You can only accept things which you fully understand.
This has always been one of my favorite things to tell my coaching clients.
So true, don’t you think.
I am basically coming from a premise that humans oftentimes, if not always, resist what is unfamiliar.
That is the very reason why change can be so scary at times.
However, we must be ready to embrace change always because as they say, it’s inevitable.
But how can you embrace something which you don’t fully know about or understand?
Oops. there we go again. Questioning things even before we try it. Got you there! Haha!
But yes, that basically shows my point.
Don’t fret though. Tips are just around the corner.
Ok, I know change can be too overwhelming at times. So the key here is to create enough space between you and your thoughts and assumptions (and if possible, the trigger source per se), so you don’t get too caught up in the moment. Never let yourself act out of impulse. Instead, focus on retreating temporarily to your safe space (no matter how that may look like for you), as you gather facts and respond based on them. Yep, respond, not react.
2. Do away with your biases
We have all grown up differently, having sets of experiences which are unique to us. These experiences have formed biases that blur our logic and decision making, as they focus too much on what is familiar, pleasurable or what we think is right. However, biases are more often than not mere assumptions and at times no longer serve their purpose when put in the current context. So best if you ask yourself: what am I merely assuming in this case? What biases of mine are coming into play? Then answer both as honestly as possible.
3. Focus on the value
Like I always say, good or bad, everything that happens to you has a reason. When you want to understand something that you are initially resisting, whether it’s an unfortunate turn of events or an unexpected detour, focus on the value it brings: the lessons, the growth and the new opportunity to start all over again on a clean slate moving forward. Consider yourself lucky to be able to learn and grow along the way as you understand your space better. A powerful question you can ask yourself is: What is this teaching me? Try it.
4. Be open
You can’t control everything. And that’s perfectly fine. Because you shouldn’t. Trust in the grander design of things far beyond your knowledge and power. Know that if you just allow yourself to flow, you actually grow more in the process.
5. Experience it for yourself
As they say, don’t knock it off until you try it. See for yourself. Experiencing things (and people) as they are fully allows you to understand completely as you go face to face with your fears, assumptions and desires moving forward. Give it a chance. Whether you finally say yes or no, you are worth the decision you are making for as long as you’re coming from a space of full understanding.
I hope this helps you understand the space you’re in at the moment.
Know though that whatever that may look like for you at present, it’s ok.
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
On your way to your own #bestmeever .
Bigger is not always better.
There I said it.
But it’s quite true.
This stemmed from my recent experience eating in a buffet in Novotel. For Sunday lunch, the food spread was huge and the variety was quite impressive, given the presence of some uncommon seafood for grilling (think Curacha, and no, not the 90s movie, among others).
At first, since I didn’t have breakfast to make space for this feast (am I the only one who does this?), I was like: let’s do this. So off I went to sample some of the items immediately: got myself a huge slice of roast beef, a plateful of seafood (only half of which I can identify) and a bunch of baked veggies. Halfway through my delicious meal, my eyes started wandering around, looking for my next target. A part of me wanted to sample the rest of the eye candies on hand but guess what, before I can even go back to eating what’s left on my plate, somewhat I already felt full. What?! Paano masulit ang buffet (which happens to be the common biggest concern of Filipinos when indulging in eat-all-you-can restos, more so if they’re on the pricey side)?!
Geez. I should have remembered. Strategy is key to enjoy the sumptuous buffet spread more. I should have went around first to scout. Gotten smaller pieces. Took my time. And not ate like a hungry Viking having his last meal. Oh well, at that time what I did just made sense.
But looking at it now, I got to reflect about the times in the past where I got tempted to go for shiny objects, normally an upgrade or a size larger than usual, not necessarily because I needed it but just because I thought it would be a better deal for me.
Whether shopping at Landers or S&R for body wash and detergents which are big enough to be shared even to my neighbors;
Or when going for an upsize in my regular dessert, thinking I deserved it, while totally ignoring the additional calories and expense;
Or even when choosing a gift during Kris Kringle, my eyes normally dart to the biggest, most beautifully wrapped one.
But hey, what I have come to realize is that it’s not the size really which matters.
It’s the intention. It’s the purpose behind each choice we make.
Because small, medium or large, it doesn’t really matter.
Because enough is enough, based on your own standards.
Look at it this way:
Help, of whatever kind, still has an impact.
Growth, no matter the size or speed, is still progress.
Gifts, no matter how much they cost, are still thoughtful gestures.
Not all things have to be grand to mean more.
And to make the most of this lifetime, we should just focus on being grateful for whatever we have and whatever is given, taking only what we need while sharing with others what we have more of.
Even the smallest, simplest joys matter.
And yes, that includes the food in the buffet which will never run out so get only what you can finish. Remember, the more you let others enjoy the food alongside you, the faster it will be refilled. Applies to life’s blessings as well.
Now at this point in time, I want you to reflect:
What small things in your life can you appreciate more?
What can help you become more mindful of them?
I hope moving forward, you get to look beyond what is superficial and just embrace things as they are.
For all you know, what you have in front of you, is actually larger than life.
It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.
So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival
.
And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.
You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.
I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.
And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.
For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?
Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?
I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.
Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.
And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.
Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.
There I said it.
Never let what makes you special weigh you down.
Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.
Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.
Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.
It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.
I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.
To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.
To inform. To Understand. To Accept.
So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:
What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?
What can you do to inspire others to do the same?
I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.
Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.
Time to live with pride.
I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
As the song by Elton John goes.
So true at times.
Most especially if you’re coming from a space of hurt and heightened emotions.
Asking for forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
You have to deal with a lot of emotions, take in a lot of facts and brace yourself for whatever reaction the other party may have.
Yup it can be that scary.
However, if you really want to work on yourself and save the relationship on hand, learning to say sorry when at fault, can do wonders for you.
At the end of the day, it shows how much you value yourself and your relationships when the going gets tough and threatens the harmony you initially had.
At this point in time, I’d like you guys to pause and reflect accordingly:
What do you need to apologize for?
To whom?
Is it about a recent melt-down you had at work?
To your partner whom you have taken for granted?
Someone whom you’ve disrespected, whether knowingly or unknowingly?
To yourself, for neglecting your own needs and wants?
Ouch. I know. Trigger questions can hurt but they can also give you the clarity you need if answered as honestly as possible.
Keep in mind though that there’s no judgment and you are allowed to process everything accordingly in your own time and space.
Yes, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t feel like it. However, my take is: you don’t have to be rude as you take that in consideration too.
Being reminded to apologize is not an attack; it’s coming from a space of love and concern in an effort to bring back harmony that was lost during a conflict, whether internal or external.
Saying sorry allows you to do away with so much pride that prevents you from growing and your relationships from truly flourishing. Humility is needed for one to learn the important lessons in life about commitment, respect and boundaries, all three essential if you want to thrive in your chosen space. It’s all about embracing the fact that no one is perfect and we are all entitled to commit mistakes. What is more important though is learning to own up to the consequences of our actions, based on what is truly right and just, and not just on how we felt at any given point in time.
2. It helps saves relationships
Whether it’s about the people around you or with yourself, learning how to say sorry can make a big difference on how you see and deal with your relationships. Don’t let any good relationship go to waste. Saying sorry, when you are at fault (and sometimes even when you are not), is never a sign of weakness. It just shows how much you value the relationship on hand and how willing you are to work things out as you give everything a second chance, if you feel it’s something that’s well-deserved.
3. It helps unburden you
You don’t want to go through life with so much excess baggage from your daily conflicts and struggles. Travel light. Get everything that’s weighing you down off your chest by initiating a peaceful dialogue that will allow all parties involved air their side. It’s not about getting the desired results of knowing who’s to blame or what, but rather, being able to speak your truth and set yourself free from all what could have been.
4. It teaches you important lessons
Saying sorry allows you to become more self-aware about your actions and how you see and deal with your relationships. Being mindful about your words and actions based on the learnings from previous unwanted situations help you avoid the mistakes committed before.
5. It speaks good of your character
You can always choose to be the bigger person, someone who understands more and puts value in his relationships. People will be drawn more to you because they want someone who practices self-responsibility and accountability for his actions. And that’s quite rare nowadays when no one seems to want to admit to be at fault. I mean, check on what’s on the news today. Haha!
Saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do but it definitely is worth it if you truly believe in the value it can give you and the relationships at stake.
So hopefully, after reading this, you finally have a change of heart.
Never too late to say sorry.
And to change for the better.
It’s a sad day for me.
My fur baby, Miyuki just died.
And the rain outside matches the tears falling down my cheeks as I write this.
You see it’s not easy to let go of someone who has been with me for 3 years.
You see, I have always described Miyuki as my kindest, sweetest cat (I have 6 more).
He was, true to this description, till his last breath.
I vividly remember how I fell in love with him the first time I saw him in a Pet Shop in Cartimar.
I was just supposed to buy fish and supplies for my aquarium when I decided to just take a walk to look around the other pets available there.
Trivia: I always had a soft spot for animals and growing up, I used to say that I wanted to be a Zoologist someday. But after realizing that Science and I don’t really have much chemistry, that dream of mine changed eventually.
But back to my chance meeting with this beautiful soul.
I remember seeing him from afar, his big built and wavy tuxedo fur caught my eye immediately because he stood out amidst smaller sized kittens his age. Add the fact that he had a gold chain on his neck then, so how could I have missed him? Haha!
“He’s so huge and cute!” I told Drei who was accompanying me then who was also as mesmerized as I was.
I then approached the seller and asked about him. Back then, he was an 8-month old, big-boned exotic persian kitten with chubby cheeks and a flat low nose. Yes, I wanted to grab him and squeeze him and his overly fluffy black and white fur because he was that adorable when he looked at me but I had to stop myself as he wasn’t mine then…yet.
“How much?” I nonchalantly asked, pretending to be disinterested but deep inside I wanted to kidnap him already.
The seller gave a steep price and explained that Miyuki was just delivered that morning because the original owner was migrating abroad and could not take Miyuki with him. My heart broke into a thousand pieces then knowing how it must have been painful for both of them to be separated.
I nodded, said thanks and started to walk away after giving Miyuki one last look. I knew deep inside then that we had a connection but I was fighting with my inner logic that I went there to buy fishes for my aquarium and not a cat. Not a big, tuxedo cutie cat with beautiful eyes that warmed my heart instantly.
Walking away was futile as I found myself constantly thinking about Miyuki and discussing with Drei how much I wanted him but found him too pricey for a totally unplanned purchase.
But I know myself. I don’t fall in love easily. But with Miyuki, I just knew it immediately.
Was it the gold chain? His sad story? Or his purpose in my life eventually?
After doing two more rounds to process my thoughts, I found myself walking back to where Miyuki was. I remember having doubts when I approached the seller again and requested to hold Miyuki in my arms.
It felt like home. I was truly happy.
I knew one thing right then and there: He was my fur baby.
The way he hugged me tight and looked at me with such peaceful eyes allowed me to understand where he is coming from.
I had been left behind suddenly before by people whom I thought would stay. And it sucks big time. I can’t let it happen to this beautiful creature whose loyalty will put others to shame.
So trusting the Universe, we negotiated and after some calls, the odds aligned in our favor. We got Miyuki for the price we wanted. Though not a steal, that value was far less compared to the joy it brought me knowing that he was now mine.
And to seal that deal, the moment I hugged him again, he pooped on me. Haha! I remember not knowing whether to laugh or cry then. I saw it as a sign that he marked me his as well.
Who would have known that was the start of a beautiful 3-year love story with my kindest fur baby? One that I never thought would end until today because I had everything planned out: he will have his own wife and kids, we would take countless Christmas pictures as a family and watch Netflix and cuddle endlessly.
It was a beautiful vision.
A vision that I had after spending almost everyday with this beautiful soul who never got tired of reminding me how special I was no matter whatever I was going through at any moment.
One who never judged me when I felt I did something wrong nor when I had my moods.
He would still knock at 5am at my bedroom door, eat breakfast at 6am happily, sit by my side quietly at 9am as I start working , nudging me from time to time when he wants to go to the bathroom to do his business or when he just wants a quick hug in between. After a long day, he would quietly hop on my bed after I do my prayers and watch Netflix with me, staring at me every now and then to check if I am still awake or if he wants to be held. He perfectly knows that on or before 9pm he has to get out of my room so I can sleep, and he can wander around my place.
He was everyone’s favorite cat because he was the first one to ever reach out to all my other fur babies. He would never show aggression and will approach them slowly with eyes wide open and gently touch them with his hairy paw and smell them as he butts head with them. I always enjoy watching him play with the younger kittens, his energy quite surprising given his calm demeanor. He even has this practice of bracing himself as if like the toy race car that you have to pull back first before he launches himself forward to chase my other fur babies during play.
He has always been hard to bathe and would not look at me each time I had him take one or after he was groomed. He fears the presence of strangers and being placed inside the cat bag, because I feel he still has this notion that he was to be given away, time and again I have proven wrong in the last 3 years because my entire family showered him with so much love and affection he truly wanted and deserved, like how he managed to touch our lives in such a wonderful and meaningful way.
Even my dear friend Jen, the official godmother of my cats, who would take care of him whenever I will be traveling oversees fell in love with him and would always praise Miyuki for being such a sweet, lovable cat. I can’t blame her. He was an angel.
And today, as he was finally laid to rest after getting sick barely in a week’s time, he embarked on his journey using his little wings towards cat heaven, wherever that may be.
It pains me to have realized the signs that he was feeling something weird in the last few days, maybe because I was also too caught up with a lot of things in my life e.g. my cousin died a couple of days before, some changes in work schedules, project delays and a number of other matters that made me overlook that my Miyuki was trying his best to let me know he was saying goodbye.
I remember how he would go to my room and lie on my bed looking at the window quietly and stay there for long periods of time.
I can recall asking him at night when he cuddles near me when he would refuse to go out of my room even when it’s time and how he will run back in whenever I will bring him out. It struck me he wanted to stay by my side then.
When he started not eating and losing his energy, I would feed him by hand and hold him tight which in turn will make him take little sips of his milk and little bites on his food. He wanted to please me till the very end.
He started isolating himself from the rest of my fur babies and he will oftentimes go underneath the Christmas tree I had, something which he has never done before. Maybe it was his way of making himself be remembered during my most favorite time of the year.
And when I decided to bring him to the vet, he let out loud cries, I don’t know whether it’s because of pain or of pure sadness because he didn’t have enough time to say goodbye to his other brothers and sisters and it was obvious he didn’t want to leave us.
He knew. I just felt that.
And as much as I hate to say this, I think I knew too.
As a person who always writes down his dreams, I wrote 6 days before his death that I dreamed about Miyuki was dying. It was after having another dream about my aunt who passed away two months ago and she was crying.
I guess the Universe was already giving me signs then but since on that same day I had that dream, my cousin died from a motorcycle accident there after that may have led me to ignore it until it was too late.
But I know in my heart that I did everything I could, with all that I had to save Miyuki. I was there when he was admitted to Manila Feline Hospital and stayed there until I could. I never stopped reminding him how much I loved hime and that we will be waiting for him at home. He gave me one last look before I left. This was right after I came back from work on a weekend.
A few hours later, he died.
The last look he gave when I called his name took all of his strength remaining just to say goodbye and acknowledge me. I can never forget that face.I can never forget him.
Writing this now made me realize how much of an impact Miyuki had on my life.
He taught me how it is to love unconditionally.
Of how to appreciate simple joys.
How it feels to be supported and appreciated as I am.
He taught me how it is to look at others without judgment as I come from kindness.
I wish I could just be as kind as my kindest cat.
Miyuki was one of a kind. And he can never be replaced.
Run free, Miyuki.
Please watch over us all. I will miss you terribly.
You will always be my kindest, sweetest fur baby.
I love you forever Miyuki.
Fact: people will always remember not what you’ve done in the past, but rather the one thing (or things) that you have done at present.
I guess that’s where seeing is believing comes in.
And that is where judgement resides too.
Have you ever experienced being crucified (hopefully not literally though) by those around you just because of the that one mistake you have done, regardless of its size or impact?
I mean let’s face it, a lot of times people forget about your kindness when you commit something that’s totally out of character.
But hey, we are only human. And we are not perfect.
We are bound to commit mistakes. And that’s ok.
We have to be kinder to ourselves too.
However, we must also be mindful about our actions that come there after.
And of what comes next.
This was actually my realization that inspired me to write about this piece.
You see, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who had this habit of keeping others hanging when telling a story.
Are you familiar with the cliff hanger scenes in a series wherein you get too much excited to find out what the hero/heroine will do but then a commercial break appears or much worse, end credits signaling your long, agonizing wait till the next episode. Haha!
If you hate that feeling, imagine how I felt when my friend suddenly paused dramatically in mid sentence and looked at me smiling.
Mustering all my will power and courage as to not strangle her (haha!), I just looked at her straight in the eye, and asked in my least interested tone “And then?”
“You could have been more excited!” she said.
“I would have if you didn’t leave me hanging.”, me laughing harder.
Listening to her continue her story though, to be honest, it fell short of my expectations.
So that is what struck me: that I became too focused now on what she said after I asked “and then?” that I lost track of all other things she said beforehand.
And then demarcated the continuation of her story.
And the beginning of my disinterest (maybe because it was my inner self taking revenge for being left hanging, haha!) in her own delulu moment (sorry friend!).
Don’t get me wrong: I still let her finish and I genuinely gave my input about her concern on hand. After all, we are friends.
And at that moment, I realized an important lesson: we can always have our own “and then” moments.
My friend chose to handle things her way. That’s perfectly fine. It’s her narrative.
We can always pause first, reflect and test the waters. And then act there after.
We can always choose and commit to whatever decision we have made. And then we work on it.
We can always start all over again from scratch. And then work our way up once more.
People will always judge us, not just by the version they knew, but also by what we choose to become here and now.
Which means….when we define our very own “and then” moments.
And yes, it doesn’t need to flat out.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect:
How are you going to craft your new narrative?
What happens next?
What will your “and then” moment be like?
I hope this piece inspires you to finally focus on owning your next chapter.
Don’t keep yourself (and others) hanging.
It’s only the beginning.
Of something far greater than you’ve ever imagined.
You can’t have it all.
Otherwise, you’ll be perfect. And that’s not possible.
Because nobody is.
And yes, that’s pretty much ok.
Hey, don’t get me wrong: you can always aspire for more.
No one is stopping you from dreaming bigger or achieving more.
You deserve that.
What I am trying to say is that it’s ok if you don’t get exactly what you want.
May it be winning in a competition.
The promotion you worked hard for.
The trip that got cancelled.
The person you were pursuing.
The relationship that you lost.
And whatever else that may have cause you pain and suffering.
Take this time to assess: what is it that’s burdening you as of the moment? How are you dealing with it?
Whatever it may be, no matter how heavy it may seem, please do me a favor: promise me you’ll be kinder to yourself.
Promise me that you will stop blaming yourself for what happened.
That you will stop thinking of yourself negatively.
That you won’t give up on yourself.
Do it not only for me, but for youself because you are worthy of second chances amidst all the craziness surrounding you.
A second, third, fourth or no matter how many it takes.
Your imperfections don’t make you insignificant.
It does not make you less of a person.
It makes you human.
And they humble you in the process of maximizing what you have so you can become what you’re meant to be.
It’s all about learning from your imperfections and the things that have gone wrong while working around them using the lessons you now have.
Never attach your happiness to things, people or situations that you feel will make your life perfect.
Your happiness is here and now. Within you, and whom you choose to be.
It does not come when things are perfect.
It comes when you are ready to embrace your reality and take up space as you are, no matter how imperfect the situation may seem.
Look around you. What do you need to be more mindful about? What can you appreciate more?
Look within you. What needs to change? How can you make that happen?
You are a work in progress. So are we. And that’s ok.
You may not have it all. And that’s fine.
Because all it takes is genuine appreciation for what you have and who you’re becoming as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
Keep going. Keep growing.
In your own special, imperfect way.
I always say this to people who are forcing themselves in certain situations:
Don’t come from obligation. Come from inspiration.
Makes sense right?
I mean who wants to be merely forced to do things just because it’s their duty or that responsibility was bestowed upon them?
Whether it’s about being the eldest in the family to take care of all your siblings or the youngest who is expected to just listen and follow,
To being the breadwinner in the family,
to having a senior (or most junior) position at work where expectations and deliverables vary
among others.
Can you relate?
I guess the bigger question is: how much do you really like what you’re expected to do every single day based on the role you portray?
Let’s be honest. It can be quite hard at times.
Simply because as you try to live up to the expectations of others, you oftentimes put yourself and your needs last simply because you feel that you shouldn’t be a priority because work (or your role) calls.
Imagine the stress, the shame, and other negative emotions that are brought about by the pressure to conform and just deliver.
However, truth be told, forcing yourself won’t do you (or the relationship at stake) any good.
You’ll only end up hating yourself and the space you’re in, in the long run.
So the key here is to come from inspiration, as you fill in each responsibility or duty with new meaning to keep you going.
As you challenge yourself by handling multiple tasks all at the same time, you allow yourself to learn and grow in the process. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may seem at first, by embracing it fully minus any form of resistance, you get to make the most of the journey as you become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
2. Take note of the lives you can change
You are perhaps the ray of hope everyone else around you needed at that time. Be that enabler of change. Know that the seeds you plant today may bring about that much needed growth and change you dreamed not only for others, but for yourself as well. It just had to start with you loving what you do.
3. You allow your relationships to bloom
Never underestimate your impact in the lives of others. By willingly helping out, you help build trust and establish stronger bonds with the people around you. This makes the journey easier when you allow them to support you as well to ensure that everyone is on the same page, with the same goal in mind so you never feel alone as you take the lead.
4. You get to recognize your own value
It could have been anyone else, but it was handed on to you. There’s a reason for everything and God does not give you any challenge that you can’t overcome. It’s been given to you because it’s meant to teach you beautiful lessons you need moving forward. You are the chosen one. You are good enough, worthy enough. Know that someday you will look back and realize why everything had to happen that way. Simply because, they were preparing you to become the person you’re meant to be.
5. You don’t end up having regrets
When you don’t like what you’re doing, you tend to complain left and right, oftentimes missing out on the important moments, milestones and lessons along the way. By loving what you do and being inspired by your own responsibilities, you get to maximize the space you’re in and look beyond desired results as you just focus on enjoying the journey while living fully. Don’t let your obligations stop you from making the most of this lifetime.
I hope after reading this, you have unburdened yourself from the responsibilities you may be carrying.
Use them as a springboard instead that will bring you closer to what you’re meant to be:
an amazing inspiration to everyone else around you.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be beautiful and worth sharing.
I hope this hits home hard.
Seriously. Having a highly curated life on social media does not exactly equate to enjoying life as is, in general.
But come to think of it: why do people tend to hide the other (note my conscious decision to use that neutral word) of life?
What is it about the less than perfect moments that make us want to hide them?
What misconceptions do you have about your own?
Take this time to reflect:
Which part of your life are you hiding from the rest of the world due to shame?
A failure?
Unguarded moments caught on cam?
Criticisms from others?
What makes you want to bury them into oblivion?
I know that you may have your own reasons for keeping them invisible to the prying eyes of everyone around you but hey, I just want you to know this:
It’s ok to share those less than perfect, less than happy moments with the rest of the world.
It doesn’t make you less of a person each time you talk about what others may be dreading to discuss.
In fact, by doing so, you become a beacon of hope and strength for all those who need to overcome their own shame.
How many times have you heard me say: “Your past should not define you.”? There, I said it again. But hey it’s true. Think about this: you can’t exactly turn back time more so undo what has been done. You can only focus on learning from the experience. That means, whatever you’ve been through before, no matter how tough life was, it’s ok. Show off your battle scars. They are beautiful reminders that you’ve made it this far in this life time, a privilege which not everyone gets to enjoy because they let their past hold them back.
2. Your present
Where you are right now at this point in your life is only temporary. So why be ashamed of it? It’s merely a pitstop; just a tiny spec in your life’s journey ahead. Wouldn’t it be inspiring for others to see how you decided to work on yourself at present to eventually become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever ? Know that your life at present does not have to be free from flaws to be meaningful and rewarding. What is important to remember here is that you were brave enough to start and committed enough to continue on with your journey.
3. Your relationships
Never hide the people you truly matter to you. Whether it’s a family member, a dear friend or a special someone, be proud of the relationship you have. That shows how much value you put in the relationship by acknowledging it fully. Ok, you don’t have to go overboard about posting sweet pics or writing mushy stuff every now and then; what I am saying is that never deny people in your life, regardless of how others may respond to your admittance. It’s ok though. You are not here to please anyone nor allow anyone to dictate whom you could share spaces with.
4. Your struggles
It’s normal to have ups and downs in life. Take that to heart please. Never be ashamed of your struggles. It’s ok to be vulnerable and admit that you need help. It actually shows how strong you are and how mindfully aware you are of your own needs and wants. At the end of the day, too much pride won’t help resolve your challenges on hand so best if you acknowledge your own difficulties and allow yourself to receive the support you need as you inspire others to be comfortable enough to ask for help too. No man is an island and nobody’s perfect so just stay true and give yourself what is due.
5. Your goals and dreams
No matter how big they may be, you are very much worthy of your own goals and dreams. If you truly want to manifest them to reality, speak with pride about them and feel as if they already came true. Don’t ever minimize them or shrink yourself just to fit in or to avoid being judged by others. It will never be worth each time you shortchange yourself. You have what it takes to succeed and no matter how ambitious you may seem, you have nothing to explain to others who aren’t even part of your dreams.
As you are, you are worthy to take up space, express yourself and live life fully and free.
Never let shame make you feel otherwise.
Time to live brave and proud.
