason why change can be so scary at times.
However, we must be ready to embrace change always because as they say, it’s inevitable.
But how can you embrace something which you don’t fully know about or understand?
Oops. there we go again. Questioning things even before we try it. Got you there! Haha!
But yes, that basically shows my point.
Don’t fret though. Tips are just around the corner.
Ok, I know change can be too overwhelming at times. So the key here is to create enough space between you and your thoughts and assumptions (and if possible, the trigger source per se), so you don’t get too caught up in the moment. Never let yourself act out of impulse. Instead, focus on retreating temporarily to your safe space (no matter how that may look like for you), as you gather facts and respond based on them. Yep, respond, not react.
2. Do away with your biases
We have all grown up differently, having sets of experiences which are unique to us. These experiences have formed biases that blur our logic and decision making, as they focus too much on what is familiar, pleasurable or what we think is right. However, biases are more often than not mere assumptions and at times no longer serve their purpose when put in the current context. So best if you ask yourself: what am I merely assuming in this case? What biases of mine are coming into play? Then answer both as honestly as possible.
3. Focus on the value
Like I always say, good or bad, everything that happens to you has a reason. When you want to understand something that you are initially resisting, whether it’s an unfortunate turn of events or an unexpected detour, focus on the value it brings: the lessons, the growth and the new opportunity to start all over again on a clean slate moving forward. Consider yourself lucky to be able to learn and grow along the way as you understand your space better. A powerful question you can ask yourself is: What is this teaching me? Try it.
4. Be open
You can’t control everything. And that’s perfectly fine. Because you shouldn’t. Trust in the grander design of things far beyond your knowledge and power. Know that if you just allow yourself to flow, you actually grow more in the process.
5. Experience it for yourself
As they say, don’t knock it off until you try it. See for yourself. Experiencing things (and people) as they are fully allows you to understand completely as you go face to face with your fears, assumptions and desires moving forward. Give it a chance. Whether you finally say yes or no, you are worth the decision you are making for as long as you’re coming from a space of full understanding.
I hope this helps you understand the space you’re in at the moment.
Know though that whatever that may look like for you at present, it’s ok.
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
On your way to your own #bestmeever .
Bigger is not always better.
There I said it.
But it’s quite true.
This stemmed from my recent experience eating in a buffet in Novotel. For Sunday lunch, the food spread was huge and the variety was quite impressive, given the presence of some uncommon seafood for grilling (think Curacha, and no, not the 90s movie, among others).
At first, since I didn’t have breakfast to make space for this feast (am I the only one who does this?), I was like: let’s do this. So off I went to sample some of the items immediately: got myself a huge slice of roast beef, a plateful of seafood (only half of which I can identify) and a bunch of baked veggies. Halfway through my delicious meal, my eyes started wandering around, looking for my next target. A part of me wanted to sample the rest of the eye candies on hand but guess what, before I can even go back to eating what’s left on my plate, somewhat I already felt full. What?! Paano masulit ang buffet (which happens to be the common biggest concern of Filipinos when indulging in eat-all-you-can restos, more so if they’re on the pricey side)?!
Geez. I should have remembered. Strategy is key to enjoy the sumptuous buffet spread more. I should have went around first to scout. Gotten smaller pieces. Took my time. And not ate like a hungry Viking having his last meal. Oh well, at that time what I did just made sense.
But looking at it now, I got to reflect about the times in the past where I got tempted to go for shiny objects, normally an upgrade or a size larger than usual, not necessarily because I needed it but just because I thought it would be a better deal for me.
Whether shopping at Landers or S&R for body wash and detergents which are big enough to be shared even to my neighbors;
Or when going for an upsize in my regular dessert, thinking I deserved it, while totally ignoring the additional calories and expense;
Or even when choosing a gift during Kris Kringle, my eyes normally dart to the biggest, most beautifully wrapped one.
But hey, what I have come to realize is that it’s not the size really which matters.
It’s the intention. It’s the purpose behind each choice we make.
Because small, medium or large, it doesn’t really matter.
Because enough is enough, based on your own standards.
Look at it this way:
Help, of whatever kind, still has an impact.
Growth, no matter the size or speed, is still progress.
Gifts, no matter how much they cost, are still thoughtful gestures.
Not all things have to be grand to mean more.
And to make the most of this lifetime, we should just focus on being grateful for whatever we have and whatever is given, taking only what we need while sharing with others what we have more of.
Even the smallest, simplest joys matter.
And yes, that includes the food in the buffet which will never run out so get only what you can finish. Remember, the more you let others enjoy the food alongside you, the faster it will be refilled. Applies to life’s blessings as well.
Now at this point in time, I want you to reflect:
What small things in your life can you appreciate more?
What can help you become more mindful of them?
I hope moving forward, you get to look beyond what is superficial and just embrace things as they are.
For all you know, what you have in front of you, is actually larger than life.
It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.
So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival
.
And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.
You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.
I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.
And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.
For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?
Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?
I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.
Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.
And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.
Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.
There I said it.
Never let what makes you special weigh you down.
Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.
Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.
Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.
It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.
I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.
To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.
To inform. To Understand. To Accept.
So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:
What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?
What can you do to inspire others to do the same?
I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.
Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.
Time to live with pride.
I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
As the song by Elton John goes.
So true at times.
Most especially if you’re coming from a space of hurt and heightened emotions.
Asking for forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
You have to deal with a lot of emotions, take in a lot of facts and brace yourself for whatever reaction the other party may have.
Yup it can be that scary.
However, if you really want to work on yourself and save the relationship on hand, learning to say sorry when at fault, can do wonders for you.
At the end of the day, it shows how much you value yourself and your relationships when the going gets tough and threatens the harmony you initially had.
At this point in time, I’d like you guys to pause and reflect accordingly:
What do you need to apologize for?
To whom?
Is it about a recent melt-down you had at work?
To your partner whom you have taken for granted?
Someone whom you’ve disrespected, whether knowingly or unknowingly?
To yourself, for neglecting your own needs and wants?
Ouch. I know. Trigger questions can hurt but they can also give you the clarity you need if answered as honestly as possible.
Keep in mind though that there’s no judgment and you are allowed to process everything accordingly in your own time and space.
Yes, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t feel like it. However, my take is: you don’t have to be rude as you take that in consideration too.
Being reminded to apologize is not an attack; it’s coming from a space of love and concern in an effort to bring back harmony that was lost during a conflict, whether internal or external.
Saying sorry allows you to do away with so much pride that prevents you from growing and your relationships from truly flourishing. Humility is needed for one to learn the important lessons in life about commitment, respect and boundaries, all three essential if you want to thrive in your chosen space. It’s all about embracing the fact that no one is perfect and we are all entitled to commit mistakes. What is more important though is learning to own up to the consequences of our actions, based on what is truly right and just, and not just on how we felt at any given point in time.
2. It helps saves relationships
Whether it’s about the people around you or with yourself, learning how to say sorry can make a big difference on how you see and deal with your relationships. Don’t let any good relationship go to waste. Saying sorry, when you are at fault (and sometimes even when you are not), is never a sign of weakness. It just shows how much you value the relationship on hand and how willing you are to work things out as you give everything a second chance, if you feel it’s something that’s well-deserved.
3. It helps unburden you
You don’t want to go through life with so much excess baggage from your daily conflicts and struggles. Travel light. Get everything that’s weighing you down off your chest by initiating a peaceful dialogue that will allow all parties involved air their side. It’s not about getting the desired results of knowing who’s to blame or what, but rather, being able to speak your truth and set yourself free from all what could have been.
4. It teaches you important lessons
Saying sorry allows you to become more self-aware about your actions and how you see and deal with your relationships. Being mindful about your words and actions based on the learnings from previous unwanted situations help you avoid the mistakes committed before.
5. It speaks good of your character
You can always choose to be the bigger person, someone who understands more and puts value in his relationships. People will be drawn more to you because they want someone who practices self-responsibility and accountability for his actions. And that’s quite rare nowadays when no one seems to want to admit to be at fault. I mean, check on what’s on the news today. Haha!
Saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do but it definitely is worth it if you truly believe in the value it can give you and the relationships at stake.
So hopefully, after reading this, you finally have a change of heart.
Never too late to say sorry.
And to change for the better.
