“And the winner is….”
Not me.
Yep, you read it right.
I didn’t win during last night’s ceremony for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank PH.
Don’t get me wrong: the winners were deserving. Amazing stories. Beautiful advocacies. I celebrate you guys! Congratulations again! Such a beautiful experience to have shared spaces with you all. Beyond grateful also to the management of CIMB Bank PH for having me as one of the nominees for the inaugural edition. I am honored to be given a platform to tell my story and advocacy.
Admittedly though, coming from a space of honesty and vulnerability, when my name wasn’t called, it hurt initially.
I really wanted to win for all the people who have shown me their unwavering love and support all through out my journey: from my family, friends, loved ones, listeners, viewers, readers and complete strangers who appreciated my two video entries beautifully edited by Anton , allowing them to bring to life my story and my advocacy anchored on inclusivity and diversity.
But beyond that, I also really wanted to win the cash donation for my charity of choice, Camp Pag-Ayo Inc. , an NGO that advocates stigma reduction through art towards the LGBTQIA+ Community, HIV/AIDS and Mental Health. Despite that, I will still continue to work with them as promised, with or without the grant.
It is what it is.
So after taking several deep breaths and letting everything sink in, I remember telling myself the very thing I frequently tell others when faced with seemingly difficult situations:
Everything happens for a reason.
And that made me smile.
Because looking at what happened from a different perspective, I discovered the 5 learnings I had from losing.
Allow me to share them with you here:
There were criteria for judging. Personal preferences of the judges. And some other factors which may have determined that I wasn’t a fit for whatever it is they were looking for as of the moment. However, I have come to realize that despite that, I still felt the love and support of all the people who rallied for me, the members of the press who praised me and my advocacy and complete strangers who told me that they were vouching for me. And I shouldn’t take those for granted and let them be overshadowed by my initial feeling of disappointment. Even in my practice as a professional coach, I always tell my mentees that they can’t be the coach everyone expects them to be. And that’s perfectly fine. We all have spaces meant for us in this life time. Remember, whatever will be, will be.
2. My best will always be more than enough
People close to my heart know that I am not really competitive as a person. Entering this competition, I just focused on what truly matters most: being able to give my all, do my best and utilize this new platform to share my story of hope to everyone around me. Regardless of the result, for as long as I feel happy, complete and fulfilled with what I have done and what I chose to become in the process, that will always be more than enough. There’s nothing else more than doing one’s best so why stress? Be kinder to yourself guys and just let go and let things be. If you gave your best, you’ve done well. Give yourself a pat on the back.
3. Growth is a matter of choice
I chose to see things in a different perspective: instead of focusing on something I initially felt I lost (but in reality, it’s one I never had to begin with — winning the competition, that is), I chose to focus on what I have gained along the way: an even bigger platform for me, made new friends, new advocacies to support, new learnings and insights, an opportunity to dress up and look good and leave a lasting impression (indulge me on this. I never thought my chosen Fairytopia Modern Filipiniana look would generate so much positive reactions from the people on-ground and online. I got to appreciate my own style bible more. Like I said earlier to a number of people praising me before the awarding ceremony began: win or lose, what’s important is that I look good. LOL)…and the list goes on. Yep, I can definitely say I am growing.
4. Losing now does not invalidate my journey towards my best
Come to think of it: not getting the top prize last night does not make me less capable or insignificant. It does not invalidate the fact that I already have my own share of success in my work as a professional coach and as a best-selling author, and in my personal life as well. It will not, in any way, make me lose the skills I have (and will continuously upgrade and use) and the lasting relationships I have nurtured along the way that have helped me carve my own path in this lifetime. Losing does not define me; it’s not the end of it all. It’s just part of my journey to keep me humble, grounded, mindful and grateful, things we need to practice in this lifetime. There is no need to prove myself to anyone as I feel very secure in my space. My pace. And I intend to keep it that way.
5. Life always goes on
One for the books definitely. But now, it’s time to move on and forward and explore the next chapter. I am a firm believer that one day, I would look back at this event with a smile as I realize how it opened up better opportunities that are really meant for me. And until that day comes, I will always take all the lessons I have learned to heart, while trusting the process, giving my all and being my best while remaining grateful and excited for the wonderful new beginnings ahead.
Come to think of it now: with all these beautiful learnings I gained, I don’t think I lost at all.
I guess I can say in my own way, I actually won.
I celebrate you Self, now and always. In all ways.
This one’s for you.
And sharing with you guys reading this, too.
Thank you all for being part of my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
Cheers to exciting new adventures ahead!
“You’re so brave.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“I can’t do that.”
Believe me, I lost count of the number of times I have heard these from those who watched me online, on-air or on-site after giving my talk, doing an interview or sharing bits and pieces about myself during workshops.
It didn’t take me long to realize that being vulnerable isn’t exactly easy for a lot of people apparently.
It’s actually a make or break moment for them.
I mean, come to think of it, who would want to pour his/her heart out, complete with all those heightened emotions he/she tried so hard to hold or fight back, in the presence of many discriminating eyes?
I doubt it if there will be any volunteer at all though. Well, unless I was part of the crowd, maybe I would.
But don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t always that way.
In fact, much like others, I was afraid to show my true emotions, thinking that if I cry or if I share my deepest secrets, others will think that I was weak and they can eventually use what they learned against me when the time calls for it.
Me and my false, assuming narratives to keep myself safe.
Good save there, Myke! Haha!
To be candid, I had that very thought when I posted my advocacy campaign video as one of the finalists for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank Philippines the other day.
I mean, I practically bared my heart and soul there as I told my story about overcoming adversity, which you can see in my Instagram, Facebook and TikTok account. Oh while you’re at it, feel free to spread some love via like, share or comment. And that was a smooth promotion! Haha!
Initially before uploading it, I was thinking what will be the reaction of the people around me but shortly after, upon remembering my purpose of why I wanted to share my story, I just did and got such a warm reception from the public, which greatly helped wash the worries away.
What I am saying is that all misconceptions I had about being vulnerable were merely fabricated by previous experiences while growing up, stories from other people and how social media and society presented it in a bad light.
And that awareness gave me such a liberating experience, which I hope to impart to you guys now.
Seriously, the first step to allowing yourself to be vulnerable is to recognize and accept what really is your truth. Fact: lying makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t even want to go that direction because that defeats the very concept of vulnerability, which focuses on being able to express yourself as you are, whatever you’re feeling or undergoing as of the moment. To know your truth, try this out: upon waking up, look at yourself in the mirror and embrace the person that you are, minus any idea of what you do or how others perceive you. That’s an eye opening moment indeed. Remember; nothing to fear when you’re holding the truth. It’s never about the reactions of others; it’s about you. And only you.
2. Check on your intentions
Ok. you just can’t be vulnerable for the sake of. Vulnerability isn’t about wanting to stir up drama or just having something to talk about during downtime. It’s about wanting to build relationships and inspire others to work on themselves and whatever they’re going through as you allow yourself to be seen, heard and felt too. Best to reflect on: what do I want to achieve in being vulnerable? Start from there.
3. Prepare yourself fully
Are you in the right state of mind, body and heart? Have you thought about what you’re going to say? Are there no heightened emotions present that can stir up impulsive reactions or behaviors? Are you ready to embrace the consequences of your actions, if any? These are just some of the things you should ask yourself to prepare you for this tell-all experience. Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself nor let anyone around you pressure you into doing it when you’re not ready. Do what’s best for you, always.
4. Start with your inner circle
Start small, as they always say. Choose the people you surround yourself with, those whom you trust the most. Those whom you know will listen to you without judgment and who will accept you whole heartedly for who and what you are. Whether it’s a family member or a close friend, go for it. Practice until it becomes comfortable for you. Then when it gets easier, try expanding your reach while keeping those you trust close so that you will always feel supported and loved, no matter what happens.
5. Visualize your desired outcome
“Why worry about something that’s not even there yet?” — I just love asking this question to others (and to myself too) to knock some sense to them as they anticipate negatively the things that have yet to happen based on assumptions. So instead of wasting your time feeling stressed and anxious, why not just focus your energy into visualizing how you want the entire thing to go for you: people accepting you, living free, being able to make the right decision etc. be as clear as possible and know that when you believe and your intentions as pure, all will be well, just like how you have imagined it. Try asking this to yourself: Now what can go right and how would that look like for me? Exciting, I know.
Remember: to become your own #bestmeever you must be brave and comfortable enough to embrace your authentic, unapologetic, grandest version of yourself. Never be afraid to express and live your truth.
And on that note, I would also want to invite all the members of the LGBTQIA+ community to avail of my FREE Coaching Session for the Pride month, something which I have been doing in the last 4 years so to speak, to help people own their truth and take up space. Interested parties may book here: https://calendly.com/d/cpzv-fwh-v9f/pride-2024-free-coaching-lgbtq
Time to #LiveWithPride.
It feels so good to be right, right?
And so bad when you fumble and fuck things up.
I know. It really sucks when you’re wrong.
But hey, committing mistakes is not a sign of failure.
It’s a beautiful sign that you’re actually trying to improve yourself as you grow more.
However, we cannot discount the fact that at times, it’s quite hard to admit that we’re wrong.
Know that this does not only come from your ego, or you wanting to get desired results faster.
It may also stem from wanting to prove yourself to others, and even to yourself.
And of course, there’s the fear of judgment that goes with it.
Regardless of your reasons, know that you have a choice on how to deal with your mistakes.
1.) Accept with full humility
Fact: You can’t be right all the time. You don’t even have to be. So swallow your pride and come from a space of humility and openness and accept that you’re at fault. Remember that you can only resolve issues that you acknowledge and recognizing your mistakes is the first step in doing so. Admitting your mistakes does not make you less of a person; it actually makes you more human.
2.) Stop beating yourself up
You can’t make things right by hurting yourself continuously. No amount of harsh words or harmful actions towards yourself can undo what’s been done. So instead of beating yourself up, empower yourself to rise above the challenges. Remember to forgive yourself in the process.
3.) Take note of the lessons
Mistakes allow us to learn which in turn help us grow. Reflect on the situation and ask yourself what is it teaching you? Allow those lessons to become anchors in your next journey as you become your own #bestmeever.
4.) Come up with a solution under your control or influence
Make the most of the opportunity to make up for your mistake by thinking of ways you can improve the situation or redeem yourself. Focus only on what you can control and just do your best whatever solutions you may come up with.
5.) Ask for help
You don’t have to deal with your mistakes by yourself. Seek support or mentorship from people whom you think can help you fully as you try to start all over again on a clean slate. There will always be someone out there who will be willing to lend a helping hand, only if you’re humble enough to ask.
So yeah guys, cheer up.
Things will be better soon.
Fact: You can’t be too ambitious if you’re 100% committed to your success.
Pursuing your biggest dreams isn’t that easy always.
Admittedly, there are a lot of challenges and struggles before you reach your goals.
Take it from me who was told time and again by a lot of people (seriously, I lost count) when I was starting my career from scratch that going global as a professional coach and as an author “was too big of a dream”.
For others yes.
But for me, it was worth the try.
However, what I realized was that you don’t have to stress yourself out and become too anxious in the process of fulfilling your ambition.
And yes, depression and success don’t necessary have to go hand in hand.
The solution though is not to minimize your goals, but rather, empower yourself to become bigger than your worse fears and anxieties.
Your biggest “WHY” will keep you grounded when the going gets tough. Always be inspired by that life changing reason that made you decide to embark on your awesome journey towards becoming the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
The more you resist, the more it persists. So be open to changes, challenges and a whole lot of uncertainties in between. Instead of resisting your journey, embrace it fully and ask yourself what you can learn from each and every experience that you encounter along the way.
Ok, repeat this after me: “I am doing perfectly well.” Celebrate small wins because they are beautiful reminders that you’re getting closer to where you want to be. Whether it’s getting a random compliment, learning a new skill or simply making it through a difficult day, give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it for stepping up and pursuing your own biggest dreams. Not everyone can do that and that gives you another reason to celebrate. Affirm yourself as often as possible.
Like seriously: comparing yourself with others is one of the biggest causes of anxiety. So please stop. Do yourself a favor and focus on yourself and your own growth. Do what you must, give your best always and stay committed to the results you want to achieve. Eyes on the prize, always.
Find your happy space. Be with people who make you feel loved and supported. Read about the inspiring stories of your role models. Look back gratefully at how far you’ve gone since you’ve started and recognize how much you’ve grown in the process. Create an environment that will help you thrive and make you realize that you don’t have to worry about what lies ahead. You got this!
There you go. I hope these inspire you to follow your heart as you pursue your biggest dreams.
You deserve it.
