Not yet.
One of the most disheartening phrases to hear when you have a lot of expectations.
On yourself and on others.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes we associate the word “yet” with delays and detours. And everything else that is not fully in alignment with our plans.
That leads us to think that anything with the word “yet” in it means something bad or disappointing.
Think about it: when was the last time you used the word “yet” and how did you respond to it?
When asked about getting your big break?
When asked about being able to finally pursue your passion?
If you finally found the one after dating so many people?
Have you eaten yet?
And yes, I could go on and on asking you questions that you may have found yourself answering with a phrase or sentence that includes the word “yet.”
Now if you just caught yourself answering from a negative space as you see “yet” in a bad light, then this is your sign to inquire within and hopefully realize that it (the use of yet, I mean) is not really all that bad.
In fact, it can actually be just as empowering as the word “yes”, when used (and viewed) differently.
Here are some of the ways you can use it differently:
Example:
Question: Have you achieved your goals for this year?
Answer (seeing it as an end by itself): Not yet. It’s quite hard.
Suggested reframing: Not yet but I truly feel I can make that happen anytime soon as I have new opportunities in the pipeline.
2. Come from a space of curiosity as you explore possibilities.
Example:
Question: Have you checked on the latest trends online about coaching?
Answer (coming from a disinterested space, seeing it as an add on task): Not yet. Busy.
Suggested reframing: I have yet to check on them but please do tell me what they’re about as I think they can be of value.
3. Use it as an empowering qualifier instead
Question: Have you addressed your problem completely?
Answer (triggered): Not yet.
Suggested reframing: Having quite a hard time now yet I am learning a lot and I am very much committed to pushing forward, one step at a time.
I hope these reframes help you see the word “yet” through a positive lens moving forward. Allows you to stress less and focus more on improving yourself and what you can still do at the moment.
Remember, delays and detours will always be part of your own #bestmeever journey. so don’t fret.
The best is YET to come.
And that’s something amazing to look forward to.
Good or bad, each and every experience teaches you the lessons you need in life.
One of my favorite things to say during interviews and talks.
Because it just rings so true, in so many ways.
I know though for a fact that it’s easier to absorb and learn lessons through good times, but the bigger question is: how do you respond when things don’t go as planned?
Be honest with yourself now: what do you do exactly when faced with uncertainty and seemingly unfavorable situations?
Do you become angry?
Do you resist them strongly?
Do you panic and breakdown?
Or do you blame others for your situation?
These are just some of the common reactions of people who are caught off guard and swept away by their heightened emotions.
However, the key here is to let the emotions settle down first to reveal the true life lessons underneath the challenging times encountered.
Seemingly difficult at first but very much possible by giving yourself enough time and space to just breathe and let yourself be.
Remember: unless it’s a matter of life and death, not everything has to happen all at once so stop overthinking and stop over reacting.
There I said it.
So now you can focus on what really matters most: the value of challenging experiences in your life as you see each one of them in a different light.
Nothing is permanent in this world, including tough times. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, no matter how hard, it will eventually come to pass. Think about this: would the thing or situation stressing you now still matter in a year’s time? I am so sure not as much, or not at all. It’s not the end of your journey; it’s just part of your story. And you’ll be ok eventually.
2. Surrendering does not mean you’re losing.
You can’t control everything. And you shouldn’t even try to. There is beauty in letting go and letting things be. For as long as you’ve given your best, with all that you have and all that you are, that’s more than enough. As you trust yourself and the process more, you actually win in life because you allow yourself to be taken to where (and become what) you’re meant to be. And yes, your #bestmeever journey won’t always be easy…but it will definitely be worth it.
3. Real relationships reveal themselves during hard times.
I think one of the biggest blessings in disguise that tough times carry is that it makes you realize who is really there for you and who is meant to stay in your life when all of this is over. Painful realization yes, especially if the people you were counting on turn their back on you. However, at least it gives you a clear picture of where you stand in their life. You can do away with people who didn’t even bother asking you how you were, people who didn’t listen to your side of your story and people who simply vanished into thin air. They are not your people, So make sure you don’t invite them in your space when things go well eventually, even if they invite themselves in again. Quality over quantity and I am beyond confident that your life can go on without them. Because based on what they’ve shown, they were never with you in this journey to begin with.
4. You get to know yourself better when times are hard.
You are stronger than you think you are and more resourceful and capable than you ever imagined. With nothing else to lose as you hit the lowest point in your life, you begin to explore possibilities bravely and that can lead you to your next breakthrough. It’s all about tapping into your inner greatness, because truth be told, you have everything within to help you get through and succeed in this lifetime.
5. You can change for the better when you’re not bitter.
Never to late to embrace change. Allow yourself to stop resisting it as you let time and space take the lead. Everything will fall into place once you have cleared your mind and heart from the things you need to let go of, as you welcome what needs to take up space so you can start all over again on a better, happier note. As they say, growth can start off messy at first. And that’s ok.
Hopefully this blog post makes it easier for you to embrace hard times this time around.
Always remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now:
to learn the important life lessons to allow you to live life happily and fully.
Not yet. Maybe later. Someday.
How many times have you said these familiar phrases to yourself?
I want you to take this time first to reflect: when do you say these to yourself?
When you want to change careers?
Have dinner?
Say sorry?
Pamper yourself?
And the list goes on I am so sure.
But come to think about this: do these things ABSOLUTELY deserve to be set aside and delayed?
I mean, is it really about not having a choice at that particular point in time or is it how much deserving you feel you were, given whatever situation you were in?
Oops, that may trigger a little.
But hey, know that it’s ok to come from honesty and vulnerability in order for you to truly understand yourself and what really drives (or stops) you.
Because that way, you will be able to give yourself what is due, a number of which perhaps you have chosen to park initially because you were not coming from a space of self worth and self love.
Can you relate with me on this? Do you have a piece of clothing that you bought early on and you’re saving it for a special occasion? I used to be like that: thinking that I have to wait for a milestone or a life changing event for me to wear my new clothes or those deemed “too much” for everyday casual use. But then over the weekend, I caught myself upon seeing a bunch of unused clothes inside my closet. It made me think: why am I just staring at them and admiring them when I can actually wear them, for no reason at all? I just had to feel deserving at that particular point in time. And I really did. So off to the mall I went, my family quite shocked as they saw me wearing fancier than usual clothes for Sunday brunch. But all I said to them when asked was “Why not? Life is too short not to wear beautiful clothes.” And yes, you can quote me on that. Haha! P.S. At the end of the day, I can always wear them again when that special occasion comes. So why delay something I can be truly happy about now?
2. Treat yourself to something that you really want
Saving for the rainy days is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. But also consider that all those money won’t matter if you feel unhappy and deprived. Go watch that musicale. Get yourself that bag. Indulge in a premium pampering session at Roman Baths Scrubbing Salon (ok, pardon the shameless plug, haha!). You are very much deserving as anyone else so don’t ever put your needs and wants last. After all, it won’t be a daily thing — just once in a while when you feel that a little pick me upper can do wonders for you moving forward, as a sign of self love.
3. Get that make over
Because why not? You are allowed to change, look and feel beautiful inside and out without anyone else’s approval. It’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever — to be comfortable in your own skin as you evolve and grow into the person that you’re meant to be, no matter how that may look like. So yeah, schedule that salon visit after reading this.
4. Upskill and upgrade
You will always be the best investment you can ever make. So never set aside your personal growth because that affects everything (and everyone else) around you. I totally believe that if you want something, you will find means and ways to make it happen. Enroll in that class. Get yourself a coach. Level up your wardrobe. Get that laptop you need. It’s never too early or too late to give yourself what you need at the moment so you can grow fully there after.
5. Have a break.
You’re not a robot. And no amount of battery or fuel can help you function at your peak. It’s all about giving yourself that much deserved (and very much needed) break. You’re only human after all. You also need to relax, recharge and recalibrate accordingly. Go on that dream vacation. Hang out with your loved ones. Spend some quiet “me time” with your book and pet close by. You are allowed to disconnect from social media and just let yourself be with no pressure or worries. Take your time off to heal and allow yourself to feel and realize what you need to do as you start all over again there after.
I totally believe that there’s no perfect timing when it comes to giving yourself what is due.
Because now will always be better than later.
Or never.
Fact: Work is not life.
But that doesn’t mean you have to take whatever job you have just to pay the bills.
With the exception of those undergoing much financial stress and left with no option, of course.
I mean seriously, how do you find the job you have now?
I want you guys to reflect:
How’s the job you have now? The environment you’re working in? The perks?
Come from a space of honesty and realize by doing so, you allow yourself to acknowledge what you need to act on and how to go about the next steps there after.
And no, this is not a call for you to resign or quietly quit. So please tell your boss and the HR not to blame me. Haha!
This is your sign to just assess the space you’re in and give yourself what is due: the recognition of your own needs and wants and how your present job fits in.
Admittedly though, it’s not easy to start from scratch. Take it from me who gave up a lucrative but highly successful career in advertising and marketing after 15 years to pursue professional coaching full time. It was indeed a humbling journey.
However, truth be told, it was all worth it.
Because for me, coaching full time is far more rewarding as I help people from all over the world discover and become their own #bestmeever, working wherever and whenever I wanted, compared to just staying inside the four walls of my corner office while building brands and waiting for the clock to strike 5 or sometimes even until overtime work is done.
Before you even go to it, please remember that “I’m OK” is not synonymous to being genuinely happy. Being genuinely happy means waking up inspired each day to go to work, enjoying the company of people around you, seeing the silver linings in adversity while being grateful for the growth your job provides you. It also means being content in your space because what you do, where you are and who you work with makes your heart smile daily.
2. Am I able to maximize all my skills and potentials?
Your skills and talents are gifts. Use them to your advantage, in order for you to grow and change lives there after. Are you able to do that in your current space? Are you given key opportunities to showcase what you can do and be empowered to go beyond your limits? Remember: you can only grow as much as you allow yourself to….and as much as your chosen space lets you. Think about that.
3. What does my current job have to do with my life purpose?
Living your purpose each and every single day means having a job that can bring you closer to your long term goals. Inquire within: what do you think are you meant to do in life? How is your job related to that? Change what you must but never give up on what you feel you’re truly meant to be. You have a unique purpose in this life time. Live it.
4. What’s my biggest “What if….” in terms of my career?
Do you experience having that nagging question inside your head? Do you keep on asking yourself how things could have been so different had you taken a different job offer or pursued a new career altogether? As you age, you begin to realize that it’s more important to tick off items in your bucket list than just settle for the sake of. So at this point in time, what would you really, really want to tick off? Just be honest.
5. What job won”t be a “job” for me?
I always ask this question: if there was one thing that you would like to do, over and over again, even if you’re not paid, what will it be? That’s your dream job, no matter what that may look like. However, it takes a whole lot of honesty to accept that, accountability to pursue it and commitment to make it truly happen just the way you envisioned it. The good thing though: hard as it may seem, it will always be worth it to have a job that gives you the most happiness, peace and fulfillment.
I know by this time you are probably in deep thoughts about your current job and space.
Don’t hurry. Let everything sink in and take your time to think about what’s next for you.
Because whatever it may be, you will always know what’s best for you.
You’re not helping the other person when you tolerate bad behavior.
There I said it.
I know I might get raised eyebrows by claiming that but hey, I stand by for what I think and feel is right.
I have always believed that each one of us is responsible for our actions no matter how we feel.
So therefore, I can’t seem to find or recognize any valid excuse for treating others unkindly or exhibiting bad behavior.
That’s called accountability.
I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble here but you see, tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love and concern for someone.
In fact, instead of helping that person, you are actually crippling him/her as you prevent him/her to see his/her fault and the need to take responsibility on the situation on hand.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect: what are you currently tolerating in your space? Who’s involved? Why do you do so?
Know that it’s ok to be truly honest with yourself because I totally feel that you are coming from a well-meaning space. At least you are more aware now, right?
What is key here is that you now know that anything you tolerate won’t do you any good in the long run, even with the best intentions on hand.
Remember this: no one can force you to do things or be with people who are not in alignment with your core values and those which rob you of your happiness and joy. Own your space. Don’t let others cross your boundaries for whatever reason because you, much like everyone else, is deserving to take up space as you are and keep it the way you want to. Let them understand that a NO is definitely a NO.
2. Lying
You deserve the truth and nothing less. Allowing someone to continuously lie to you means that you are not being honest with yourself too. So if you really want to help people take responsibility for themselves, you have to always ensure that they come from a space of truth because only with real awareness comes acceptance and change there after. Better to hear the harsh truth than live a lie, right?
3. Violence
Non-negotiable for me. On a personal note, this is something I am very particular with, even before getting in a relationship with someone. I always tell them: the moment you lift a finger on me and intentionally hit me, it’s over. No ifs or buts. I hope you realize that the same goes for you too. That no one ever has the right to use violence to make a point. So if you think that accepting all those punches or pinches makes you the better person, no, not really. Don’t start creating a raging monster. Read that again.
Ever heard of the saying: “When there’s a will, there’s a way.” So true right? So never let anyone escape his responsibility to honor his/her word and commitment by calling out excuses and focusing on what is needed to be done and delivered accordingly. Don’t let anyone take your kindness for granted. While it’s ok to give some time and space due to unforeseen events, if it happens all too often or you end up following up most of the time and not get any confirmation about what happens next, then you may want to put your foot down and draw the line.
5. Negativity
To be honest: you don’t need any kind of toxic relationship in your life. Every relationship, whether it’s with your family, friends, at work or anywhere you may be connected with, should always bring out the best, not the stress in you. You don’t want to be the absorber of everyone’s negativity nor be verbally put down in the process. That’s not your role. It will never be. If the relationship you’re in is not helping you grow, let go. You can always nurture new ones when you eventually meet and end up with people who truly deserve to be in your space.
As we wrap this up, I hope by now you have a clearer picture of all the things that you are tolerating in your space that’s not really working for you.
With this new awareness, may you be able to to change your ways of showing your love, care and compassion from tolerating people to empowering people to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
Because you can. And because that is what you deserve too.
As the song goes, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
And I am so sure, we can all relate to this.
Mind you, this goes both ways.
What I mean is that: accepting forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park. At times, I even think, based on experience, it’s even harder than asking for forgiveness.
Maybe because there are a lot of things to consider: the magnitude of the offense, the relationship at stake, the consequences there after...and the list goes on.
Therefore, in my opinion, it’s only right to give the person you’ve offended enough time and space, as you show how genuinely sorry you are, without really expecting immediate acceptance of your apology in return.
Come to think of it, when was the last time you said sorry to someone you have hurt and how did it go?
Did you even apologize or was something holding you back?
This is also quite understandable. It’s not easy to come from a space of humility and courage, knowing that you can be rejected based on what happened. However, I think apologizing is much easier compared to carrying the guilt that goes with the offense in the long run.
Take this time to reflect: what do you think could you do differently so that the other party will be more receptive to your apology?
Please take note of the operative word: genuinely. Meaning, come from your heart. There is such a huge difference when it comes to merely sending out a direct message, a text, an email or a phone call to actually scheduling and meeting up with the other person you’ve offended and apologize face to face. That’s the way you can actually measure the sincerity of the person. Unless the forces of nature intervene or in a life threatening situation, I have always believed that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Think about this: if you had time to hang out before when things were smooth, what difference does finding time to discuss things in person, have now? Need to travel? Why not. Local or overseas, if the other person is worth it, you would. It’s all about being humble and sincere enough to initiate that difficult conversation , face to face as you put value in a relationship worth saving.
2. Ask what you can do to make up for it
At times, your sorry can only do so much. Express your sincerity more by asking what you can do to help lessen the impact of the wrong doing. Is it all about paying for the damage? Giving another schedule? Finding a replacement? Doing what it takes to earn that forgiveness gives you extra points, albeit sometimes more challenging than it seems. But hey, if you’re really sorry for your mistakes and really want to patch things up, take note of the terms of the other party. Because this time around, you have to work with their terms. And you can’t complain.
Fact: people don’t really heal at the same time, more so, not as fast as you want them to. Never force them to accept your apology or to bring things back the way they used to be immediately. Be patient enough to wait when they’re ready. In the meantime, focus on doing things that can assure them of your purest intentions without having to expect anything in return. In the process, don’t also pressure yourself too much to make things right. You’ve already done your part, so give yourself more credit for that.
4. Check in after some time
It’s not just about burying everything 6 ft below the ground after saying your apologies. Take time to reach out after sometime, say a month or so, to check on the other party. Remember to ask how they’re doing, reiterate your intentions for doing so and tell them that you are open to discuss anything if needed. Avoid looking desperate by messaging them so often and forcing yourself and the other party to be ok. If it doesn’t work out after a month, try again after another month or two. Never give up on a relationship that matters to you and the opportunity to receive the forgiveness you want and deserve too for yourself.
5. Change for the better
Any apology will be meaningless if you don’t embrace the necessary changes that need to go with it. So whether or not the other person accepts your apology, what is important here is that you change for the better. Establish healthier habits, invest on yourself and your growth, make yourself and others proud by becoming your own #bestmeever . That way, whether the other person is ready to accept your apology or not, you’ve proven to yourself that you are capable of doing what is right and best for you as of the moment. And you don’t need anyone else’s go signal to apply the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Cheer up, I am sure someday, that other person will take notice. Until then, continue working on yourself so it doesn’t happen again.
I hope by this time you have enough ideas on how to go about asking for forgiveness.
Remember, at the end of the day, you owe it not only to the person you’ve offended but also to yourself.
Simply because with every sincere apology, you set yourself free.
Credibility. Integrity. Authenticity.
Three core values that I keep closest to my heart.
Seriously though. On a personal note, words can’t express the importance of these three when it comes to one’s personal and professional life, so to speak.
Time and again, I have proven to myself that by being able to uphold my own core values, I managed to open doors that helped me in my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
While the three mentioned have equal importance, oftentimes, I get to be asked how I built and maintained my credibility through the years as I practice coaching. Maybe because among the three, this requires the most work.
To align everyone reading this: having credibility means the quality of being believable and worthy of trust . I believe that in order for one to be able to build credibility, it’s a combination of having desirable behaviors, attitudes and skillsets that will make one trust-worthy.
On that note, since it’s quite challenging to build and easy to lose so to speak, it’s very important for us to protect it as much as we can.
Remember, as they say: trust, once gone, is hard to regain.
Hard truth indeed.
So given that, I want you to take this time to reflect: how have you been building and maintaining your credibility?
Are there certain behaviors and attitudes that compromise yours, whether consciously or unconsciously?
What actions are working against your credibility?
Whatever your answer may be, know that your awareness can be your stepping stone to addressing what needs to be dealt with in terms of building and maintaining your own credibility.
You are as good as your word. So make sure you honor every contract you signed, every promise you’ve given and stand by every word that you said. Broken promises lead to having trust broken which eventually can result in relationships, whether on a personal or professional note, breaking up. So before you have any regrets, try your best to commit only to things you are sure you can manage well. That way, you don’t end up tarnishing your credibility with promises you can’t (and don’t intend to) keep.
2. Being inconsistent
How can you trust someone who’s unpredictable in terms of behavior and actions? Every single day, show up, do your best, keep your word, follow through, and never leave anything or anyone hanging, no matter how difficult situations may be at times. Don’t be afraid to be (and show) your authentic self because as you are, much like everyone else, you deserve to take up space. Drop all the masks, let go of all the pretensions. You don’t need those if you want to build your credibility and your relationships around you.
3. Blaming others always
Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is sexy. There I said it. Haha! Kidding aside, it’s quite admirable seeing people who are able to be accountable for the decisions and results they have in life. Know that each time you blame others and refuse to take responsibility for your own life, you risk losing the confidence of people in you as you drown in your own victim mentality. Always take to heart that regardless of what happens to you and within you, you have the power of choice to be accountable for your desired results moving forward.
4. Overpromising, Underdelivering
One of the things I repeat time and again to my coach mentees is to always walk the talk. You can’t just rely on your words to do the magic for you. You have to bundle it with the right, intentional actions to be able to deliver accordingly what is needed. While it’s nice to assure people with what you say, make sure the assurance stays when you act on it. That means making sure that you give your best into fulfilling the expectations you have set in others. Otherwise, any misalignment in your words and actions can cause people to doubt you and the validity of your words. And that’s certainly not a space you want to be caught in, right?
5. Communicating vaguely
Sometimes, when you want to play it safe, you say things for the sake of e.g. soon, next year, a lot, before etc. just to satisfy a certain question posted. Here’s the thing: when you really want to commit to something, you will be really specific with the details because you know that you (and the other party) deserve to know accordingly so that expectations and actions can be managed better. So stop using words that are hard to qualify and giving out information that lacks important details to ensure that you don’t lose the attention and trust of those listening to you as you speak. Facts over assumptions always, in all ways.
By now, I do hope that you get to embrace the importance of building and maintaining your credibility.
Always remember that your thoughts and actions should always be in alignment with your true intentions.
Because by ensuring that, you are able to keep your credibility in tact.
And that’s a priceless experience.
We only live once.
Therefore it’s very important to live life fully.
Amen.
I truly believe in this.
You see, through the years, I have seen and experienced losing people close to my heart, albeit too sudden at times, due to sickness or unfortunate events.
Trust me, not an easy space to be in, whether you’re the one on the death bed or the one visiting.
You get to realize many things. Like many.
While hopefully a lot of them are happy ones, you can’t help but think about those that make you regret having to be feeling helpless in the now.
I want you to take this moment to reflect:
If you were to go unexpectedly (sincerely praying hopefully not), what would be your biggest regret in life?
I feel you. Quite a heavy topic.
But such an eye opener.
Imagine: how many “what ifs” do you still have now?
What are you wishing that could have happened differently?
Breathe.
With that awareness right now, hopefully you can prevent them from happening eventually.
You’ve heard me say this time and again: work is not life. While it’s important to earn a living, it’s far more important to enjoy life outside of work. No one will exactly remember your position, how much you earned or what exactly your job was. Your true value lies on how much you’ve grown on a personal note and how many lives you have touched and changed in the process, including your own. The key here is to work smart and manage your time, energy and resources well so that you can enjoy and explore the beauty of life outside of your 8-hour shift. Trust me, you can never compare the joy you will experience outside of your office, because you shouldn’t be a prisoner of your own responsibility to pay your bills. There are other ways. Most of them can be done outside of your self-imposed work trap.
2. Not being able to say or express your true feelings
Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, for as long as you will take responsibility for them. You deserve to be heard, seen and felt– never let anyone or anything make you feel otherwise. A lot of opportunities and beautiful relationships go to waste simply because you held back. So speak your mind and heart and allow yourself to receive what is due to you: a response that will help you grow there after.
3. Trying to be liked by everyone
You weren’t born to please everyone and your happiness does not depend on anyone else’s approval. Take that to heart. You don’t have to force yourself in relationships or spaces you don’t really fit in to. Happiness is a matter of choice and that means choosing what’s best for you, and that includes the people who will genuinely love and support you for who and what you are. You’re not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s perfectly ok. Because for all you know, they aren’t yours, too.
4. Setting aside your dreams and passion
Doing what you love best and being the person you’re meant to be make life worth living. Never be too distracted, pressured or caught up with a lot of unnecessary things in life that you forget about what really makes your heart skip a bit. Remember: you are never too young, too old or too busy to pursue your passion and live your aspirations. You just have to consciously make that choice: to feel worthy of your biggest dreams and of becoming the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
5. Not embracing your true self
Self-acceptance is key if you truly want to live a happy, full life. Know that as you are, you are very much deserving to take up space, to be respected and recognized and loved fully so never short change yourself by hiding behind a socially-constructed facade. You don’t have too. Why pretend when you can live your purpose unapologetically? The rest of your life gets better that way. Don’t let others take the lead, after all, you know yourself best.
After reading through all these, may you realize what matters most in this life time:
Your genuine happiness and growth.
Never too late to begin living life regret-free.
Your thoughts become your reality.
Fact.
And that goes both ways.
What I mean is that whatever you focus on, it becomes your reality, good or bad.
That’s how powerful your mind is.
Good if you utilize its strength into harnessing your own potential and pushing yourself forward as you become your own #bestmeever .
However, it’s a different story altogether if you actually choose to focus on the negative thoughts that you have.
Remember, your self-talk is very powerful and it can definitely affect the way you see and do things in your life in general.
Curating your self-talk is not an easy task so to speak because again, you are very much exposed to a lot of people, things and situations which may cause you to have negative thoughts about yourself. The thing is, you cannot control all of them and stop them from wrecking havoc to your mental and emotional state.
Celebrating yourself then becomes challenging, however, in my opinion, but still very much possible by choice. It’s a must actually.
Speaking of choices, what kind of thoughts have you been entertaining on your mind lately? Take this moment to reflect and come from honesty: how are they affecting you in your current space?
Ok, so if you’ve been entertaining a bunch of not-so-good thoughts lately, know that it’s never too late to do away with them.
Here are 5 negative thoughts you should not entertain when they come to you for a visit:
1.) “You are not worthy.”
Normally we get this idea when we get rejected, whether by another person or an opportunity on hand. Sadly though, this thought stems from previous experiences while growing up, whether from your parents who minimized your own potentials or opinions of others about yourself and your work which cut through your entire being. However, it is important to know that you define your own worthiness. It’s not really based on who you were before, what you’ve done or what you’ve failed at. It’s about who you choose to be now, how committed you are to yourself and your growth and what you choose to do about your current situation you’re in that determines it. Never let what other people said about you nor what the circumstance made you feel, make you forget how deserving you are to still take up space, no matter what.
2.) “You are not good enough.”
Failures can definitely dampen our spirits and bruise our egos. But hey, part of growth. What we miss out here is that failure is not an end by itself; it’s our choice of whether we let it be or we get inspired to work on ourselves once more based on the rooms for improvement. Come to think of it, isn’t it a beautiful thing to know exactly what to anticipate, do differently and turn your failure into an inspiring story there after? Greatness takes time. And a whole lot of patience and effort too. So you may not be good enough…yet. And that’s ok. It’s only the beginning for you. That will definitely still change.
3.) “You’re too much.”
Too ambitious? Too animated? Too optimistic? Geez. By who’s standards? If it’s based on the standards of the society and others, why stress so much? Never let those stop you from becoming the person you’re meant to be. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to be genuine as you embrace your truth. Remember, you will never be too much for the right people you choose to surround yourself with because they will be willing love and support you as you are, and as you grow. For as long as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, no one can say that you’re being too much. Maybe they are just coming from feeling less about themselves each time they see you go for what you truly want and deserve. Who knows? Regardless, don’t allow others to put you in a box.
4.) “You’re all alone.”
It may not seem like it always, but know that somewhere out there, someone believes in you and treats you as his/her inspiration. While sometimes we expect too much from people who we consider as the ones closest to our hearts, it’s unfortunate that sometimes, when we least expect it, they are no where to be found when we needed them the most. Take things as they are. And know that this experience allows you to see who really values you. You might be surprised how many others are willing to have a space in your life…they were just waiting for you to open up and notice them. Apart from that, let your faith take the lead. Believing in a higher being, whether that’s God for you or someone else, allows you to hold on to hope as you journey through life. Never forget also the fact that you, by choice, can be your own greatest fan. So never leave your own side, regardless of what happens. The Universe has your back. And so do you.
5.) “You’ll never make it.”
Where you are right now, is exactly where you’re meant to be. If you’re struggling, it’s preparing you for more growth. However, note that struggling does not mean you’re failing. And it also does not mean that you’ll never make it. Take that to heart. You always have the power to choose what’s best for you, as you work on yourself and take one step forward every single day. Don’t let the words of others stop you. You’ll make it someday, in your own way. You just have to be fully committed to your goals, whatever they may be.
I hope that this article gives you a heads up on the negative thoughts that you have to avoid at all costs.
Mind you, these are the things I have heard others say to me before.
Negative thoughts which I never entertained. Thus never stopped me from becoming the person that I am now.
Remember: You become what you focus on.
So always see yourself through beautiful, grateful lens.
Quick question: what’s one decision you regret making in your life?
Oops, I think I hit a nerve there.
Ok, before you palpitate too much, know that you’re not alone.
I mean one way or another, as we age, we realize that not all the decisions we made in our lives worked for us.
So stop judging yourself first and just inquire within: how did that “wrong” decision impact your life?
Breathe. Recognize. And then let go.
You are no longer in that space now. And hopefully you learned along the way.
Don’t let those mistakes you’ve made before define who and what you can still be.
Honor their role in your journey but never let them take the lead.
After all, it’s all about learning and growing from that experience which matters most.
Might be painful at times, but definitely worth it in the end if you allow yourself to take responsibility for your decisions there after.
And by taking responsibility I mean that this time around, you will be able to make better decisions for yourself as you become more mindful of your thoughts and feelings.
1.) Check on your present space
It’s very important to become aware of your current space. What are the facts surrounding you? How do you feel? What’s on your mind exactly? Are you 100% present in the now? Remember, you can only make better decisions when you have fully acknowledged where you are coming from and the exact space you’re in. Ideally, you are in neutral grounds, free from stress and pressure with stable emotions and focused on the decision making on hand.
2.) Be clear on your objectives
Knowing why you’re making a certain decision and what you want to achieve in doing so will help you align your reasoning. Be as specific as possible: don’t just say “I just want to be happy.” ; qualify it. What does that mean? How does that look like for you? Being specific allows you to draw a mental and emotional note based on the clarity of what you really want from the decision you’re about to make.
3.) Identify your biases
Be mindful of past experiences that have created judgment about the dilemma on hand and on yourself. List down any unnecessary thoughts that will distract you along the way. Goal is to become as objective as possible so that your decision will be based on facts and not on trauma or heightened emotions.
4.) List down the pros and cons of your decision
I know. Quite basic. But seriously, when done correctly, it can do wonders for you. When I say correctly, I mean writing things as they are, without overthinking and without self-editing, so that you get to appreciate the real value they give accordingly. Try to catch yourself when you are trying your best to lean towards a certain decision intentionally by sugar coating the cons consciously. Trust me, the more you minimize either side, the more unsound your decision will become.
5.) Acknowledge how you genuinely feel after seeing the facts
Your feelings matter just as much. Never invalidate them when making decisions. However, what is best here is to assess them based on the facts you have on hand. Impulsive decisions normally don’t have factual support so at times they can wreck havoc there after. So after gathering enough data, assess how you truly feel about the decision you’re about to make. In my case, I always ask myself this question: what decision will make me feel happy, complete and fulfilled? Works for me.
At the end of the day, you know what’s best for you.
Remember, everything happens for a reason.
And decisions, whether good or bad, only become better when you learn and grow from them as you take responsibility.
May your decisions reflect the life you truly want and deserve soon.
