I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
Favors can make or break relationships.
This is just my take.
I mean, I bet you guys have experienced having people approach you for favors and vice versa.
Don’t get me wrong, that’s normal. After all, no man is an island and a helping hand will always be welcome.
However, admittedly, asking, giving and receiving favors can be tricky at times.
A lot of things come to play: your relationships, your resources, you state of mind, body and heart and the circumstances surrounding you.
Take it from me, through the years I have a lot of experience when it comes to favors, whether as a giver or recipient. And I can’t help but laugh as I recall the important lessons I learned along the way. Yep, the risks were worth it. Haha!
So now, allow me to share with you the golden rules I have formulated to perhaps help guide everyone as they ask, give or receive favors accordingly so that whatever happens, relationships can still thrive.
Remember, when it comes to favors, respect is key. So make sure you take that in consideration whether you’re asking, giving or receiving them.
I hope this helps everyone reading this see favors in a different light as you put more value on the relationships that come to play.
And that’s one favor you can give yourself now.
I love celebrations.
And that’s an understatement.
Big or small, I love the energy when people come together and just express their gratitude over milestones and wins.
The energy is so inviting and inspiring whenever I see people smile, laugh and just focus on being present in this happy moment, alongside others who share their joy.
Applies also to people who celebrate on their own by choice. You’re entitled to that to begin with.
Can’t we just be like this every single day? Haha! I wish.
While, happiness is a matter of choice and we can have our own set of habits that will help us cultivate our own happiness, admittedly, life in general isn’t exactly a bed of roses.
I mean admittedly, life throws us a curve ball, sometimes a dozen even, haha. and these painful experiences despite their lessons, make us forget how beautifully happy life is in general.
Well, today, let me remind me how amazing your life is as you get the chance to enjoy these 5 important life celebrations and the lessons they bring with them. Remember, for as long as you’re alive, you have the opportunity to celebrate these. Don’t stress yourself much if some haven’t happened yet. Just take this time to believe that eventually, everything will fall into place when you’re ready. Trust the timing of your life so that you don’t become anxious about anything unnecessary.
1.) Your birthday
Please, remember this: you are never too old to celebrate your birthday. You deserve to acknowledge your own existence. Each birthday of yours is reminding you of an important lesson: you matter. You were given a chance to live in this world, to take up space and reach up to whatever age you’re meant to. So never let anything or anyone stop you from living a full life. Aging is a beautiful experience. It reminds you of how far you’ve gone.
2.) Your first love
Love is such a wonderful feeling right? And who doesn’t miss that first time that you felt butterflies in your stomach as your heart beat faster at the sight of your first beloved who made you feel like the only person in this world? Even as you age, your first love never dies. And that teaches you a wonderful lesson: to always hold on to hope and love. That no matter what happens, you will always have beautiful memories that will remind you that once in your life, you felt special and that you allowed yourself to listen to your heart and just love. So when the going gets tough, and during days that you feel less attractive or not worthy, remember that once in your life, those thoughts never existed because you chose to see through the eyes of love. And you can do that all over again by choice.
3.) Your first award
Being recognized for what you do (and who you are) can be life changing. So try to remember the first time someone gave you the recognition you deserved, whether it was a simple compliment, a pat on the back, receiving a certificate or trophy and savor that moment. It’s an amazing reminder that you are good enough. You have what it takes to succeed and those wins, big or small, are a testament of your greatness. When in doubt, remember how you rose above all the challenges you had before and came out on top.
4.) Your first job and salary
Everyone must start off somewhere. And no matter what your first job is, it’s actually serves as a beautiful reminder: that being humble and persistent goes a long way. Still remember how much you were celebrating when you got your first salary? What did you do with it? Notice how it seemed like such a big deal before. Today, if you feel that you’re not earning much or you haven’t achieved enough, look back when you were starting your career and realize how much you’ve grown over all in your practice. Should you be unemployed at this time, remember that you only lost a job perhaps, but the skills to land in one, you still have those intact. So don’t fret. You’re just starting all over again.
5.) Your first born
Unconditional love. That perhaps is the best lesson this celebration of new life is teaching us. That special feeling that you’re willing to give your all to this being which was born from love. That’s such a beautiful reminder as you grow in harmony with the members of your family, through good times and bad times. It’s a lasting promise that you should be willing to keep because remember, at the end of the day, your children will be your legacy. Raise them to be amazing ones with your love.
I hope reminiscing these life celebrations made you smile.
You still have a long way to go to enjoy your life journey as much as you can.
After all, you’re on your way to becoming your own #bestmeever .
And that’s something to celebrate about every single day.
Happy 41st birthday, Self!
Yes, I am now officially 41.
And come to think of it, it’s such a beautiful experience to be able to reach this age. I mean growing up, I never had an idea how it would look and feel like. But hey, here I am now, blowing my candle and adding yet another year to my life.
While others become worried as they age, I am actually having a grand time embracing the person that I am becoming: my own #bestmeever . Yes, I truly believe that the best is yet to come.
Thinking about it now, it was definitely a one-of-a-kind roller coaster ride towards becoming the person I am meant to be. I lost count of the number of ups and downs, the twists and turns and everything that happened in between. But hey, I am genuinely grateful for all of them because they all happened for a reason, and the core being is that all those were essential to my learning and growth.
Coming from honesty and humility, I am just so happy that at this point in time, I no longer feel anxious about what the future may bring. There’s freedom in trusting myself and the process as I let myself (and things) be.
I have to say, experience indeed is the best teacher. I wouldn’t be a credible coach now if I haven’t experienced all those in the past 41 years. And today, I would like to share with you the 41 life lessons I learned which molded me into the person that I am now.
Indulge!
So there you go! I hope these life lessons resonate with you.
I look forward to learning more this year.
Thank you for celebrating my 41st birthday with me.
My heart is full.
Not every story has a happily ever after.
Especially if you choose to stay in a toxic relationship.
I know. It might seem perfect at first.
Meeting (and being with) your dream guy/gal for the first time can seem like a fairy tale that came true.
However, as time goes by, things change. People change. You change.
And so does the relationship you’re in.
We can only cross our fingers that everything changes for the better.
But what if it does not?
What if the once sweet, oh-so-perfect relationship turns sour and too toxic, what do you do?
Do you hold on and wait?
Or do you take the next flight out?
Don’t get me wrong, there will always be relationships worth fighting for.
However, in my opinion, all parties involved must be willing to work things out.
It can never be just one sided.
And to be candid about it, that’s actually one of the many red flags of being in a toxic relationship.
Allow me to share with you the 5 signs you’re in a toxic relationship and what you can do there after.
This. I always believed that any relationship you choose to be in should bring out the best in you and not the worst. Whatever happened to what Disney taught us about having happily ever afters? Keep that in mind. There’s no point of settling in a relationship that makes you feel less of a person.
What you can do: Take a step back. Reflect. Where is this coming from? What are you tolerating? What is not working for you? In the process of doing so, always be true to yourself because your honesty will set you free.
2. You’re not growing
Feeling stuck? Spending more time doubting yourself than working on your dreams? Your relationships must inspire and help you to grow into the best version of yourself. If not, then think again.
What you can do: Reflect. What or who is stopping you? And why are you letting it happen? Analyze in the process: what’s the value of growing at this point in your life that will allow you to commit to it fully? You deserve the growth you envisioned for yourself. Don’t let anything or anyone make you think or feel otherwise.
3.) You don’t have a voice in the relationship
If you feel that you’re always set aside, taken for granted and disrespected time and again, it’s time to assess the relationship you’re in. It takes two to tango and you don’t deserve to just be a back up dancer for the rest of your life.
What you can do: Assert yourself. Be confident and brave enough to speak up. Ask yourself this: what will do you better in the long run, keeping mum about things that don’t sit well with you and tolerating how badly you’re treated or voicing out your concerns and owning your space so you can grow in harmony with the relationship you chose to be in by playing your part? Never let anyone silence your voice and your rights.
4.) You always have excuses
If you always find yourself justifying your decisions or covering up for your partner or the things that aren’t exactly working in your relationship, whether to yourself or to others, then, you might be trying too hard to convince yourself that you’re not in a toxic relationship.
What you can do: Inquire within. Why are you coming up with excuses? What do you want to achieve? What is the reality in front of you that you must accept? Remember, you cannot resolve what you continuously deny yourself of, whether it’s the truth or the opportunity to see things in a different light.
5.) You don’t feel whole
As you are, regardless of who you’re with, you should be whole. If you feel broken still and the concept of completeness, despite the presence of another person in your life, is non-existent, it’s telling you a lot about the kind of relationship you’re in. And yes, it’s toxic.
What you can do: Choose to give yourself time and space to heal and be whole again. Again, you can’t give what you don’t have and if your toxic relationship has drained you, then it’s time to fill your cup again. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to become your own #bestmeever .
After all that’s been said and done now, I hope that you realize that you owe it to yourself to be in a relationship that will allow you to become the person you’re meant to be.
Beyond your tolerations.
And if you need help re-writing your relationship story, whether with yourself or with others involved, don’t lose hope. just message me.
Let’s re-create your own happily ever after.
And they lived happily ever after.
Perhaps our favorite line in every fairy tale that we read.
After all, who doesn’t want to have a lasting relationship?
When you’ve found the one, I know that you’ll be more than willing to make things truly work out.
Allow me to share with you these 5 tips to help make your relationship last.
In order for a relationship to work, you guys must be on the same page. Don’t ever overlook the importance of reaching out and asking your partner about his/her needs and wants and allow yourself to share yours as well. Talk openly and honestly. Adjust accordingly there after based on your conversation. Allow yourself to give and receive the kind of love and affection you deserve.
Try new things. Or enjoy doing old ones. Explore and experience together. Never be too busy to be in love with that one person who changed your life. How can you support each other more as you get to know each other better while growing together? Keep that in mind.
Don’t let an argument make you forget the beautiful relationship that you have. Have enough time and space to reflect and understand the situation fully. Express your thoughts and apologize if needed. Forgive. Be more than willing to start all over again when you’re ready.
Don’t wait for any special occasion to show your love and affection. Make every single day special. Send sweet messages, surprise each other with random gifts. Hold hands. Give tight hugs. Make your partner feel special and remember all the reasons you fell in love with this person from the very beginning. Keep the fire burning.
I know that once you get in a relationship the assumption is that it has to be always about you both. But to be honest, that shouldn’t be the case. Allow yourself to have enough time and space and acknowledge your own needs outside the relationship. Become your own #bestmeever and allow your partner to do the same. Trust each other and know that by having that healthy space to grow individually as well, you become the best version of yourselves for each other.
I hope these will help you guys build that happy, stable, lasting relationship that you’ve always wanted.
Time to recreate your own fairy tale now.
For some, work is life.
Like nine-to-five is dedicated solely to what pays the bills.
At times, it goes beyond that as well.
Longer work hours. No holidays.
More time with officemates. More time to build one’s career.
However, in the process of focusing too much on work for wanting to earn a living, we forget one important thing:
To live the life we have always wanted.
Take this time to read through this list of 5 things which I believe are far more important than work:
How have you been managing your stress lately? Have you had enough time to actually sit back, relax and pamper yourself? Remember, it’s very important to take care of your overall health, because at the end of the day, if it suffers, working won’t even be possible. Make sure to include exercise, healthy diet, meditation and other self-care routines in between to allow yourself to always be at the pink of health.
When the going gets tough, trust that your loved ones will never fire you. I doubt it if same goes at work. Haha! What I am just saying is, you also need to spend more time with people who truly matter to you because at the end of the day, long after work is over, they’re the ones by your side, no matter what happens. Working long hours can never compensate for missing out on very important family occasions, personal milestones and the like because those are priceless.
So yeah, cool, your work pays the bills and you get to reach the top of the food chain in your career ladder. However, beyond your success, are you really able to pursue what makes your heart fulfilled? Have you really given yourself time to pursue your passion or learn something new? Know that your own #bestmeever is not defined by your work alone.
Are you genuinely happy outside of what you do at work? Have you given yourself the permission to just be and experience the best things in life without feeling guilty about your work deadlines? Remember that it’s ok to put yourself as your top priority, simply because if you’re coming from a space of happiness, everything around you will be in alignment — your work included. Never deprive yourself from the kind of life you truly want and deserve.
Picture this, how would you like others to remember you? Someone who worked long hours or became a CEO of a company? Or someone who helped change their lives and inspired them to be their best? It’s all about allowing yourself to be relevant beyond the walls of your office by reaching out to others and making a difference in their lives. Know that you are never too busy to help and that allows your heart to come from a space of overflow. It helps to be surrounded with like minded people who can empower and inspire you from within.
I hope that you get to work on living the life you’ve always wanted.
Time in now.
