How you talk to yourself, how you view and treat yourself becomes your every day reality.
Now my question is: how are your conversations with yourself? Which space are you coming from?
Take this time to reflect: what have you been saying to yourself?
Are you expressing joy? Disappointment? Anger? Shame? Excitement? Guilt?
How do these conversations affect your day to day existence?
Before you raise your eyebrows, know that you’re not going crazy as you engage in self talk.
It’s actually a healthy way to allow your mind to process things better and understand the space you’re coming from.
It also gives you the chance to affirm yourself and ground yourself when needed.
However, you can only reap the beautiful benefits of self-talk if you choose to engage in yours positively.
This means that you exert conscious effort to find what is good in your space and appreciate yourself, no matter what happens around you (or even sometimes within you).
It’s all about coming from a space of love and understanding, knowing that you are doing the best that you can, with all that you are and all that you have and that will always be more than enough reason for you to appreciate yourself more.
Take this to heart: as you speak lovingly to yourself, you allow yourself to maximize your potential and grow to the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
So at this point, if you’ve realized that you’ve been missing out on your much needed loving conversations with yourself (no judgment though…it happens when life gets too overwhelming at times), allow me to share with you the 5 things you should tell yourself now:
I am sorry, Self
Your self deserves an apology if you’ve been neglecting it for quite sometime now. Whether you got too busy at work that you overlooked your self-care routine or treated it badly because you were having a bad day, be humble enough to say sorry. Mean it. And make sure to make up for it as you commit to try your best not to do what you hurt yourself with again.
2. Thank you, Self
You, reading this now means that you’ve made it this far. And trust me, you couldn’t have done it without trusting (and working on/with) yourself. Every single day, new possibilities await you– be patient with yourself and your growth. Be grateful for what your life has become at the moment. It’s a stepping stone towards what you’re meant to be in this lifetime. Trust me: a whole hearted, genuine self appreciation goes a long way.
3. I am proud of you, Self
When life seems so challenging, we tend to forget how many times we survived far harder situations in the past. Honor yourself. Your battle scars are testament that you are trying (harder even at times) and for that alone you deserve a pat on the back, regardless of the results. Today, count your blessings and realize how blessed you are and how much you’ve grown.
4.I love you, Self
Give yourself the kind of love you freely give to others. Before you cringe — it’s not cheesy or self-serving. It’s actually something your self really deserves: to know that he/she is unconditionally loved for who and what he/she is. As what Ru Paul always says: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can anybody else? Amen to that!
5. We can do this, Self
If you want to succeed in this life time, be your own greatest fan. Believe in yourself fully and you will be totally unstoppable. Free yourself from the need to be validated by others as you focus on yourself and your own growth. Know that you have everything within you to succeed and it’s all up to you on how you will maximize it. When the going gets tough, inquire within and give yourself that gentle nudge to keep going. Keep believing.
I hope that you get to build a better relationship with yourself after reading this.
Looking forward to seeing you have more loving talks from the heart with the most important person in the room: your precious self.
Fact: Things don’t always happen as planned. And at times, you can end up feeling humiliated.
I know. The mere thought can be so scary.
I mean, who wants to be caught in an awkward moment amidst a sea of stares filled with judgment?
Can you relate to this?
Take this time to reflect: when was the last time you felt humiliated?
Did you lose in a competition?
Missed the goals you set for yourself?
Got scolded by your boss?
Got compared to another person harshly?
I know we can all add up to this list based on our own set of experiences.
But you know what, let it be known that whatever made you feel insignificant and small back then, at that moment — they don’t define you.
Understandably though, it’s not easy to bounce back after getting humiliated.
Nursing a bruised ego takes time and a whole lot of effort and so does mending your self-worth.
However, know that it’s very much possible to free yourself from the downward spiral that humiliation brings.
Here are 5 ways to help you deal with humiliation better:
Don’t take everything personally
Seriously: it’s not all about you. The way people judged you or mocked you, is on them. It shows the kind of people they are. Don’t let an unfortunate event define you and what you can still be. Remember: people see life through their own lens based on their set of experiences, most of which amy not be similar with yours. You know yourself better. Acknowledge what’s true and let go of the other opinions which don’t really add value. Continue working on yourself as you journey towards your own #bestmeever and know that if you do, things will eventually work out on your favor.
2. Remind yourself it’s just temporary
Nothing lasts forever. Including feeling humiliated. It will pass. So why let one unfortunate situation define your entire life permanently? You can always bounce back by choice. What is important here is to humble yourself and accept the situation as is, so you can process it fully eventually. Ask yourself this: will what you’ve been through: the failures, humiliation and all, still matter in a year’s time? I don’t think so. Life has so much more to offer you only if you open your eyes, mind and heart to receiving what is due.
3. Be mindful about silver linings
I always say this: everything happens for a reason. So whether it’s a break up, a failed attempt, a missed opportunity or being made to feel small by certain individuals or situations, each event carries a particular lesson that will be of great value for you moving forward. Stop resisting the situation on hand and humble yourself enough to ask: what can I learn from this situation? How can I grow using this as my inspiration? Asking yourself those powerful questions can do wonders for you moving forward as you uncover blessings in disguise.
4. Remember previous wins
Don’t let hard times make you forget how amazing you are. When you feel down and insignificant, try to recall all your previous successes before the unfortunate event happened. Don’t overthink; big or small, they matter because they remind you of your worth and what you can still be. Don’t let an unfortunate situation and the judgment of others hold you back from maximizing your potential and being your best. If you’re not yet keeping a gratitude list, this is your sign to start on yours so that you have something to look back to when the time comes you need to validate yourself.
5. Reflect and recalibrate
Nope, you don’t need to bounce back immediately. Take time to fully embrace how you feel and understand the situation fully. Hurrying the process will only make things worse. Take time to embrace the lessons and invest on yourself and your growth. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone else; you just have to give yourself the time and space that is due, which means letting yourself be and planning what will be best for you moving forward. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do just that. You owe it to yourself.
Here’s something to take to heart, moving forward: humiliation has no power over a person who knows his/her worth inside and out. Never let anything or anyone make you feel less amazing of a person that you are.
Fact: How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you. Basic.
Indeed, it starts with you.
The amount of respect you give yourself shows others how much you value yourself and how you will not settle for anything less than you deserve.
It speaks of self-love and self-care through upholding what you think and feel is best for you.
Taking that into consideration, reflect: how much respect have you given yourself? How do you practice it?
Or should I rephrase that: do you give yourself the respect you deserve, at all?
Peace!!!
But kidding aside, giving yourself the love, acceptance and respect you deserve, is fundamental if you want to grow and become your own #bestmeever .
But yes, I do acknowledge the fact that sometimes, when things go wrong as they sometimes will, beating yourself up seems to be far easier than holding your head up high.
You are defined by the choices you make after each and every fall, including respecting yourself no matter what.
Allow me to share with you the 5 ways you can respect yourself more, regardless of the situation you’re in:
Set and maintain boundaries
A NO is a NO. And keep it that way. Don’t be pressured to go against your word by others. You know what’s best for you so trust yourself more. Remember: each time you keep your boundaries, you are showing others how much you respect yourself and the decisions you make. Let them adjust.
2. Honor your commitments
Keeping your word matters a lot, not only to yourself but to others who have trusted you too. Respecting yourself means not compromising your credibility and integrity, which definitely involves not breaking your promises. You are as good as your word, remember that always. Do your best always, with all that you can and all that you have, to honor them as you honor yourself.
3. Allow yourself to have some “ME time”
No, you can’t always perform at 100% or live life at your peak at all times. Don’t ever feel guilty as you take time to rest, reflect and recalibrate. You need and deserve this time off so you can fill your own cup and come from a space of overflow. Pause. Do what makes your heart sing. Be with people you love. Travel. Let yourself be. That is what respecting your needs and wants look like.
4. Make decisions for yourself
It’s your life. Your rules. Never let anyone else take over and invalidate what you believe is best for you. Stop doubting your ability to decide. You have what it takes to figure out what will work best for you. Respecting yourself means listening to your own intuition and not invalidating how you feel about a certain person or situation. You know what’s best for you. Keep it that way. And always take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
5. Invest on yourself and your growth
Respecting yourself means maximizing your potentials and becoming the person you’re meant to be. It means allowing yourself to work on your weaknesses as you amplify your strengths. It means facing and overcoming mistakes and failures and learning and growing from them by choice and by committing to yourself and your results more. It’s all about loving and appreciating yourself as you are as you work on what you can still be.
At the end of the day, you deserve the kind of respect you freely give to others.
Because much like everyone else, you matter. Never forget that.
Not everyone can be (or has to be) part of your happily ever after. And that’s a fact.
Each person that comes into your life carries with him/her a particular purpose.
And they are not limited to your family, friends or significant others.
They can be an acquaintance, a colleague at work or school or even random strangers you bumped into.
Their purpose, whatever it may be, unfolds in its own timeline and space, not necessarily in accordance to yours.
This simply means that along the way, as you journey towards your own #bestmeever , you will lose people around you, not because you want to, but because it’s meant to be that way.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that it’s ok to push people away when you’re struggling with your own pains. Please, stop projecting them on others. This is another topic altogether though. Hehe.
What I am saying is that you must be ready to embrace the consequences of your decisions and actions as you let things be. And that includes letting people go when the time comes and letting them be as well.
This can oftentimes be hard and messy but know along the way, no matter how crazy things are as of the moment, they needed to happen so that you can become the person you’re meant to be.
Allow me to share with you the 5 reasons why you lose people in life:
Their role in your story is done
I mentioned a little about this earlier. You see, the Universe sends you people to teach you valuable lessons you need to move forward and thrive in this lifetime. The key here is to notice the kind of people you attract in your space. What are their similarities? What patterns in your relationships have you observed? Becoming more mindful about them and taking each and every lesson to heart allows you to outgrow some people who are meant to be in your life for just a short amount of time. And that’s ok. Outgrowing people does not make you a bad person. It’s all about accepting the fact that when re-writing your story, not everyone can still have a part in it. Be grateful your paths crossed and just let the relationship be, whatever it becomes there after.
2. You deserve someone better
One of the hardest decisions to make is to let go of a person you have gotten so used to having in your life, no matter how toxic the relationship you may have. But truth be told, that’s one of the best decisions you can make for yourself: to let go. You have to be brave enough to end things so you can start on a clean slate so that you get to realize what you are missing out in this life time: and that is to be loved and cared for genuinely by someone you truly want and deserve for yourself.
3. It’s teaching you to be independent
Take this to heart: your genuine happiness and fulfillment is within. It’s never found on anyone or anything else around you. You have to be willing to make yourself uncomfortable as you stand on your own and choose what’s best for you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do just that. Remember: when the going gets tough and people start to leave you, take it as a good sign to discover how strong you are and how great you can still be on your own. You never did lose your value. They (the people who left) lost you.
4. You become more mindful about the miracles around you
At times we focus too much on our relationship with others that we forget the most important one: the one we have with ourselves. When people leave you, you now get to appreciate yourself from the core, knowing that it’s all up to you on how you intent to move forward from the experience. They key here is to become more mindful of the silver linings and the blessings you failed to notice before. For all you know, the people who truly deserve to be in your life were there all along and the little events you overlooked were actually gateways to where you’re meant to be eventually. Open your mind, eyes and heart to the possibility that hey, things can be better.
5. You get to start all over again minus the added pressure
Your way, your rules. How beautiful it is to start all over again without having to consider people (and whose opinion) who have held you back in the first place. It’s time to ensure that you hear your own voice and become accountable for your own growth and happiness. Go at your own pace and choose to own your space, whatever it may be. Remember: being single, more so doing things on your own, does not necessarily mean that you’re unhappy and lonely. So stop judging and pressuring yourself, my dear.
The good thing about life is that all the things and people you lose along the way will eventually be replaced by something better.
Be grateful that once in your life your paths crossed.
But now, life goes on. So can you. Even without them.
Everything happens for a reason. Yep, this applies to both good and bad.
Of course we can’t deny the fact that having a smooth sailing journey will always be preferred.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to get from point A to point B in the most pleasant, fastest way possible?
So at this moment, I want you to take a step back and reflect: what challenges do you have now in your space?
How are you dealing with them?
Whatever you’re going through right now, know that it’s ok. It’s part of your #bestmeever journey.
What is important now is to realize that you can actually turn your struggles into strength.
Here are 5 ways how:
Take note of the valuable lessons your struggle is teaching you
Here’s the thing: sometimes you will learn best the hard way. Take a look at your struggles now and identify any pattern present: are there difficult situations or experiences that are repeating itself time and again? It’s the Universe’s way of telling you that there’s an important lesson you need to learn so that it doesn’t happen again. Be open to seeking it and humbly receiving it so you can break the pattern and move on and forward from that particular struggle that has been holding you back for the longest time. Yep, until you learn, the struggles that carry the lesson will persist. And of course you don’t want that.
2. Consider the brighter possibilities
Oftentimes when we feel overwhelmed, we focus too much on what can go wrong and heavily anticipate for it to happen. Uhm. Stop. Don’t lose sight of the other side of the story which carries the probability of things working out in your favor. Never underestimate your 50% chances of winning, which you can only utilize as you come from a space of curiosity. Ask yourself this question: what if everything goes well after this? That way, you begin to see your struggles as stepping stones rather than huge blockages.
3. Recognize and act on your rooms for improvement
Struggling can be such a humbling experience. It teaches you to become more mindful about yourself and your growth. What you can do though is come from a space of openness and assess the areas where you’re struggling and what you can do to improve your chances of overcoming it. Do you need to upskill? Create a plan B? Have a change of mindset? Do what you must to apply necessary tweaks in how you deal with your struggles so you can get your desired different result.
4. Change your narrative
What if you knew that you have the power to change the way your story ends? How differently will you face your struggles at present? Try visualizing your desired outcome: if you weren’t coming from fear (or whatever negative emotion that’s holding you back), what will you do differently? How would you become the hero in your own story? Come from that space, as everything you need is already within you.
5. Practice gratitude
When you see the silver linings in your struggle, you get to appreciate them and the space you’re in more. We tend to forget how blessed we are at the moment because we focus too much on all the things that aren’t happening as planned. However, know that struggles pave way for us to become more mindful about what really matters in our lives. Think about this: would whatever is stressing you at the moment still matter in say a year’s time? Having that realization allows you to focus more on the things that really bring you genuine joy and fulfillment, something which you may have taken for granted whether knowingly or unknowingly along the way. And having that realization can be quite a game changer indeed.
Struggling is normal. So never feel that you’re alone in that part of your journey.
What is important here is that we make the most of each and every struggle that comes our way. Because for all you know, they are your potential strengths in disguise. Take time to really uncover them.
Currently in my self-work era. You read it right.
Actually, since last December, I have already decided on that the first quarter of 2025 will be spent on working on myself as I invest on my growth so I can be my own #bestmeever .
So I already made sure that everything was in place: lessen my commitments, free my schedule to insert new routines and time for learning, while giving my best to what’s on my plate as of the moment as I prioritize myself and my growth.
Admittedly, there’s one thing that’s still a work in progress at the moment.
And I am sure you can relate with me on this: it’s difficult to stay disciplined when times are harder than usual and temptations surround you 24/7.
Take this time to reflect: what situation challenges your discipline the most?
Dieting?
Use of social media?
Shopping?
Dating around?
Of course, whatever your answer may be, know that much like before and always, this is a no judgment zone.
What is important here is to be aware of situations that trigger our loss of our own self-discipline and how we can manage them better.
Coming from vulnerability, upon enrolling in my Kaizen program this year (it’s a 100 day fitness and personal development program), it has been quite a struggle for me to daily monitor my calories, work out and log everything I do and eat. Haha!
So in the beginning, I found myself just coasting by, letting myself give in to sweet treats and buffets once in a while. Fortunately though, 3 weeks now in the program, I caught myself and vowed to be more disciplined in my approach.
After all, it’s for myself and my growth.
And so far, it’s working for me.
Allow me to share with you 5 ways on how you can become more disciplined:
Have a crystal clear goal
Mandatory. I mean, you can’t practice discipline without knowing what the end goal will be. Make sure that your goal follows the SMART format (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time Bound) so that you get a clear picture of what you want to achieve. Don’t just settle for general terms like I want to be happy, to be fit, to get rich. Be as precise as possible so you can focus fully on achieving just that. Having a vivid vision of having my own best body ever with 20% body fat as I come from joy by May 1, 2025 is what kept me going as I do my daily work outs and observe what I eat mindfully. Funny thing is that last night, I had a glimpse of what it would look like in my dream. Manifesting. Haha!
2. Have a beyond compelling reason to achieve your desired goal
Ok. In my case, it’s not just about vanity. And it goes beyond being summer ready. My main reason is that my coaching platform, #bestmeever , is all about becoming one’s authentic, unapologetic, grandest version….which includes the physical, mental and emotional aspects as well, things which are also taken in consideration in the program I am enrolled in. I would want to walk the talk, thus I need to embrace my own journey towards becoming my best by humbly enduring the entire process, listening to lectures, doing the action steps in between and engaging with others in the program along the way so I can be of value to them and vise versa. Indeed, it’s very true that when days are harder than usual, when I am at the brink of just throwing in the towel, I always try to recall why I started and what is the value of all these for myself and my growth. Grounds me immediately, swear.
3. Develop a strategic plan.
No, I am not talking about mere bullet points or random words that inspire action. I am talking about concrete steps that will help you achieve your goal in mind. Being strategic means aligning each and every action, behavior and mindset of yours towards the fulfillment of your desired results. In my case, I plot my schedule accordingly to fit in my work outs and mindful breaks in between, while monitoring dutifully my calories intake and reflecting how I can still improve moving forward. Being disciplined in this case becomes easier for me as I have a structure to follow, versus before where in everything was merely dependent on my mood or what I felt like doing at that point in time. P.S. it also helps that you plan your small steps first while keeping in mind the big picture so that you don’t get overwhelmed in the process —something that causes one to lose track of his/her purpose and stray away from his/her goals. Start small and then when you’re ready, go big (I am not sure how this came out, haha!).
4. Honor yourself along the way
Give yourself more credit for doing all that you can, with all that you have. That will always be more than enough. Affirming yourself along the way can help you stay disciplined in the process as you don’t have to wait for anyone else’s validation or anchor yourself on desired results that have yet to come. Big or small, every win is worth celebrating. And oh, you can even be grateful for slow days as they give you the chance to reflect, recharge and recalibrate accordingly so you can bounce back even better than before. In my case, I always say “thank you” and “good job” to myself every after accomplishing a task or when I manage to fight off laziness when I need to do my morning cardio. And yes, most of the time, with discipline intact, I win over my bed’s call. Yey! Try sharing your wins too. It’s not being arrogant; it’s all about honoring yourself and inspiring others to do the same as they celebrate with you.
5. Surround yourself with accountability partners
Police. This is what I call people who have my back whenever I feel like going astray. Involving your family, friends, significant other or whoever else that can keep a watch on you can do wonders for you and your journey as you stay disciplined in pursuing your goals. Taking inspiration from them and giving value to their words of encouragement and support can keep you going even during the toughest days. I like the set up that we have now in the Kaizen community where in we have accountability buddies and our designated coach (Shout out to Ciento Por Ciento and Coach Ben) whom we can reach out for support when reaching our targets daily become challenging and the cravings beyond bearable. Haha! A wonderful bonus also that the entire community is filled with like-minded individuals who are more than willing to give a helping hand or a word of encouragement as needed. Who can ever go astray with all eyes on you? Thank God for the amazing support system.
Working on one’s self requires a whole lot of time, effort, resources and discipline.
Hopefully, after reading this, you will have all in your current space as you work on the person you’re meant to be. Your own #bestmeever. Let’s continue happily with our journey!
“Always be nice.” I think this is one of the most misunderstood statements our parents and teachers have told us through the years.
I mean, if you were like me, I used to interpret that as you always have to obey others, conform with the norm and say yes to everything thrown at you.
It didn’t help that statement was further reinforced with punishments when not observed accordingly based on the expectations of others.
You see back then I equated being nice with having no boundaries and pleasing others all the time so I can get the validation I wanted.
And looking back, it didn’t do me any good at all.
In general, people pleasing makes you forget your own value as you struggle to meet the needs and wants of others while setting aside your own.
This leads you to believe that validation can only come from external sources e.g. family, friends, significant others or even random strangers which make it totally unhealthy and unsustainable as you drain yourself in the process.
In the same regard, unknown to many, people pleasing also amplifies one’s ego, making a person think that he “actually looks good in the eyes of others as he does what is right and due”.
No truth to that at all.
So now, I would like to clear the definition of being nice.
Being nice means giving yourself what is due so you can do the same for others without compromising your self-worth.
There I said it.
Now, if you’re having a hard time letting go of people pleasing, here are 5 ways to help you do so:
Remember that you can be kind and have boundaries
Kindness is a two way street. Give yourself what you’re willingly giving others. Being kind to yourself means acknowledging your own needs and wants without feeling guilty, so you will be able to whole heartedly provide for others coming from a space of inspiration instead of obligation. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
2. Allow yourself to disappoint others
Hear me out on this: if disappointing others means you are able to give yourself the kind of love and care that you deserve, so be it. At the end of the day, you don’t want people to stay in your life just because they benefit from you. Check on the relationships you keep — who are really there for you through thick and thin? Those people will understand if you choose to attend to your personal needs as well because they value you outside of what you can do for them. Also, in general, audience impact is only 10% in any criteria for judging so don’t worry about not getting the nods of others who don’t deserve to be in your space. Haha!
3. List down the things that make you feel good about yourself
As we focus too much in pleasing others, at times we forget how amazing we are. So it’s best to create a list of your achievements, skills and talents and include anything and everything else that makes you appreciate yourself more. You are far valuable than you can ever imagine and as you come from a space of self-worth, you do away with the need to get any validation from others there after. There is so much power when you affirm yourself.
4. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely there for you
Be with people who treat you like you genuinely matter. They are the ones who can inspire you to keep moving forward when saying NO becomes tougher than usual or when you see yourself falling into the spiral once more of people pleasing. Have people check in on you and be sure to be brave and humble enough to seek help when needed. You deserve to be seen, heard, felt and celebrated as you are. Never forget that.
5. Invest on yourself and your growth
Oftentimes, we find ourselves wanting to compensate for our own insecurities by pleasing others, hoping that their approval will make our self doubts go away. However, that isn’t exactly the case. Dealing with your own insecurities so they don’t take the lead in your relationships is imperative. This simply means that you should be willing to work on yourself as you invest on your self and your growth. How can you take care of yourself better? What do you need in order to grow more? Whether it’s a time off from everyone around you, or learning a new skill or finally deciding for yourself…do it. That way, you get to discover and become your own #bestmeever regardless of what others may have to do or say. You don’t need their approval anyway.
To know your true worth, you don’t have to please people to get their validation.
You just have to inquire within and appreciate yourself as you are. You matter. Always. In always.
“As the saying goes….” Followed by a quote to justify whatever argument is being presented. Sounds familiar, right?
I am sure you have heard this time and again from your parents, friends, work mates, or even random acquaintances.
Normally this statement pops up when someone wants to remind you of something, hoping that a quote can influence you to do just that or when a point has to be further emphasized.
Take this time to reflect: in your space, what old sayings did you frequently hear? How did you take them?
Now before you start overthinking again about your response, please take this to heart:
Those sayings are subject to your own interpretation.
After all, it’s your own journey. Your rules. Your take on things too.
In my case admittedly, while growing up I subscribed to majority of how the old sayings went, thinking that a bunch of wise words from someone I don’t even know will do the same wonders it did for them perhaps.
However, as life happened, I realized that by having much self-awareness, and coming from a space of authenticity, I can choose how to reframe the statements to best fit any given situation I am in.
That, my friend, can be such a liberating and empowering experience indeed.
Allow me to share with you the my 5 new takes on old sayings I grew up with:
Fake it till you make it TO Face it till you make it
You all know by now how much I value authenticity. I totally believe that by embracing your truth you allow yourself to humbly accept your current space. By doing so, you become 100% present which can help you think of strategic ways to go about a certain situation as you recognize what is here and now. Hiding behind a facade can only take you on a short distance and can be quite tiring as you struggle with what is real and what is not. Don’t wait for the the guilt or shame to get to you. Face your challenges head on, with all that you are and all that you have at that given point in time. That will always be more than enough, regardless of the results you get. Because at the end of it all, it becomes a learning (and growing) experience for you.
2. Don’t burn bridges TO It’s ok to burn bridges as youbuild better, more meaningful ones.
Fact: Not everyone will be part of your happily ever after. Know that everything happens for a reason so just embrace things as they are. Let them (and yourself) be. You have to be brave enough to let go of things (and people) who no longer spark joy or if your what could have been(s) are weighing you down. Be grateful that once in your life you had that beautiful relationship of whatever kind happen in your life. That was its part of the story. It ends there as you learn and grow from the lessons it taught you. However, as you close chapters, realize that by doing so, you open up space for better things (and people) to come into your life. Life goes on. And so can you, even with the bridges you burned because they led to nowhere. Keep on building better ones of greater value which you deserve, ones that can help you become your own #bestmeever .
3. Save the best for last TO Enjoy the best here and now
While people judge an experience based on expectations about it being on a high note, there is so much beauty in just indulging in the now, being 100% present and rewarding yourself simply because you deserve it. Never attach your happiness or rewards for yourself to a certain goal achieved or milestone reach. Who says you can’t wear your nice clothes on an ordinary day or use your expensive China silver ware when there are no visitors? When will you embark on that much deserved vacation and allow yourself to have a break from it all? You see, here’s a common misconception: that we have all the time in this world. Not true at all. No one knows about what the future may bring. So why not just live in the moment as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions? Pursuing big goals doesn’t mean you have to postpone your happiness along the way. And yes, you can finally eat that box of expensive chocolates inside your refrigerator. Haha!
4. Actions speak louder than words TO Actions and words should equally speak as loud
Yep. For me, one is not more important than the other as they both have the same impact on people. Ever heard of love languages, communication and learning styles? It differs from one person to another. Thus, it’s best if you put equal importance to both your words and actions. Casing point: you need words to inspire, talk sense and motivate people as you show them your intentions. On the other hand, you can’t just rely on actions alone to cover for what’s unspoken and give the necessary explanations, level expectations and to address difficult conversations. And vise versa. So never take for granted one over the other.
5. Forgive and forget TO Forgive and never forget the lessons
I don’t know if it’s just me but I really don’t believe that when people offend you, you should just bury the hatchet and forget it ever happened. For me, it seems like you were invalidating your own feelings and thoughts them, making them as if they were less important than the situation on hand. I beg to differ though. I do believe in the power of forgiveness, but I also embrace the value of taking life lessons to heart and never forgetting them. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to share spaces with them and bring back things as they were before. You just can’t. There were learnings….and hopefully growth. Come from that space. You are not starting from ground zero up this time around; you are starting from experience. The goal here is to make the most of that new space, respect boundaries and allow things to unfold without putting too much pressure in bringing them the way they used to be. Who knows, going with the new may allow you to end up with something better and more valuable.
I know these may be too much for you to take, but hey, try to gain your own insights through them.
You don’t have to agree with me. I know for a fact that these might be a not so popular take on things.
And that’s ok. What is important is that you get new insights for your consideration.
As the saying goes, you know what’s best for you. Keep it that way.
Starting all over again isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Truth be told, that’s actually an understatement.
I mean, let’s be honest: who wants to start from scratch anyway?
Especially if you have invested so much time, effort and resources into building something which unfortunately didn’t work out as planned.
And a bunch of other stuff that required you to build yourself (and your broken self esteem) from ground zero up once more.
Consider this though: starting from scratch isn’t all that bad, most especially if you see the value in doing so.
Remember: starting all over again allows you to rebuild your life exactly the way you want it to be, as you considered all the lessons you have learned from things that initially fell apart.
Yep, they had to happen so that you will have a clearer idea of what can still be improved in your space so that you eventually end up with the life you want and deserve as you become your own #bestmeever in the process.
If you are in the midst of re-writing your own story and encountering difficulty in coping as you do so, here are 5 ways to make starting all over again easier:
First things first: embrace change whole heartedly
Stop resisting. Trust the process. Acknowledge the space you’re in and come from humility and openness. Remember: you can’t make the most of your journey if you keep on running away or fighting back the experiences that will help mold you into the person you need to become for your next chapter. Do away first with your biases and assumptions because they blur beautiful possibilities and instill unwarranted fear.
2. Stop obsessing over the past
Psst. It’s over and done with. There’s nothing you can do to bring back time. And you shouldn’t even try. Channel all your what could have beens to what can still be as you focus on the now. Be at peace with letting go knowing that all things that have happened (and the relationships that you had) already served their purpose. Let them be as you set yourself free from all the things weighing you down so you can create more space for better things to come into your life.
3. Determine how your next chapter will look like
Without any clear goal, starting all over again isn’t really possible. I mean, knowing where you want to go and vividly having an idea of your desired next chapter allows you to plan your next steps based on what is still under your control. In the process of visualizing your desired new story plot, make sure you don’t limit yourself based on what you’ve been through or going through at present. Both will change, depending on the work you put in as you move forward. Explore possibilities. If nothing can stop you and everything is possible, how will your next chapter be like? Reflect. And make sure it’s one you truly like.
4. Dream big, start small
Don’t overwhelm yourself with the grandness of your desired next chapter. Chunk down your action plans into small steps. Be mindful about going at your own pace as you focus on your own goals and space. Also, know that your progress isn’t determined just by the steps you take forward, but rather, even as you pause or completely stop to reflect and recalibrate, you’re actually growing. So be kinder to yourself as you just do what you can with all that you have. That will always be more than enough.
Knowing that you are not alone in your journey can do wonders for you. Involve people who are closest to your heart in your journey and let them shower you with that much needed and deserved love and support when days seem tougher than usual. Celebrate with them your progress and allow them to inspire you as you move forward in life. You may want to document your journey as well and share it to the rest of the world, because for all you know, you are the inspiration someone, somewhere out there, needs at this point in time. You, moving on, has a purpose too.
To move on and start all over again is a matter of choice. One that you truly deserve to give yourself. And that starts by committing to starting all over again. May this demarcate your Day 1.
Fact: Not everyone will be happy for you when you succeed. Also a fact: You can’t force these people to change.
There, I said it. Now take it all in.
I know. And I totally get you.
Been there. Been that.
And to be candid about it, as I continue journeying towards my own #bestmeever , I continue to experience that still.
What I have come to realize about the entire experience of growing into the person you’re meant to be is that some people will not be able to grow in harmony with you.
As you soar higher in this life time, some will get left behind.
Sadly though, regardless of the relationship you have with them, these will be the very same people who will try to minimize your success.
I have heard (and been told upfront) these before:
“Only bronze?” – when I first placed in the 2022 edition of the Coach Awards in the Best Wellness Coach Category.
“He just probably paid for his awards and articles.” – when I got recognized by a number of international media and organizations for my work and got included in their listicles.
“You charge too much.” – from a person who hasn’t even tried my services and didn’t bother reading the testimonials of my clients
“He’s not that big time yet globally.” – said someone about my international exposures and clients.
“He’s just charming and the audience loves him that’s why he gets invited often” – said someone who questioned my multiple media exposures and subject matter expert interviews.
“National Bookstore? Only ranked #9. It’s just Amazon. Anyone can best selling author there.” – said someone who had a self-published book which barely made any sales.
And I can go on and on from the years of experiencing such.
And I know you can relate too.
When people tell you that you aren’t good enough.
That you had it easy.
That your achievements don’t really matter that much.
But let me tell you this now: that isn’t exactly the case.
Allow me to share with you the 5 things you can do when someone minimizes your success:
Remind yourself that you define your own success
Success is relative. And it’s not just anchored on huge milestones or achievements. Success can mean as much as starting your own fitness journey, saying NO for the first time or simply making it through the day. You define it. Never let others implement ridiculous metrics that you don’t even subscribe to.
2. Don’t carry the weight of others’ projections on you
When people try to bring you down, it stems from their own insecurities, frustrations and pains. Really successful and genuinely happy people don’t have time to minimize the success of others simply because they have so much joy in their space and they are very much secure to let others share spaces and grow in harmony with them. In my case, I always reflect: what can be their reason for doing that? What pain is driving their action? For all you know, they probably want your success for themselves. Or they try to bring you down because they feel they’re being left behind. That makes me feel compassion than resistance while letting go of the unnecessary baggage their comments bring. And yes, you don’t need to deal with their pains. It’s theirs to carry and process.
3. Reflect: What’s the value of their comment in your journey towards growth?
Oftentimes, the people who belittle you and your success don’t really have that much value in your life. Total strangers. Acquaintances. People you had a fall out with. So…why would their opinion matter? The mere fact that they didn’t have any significant contribution to your growth, why be burdened by what they have to say? You don’t have to take in everything and you don’t have to explain yourself.
4. Focus on those who truly value and celebrate you
You don’t deserve to be held back from becoming your best by anyone. So instead on dwelling too much on the approval and validation you never got, focus on all the kind words and gestures from people who genuinely love and support you. Their presence in your life weighs more. Reflect: who are these people in your life who truly have your back? Keep them closer.
5. Continue celebrating your success
Huge trigger for those who want to bring you down, if I may say. When you are very much secured about yourself and you have the purest intention of inspiring others as you share and celebrate success, its value amplifies. Someone out there needs to see you push forward so he/she will also be inspired to take his/her first step towards growth even if some people are making things harder than usual. Play the part. Be the disruptor. Show others how it’s done. Succeed even more. Consistency drives nay sayers beyond crazy. Best clap back ever without lifting a finger.
Wherever you are now, I hope you become more comfortable in acknowledging your own worth and success.
You don’t need anyone else to be proud of you to validate your progress and significance in this life time.
You matter. Everything about you does.
Take that to heart always as you give yourself the success that is due.
I will always be proud of you. Now, be proud of yourself too.
