Honesty is the best policy.
I think we all grew up with that quote.
Whether it’s posted near the blackboard inside our classroom or written on a random page of our journal, we are oftentimes reminded of the true value of being honest in our lives.
Which in fact is quite valid because practicing honesty builds integrity and credibility, things we need in order to fully succeed in life. And trust me, you wouldn’t want to sacrifice those in the long run.
Sadly though, not all people welcome honesty with open arms. At times, no matter how well-meaning a person is, his/her honest remarks are taken as an attack.
While the issues and experiences of others are theirs to carry (which actually determine how they see the world and react to it, your message included), you should not burden yourself by doubting your actions if your intentions are pure.
At the end of the day, you know yourself best and you deserve to be honest not only with your words but also on how you choose to live life in general.
Take to heart though that your privilege goes the same for others and the key here is to practice respect while communicating honestly as we set and maintain necessary boundaries.
Think about the last honest conversation you had: how did it go?
Did the other party take it openly?
Or were you accused of being heartless, insensitive and outright rude?
While you can’t control the way others will react towards your honesty, you can always fine tune your way of delivering your message from your authentic self.
Here’s how you can be honest without being rude:
Most of the time, people get angry when caught off by surprise. Prevent this by preparing the person as you ask for permission if you can give your honest opinion. This gives the other party the time to think and consider his current space as to whether he is receptive towards it or isn’t ready at the moment. Either way, it will also give you an idea on whether to proceed or park it first to avoid conflict.
2. Clarify your intentions.
In order to avoid any form of misconception, it is important to state your reasons why you want to have that honest conversation and which space you’re coming from. Doing so allows the other party to loosen up and feel more safe and at ease to receiving your honest feedback.
3. Deliver your message mindfully.
How you structure your sentences and your choice of words can affect your delivery’s impact. Don’t forget your tone of voice and body language too. My tip here is that: if you were going to say the same thing to your 5 year old self, how will you do so coming from a space of love and genuine concern? Start from there. P.S. be clear and concise so that the key message doesn’t drown along the way.
4. Take time to listen and ask for feedback.
Being honest is also a two-way street. So best if you lend your ears as you ask about the feelings of the other person concerned. Once more, assure the other person that you will be open to listening and receiving feedback, much like how he/she did. Never block off what the other person has to say and never anticipate it as a form of attack. Be humble enough to allow yourself to know the impact of your message. Clarify and apologize if needed.
5. Ask how you can help out moving forward.
A gem of an effort indeed. It’s all about making the other person feel supported no matter what. Genuinely ask for what support you can offer and how can things be better for both of you moving forward. It’s not just about being able to say your piece, but rather using that conversation as a springboard to improving things around (and within) you .
Always remember that there’s nothing wrong with being honest.
However, know that you have a choice as to not come off as blunt by becoming more mindful of your words and actions.
That’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever .
Self talk is very powerful.
And that’s a fact.
How you talk to yourself, how you view and treat yourself becomes your every day reality.
Now my question is: how are your conversations with yourself? Which space are you coming from?
Take this time to reflect: what have you been saying to yourself?
Are you expressing joy? Disappointment? Anger? Shame? Excitement? Guilt?
How do these conversations affect your day to day existence?
Before you raise your eyebrows, know that you’re not going crazy as you engage in self talk.
It’s actually a healthy way to allow your mind to process things better and understand the space you’re coming from.
It also gives you the chance to affirm yourself and ground yourself when needed.
However, you can only reap the beautiful benefits of self-talk if you choose to engage in yours positively.
This means that you exert conscious effort to find what is good in your space and appreciate yourself, no matter what happens around you (or even sometimes within you).
It’s all about coming from a space of love and understanding, knowing that you are doing the best that you can, with all that you are and all that you have and that will always be more than enough reason for you to appreciate yourself more.
Take this to heart: as you speak lovingly to yourself, you allow yourself to maximize your potential and grow to the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
And by doing so, you also enable yourself to come from a space of overflow, which makes you not settle for anything less than what you deserve, as you also teach others how to treat you better.
Your self deserves an apology if you’ve been neglecting it for quite sometime now. Whether you got too busy at work that you overlooked your self-care routine or treated it badly because you were having a bad day, be humble enough to say sorry. Mean it. And make sure to make up for it as you commit to try your best not to do what you hurt yourself with again.
2. Thank you, Self
You, reading this now means that you’ve made it this far. And trust me, you couldn’t have done it without trusting (and working on/with) yourself. Every single day, new possibilities await you– be patient with yourself and your growth. Be grateful for what your life has become at the moment. It’s a stepping stone towards what you’re meant to be in this lifetime. Trust me: a whole hearted, genuine self appreciation goes a long way.
3. I am proud of you, Self
When life seems so challenging, we tend to forget how many times we survived far harder situations in the past. Honor yourself. Your battle scars are testament that you are trying (harder even at times) and for that alone you deserve a pat on the back, regardless of the results. Today, count your blessings and realize how blessed you are and how much you’ve grown.
4.I love you, Self
Give yourself the kind of love you freely give to others. Before you cringe — it’s not cheesy or self-serving. It’s actually something your self really deserves: to know that he/she is unconditionally loved for who and what he/she is. As what Ru Paul always says: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can anybody else? Amen to that!
5. We can do this, Self
If you want to succeed in this life time, be your own greatest fan. Believe in yourself fully and you will be totally unstoppable. Free yourself from the need to be validated by others as you focus on yourself and your own growth. Know that you have everything within you to succeed and it’s all up to you on how you will maximize it. When the going gets tough, inquire within and give yourself that gentle nudge to keep going. Keep believing.
I hope that you get to build a better relationship with yourself after reading this.
Looking forward to seeing you have more loving talks from the heart with the most important person in the room:
your precious self.
Fact: How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you.
Basic.
Indeed, it starts with you.
The amount of respect you give yourself shows others how much you value yourself and how you will not settle for anything less than you deserve.
It speaks of self-love and self-care through upholding what you think and feel is best for you.
Taking that into consideration, reflect: how much respect have you given yourself? How do you practice it?
Or should I rephrase that: do you give yourself the respect you deserve, at all?
Peace!!!
But kidding aside, giving yourself the love, acceptance and respect you deserve, is fundamental if you want to grow and become your own #bestmeever .
But yes, I do acknowledge the fact that sometimes, when things go wrong as they sometimes will, beating yourself up seems to be far easier than holding your head up high.
But that’s definitely not the way to go honey.
Take this to heart: you are not defined by your failures or whatever it is that broke you.
You are defined by the choices you make after each and every fall, including respecting yourself no matter what.
A NO is a NO. And keep it that way. Don’t be pressured to go against your word by others. You know what’s best for you so trust yourself more. Remember: each time you keep your boundaries, you are showing others how much you respect yourself and the decisions you make. Let them adjust.
2. Honor your commitments
Keeping your word matters a lot, not only to yourself but to others who have trusted you too. Respecting yourself means not compromising your credibility and integrity, which definitely involves not breaking your promises. You are as good as your word, remember that always. Do your best always, with all that you can and all that you have, to honor them as you honor yourself.
3. Allow yourself to have some “ME time”
No, you can’t always perform at 100% or live life at your peak at all times. Don’t ever feel guilty as you take time to rest, reflect and recalibrate. You need and deserve this time off so you can fill your own cup and come from a space of overflow. Pause. Do what makes your heart sing. Be with people you love. Travel. Let yourself be. That is what respecting your needs and wants look like.
4. Make decisions for yourself
It’s your life. Your rules. Never let anyone else take over and invalidate what you believe is best for you. Stop doubting your ability to decide. You have what it takes to figure out what will work best for you. Respecting yourself means listening to your own intuition and not invalidating how you feel about a certain person or situation. You know what’s best for you. Keep it that way. And always take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
5. Invest on yourself and your growth
Respecting yourself means maximizing your potentials and becoming the person you’re meant to be. It means allowing yourself to work on your weaknesses as you amplify your strengths. It means facing and overcoming mistakes and failures and learning and growing from them by choice and by committing to yourself and your results more. It’s all about loving and appreciating yourself as you are as you work on what you can still be.
At the end of the day, you deserve the kind of respect you freely give to others.
Because much like everyone else, you matter.
Never forget that.
Not everyone can be (or has to be) part of your happily ever after.
And that’s a fact.
Each person that comes into your life carries with him/her a particular purpose.
And they are not limited to your family, friends or significant others.
They can be an acquaintance, a colleague at work or school or even random strangers you bumped into.
Their purpose, whatever it may be, unfolds in its own timeline and space, not necessarily in accordance to yours.
This simply means that along the way, as you journey towards your own #bestmeever , you will lose people around you, not because you want to, but because it’s meant to be that way.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that it’s ok to push people away when you’re struggling with your own pains. Please, stop projecting them on others. This is another topic altogether though. Hehe.
What I am saying is that you must be ready to embrace the consequences of your decisions and actions as you let things be. And that includes letting people go when the time comes and letting them be as well.
This can oftentimes be hard and messy but know along the way, no matter how crazy things are as of the moment, they needed to happen so that you can become the person you’re meant to be.
I mentioned a little about this earlier. You see, the Universe sends you people to teach you valuable lessons you need to move forward and thrive in this lifetime. The key here is to notice the kind of people you attract in your space. What are their similarities? What patterns in your relationships have you observed? Becoming more mindful about them and taking each and every lesson to heart allows you to outgrow some people who are meant to be in your life for just a short amount of time. And that’s ok. Outgrowing people does not make you a bad person. It’s all about accepting the fact that when re-writing your story, not everyone can still have a part in it. Be grateful your paths crossed and just let the relationship be, whatever it becomes there after.
2. You deserve someone better
One of the hardest decisions to make is to let go of a person you have gotten so used to having in your life, no matter how toxic the relationship you may have. But truth be told, that’s one of the best decisions you can make for yourself: to let go. You have to be brave enough to end things so you can start on a clean slate so that you get to realize what you are missing out in this life time: and that is to be loved and cared for genuinely by someone you truly want and deserve for yourself.
3. It’s teaching you to be independent
Take this to heart: your genuine happiness and fulfillment is within. It’s never found on anyone or anything else around you. You have to be willing to make yourself uncomfortable as you stand on your own and choose what’s best for you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do just that. Remember: when the going gets tough and people start to leave you, take it as a good sign to discover how strong you are and how great you can still be on your own. You never did lose your value. They (the people who left) lost you.
4. You become more mindful about the miracles around you
At times we focus too much on our relationship with others that we forget the most important one: the one we have with ourselves. When people leave you, you now get to appreciate yourself from the core, knowing that it’s all up to you on how you intent to move forward from the experience. They key here is to become more mindful of the silver linings and the blessings you failed to notice before. For all you know, the people who truly deserve to be in your life were there all along and the little events you overlooked were actually gateways to where you’re meant to be eventually. Open your mind, eyes and heart to the possibility that hey, things can be better.
5. You get to start all over again minus the added pressure
Your way, your rules. How beautiful it is to start all over again without having to consider people (and whose opinion) who have held you back in the first place. It’s time to ensure that you hear your own voice and become accountable for your own growth and happiness. Go at your own pace and choose to own your space, whatever it may be. Remember: being single, more so doing things on your own, does not necessarily mean that you’re unhappy and lonely. So stop judging and pressuring yourself, my dear.
The good thing about life is that all the things and people you lose along the way will eventually be replaced by something better.
Be grateful that once in your life your paths crossed.
But now, life goes on. So can you.
Even without them.
Everything happens for a reason.
Yep, this applies to both good and bad.
Of course we can’t deny the fact that having a smooth sailing journey will always be preferred.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to get from point A to point B in the most pleasant, fastest way possible?
However, consider this: challenging times help you grow more.
They help you discover the strengths you never thought you had.
They help improve your mindset, heartset and skills set so you can adapt accordingly and thrive thereafter.
They help make the achievement your goals and end results more meaningful and rewarding.
So we shouldn’t be taking difficult days as something negative and as a hindrance to our growth.
So at this moment, I want you to take a step back and reflect: what challenges do you have now in your space?
How are you dealing with them?
Whatever you’re going through right now, know that it’s ok. It’s part of your #bestmeever journey.
Here’s the thing: sometimes you will learn best the hard way. Take a look at your struggles now and identify any pattern present: are there difficult situations or experiences that are repeating itself time and again? It’s the Universe’s way of telling you that there’s an important lesson you need to learn so that it doesn’t happen again. Be open to seeking it and humbly receiving it so you can break the pattern and move on and forward from that particular struggle that has been holding you back for the longest time. Yep, until you learn, the struggles that carry the lesson will persist. And of course you don’t want that.
2. Consider the brighter possibilities
Oftentimes when we feel overwhelmed, we focus too much on what can go wrong and heavily anticipate for it to happen. Uhm. Stop. Don’t lose sight of the other side of the story which carries the probability of things working out in your favor. Never underestimate your 50% chances of winning, which you can only utilize as you come from a space of curiosity. Ask yourself this question: what if everything goes well after this? That way, you begin to see your struggles as stepping stones rather than huge blockages.
3. Recognize and act on your rooms for improvement
Struggling can be such a humbling experience. It teaches you to become more mindful about yourself and your growth. What you can do though is come from a space of openness and assess the areas where you’re struggling and what you can do to improve your chances of overcoming it. Do you need to upskill? Create a plan B? Have a change of mindset? Do what you must to apply necessary tweaks in how you deal with your struggles so you can get your desired different result.
4. Change your narrative
What if you knew that you have the power to change the way your story ends? How differently will you face your struggles at present? Try visualizing your desired outcome: if you weren’t coming from fear (or whatever negative emotion that’s holding you back), what will you do differently? How would you become the hero in your own story? Come from that space, as everything you need is already within you.
5. Practice gratitude
When you see the silver linings in your struggle, you get to appreciate them and the space you’re in more. We tend to forget how blessed we are at the moment because we focus too much on all the things that aren’t happening as planned. However, know that struggles pave way for us to become more mindful about what really matters in our lives. Think about this: would whatever is stressing you at the moment still matter in say a year’s time? Having that realization allows you to focus more on the things that really bring you genuine joy and fulfillment, something which you may have taken for granted whether knowingly or unknowingly along the way. And having that realization can be quite a game changer indeed.
Struggling is normal. So never feel that you’re alone in that part of your journey.
What is important here is that we make the most of each and every struggle that comes our way.
Because for all you know, they are your potential strengths in disguise.
Take time to really uncover them.
You can only accept things which you fully understand.
This has always been one of my favorite things to tell my coaching clients.
So true, don’t you think.
I am basically coming from a premise that humans oftentimes, if not always, resist what is unfamiliar.
That is the very reason why change can be so scary at times.
However, we must be ready to embrace change always because as they say, it’s inevitable.
But how can you embrace something which you don’t fully know about or understand?
Oops. there we go again. Questioning things even before we try it. Got you there! Haha!
But yes, that basically shows my point.
Don’t fret though. Tips are just around the corner.
Ok, I know change can be too overwhelming at times. So the key here is to create enough space between you and your thoughts and assumptions (and if possible, the trigger source per se), so you don’t get too caught up in the moment. Never let yourself act out of impulse. Instead, focus on retreating temporarily to your safe space (no matter how that may look like for you), as you gather facts and respond based on them. Yep, respond, not react.
2. Do away with your biases
We have all grown up differently, having sets of experiences which are unique to us. These experiences have formed biases that blur our logic and decision making, as they focus too much on what is familiar, pleasurable or what we think is right. However, biases are more often than not mere assumptions and at times no longer serve their purpose when put in the current context. So best if you ask yourself: what am I merely assuming in this case? What biases of mine are coming into play? Then answer both as honestly as possible.
3. Focus on the value
Like I always say, good or bad, everything that happens to you has a reason. When you want to understand something that you are initially resisting, whether it’s an unfortunate turn of events or an unexpected detour, focus on the value it brings: the lessons, the growth and the new opportunity to start all over again on a clean slate moving forward. Consider yourself lucky to be able to learn and grow along the way as you understand your space better. A powerful question you can ask yourself is: What is this teaching me? Try it.
4. Be open
You can’t control everything. And that’s perfectly fine. Because you shouldn’t. Trust in the grander design of things far beyond your knowledge and power. Know that if you just allow yourself to flow, you actually grow more in the process.
5. Experience it for yourself
As they say, don’t knock it off until you try it. See for yourself. Experiencing things (and people) as they are fully allows you to understand completely as you go face to face with your fears, assumptions and desires moving forward. Give it a chance. Whether you finally say yes or no, you are worth the decision you are making for as long as you’re coming from a space of full understanding.
I hope this helps you understand the space you’re in at the moment.
Know though that whatever that may look like for you at present, it’s ok.
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
On your way to your own #bestmeever .
Bigger is not always better.
There I said it.
But it’s quite true.
This stemmed from my recent experience eating in a buffet in Novotel. For Sunday lunch, the food spread was huge and the variety was quite impressive, given the presence of some uncommon seafood for grilling (think Curacha, and no, not the 90s movie, among others).
At first, since I didn’t have breakfast to make space for this feast (am I the only one who does this?), I was like: let’s do this. So off I went to sample some of the items immediately: got myself a huge slice of roast beef, a plateful of seafood (only half of which I can identify) and a bunch of baked veggies. Halfway through my delicious meal, my eyes started wandering around, looking for my next target. A part of me wanted to sample the rest of the eye candies on hand but guess what, before I can even go back to eating what’s left on my plate, somewhat I already felt full. What?! Paano masulit ang buffet (which happens to be the common biggest concern of Filipinos when indulging in eat-all-you-can restos, more so if they’re on the pricey side)?!
Geez. I should have remembered. Strategy is key to enjoy the sumptuous buffet spread more. I should have went around first to scout. Gotten smaller pieces. Took my time. And not ate like a hungry Viking having his last meal. Oh well, at that time what I did just made sense.
But looking at it now, I got to reflect about the times in the past where I got tempted to go for shiny objects, normally an upgrade or a size larger than usual, not necessarily because I needed it but just because I thought it would be a better deal for me.
Whether shopping at Landers or S&R for body wash and detergents which are big enough to be shared even to my neighbors;
Or when going for an upsize in my regular dessert, thinking I deserved it, while totally ignoring the additional calories and expense;
Or even when choosing a gift during Kris Kringle, my eyes normally dart to the biggest, most beautifully wrapped one.
But hey, what I have come to realize is that it’s not the size really which matters.
It’s the intention. It’s the purpose behind each choice we make.
Because small, medium or large, it doesn’t really matter.
Because enough is enough, based on your own standards.
Look at it this way:
Help, of whatever kind, still has an impact.
Growth, no matter the size or speed, is still progress.
Gifts, no matter how much they cost, are still thoughtful gestures.
Not all things have to be grand to mean more.
And to make the most of this lifetime, we should just focus on being grateful for whatever we have and whatever is given, taking only what we need while sharing with others what we have more of.
Even the smallest, simplest joys matter.
And yes, that includes the food in the buffet which will never run out so get only what you can finish. Remember, the more you let others enjoy the food alongside you, the faster it will be refilled. Applies to life’s blessings as well.
Now at this point in time, I want you to reflect:
What small things in your life can you appreciate more?
What can help you become more mindful of them?
I hope moving forward, you get to look beyond what is superficial and just embrace things as they are.
For all you know, what you have in front of you, is actually larger than life.
It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.
So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival
.
And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.
You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.
I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.
And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.
For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?
Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?
I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.
Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.
And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.
Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.
There I said it.
Never let what makes you special weigh you down.
Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.
Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.
Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.
It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.
I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.
To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.
To inform. To Understand. To Accept.
So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:
What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?
What can you do to inspire others to do the same?
I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.
Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.
Time to live with pride.
I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
I always say this to people who are forcing themselves in certain situations:
Don’t come from obligation. Come from inspiration.
Makes sense right?
I mean who wants to be merely forced to do things just because it’s their duty or that responsibility was bestowed upon them?
Whether it’s about being the eldest in the family to take care of all your siblings or the youngest who is expected to just listen and follow,
To being the breadwinner in the family,
to having a senior (or most junior) position at work where expectations and deliverables vary
among others.
Can you relate?
I guess the bigger question is: how much do you really like what you’re expected to do every single day based on the role you portray?
Let’s be honest. It can be quite hard at times.
Simply because as you try to live up to the expectations of others, you oftentimes put yourself and your needs last simply because you feel that you shouldn’t be a priority because work (or your role) calls.
Imagine the stress, the shame, and other negative emotions that are brought about by the pressure to conform and just deliver.
However, truth be told, forcing yourself won’t do you (or the relationship at stake) any good.
You’ll only end up hating yourself and the space you’re in, in the long run.
So the key here is to come from inspiration, as you fill in each responsibility or duty with new meaning to keep you going.
As you challenge yourself by handling multiple tasks all at the same time, you allow yourself to learn and grow in the process. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may seem at first, by embracing it fully minus any form of resistance, you get to make the most of the journey as you become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
2. Take note of the lives you can change
You are perhaps the ray of hope everyone else around you needed at that time. Be that enabler of change. Know that the seeds you plant today may bring about that much needed growth and change you dreamed not only for others, but for yourself as well. It just had to start with you loving what you do.
3. You allow your relationships to bloom
Never underestimate your impact in the lives of others. By willingly helping out, you help build trust and establish stronger bonds with the people around you. This makes the journey easier when you allow them to support you as well to ensure that everyone is on the same page, with the same goal in mind so you never feel alone as you take the lead.
4. You get to recognize your own value
It could have been anyone else, but it was handed on to you. There’s a reason for everything and God does not give you any challenge that you can’t overcome. It’s been given to you because it’s meant to teach you beautiful lessons you need moving forward. You are the chosen one. You are good enough, worthy enough. Know that someday you will look back and realize why everything had to happen that way. Simply because, they were preparing you to become the person you’re meant to be.
5. You don’t end up having regrets
When you don’t like what you’re doing, you tend to complain left and right, oftentimes missing out on the important moments, milestones and lessons along the way. By loving what you do and being inspired by your own responsibilities, you get to maximize the space you’re in and look beyond desired results as you just focus on enjoying the journey while living fully. Don’t let your obligations stop you from making the most of this lifetime.
I hope after reading this, you have unburdened yourself from the responsibilities you may be carrying.
Use them as a springboard instead that will bring you closer to what you’re meant to be:
an amazing inspiration to everyone else around you.
