You're not helping the other person when you tolerate bad behavior.
There I said it.
I know I might get raised eyebrows by claiming that but hey, I stand by for what I think and feel is right.
I have always believed that each one of us is responsible for our actions no matter how we feel.
So therefore, I can't seem to find or recognize any valid excuse for treating others unkindly or exhibiting bad behavior.
That's called accountability.
I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble here but you see, tolerance isn't exactly the best way to show your love and concern for someone.
In fact, instead of helping that person, you are actually crippling him/her as you prevent him/her to see his/her fault and the need to take responsibility on the situation on hand.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect: what are you currently tolerating in your space? Who's involved? Why do you do so?
Know that it's ok to be truly honest with yourself because I totally feel that you are coming from a well-meaning space. At least you are more aware now, right?
What is key here is that you now know that anything you tolerate won't do you any good in the long run, even with the best intentions on hand.
Remember this: no one can force you to do things or be with people who are not in alignment with your core values and those which rob you of your happiness and joy. Own your space. Don't let others cross your boundaries for whatever reason because you, much like everyone else, is deserving to take up space as you are and keep it the way you want to. Let them understand that a NO is definitely a NO.
2. Lying
You deserve the truth and nothing less. Allowing someone to continuously lie to you means that you are not being honest with yourself too. So if you really want to help people take responsibility for themselves, you have to always ensure that they come from a space of truth because only with real awareness comes acceptance and change there after. Better to hear the harsh truth than live a lie, right?
3. Violence
Non-negotiable for me. On a personal note, this is something I am very particular with, even before getting in a relationship with someone. I always tell them: the moment you lift a finger on me and intentionally hit me, it's over. No ifs or buts. I hope you realize that the same goes for you too. That no one ever has the right to use violence to make a point. So if you think that accepting all those punches or pinches makes you the better person, no, not really. Don't start creating a raging monster. Read that again.
Ever heard of the saying: "When there's a will, there's a way." So true right? So never let anyone escape his responsibility to honor his/her word and commitment by calling out excuses and focusing on what is needed to be done and delivered accordingly. Don't let anyone take your kindness for granted. While it's ok to give some time and space due to unforeseen events, if it happens all too often or you end up following up most of the time and not get any confirmation about what happens next, then you may want to put your foot down and draw the line.
5. Negativity
To be honest: you don't need any kind of toxic relationship in your life. Every relationship, whether it's with your family, friends, at work or anywhere you may be connected with, should always bring out the best, not the stress in you. You don't want to be the absorber of everyone's negativity nor be verbally put down in the process. That's not your role. It will never be. If the relationship you're in is not helping you grow, let go. You can always nurture new ones when you eventually meet and end up with people who truly deserve to be in your space.
As we wrap this up, I hope by now you have a clearer picture of all the things that you are tolerating in your space that's not really working for you.
With this new awareness, may you be able to to change your ways of showing your love, care and compassion from tolerating people to empowering people to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
Because you can. And because that is what you deserve too.
We only live once.
Therefore it's very important to live life fully.
Amen.
I truly believe in this.
You see, through the years, I have seen and experienced losing people close to my heart, albeit too sudden at times, due to sickness or unfortunate events.
Trust me, not an easy space to be in, whether you're the one on the death bed or the one visiting.
You get to realize many things. Like many.
While hopefully a lot of them are happy ones, you can't help but think about those that make you regret having to be feeling helpless in the now.
I want you to take this moment to reflect:
If you were to go unexpectedly (sincerely praying hopefully not), what would be your biggest regret in life?
I feel you. Quite a heavy topic.
But such an eye opener.
Imagine: how many "what ifs" do you still have now?
What are you wishing that could have happened differently?
Breathe.
With that awareness right now, hopefully you can prevent them from happening eventually.
You've heard me say this time and again: work is not life. While it's important to earn a living, it's far more important to enjoy life outside of work. No one will exactly remember your position, how much you earned or what exactly your job was. Your true value lies on how much you've grown on a personal note and how many lives you have touched and changed in the process, including your own. The key here is to work smart and manage your time, energy and resources well so that you can enjoy and explore the beauty of life outside of your 8-hour shift. Trust me, you can never compare the joy you will experience outside of your office, because you shouldn't be a prisoner of your own responsibility to pay your bills. There are other ways. Most of them can be done outside of your self-imposed work trap.
2. Not being able to say or express your true feelings
Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, for as long as you will take responsibility for them. You deserve to be heard, seen and felt-- never let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. A lot of opportunities and beautiful relationships go to waste simply because you held back. So speak your mind and heart and allow yourself to receive what is due to you: a response that will help you grow there after.
3. Trying to be liked by everyone
You weren't born to please everyone and your happiness does not depend on anyone else's approval. Take that to heart. You don't have to force yourself in relationships or spaces you don't really fit in to. Happiness is a matter of choice and that means choosing what's best for you, and that includes the people who will genuinely love and support you for who and what you are. You're not everyone's cup of tea and that's perfectly ok. Because for all you know, they aren't yours, too.
4. Setting aside your dreams and passion
Doing what you love best and being the person you're meant to be make life worth living. Never be too distracted, pressured or caught up with a lot of unnecessary things in life that you forget about what really makes your heart skip a bit. Remember: you are never too young, too old or too busy to pursue your passion and live your aspirations. You just have to consciously make that choice: to feel worthy of your biggest dreams and of becoming the person you're meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
5. Not embracing your true self
Self-acceptance is key if you truly want to live a happy, full life. Know that as you are, you are very much deserving to take up space, to be respected and recognized and loved fully so never short change yourself by hiding behind a socially-constructed facade. You don't have too. Why pretend when you can live your purpose unapologetically? The rest of your life gets better that way. Don't let others take the lead, after all, you know yourself best.
After reading through all these, may you realize what matters most in this life time:
Your genuine happiness and growth.
Never too late to begin living life regret-free.
