It takes two to tango. It has to be give and take. Always.
Heard those time and again when it comes to relationships.
And I truly agree.
I mean I have always been an advocate of healthy relationships that are grounded on love, trust and respect.
Those are vital ingredients that help every person involved in a relationship grow in harmony with each other and as individuals as well.
I also believe that we should always be intentional in the relationships we keep.
On that note, I want you to take this time to reflect first on the relationships you keep.
What is the value of that relationship?
How is it helping you grow into the person that you’re meant to be?
Are you inspired by it genuinely?
These are some of the questions we tend to overlook because we take for granted the relationships we have.
Or the other way around actually.
Either way, that won’t do any good in the long run.
No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship.
After all, we all deserve to be loved, seen, heard, felt and celebrated by the people we choose to share spaces with.
Now, I totally feel that some of you may be triggered already because you feel that you’re not exactly getting what is due from the relationships you keep.
Know that with that awareness about where you stand in your relationship, you are now beginning to acknowledge your value as a person and you can initiate the changes you want moving forward as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
A lot of relationships falter because the lines of communication are not open. At the beginning of every relationship (and even as it progresses), always remember to have that benchmarking conversation about where you are at present and where you want to go eventually. Indicate your needs and wants and try to come up with a compromise so that (all) parties will be fully aware of their responsibilities. This presents something to look back to when things seem to be somewhat unfair or agreements have been overlooked. At the end of the day, you cannot resolve what you don’t know so it’s very important to lay down all your cards accordingly.
2. Speak up as it happens
Never keep your feelings to yourself. Its much healthier if you voice them out coming from a space of self-worth and respect. Don’t hold back because tolerating the actions of the other party might come out as something that’s acceptable for them. Remember, the end goal is to make the relationship work by addressing concerns accordingly without formulating false narratives based on mere assumptions as you hold on to them. It’s not about how the other party will react; it’s about you acknowledging the feeling of being taken for granted, whether intentionally or otherwise.
3. Set and maintain boundaries
Some people will always try to assert themselves just to get what they want. Hold your ground. Emphasize that a NO is a NO. Not a conditional one. Not something that can be set aside. Establish your own rules which you feel will be beneficial for your own wellness and wellbeing. And that’s totally ok. You are still entitled to your own space even with the numerous relationships you keep. Never lose yourself in the process of just wanting to keep them.
4. Do self check-ins
You are just as important as the people you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s a family member, a friend, workmate or significant other. It’s best if you always take time to inquire within and ask yourself how you’re really feeling as of the moment, based on how others are treating you. Are you genuinely happy in the relationship? Do you feel valued? Or is there something missing that you must acknowledge and address accordingly? Don’t be afraid to face the truth because that’s the only way you can work on yourself and your relationships.
5. Assess the growth of your relationship then act on it
Reverting back to value, assess how far you’ve grown as individuals and how much your relationship has improved through time. Determine the roles and contributions of all the people involved in the relationship and do a check and balance if everyone is giving what is due accordingly to the welfare of the relationship. If you feel that you’re not growing in your relationship or if it’s only the other party that’s benefitting, assess what’s holding you back and what needs to change accordingly in the relationship for you to be able to maximize your own potential and achieve your own growth. On the other hand, evaluate how your relationship has changed for the better through the years. Are you guys still on track based on your goals set initially? What is the current state of the relationship? Communicate all these to the people involved so that you can address all accordingly moving forward. In the end, if it’s no longer working for you, do what you think will be best, coming from a space of giving yourself what you truly want and deserve, because yes, you have that choice.
Always remember that you, much like everyone else, deserves to be treated and valued the way you want to.
Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.
If they do take you for granted, feel free to grant them what they deserve:
your absence.
Because life is too short to stay in a one-sided relationship to begin with.
Not yet.
One of the most disheartening phrases to hear when you have a lot of expectations.
On yourself and on others.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes we associate the word “yet” with delays and detours. And everything else that is not fully in alignment with our plans.
That leads us to think that anything with the word “yet” in it means something bad or disappointing.
Think about it: when was the last time you used the word “yet” and how did you respond to it?
When asked about getting your big break?
When asked about being able to finally pursue your passion?
If you finally found the one after dating so many people?
Have you eaten yet?
And yes, I could go on and on asking you questions that you may have found yourself answering with a phrase or sentence that includes the word “yet.”
Now if you just caught yourself answering from a negative space as you see “yet” in a bad light, then this is your sign to inquire within and hopefully realize that it (the use of yet, I mean) is not really all that bad.
In fact, it can actually be just as empowering as the word “yes”, when used (and viewed) differently.
Here are some of the ways you can use it differently:
Example:
Question: Have you achieved your goals for this year?
Answer (seeing it as an end by itself): Not yet. It’s quite hard.
Suggested reframing: Not yet but I truly feel I can make that happen anytime soon as I have new opportunities in the pipeline.
2. Come from a space of curiosity as you explore possibilities.
Example:
Question: Have you checked on the latest trends online about coaching?
Answer (coming from a disinterested space, seeing it as an add on task): Not yet. Busy.
Suggested reframing: I have yet to check on them but please do tell me what they’re about as I think they can be of value.
3. Use it as an empowering qualifier instead
Question: Have you addressed your problem completely?
Answer (triggered): Not yet.
Suggested reframing: Having quite a hard time now yet I am learning a lot and I am very much committed to pushing forward, one step at a time.
I hope these reframes help you see the word “yet” through a positive lens moving forward. Allows you to stress less and focus more on improving yourself and what you can still do at the moment.
Remember, delays and detours will always be part of your own #bestmeever journey. so don’t fret.
The best is YET to come.
And that’s something amazing to look forward to.
Good or bad, each and every experience teaches you the lessons you need in life.
One of my favorite things to say during interviews and talks.
Because it just rings so true, in so many ways.
I know though for a fact that it’s easier to absorb and learn lessons through good times, but the bigger question is: how do you respond when things don’t go as planned?
Be honest with yourself now: what do you do exactly when faced with uncertainty and seemingly unfavorable situations?
Do you become angry?
Do you resist them strongly?
Do you panic and breakdown?
Or do you blame others for your situation?
These are just some of the common reactions of people who are caught off guard and swept away by their heightened emotions.
However, the key here is to let the emotions settle down first to reveal the true life lessons underneath the challenging times encountered.
Seemingly difficult at first but very much possible by giving yourself enough time and space to just breathe and let yourself be.
Remember: unless it’s a matter of life and death, not everything has to happen all at once so stop overthinking and stop over reacting.
There I said it.
So now you can focus on what really matters most: the value of challenging experiences in your life as you see each one of them in a different light.
Nothing is permanent in this world, including tough times. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, no matter how hard, it will eventually come to pass. Think about this: would the thing or situation stressing you now still matter in a year’s time? I am so sure not as much, or not at all. It’s not the end of your journey; it’s just part of your story. And you’ll be ok eventually.
2. Surrendering does not mean you’re losing.
You can’t control everything. And you shouldn’t even try to. There is beauty in letting go and letting things be. For as long as you’ve given your best, with all that you have and all that you are, that’s more than enough. As you trust yourself and the process more, you actually win in life because you allow yourself to be taken to where (and become what) you’re meant to be. And yes, your #bestmeever journey won’t always be easy…but it will definitely be worth it.
3. Real relationships reveal themselves during hard times.
I think one of the biggest blessings in disguise that tough times carry is that it makes you realize who is really there for you and who is meant to stay in your life when all of this is over. Painful realization yes, especially if the people you were counting on turn their back on you. However, at least it gives you a clear picture of where you stand in their life. You can do away with people who didn’t even bother asking you how you were, people who didn’t listen to your side of your story and people who simply vanished into thin air. They are not your people, So make sure you don’t invite them in your space when things go well eventually, even if they invite themselves in again. Quality over quantity and I am beyond confident that your life can go on without them. Because based on what they’ve shown, they were never with you in this journey to begin with.
4. You get to know yourself better when times are hard.
You are stronger than you think you are and more resourceful and capable than you ever imagined. With nothing else to lose as you hit the lowest point in your life, you begin to explore possibilities bravely and that can lead you to your next breakthrough. It’s all about tapping into your inner greatness, because truth be told, you have everything within to help you get through and succeed in this lifetime.
5. You can change for the better when you’re not bitter.
Never to late to embrace change. Allow yourself to stop resisting it as you let time and space take the lead. Everything will fall into place once you have cleared your mind and heart from the things you need to let go of, as you welcome what needs to take up space so you can start all over again on a better, happier note. As they say, growth can start off messy at first. And that’s ok.
Hopefully this blog post makes it easier for you to embrace hard times this time around.
Always remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now:
to learn the important life lessons to allow you to live life happily and fully.
Not yet. Maybe later. Someday.
How many times have you said these familiar phrases to yourself?
I want you to take this time first to reflect: when do you say these to yourself?
When you want to change careers?
Have dinner?
Say sorry?
Pamper yourself?
And the list goes on I am so sure.
But come to think about this: do these things ABSOLUTELY deserve to be set aside and delayed?
I mean, is it really about not having a choice at that particular point in time or is it how much deserving you feel you were, given whatever situation you were in?
Oops, that may trigger a little.
But hey, know that it’s ok to come from honesty and vulnerability in order for you to truly understand yourself and what really drives (or stops) you.
Because that way, you will be able to give yourself what is due, a number of which perhaps you have chosen to park initially because you were not coming from a space of self worth and self love.
Can you relate with me on this? Do you have a piece of clothing that you bought early on and you’re saving it for a special occasion? I used to be like that: thinking that I have to wait for a milestone or a life changing event for me to wear my new clothes or those deemed “too much” for everyday casual use. But then over the weekend, I caught myself upon seeing a bunch of unused clothes inside my closet. It made me think: why am I just staring at them and admiring them when I can actually wear them, for no reason at all? I just had to feel deserving at that particular point in time. And I really did. So off to the mall I went, my family quite shocked as they saw me wearing fancier than usual clothes for Sunday brunch. But all I said to them when asked was “Why not? Life is too short not to wear beautiful clothes.” And yes, you can quote me on that. Haha! P.S. At the end of the day, I can always wear them again when that special occasion comes. So why delay something I can be truly happy about now?
2. Treat yourself to something that you really want
Saving for the rainy days is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. But also consider that all those money won’t matter if you feel unhappy and deprived. Go watch that musicale. Get yourself that bag. Indulge in a premium pampering session at Roman Baths Scrubbing Salon (ok, pardon the shameless plug, haha!). You are very much deserving as anyone else so don’t ever put your needs and wants last. After all, it won’t be a daily thing — just once in a while when you feel that a little pick me upper can do wonders for you moving forward, as a sign of self love.
3. Get that make over
Because why not? You are allowed to change, look and feel beautiful inside and out without anyone else’s approval. It’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever — to be comfortable in your own skin as you evolve and grow into the person that you’re meant to be, no matter how that may look like. So yeah, schedule that salon visit after reading this.
4. Upskill and upgrade
You will always be the best investment you can ever make. So never set aside your personal growth because that affects everything (and everyone else) around you. I totally believe that if you want something, you will find means and ways to make it happen. Enroll in that class. Get yourself a coach. Level up your wardrobe. Get that laptop you need. It’s never too early or too late to give yourself what you need at the moment so you can grow fully there after.
5. Have a break.
You’re not a robot. And no amount of battery or fuel can help you function at your peak. It’s all about giving yourself that much deserved (and very much needed) break. You’re only human after all. You also need to relax, recharge and recalibrate accordingly. Go on that dream vacation. Hang out with your loved ones. Spend some quiet “me time” with your book and pet close by. You are allowed to disconnect from social media and just let yourself be with no pressure or worries. Take your time off to heal and allow yourself to feel and realize what you need to do as you start all over again there after.
I totally believe that there’s no perfect timing when it comes to giving yourself what is due.
Because now will always be better than later.
Or never.
Fact: Work is not life.
But that doesn’t mean you have to take whatever job you have just to pay the bills.
With the exception of those undergoing much financial stress and left with no option, of course.
I mean seriously, how do you find the job you have now?
I want you guys to reflect:
How’s the job you have now? The environment you’re working in? The perks?
Come from a space of honesty and realize by doing so, you allow yourself to acknowledge what you need to act on and how to go about the next steps there after.
And no, this is not a call for you to resign or quietly quit. So please tell your boss and the HR not to blame me. Haha!
This is your sign to just assess the space you’re in and give yourself what is due: the recognition of your own needs and wants and how your present job fits in.
Admittedly though, it’s not easy to start from scratch. Take it from me who gave up a lucrative but highly successful career in advertising and marketing after 15 years to pursue professional coaching full time. It was indeed a humbling journey.
However, truth be told, it was all worth it.
Because for me, coaching full time is far more rewarding as I help people from all over the world discover and become their own #bestmeever, working wherever and whenever I wanted, compared to just staying inside the four walls of my corner office while building brands and waiting for the clock to strike 5 or sometimes even until overtime work is done.
Before you even go to it, please remember that “I’m OK” is not synonymous to being genuinely happy. Being genuinely happy means waking up inspired each day to go to work, enjoying the company of people around you, seeing the silver linings in adversity while being grateful for the growth your job provides you. It also means being content in your space because what you do, where you are and who you work with makes your heart smile daily.
2. Am I able to maximize all my skills and potentials?
Your skills and talents are gifts. Use them to your advantage, in order for you to grow and change lives there after. Are you able to do that in your current space? Are you given key opportunities to showcase what you can do and be empowered to go beyond your limits? Remember: you can only grow as much as you allow yourself to….and as much as your chosen space lets you. Think about that.
3. What does my current job have to do with my life purpose?
Living your purpose each and every single day means having a job that can bring you closer to your long term goals. Inquire within: what do you think are you meant to do in life? How is your job related to that? Change what you must but never give up on what you feel you’re truly meant to be. You have a unique purpose in this life time. Live it.
4. What’s my biggest “What if….” in terms of my career?
Do you experience having that nagging question inside your head? Do you keep on asking yourself how things could have been so different had you taken a different job offer or pursued a new career altogether? As you age, you begin to realize that it’s more important to tick off items in your bucket list than just settle for the sake of. So at this point in time, what would you really, really want to tick off? Just be honest.
5. What job won”t be a “job” for me?
I always ask this question: if there was one thing that you would like to do, over and over again, even if you’re not paid, what will it be? That’s your dream job, no matter what that may look like. However, it takes a whole lot of honesty to accept that, accountability to pursue it and commitment to make it truly happen just the way you envisioned it. The good thing though: hard as it may seem, it will always be worth it to have a job that gives you the most happiness, peace and fulfillment.
I know by this time you are probably in deep thoughts about your current job and space.
Don’t hurry. Let everything sink in and take your time to think about what’s next for you.
Because whatever it may be, you will always know what’s best for you.
“You’re so brave.”
“I wish I had your confidence.”
“I can’t do that.”
Believe me, I lost count of the number of times I have heard these from those who watched me online, on-air or on-site after giving my talk, doing an interview or sharing bits and pieces about myself during workshops.
It didn’t take me long to realize that being vulnerable isn’t exactly easy for a lot of people apparently.
It’s actually a make or break moment for them.
I mean, come to think of it, who would want to pour his/her heart out, complete with all those heightened emotions he/she tried so hard to hold or fight back, in the presence of many discriminating eyes?
I doubt it if there will be any volunteer at all though. Well, unless I was part of the crowd, maybe I would.
But don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t always that way.
In fact, much like others, I was afraid to show my true emotions, thinking that if I cry or if I share my deepest secrets, others will think that I was weak and they can eventually use what they learned against me when the time calls for it.
Me and my false, assuming narratives to keep myself safe.
Good save there, Myke! Haha!
To be candid, I had that very thought when I posted my advocacy campaign video as one of the finalists for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank Philippines the other day.
I mean, I practically bared my heart and soul there as I told my story about overcoming adversity, which you can see in my Instagram, Facebook and TikTok account. Oh while you’re at it, feel free to spread some love via like, share or comment. And that was a smooth promotion! Haha!
Initially before uploading it, I was thinking what will be the reaction of the people around me but shortly after, upon remembering my purpose of why I wanted to share my story, I just did and got such a warm reception from the public, which greatly helped wash the worries away.
What I am saying is that all misconceptions I had about being vulnerable were merely fabricated by previous experiences while growing up, stories from other people and how social media and society presented it in a bad light.
And that awareness gave me such a liberating experience, which I hope to impart to you guys now.
Seriously, the first step to allowing yourself to be vulnerable is to recognize and accept what really is your truth. Fact: lying makes you feel uncomfortable and you don’t even want to go that direction because that defeats the very concept of vulnerability, which focuses on being able to express yourself as you are, whatever you’re feeling or undergoing as of the moment. To know your truth, try this out: upon waking up, look at yourself in the mirror and embrace the person that you are, minus any idea of what you do or how others perceive you. That’s an eye opening moment indeed. Remember; nothing to fear when you’re holding the truth. It’s never about the reactions of others; it’s about you. And only you.
2. Check on your intentions
Ok. you just can’t be vulnerable for the sake of. Vulnerability isn’t about wanting to stir up drama or just having something to talk about during downtime. It’s about wanting to build relationships and inspire others to work on themselves and whatever they’re going through as you allow yourself to be seen, heard and felt too. Best to reflect on: what do I want to achieve in being vulnerable? Start from there.
3. Prepare yourself fully
Are you in the right state of mind, body and heart? Have you thought about what you’re going to say? Are there no heightened emotions present that can stir up impulsive reactions or behaviors? Are you ready to embrace the consequences of your actions, if any? These are just some of the things you should ask yourself to prepare you for this tell-all experience. Take your time. Don’t pressure yourself nor let anyone around you pressure you into doing it when you’re not ready. Do what’s best for you, always.
4. Start with your inner circle
Start small, as they always say. Choose the people you surround yourself with, those whom you trust the most. Those whom you know will listen to you without judgment and who will accept you whole heartedly for who and what you are. Whether it’s a family member or a close friend, go for it. Practice until it becomes comfortable for you. Then when it gets easier, try expanding your reach while keeping those you trust close so that you will always feel supported and loved, no matter what happens.
5. Visualize your desired outcome
“Why worry about something that’s not even there yet?” — I just love asking this question to others (and to myself too) to knock some sense to them as they anticipate negatively the things that have yet to happen based on assumptions. So instead of wasting your time feeling stressed and anxious, why not just focus your energy into visualizing how you want the entire thing to go for you: people accepting you, living free, being able to make the right decision etc. be as clear as possible and know that when you believe and your intentions as pure, all will be well, just like how you have imagined it. Try asking this to yourself: Now what can go right and how would that look like for me? Exciting, I know.
Remember: to become your own #bestmeever you must be brave and comfortable enough to embrace your authentic, unapologetic, grandest version of yourself. Never be afraid to express and live your truth.
And on that note, I would also want to invite all the members of the LGBTQIA+ community to avail of my FREE Coaching Session for the Pride month, something which I have been doing in the last 4 years so to speak, to help people own their truth and take up space. Interested parties may book here: https://calendly.com/d/cpzv-fwh-v9f/pride-2024-free-coaching-lgbtq
Time to #LiveWithPride.
You’re not helping the other person when you tolerate bad behavior.
There I said it.
I know I might get raised eyebrows by claiming that but hey, I stand by for what I think and feel is right.
I have always believed that each one of us is responsible for our actions no matter how we feel.
So therefore, I can’t seem to find or recognize any valid excuse for treating others unkindly or exhibiting bad behavior.
That’s called accountability.
I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble here but you see, tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love and concern for someone.
In fact, instead of helping that person, you are actually crippling him/her as you prevent him/her to see his/her fault and the need to take responsibility on the situation on hand.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect: what are you currently tolerating in your space? Who’s involved? Why do you do so?
Know that it’s ok to be truly honest with yourself because I totally feel that you are coming from a well-meaning space. At least you are more aware now, right?
What is key here is that you now know that anything you tolerate won’t do you any good in the long run, even with the best intentions on hand.
Remember this: no one can force you to do things or be with people who are not in alignment with your core values and those which rob you of your happiness and joy. Own your space. Don’t let others cross your boundaries for whatever reason because you, much like everyone else, is deserving to take up space as you are and keep it the way you want to. Let them understand that a NO is definitely a NO.
2. Lying
You deserve the truth and nothing less. Allowing someone to continuously lie to you means that you are not being honest with yourself too. So if you really want to help people take responsibility for themselves, you have to always ensure that they come from a space of truth because only with real awareness comes acceptance and change there after. Better to hear the harsh truth than live a lie, right?
3. Violence
Non-negotiable for me. On a personal note, this is something I am very particular with, even before getting in a relationship with someone. I always tell them: the moment you lift a finger on me and intentionally hit me, it’s over. No ifs or buts. I hope you realize that the same goes for you too. That no one ever has the right to use violence to make a point. So if you think that accepting all those punches or pinches makes you the better person, no, not really. Don’t start creating a raging monster. Read that again.
Ever heard of the saying: “When there’s a will, there’s a way.” So true right? So never let anyone escape his responsibility to honor his/her word and commitment by calling out excuses and focusing on what is needed to be done and delivered accordingly. Don’t let anyone take your kindness for granted. While it’s ok to give some time and space due to unforeseen events, if it happens all too often or you end up following up most of the time and not get any confirmation about what happens next, then you may want to put your foot down and draw the line.
5. Negativity
To be honest: you don’t need any kind of toxic relationship in your life. Every relationship, whether it’s with your family, friends, at work or anywhere you may be connected with, should always bring out the best, not the stress in you. You don’t want to be the absorber of everyone’s negativity nor be verbally put down in the process. That’s not your role. It will never be. If the relationship you’re in is not helping you grow, let go. You can always nurture new ones when you eventually meet and end up with people who truly deserve to be in your space.
As we wrap this up, I hope by now you have a clearer picture of all the things that you are tolerating in your space that’s not really working for you.
With this new awareness, may you be able to to change your ways of showing your love, care and compassion from tolerating people to empowering people to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
Because you can. And because that is what you deserve too.
As the song goes, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
And I am so sure, we can all relate to this.
Mind you, this goes both ways.
What I mean is that: accepting forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park. At times, I even think, based on experience, it’s even harder than asking for forgiveness.
Maybe because there are a lot of things to consider: the magnitude of the offense, the relationship at stake, the consequences there after...and the list goes on.
Therefore, in my opinion, it’s only right to give the person you’ve offended enough time and space, as you show how genuinely sorry you are, without really expecting immediate acceptance of your apology in return.
Come to think of it, when was the last time you said sorry to someone you have hurt and how did it go?
Did you even apologize or was something holding you back?
This is also quite understandable. It’s not easy to come from a space of humility and courage, knowing that you can be rejected based on what happened. However, I think apologizing is much easier compared to carrying the guilt that goes with the offense in the long run.
Take this time to reflect: what do you think could you do differently so that the other party will be more receptive to your apology?
Please take note of the operative word: genuinely. Meaning, come from your heart. There is such a huge difference when it comes to merely sending out a direct message, a text, an email or a phone call to actually scheduling and meeting up with the other person you’ve offended and apologize face to face. That’s the way you can actually measure the sincerity of the person. Unless the forces of nature intervene or in a life threatening situation, I have always believed that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Think about this: if you had time to hang out before when things were smooth, what difference does finding time to discuss things in person, have now? Need to travel? Why not. Local or overseas, if the other person is worth it, you would. It’s all about being humble and sincere enough to initiate that difficult conversation , face to face as you put value in a relationship worth saving.
2. Ask what you can do to make up for it
At times, your sorry can only do so much. Express your sincerity more by asking what you can do to help lessen the impact of the wrong doing. Is it all about paying for the damage? Giving another schedule? Finding a replacement? Doing what it takes to earn that forgiveness gives you extra points, albeit sometimes more challenging than it seems. But hey, if you’re really sorry for your mistakes and really want to patch things up, take note of the terms of the other party. Because this time around, you have to work with their terms. And you can’t complain.
Fact: people don’t really heal at the same time, more so, not as fast as you want them to. Never force them to accept your apology or to bring things back the way they used to be immediately. Be patient enough to wait when they’re ready. In the meantime, focus on doing things that can assure them of your purest intentions without having to expect anything in return. In the process, don’t also pressure yourself too much to make things right. You’ve already done your part, so give yourself more credit for that.
4. Check in after some time
It’s not just about burying everything 6 ft below the ground after saying your apologies. Take time to reach out after sometime, say a month or so, to check on the other party. Remember to ask how they’re doing, reiterate your intentions for doing so and tell them that you are open to discuss anything if needed. Avoid looking desperate by messaging them so often and forcing yourself and the other party to be ok. If it doesn’t work out after a month, try again after another month or two. Never give up on a relationship that matters to you and the opportunity to receive the forgiveness you want and deserve too for yourself.
5. Change for the better
Any apology will be meaningless if you don’t embrace the necessary changes that need to go with it. So whether or not the other person accepts your apology, what is important here is that you change for the better. Establish healthier habits, invest on yourself and your growth, make yourself and others proud by becoming your own #bestmeever . That way, whether the other person is ready to accept your apology or not, you’ve proven to yourself that you are capable of doing what is right and best for you as of the moment. And you don’t need anyone else’s go signal to apply the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Cheer up, I am sure someday, that other person will take notice. Until then, continue working on yourself so it doesn’t happen again.
I hope by this time you have enough ideas on how to go about asking for forgiveness.
Remember, at the end of the day, you owe it not only to the person you’ve offended but also to yourself.
Simply because with every sincere apology, you set yourself free.
Credibility. Integrity. Authenticity.
Three core values that I keep closest to my heart.
Seriously though. On a personal note, words can’t express the importance of these three when it comes to one’s personal and professional life, so to speak.
Time and again, I have proven to myself that by being able to uphold my own core values, I managed to open doors that helped me in my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
While the three mentioned have equal importance, oftentimes, I get to be asked how I built and maintained my credibility through the years as I practice coaching. Maybe because among the three, this requires the most work.
To align everyone reading this: having credibility means the quality of being believable and worthy of trust . I believe that in order for one to be able to build credibility, it’s a combination of having desirable behaviors, attitudes and skillsets that will make one trust-worthy.
On that note, since it’s quite challenging to build and easy to lose so to speak, it’s very important for us to protect it as much as we can.
Remember, as they say: trust, once gone, is hard to regain.
Hard truth indeed.
So given that, I want you to take this time to reflect: how have you been building and maintaining your credibility?
Are there certain behaviors and attitudes that compromise yours, whether consciously or unconsciously?
What actions are working against your credibility?
Whatever your answer may be, know that your awareness can be your stepping stone to addressing what needs to be dealt with in terms of building and maintaining your own credibility.
You are as good as your word. So make sure you honor every contract you signed, every promise you’ve given and stand by every word that you said. Broken promises lead to having trust broken which eventually can result in relationships, whether on a personal or professional note, breaking up. So before you have any regrets, try your best to commit only to things you are sure you can manage well. That way, you don’t end up tarnishing your credibility with promises you can’t (and don’t intend to) keep.
2. Being inconsistent
How can you trust someone who’s unpredictable in terms of behavior and actions? Every single day, show up, do your best, keep your word, follow through, and never leave anything or anyone hanging, no matter how difficult situations may be at times. Don’t be afraid to be (and show) your authentic self because as you are, much like everyone else, you deserve to take up space. Drop all the masks, let go of all the pretensions. You don’t need those if you want to build your credibility and your relationships around you.
3. Blaming others always
Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is sexy. There I said it. Haha! Kidding aside, it’s quite admirable seeing people who are able to be accountable for the decisions and results they have in life. Know that each time you blame others and refuse to take responsibility for your own life, you risk losing the confidence of people in you as you drown in your own victim mentality. Always take to heart that regardless of what happens to you and within you, you have the power of choice to be accountable for your desired results moving forward.
4. Overpromising, Underdelivering
One of the things I repeat time and again to my coach mentees is to always walk the talk. You can’t just rely on your words to do the magic for you. You have to bundle it with the right, intentional actions to be able to deliver accordingly what is needed. While it’s nice to assure people with what you say, make sure the assurance stays when you act on it. That means making sure that you give your best into fulfilling the expectations you have set in others. Otherwise, any misalignment in your words and actions can cause people to doubt you and the validity of your words. And that’s certainly not a space you want to be caught in, right?
5. Communicating vaguely
Sometimes, when you want to play it safe, you say things for the sake of e.g. soon, next year, a lot, before etc. just to satisfy a certain question posted. Here’s the thing: when you really want to commit to something, you will be really specific with the details because you know that you (and the other party) deserve to know accordingly so that expectations and actions can be managed better. So stop using words that are hard to qualify and giving out information that lacks important details to ensure that you don’t lose the attention and trust of those listening to you as you speak. Facts over assumptions always, in all ways.
By now, I do hope that you get to embrace the importance of building and maintaining your credibility.
Always remember that your thoughts and actions should always be in alignment with your true intentions.
Because by ensuring that, you are able to keep your credibility in tact.
And that’s a priceless experience.
