Time is gold.
Indeed.
So how many of you grew up seeing that quote posted on your class room wall?
Or as a favorite answer back then when asked about one’s favorite saying?
Can’t blame them, guys. It’s indeed a very powerful saying.
So much truth to it.
After all, everything else will be meaningless : your wealth, your health, your accomplishments and all other things you hold close to your heart if you don’t have time to spare to enjoy them.
The question now is: how do you spend yours?
Reflect accordingly: where do you devote much of your time to?
While you’re at it, ask yourself this: where do you think you need to focus on instead?
Tough decision, if I may say, if you’ve already gotten used to doing the same thing over and over again.
But hey: life isn’t supposed to be lived in a routinary manner.
You deserve more.
To enjoy life to the fullest as you become the person you’re meant to be.
Your own #bestmeever .
And the only way to achieve that is to find time for things which really matter in the long run.
Mind you, regular is relative so it’s up to you if you want to do it on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.
Start with what can be comfortable for you then gradually improve on the frequency and quality of your focused moments.
Anyway, here they are:
1.) Time to go offline
Unplug to recharge. This simply means taking a mandatory break from social media. You don’t need to wait for a special occasion like the Holy Week or a life-changing event to make that hard stop. Don ‘t be afraid to miss out on what’s going on in the digital space as you allow yourself to embrace the reality in front of you. Life outside of social media will always be more meaningful and beautiful. Trust me, while I utilize my social media platforms for my coaching practice , I mindfully ensure that I do hard stops at the end of the day as I lay my phone and laptop to rest. That allows me to do my meditations and become 100% present in my current space.
2.) Time for self-care
I have always been a very strong advocate for wellness and wellbeing. So it’s very important for me (and for you dear reader as well) to always find time to take care and pamper yourself. You deserve it. It doesn’t have to be grand always, but hey if you have extra to splurge on, why not? What I am saying is that self-care can be in different forms such as having breaks in between your work schedule, staying away from toxic people or treating yourself to a massage. Remember: it’s your responsibility to make yourself feel a little bit better. On my end, I make sure to reward myself at the end of each and every single day, no matter how it went. And by rewarding I mean whether getting my favorite chocolate or allowing myself to watch an extra episode on Netflix. After all, making it through a day is an achievement by itself.
3.) Time for self-improvement
Question: when was the last time you invested on yourself and your growth? You are the best investment you can ever make so always find time to learn a new skill or get to know yourself on a deeper level. Never be too busy with work that you forget how important it is to fuel your own growth, whether that means embarking on a self-discovery journey with a professional or widening the skill set on your resume. Go for what you think will benefit you in the long run, inside and outside of work. I always put much value on learning continuously so this year, I am planning to go back to graduate school to study once more…after 10 years since I finished my Masters degree in UP Diliman. Excited though for this new adventure.
4.) Time to build and nurture relationships
No man is an island and your relationship with others matter as much as your relationship with yourself. So always find time to be with people you love and make each and every moment meaningful and memorable. Even at your busiest days, find time to at least text or call to remind them that they are thought about despite the craziness of your schedule. Open yourself up to possibilities of building your network also as you meet other people and build new relationships which can be of great value in the long run.
5.) Having your own ME Time
Before anything else, stop judging yourself. Having your own ME Time is never selfish. It’s a must. Never let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise. You, as much as everyone else, deserve to give yourself undivided attention and 100% love. How you want to spend your time for yourself is truly up to you. Whether you choose to meditate, travel, visit a new place, pursue a hobby — do what makes your heart and soul smile happily. I make my evenings as my regular ME Time, where I take off my coaching hat and just let myself be. And I tell you, it’s one of the best ways to rejuvenate at the end of a long day as I cuddle with my fur babies and watch my favorite series on Netflix while chatting with friends and loved ones on the side.
I hope reading this helps you realize what you’ve been missing out on your schedule.
One thing to take to heart today:
If it matters, make quality time for it.
Because you can.
I never thought the lyrics of a song can be so powerful.
That is until I watched this musicale.
You see I was invited to attend the media launch of the musicale “We Aren’t Kids Anymore” by Barefoot Theatre Collaborative (BTC) set to open to the public on May 2, 2025 (that’s actually today guys!) at the Power Mac Center Spotlight Blackbox Theater in Circuit Makati.
I am such a huge fan of inspiring plays, movies and musicales so the pitch that was sent to me that said my platform, #bestmeever across multimedia, was very much in alignment with their production since I speak so often about personal development, mental health and motivational content — I knew I had to go and see it for myself.
And I tell you guys, the pitch was so true.
It hit home.
The moment I arrived at the venue, I knew that an amazing experience awaits. I loved how colorful the backdrop was, which matched my outfit. And no, I had no idea it will be like that. Promise. Haha!
Inside the venue though, it was very different. Very minimalist. But I don’t want to go spoil the fun by giving you guys so much details. Just go visit them yourself and enjoy the entire experience minus any spoilers. You’ll be thanking me eventually.
Going back to the venue set up, the entire minimalist theme actually allowed me to focus more on the music and actors, which I believe was the whole point. Surprisingly, I got to appreciate that more despite the fact that my watch was telling me the sounds were too loud inside at times (maybe I wasn’t used being exposed to such regularly as the sounds inside the TV and Radio studios when I go on-air aren’t that loud or maybe because I was seated in front, very near the stage).
I loved the fact that they casted an amazing group, who managed to tell the whole story about how it is to grow up in this world, in the rawest, most honest way possible. Awesome acting. Amazing vocals. Some of their lines resonated with me a lot and I’d like to share with you some, my take on them and bonus coaching questions for reflection. Disclaimer: not sure if I got them word per word but I think the thought was captured clearly. Did my best. Haha!.
My goodness, this line healed my inner child. Haha! Kidding aside, I lost count of the mistakes I made while growing up, out of fear, wanting to belong and to prove myself to others. However, truth be told, those mistakes allowed me to realize my need for personal boundaries, to work on myself and focus on my own journey and pursue what genuinely makes me feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Yup, all those mistakes I have made through the years have led me to become the 43 year old person that I am today. And looking back, given that now I am able to help others rise above their mistakes and see the silver linings beyond, I am blessed to have made mine as stepping stones to where I am meant to be as I live my purpose. Something to reflect on: what are your mistakes teaching you?
2. “I am not falling for that”
Is it only me or you’ve been just as gullible when you were younger too? I used to believe that I should always follow certain standards which the society and people around me have imposed, only to end up unhappier and doubting myself more in the process. I have said it time and again: there’s no point of comparing yourself with others. We all have different journeys. And that means having different standards and timelines. You are exactly where you’re meant to be. Life was not meant to be hurried or lived in a certain way–it’s meant to be enjoyed fully. So whether you’re struggling, working your way up or thriving at the moment, you’re just in time. Also, gone are the days when what others have to say about me matters. I guess it’s all about knowing my own truth and realizing that their words could never define me. So yeah. Goodbye to gaslighting and trying too hard to meet ridiculous standards. Nope, not falling for those anymore. In your case, reflect: what must you break free from?
3. “I am faking it for you”
Authenticity has always been my strongest suit and I take that to heart with me when I coach, host on-air, give talks or do content. I believe that everyone has the right to take up space as he/she is and there’s no need to fake it. When times seem more challenging than usual, the key here is to face it, not fake it. I hope you keep that in mind because as you are, you are amazing. Be true. Be you. Think about this: What are you faking in your space and how can you address that differently?
4. “Been dependent on luck. Wishing on a four leaf clover”
Destiny. Fate. Written in the stars. Maybe there’s some truth to that. However, don’t discount the fact that you also have some things under your control. So do what you can, with all that you have and all that you are so that you won’t have any regrets in the long run. The rest that’s beyond your control and influence, let go. Your thoughts please: What can you do to have more control in your life now?
5. “Realize that someone is just as scared”
Yup, you are not alone. And whatever you’re feeling now is valid. However, don’t let your fears and overwhelming emotions get the best of you. Know that someone out there takes you as an inspiration so always do your best to rise above the challenges. It’s ok to be scared, but never give in or give up. You deserve to give yourself that fighting chance to shine brighter and become better. As Nike says, just do it. Show up. Something to ponder: What can help you face your fears easier?
Staying up late last night to watch the premiere was definitely a holiday well spent in my book.
Because I learned so much more, now that I am not a kid anymore.
Thank you for having me and the beautiful reminders.
Question: ever felt afraid before?
I think it’s safe to say that one way or another, we have all experienced being fearful.
Take this time to recall yours: what were you scared of before?
Reciting in class?
A terror teacher?
Making mistakes?
Death?
In my case, I used to dread standing in front of a huge crowd because of my fear of being ridiculed and judged while growing up.
I lost count of the number of times I lost my composure and made a fool of myself as I let my fear then get the best of me. Trust me, it took a whole lot of time, effort and commitment to becoming my own #bestmeever to overcome them. Yup, working on myself helped me understand my fears (and myself) better and taught me how to face them bravely.
So if you’re feeling scared right now in your current space, for whatever reason you may have, please know that there’s hope. And yes, you can overcome your own biggest fears by choice.
But first things first: let’s debunk some of your misconceptions about fears so you don’t get overwhelmed in the process:
You will be quite surprised though, but based on experience, the most successful people I have interviewed and worked with had their own set of fears to overcome before they became the person that they are at present. Sounds highly unlikely especially if you see them looking confident and all made up. However, truth be told, it’s normal to feel scared when you are dealing with something unfamiliar or unpleasant. If the fear persists or cripples you big time though, consider seeking professional help so you can navigate through it better.
2. Your fears are all based on facts.
More often than not though, that’s not exactly the case. If you’re feeling fearful and anxious about the future then you are merely operating based on your assumptions. The only way your fears will turn into facts is when you embrace them whole and believed them totally. Know though that you have a choice on not to go that route ever. So now, ask yourself: what assumptions are clouding your judgment? What are your facts on-hand that are under your control? Reflect on these fully so you can clear your space and your thoughts accordingly.
3. Your fears define you.
Your fears don’t define you. Your response towards them, as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions, do. The only way your fears will define you is when you allow them to take over your life as you base your decisions on them: whether it’s all about quitting, letting go or beating yourself up — all of which don’t necessarily help resolve what you need to address in the first place. Reflect: what can I do now to resolve this fear of mine? Big or small, your action plans matter.
4. Your fears are unbeatable.
No fear is all powerful for someone who is very much self-aware and self-secured. It’s all about giving yourself that fighting chance to face your fears head on, knowing that you have what it takes to do so. Try to recall similar situations where in you felt scared and yet you overcame them. Use whatever learnings you had then to deliver your desired results moving forward as you look at your fears straight in the eye. Win this for yourself. You deserve it.
5. There’s nothing good about having fears.
Actually, there is. Fears help you understand yourself better, as they highlight what is truly important to you: your boundaries, your dreams and aspirations, your loved ones, your reputation. I mean consider this: you won’t be scared of losing something or doing something if what is at stake doesn’t matter, right? So consider your fears as gentle reminders of what needs your attention, whether it’s for self-improvement or the safety and growth of everyone else around you (and within you, as well). So stop resisting fear and start learning how you can sit with it comfortably so you get to understand it (and yourself) better.
Still scared? Hopefully lesser now after reading this.
Just remember: you will always be bigger than your fears.
Be brave enough to make life happen for you as you conquer them and own your space.
Honesty is the best policy.
I think we all grew up with that quote.
Whether it’s posted near the blackboard inside our classroom or written on a random page of our journal, we are oftentimes reminded of the true value of being honest in our lives.
Which in fact is quite valid because practicing honesty builds integrity and credibility, things we need in order to fully succeed in life. And trust me, you wouldn’t want to sacrifice those in the long run.
Sadly though, not all people welcome honesty with open arms. At times, no matter how well-meaning a person is, his/her honest remarks are taken as an attack.
While the issues and experiences of others are theirs to carry (which actually determine how they see the world and react to it, your message included), you should not burden yourself by doubting your actions if your intentions are pure.
At the end of the day, you know yourself best and you deserve to be honest not only with your words but also on how you choose to live life in general.
Take to heart though that your privilege goes the same for others and the key here is to practice respect while communicating honestly as we set and maintain necessary boundaries.
Think about the last honest conversation you had: how did it go?
Did the other party take it openly?
Or were you accused of being heartless, insensitive and outright rude?
While you can’t control the way others will react towards your honesty, you can always fine tune your way of delivering your message from your authentic self.
Here’s how you can be honest without being rude:
Most of the time, people get angry when caught off by surprise. Prevent this by preparing the person as you ask for permission if you can give your honest opinion. This gives the other party the time to think and consider his current space as to whether he is receptive towards it or isn’t ready at the moment. Either way, it will also give you an idea on whether to proceed or park it first to avoid conflict.
2. Clarify your intentions.
In order to avoid any form of misconception, it is important to state your reasons why you want to have that honest conversation and which space you’re coming from. Doing so allows the other party to loosen up and feel more safe and at ease to receiving your honest feedback.
3. Deliver your message mindfully.
How you structure your sentences and your choice of words can affect your delivery’s impact. Don’t forget your tone of voice and body language too. My tip here is that: if you were going to say the same thing to your 5 year old self, how will you do so coming from a space of love and genuine concern? Start from there. P.S. be clear and concise so that the key message doesn’t drown along the way.
4. Take time to listen and ask for feedback.
Being honest is also a two-way street. So best if you lend your ears as you ask about the feelings of the other person concerned. Once more, assure the other person that you will be open to listening and receiving feedback, much like how he/she did. Never block off what the other person has to say and never anticipate it as a form of attack. Be humble enough to allow yourself to know the impact of your message. Clarify and apologize if needed.
5. Ask how you can help out moving forward.
A gem of an effort indeed. It’s all about making the other person feel supported no matter what. Genuinely ask for what support you can offer and how can things be better for both of you moving forward. It’s not just about being able to say your piece, but rather using that conversation as a springboard to improving things around (and within) you .
Always remember that there’s nothing wrong with being honest.
However, know that you have a choice as to not come off as blunt by becoming more mindful of your words and actions.
That’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever .
Self talk is very powerful.
And that’s a fact.
How you talk to yourself, how you view and treat yourself becomes your every day reality.
Now my question is: how are your conversations with yourself? Which space are you coming from?
Take this time to reflect: what have you been saying to yourself?
Are you expressing joy? Disappointment? Anger? Shame? Excitement? Guilt?
How do these conversations affect your day to day existence?
Before you raise your eyebrows, know that you’re not going crazy as you engage in self talk.
It’s actually a healthy way to allow your mind to process things better and understand the space you’re coming from.
It also gives you the chance to affirm yourself and ground yourself when needed.
However, you can only reap the beautiful benefits of self-talk if you choose to engage in yours positively.
This means that you exert conscious effort to find what is good in your space and appreciate yourself, no matter what happens around you (or even sometimes within you).
It’s all about coming from a space of love and understanding, knowing that you are doing the best that you can, with all that you are and all that you have and that will always be more than enough reason for you to appreciate yourself more.
Take this to heart: as you speak lovingly to yourself, you allow yourself to maximize your potential and grow to the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
And by doing so, you also enable yourself to come from a space of overflow, which makes you not settle for anything less than what you deserve, as you also teach others how to treat you better.
Your self deserves an apology if you’ve been neglecting it for quite sometime now. Whether you got too busy at work that you overlooked your self-care routine or treated it badly because you were having a bad day, be humble enough to say sorry. Mean it. And make sure to make up for it as you commit to try your best not to do what you hurt yourself with again.
2. Thank you, Self
You, reading this now means that you’ve made it this far. And trust me, you couldn’t have done it without trusting (and working on/with) yourself. Every single day, new possibilities await you– be patient with yourself and your growth. Be grateful for what your life has become at the moment. It’s a stepping stone towards what you’re meant to be in this lifetime. Trust me: a whole hearted, genuine self appreciation goes a long way.
3. I am proud of you, Self
When life seems so challenging, we tend to forget how many times we survived far harder situations in the past. Honor yourself. Your battle scars are testament that you are trying (harder even at times) and for that alone you deserve a pat on the back, regardless of the results. Today, count your blessings and realize how blessed you are and how much you’ve grown.
4.I love you, Self
Give yourself the kind of love you freely give to others. Before you cringe — it’s not cheesy or self-serving. It’s actually something your self really deserves: to know that he/she is unconditionally loved for who and what he/she is. As what Ru Paul always says: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can anybody else? Amen to that!
5. We can do this, Self
If you want to succeed in this life time, be your own greatest fan. Believe in yourself fully and you will be totally unstoppable. Free yourself from the need to be validated by others as you focus on yourself and your own growth. Know that you have everything within you to succeed and it’s all up to you on how you will maximize it. When the going gets tough, inquire within and give yourself that gentle nudge to keep going. Keep believing.
I hope that you get to build a better relationship with yourself after reading this.
Looking forward to seeing you have more loving talks from the heart with the most important person in the room:
your precious self.
Fact: Things don’t always happen as planned.
And at times, you can end up feeling humiliated.
I know. The mere thought can be so scary.
I mean, who wants to be caught in an awkward moment amidst a sea of stares filled with judgment?
Can you relate to this?
Take this time to reflect: when was the last time you felt humiliated?
Did you lose in a competition?
Missed the goals you set for yourself?
Got scolded by your boss?
Got compared to another person harshly?
I know we can all add up to this list based on our own set of experiences.
But you know what, let it be known that whatever made you feel insignificant and small back then, at that moment — they don’t define you.
How you respect yourself and how you pick up yourself after that fall, will.
Understandably though, it’s not easy to bounce back after getting humiliated.
Nursing a bruised ego takes time and a whole lot of effort and so does mending your self-worth.
However, know that it’s very much possible to free yourself from the downward spiral that humiliation brings.
Seriously: it’s not all about you. The way people judged you or mocked you, is on them. It shows the kind of people they are. Don’t let an unfortunate event define you and what you can still be. Remember: people see life through their own lens based on their set of experiences, most of which amy not be similar with yours. You know yourself better. Acknowledge what’s true and let go of the other opinions which don’t really add value. Continue working on yourself as you journey towards your own #bestmeever and know that if you do, things will eventually work out on your favor.
2. Remind yourself it’s just temporary
Nothing lasts forever. Including feeling humiliated. It will pass. So why let one unfortunate situation define your entire life permanently? You can always bounce back by choice. What is important here is to humble yourself and accept the situation as is, so you can process it fully eventually. Ask yourself this: will what you’ve been through: the failures, humiliation and all, still matter in a year’s time? I don’t think so. Life has so much more to offer you only if you open your eyes, mind and heart to receiving what is due.
3. Be mindful about silver linings
I always say this: everything happens for a reason. So whether it’s a break up, a failed attempt, a missed opportunity or being made to feel small by certain individuals or situations, each event carries a particular lesson that will be of great value for you moving forward. Stop resisting the situation on hand and humble yourself enough to ask: what can I learn from this situation? How can I grow using this as my inspiration? Asking yourself those powerful questions can do wonders for you moving forward as you uncover blessings in disguise.
4. Remember previous wins
Don’t let hard times make you forget how amazing you are. When you feel down and insignificant, try to recall all your previous successes before the unfortunate event happened. Don’t overthink; big or small, they matter because they remind you of your worth and what you can still be. Don’t let an unfortunate situation and the judgment of others hold you back from maximizing your potential and being your best. If you’re not yet keeping a gratitude list, this is your sign to start on yours so that you have something to look back to when the time comes you need to validate yourself.
5. Reflect and recalibrate
Nope, you don’t need to bounce back immediately. Take time to fully embrace how you feel and understand the situation fully. Hurrying the process will only make things worse. Take time to embrace the lessons and invest on yourself and your growth. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone else; you just have to give yourself the time and space that is due, which means letting yourself be and planning what will be best for you moving forward. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do just that. You owe it to yourself.
Here’s something to take to heart, moving forward: humiliation has no power over a person who knows his/her worth inside and out.
Never let anything or anyone make you feel less amazing of a person that you are.
Fact: How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you.
Basic.
Indeed, it starts with you.
The amount of respect you give yourself shows others how much you value yourself and how you will not settle for anything less than you deserve.
It speaks of self-love and self-care through upholding what you think and feel is best for you.
Taking that into consideration, reflect: how much respect have you given yourself? How do you practice it?
Or should I rephrase that: do you give yourself the respect you deserve, at all?
Peace!!!
But kidding aside, giving yourself the love, acceptance and respect you deserve, is fundamental if you want to grow and become your own #bestmeever .
But yes, I do acknowledge the fact that sometimes, when things go wrong as they sometimes will, beating yourself up seems to be far easier than holding your head up high.
But that’s definitely not the way to go honey.
Take this to heart: you are not defined by your failures or whatever it is that broke you.
You are defined by the choices you make after each and every fall, including respecting yourself no matter what.
A NO is a NO. And keep it that way. Don’t be pressured to go against your word by others. You know what’s best for you so trust yourself more. Remember: each time you keep your boundaries, you are showing others how much you respect yourself and the decisions you make. Let them adjust.
2. Honor your commitments
Keeping your word matters a lot, not only to yourself but to others who have trusted you too. Respecting yourself means not compromising your credibility and integrity, which definitely involves not breaking your promises. You are as good as your word, remember that always. Do your best always, with all that you can and all that you have, to honor them as you honor yourself.
3. Allow yourself to have some “ME time”
No, you can’t always perform at 100% or live life at your peak at all times. Don’t ever feel guilty as you take time to rest, reflect and recalibrate. You need and deserve this time off so you can fill your own cup and come from a space of overflow. Pause. Do what makes your heart sing. Be with people you love. Travel. Let yourself be. That is what respecting your needs and wants look like.
4. Make decisions for yourself
It’s your life. Your rules. Never let anyone else take over and invalidate what you believe is best for you. Stop doubting your ability to decide. You have what it takes to figure out what will work best for you. Respecting yourself means listening to your own intuition and not invalidating how you feel about a certain person or situation. You know what’s best for you. Keep it that way. And always take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
5. Invest on yourself and your growth
Respecting yourself means maximizing your potentials and becoming the person you’re meant to be. It means allowing yourself to work on your weaknesses as you amplify your strengths. It means facing and overcoming mistakes and failures and learning and growing from them by choice and by committing to yourself and your results more. It’s all about loving and appreciating yourself as you are as you work on what you can still be.
At the end of the day, you deserve the kind of respect you freely give to others.
Because much like everyone else, you matter.
Never forget that.
Not everyone can be (or has to be) part of your happily ever after.
And that’s a fact.
Each person that comes into your life carries with him/her a particular purpose.
And they are not limited to your family, friends or significant others.
They can be an acquaintance, a colleague at work or school or even random strangers you bumped into.
Their purpose, whatever it may be, unfolds in its own timeline and space, not necessarily in accordance to yours.
This simply means that along the way, as you journey towards your own #bestmeever , you will lose people around you, not because you want to, but because it’s meant to be that way.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that it’s ok to push people away when you’re struggling with your own pains. Please, stop projecting them on others. This is another topic altogether though. Hehe.
What I am saying is that you must be ready to embrace the consequences of your decisions and actions as you let things be. And that includes letting people go when the time comes and letting them be as well.
This can oftentimes be hard and messy but know along the way, no matter how crazy things are as of the moment, they needed to happen so that you can become the person you’re meant to be.
I mentioned a little about this earlier. You see, the Universe sends you people to teach you valuable lessons you need to move forward and thrive in this lifetime. The key here is to notice the kind of people you attract in your space. What are their similarities? What patterns in your relationships have you observed? Becoming more mindful about them and taking each and every lesson to heart allows you to outgrow some people who are meant to be in your life for just a short amount of time. And that’s ok. Outgrowing people does not make you a bad person. It’s all about accepting the fact that when re-writing your story, not everyone can still have a part in it. Be grateful your paths crossed and just let the relationship be, whatever it becomes there after.
2. You deserve someone better
One of the hardest decisions to make is to let go of a person you have gotten so used to having in your life, no matter how toxic the relationship you may have. But truth be told, that’s one of the best decisions you can make for yourself: to let go. You have to be brave enough to end things so you can start on a clean slate so that you get to realize what you are missing out in this life time: and that is to be loved and cared for genuinely by someone you truly want and deserve for yourself.
3. It’s teaching you to be independent
Take this to heart: your genuine happiness and fulfillment is within. It’s never found on anyone or anything else around you. You have to be willing to make yourself uncomfortable as you stand on your own and choose what’s best for you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to do just that. Remember: when the going gets tough and people start to leave you, take it as a good sign to discover how strong you are and how great you can still be on your own. You never did lose your value. They (the people who left) lost you.
4. You become more mindful about the miracles around you
At times we focus too much on our relationship with others that we forget the most important one: the one we have with ourselves. When people leave you, you now get to appreciate yourself from the core, knowing that it’s all up to you on how you intent to move forward from the experience. They key here is to become more mindful of the silver linings and the blessings you failed to notice before. For all you know, the people who truly deserve to be in your life were there all along and the little events you overlooked were actually gateways to where you’re meant to be eventually. Open your mind, eyes and heart to the possibility that hey, things can be better.
5. You get to start all over again minus the added pressure
Your way, your rules. How beautiful it is to start all over again without having to consider people (and whose opinion) who have held you back in the first place. It’s time to ensure that you hear your own voice and become accountable for your own growth and happiness. Go at your own pace and choose to own your space, whatever it may be. Remember: being single, more so doing things on your own, does not necessarily mean that you’re unhappy and lonely. So stop judging and pressuring yourself, my dear.
The good thing about life is that all the things and people you lose along the way will eventually be replaced by something better.
Be grateful that once in your life your paths crossed.
But now, life goes on. So can you.
Even without them.
“Always be nice.”
I think this is one of the most misunderstood statements our parents and teachers have told us through the years.
I mean, if you were like me, I used to interpret that as you always have to obey others, conform with the norm and say yes to everything thrown at you.
It didn’t help that statement was further reinforced with punishments when not observed accordingly based on the expectations of others.
You see back then I equated being nice with having no boundaries and pleasing others all the time so I can get the validation I wanted.
And looking back, it didn’t do me any good at all.
In general, people pleasing makes you forget your own value as you struggle to meet the needs and wants of others while setting aside your own.
This leads you to believe that validation can only come from external sources e.g. family, friends, significant others or even random strangers which make it totally unhealthy and unsustainable as you drain yourself in the process.
In the same regard, unknown to many, people pleasing also amplifies one’s ego, making a person think that he “actually looks good in the eyes of others as he does what is right and due”.
No truth to that at all.
So now, I would like to clear the definition of being nice.
Being nice means giving yourself what is due so you can do the same for others without compromising your self-worth.
There I said it.
Kindness is a two way street. Give yourself what you’re willingly giving others. Being kind to yourself means acknowledging your own needs and wants without feeling guilty, so you will be able to whole heartedly provide for others coming from a space of inspiration instead of obligation. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
2. Allow yourself to disappoint others
Hear me out on this: if disappointing others means you are able to give yourself the kind of love and care that you deserve, so be it. At the end of the day, you don’t want people to stay in your life just because they benefit from you. Check on the relationships you keep — who are really there for you through thick and thin? Those people will understand if you choose to attend to your personal needs as well because they value you outside of what you can do for them. Also, in general, audience impact is only 10% in any criteria for judging so don’t worry about not getting the nods of others who don’t deserve to be in your space. Haha!
3. List down the things that make you feel good about yourself
As we focus too much in pleasing others, at times we forget how amazing we are. So it’s best to create a list of your achievements, skills and talents and include anything and everything else that makes you appreciate yourself more. You are far valuable than you can ever imagine and as you come from a space of self-worth, you do away with the need to get any validation from others there after. There is so much power when you affirm yourself.
4. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely there for you
Be with people who treat you like you genuinely matter. They are the ones who can inspire you to keep moving forward when saying NO becomes tougher than usual or when you see yourself falling into the spiral once more of people pleasing. Have people check in on you and be sure to be brave and humble enough to seek help when needed. You deserve to be seen, heard, felt and celebrated as you are. Never forget that.
5. Invest on yourself and your growth
Oftentimes, we find ourselves wanting to compensate for our own insecurities by pleasing others, hoping that their approval will make our self doubts go away. However, that isn’t exactly the case. Dealing with your own insecurities so they don’t take the lead in your relationships is imperative. This simply means that you should be willing to work on yourself as you invest on your self and your growth. How can you take care of yourself better? What do you need in order to grow more? Whether it’s a time off from everyone around you, or learning a new skill or finally deciding for yourself…do it. That way, you get to discover and become your own #bestmeever regardless of what others may have to do or say. You don’t need their approval anyway.
To know your true worth, you don’t have to please people to get their validation.
You just have to inquire within and appreciate yourself as you are.
You matter. Always. In always.
“As the saying goes….”
Followed by a quote to justify whatever argument is being presented.
Sounds familiar, right?
I am sure you have heard this time and again from your parents, friends, work mates, or even random acquaintances.
Normally this statement pops up when someone wants to remind you of something, hoping that a quote can influence you to do just that or when a point has to be further emphasized.
Take this time to reflect: in your space, what old sayings did you frequently hear? How did you take them?
Now before you start overthinking again about your response, please take this to heart:
Those sayings are subject to your own interpretation.
You have a choice to agree with them or question them.
And that’s ok.
After all, it’s your own journey. Your rules. Your take on things too.
In my case admittedly, while growing up I subscribed to majority of how the old sayings went, thinking that a bunch of wise words from someone I don’t even know will do the same wonders it did for them perhaps.
However, as life happened, I realized that by having much self-awareness, and coming from a space of authenticity, I can choose how to reframe the statements to best fit any given situation I am in.
That, my friend, can be such a liberating and empowering experience indeed.
You all know by now how much I value authenticity. I totally believe that by embracing your truth you allow yourself to humbly accept your current space. By doing so, you become 100% present which can help you think of strategic ways to go about a certain situation as you recognize what is here and now. Hiding behind a facade can only take you on a short distance and can be quite tiring as you struggle with what is real and what is not. Don’t wait for the the guilt or shame to get to you. Face your challenges head on, with all that you are and all that you have at that given point in time. That will always be more than enough, regardless of the results you get. Because at the end of it all, it becomes a learning (and growing) experience for you.
2. Don’t burn bridges TO It’s ok to burn bridges as you build better, more meaningful ones.
Fact: Not everyone will be part of your happily ever after. Know that everything happens for a reason so just embrace things as they are. Let them (and yourself) be. You have to be brave enough to let go of things (and people) who no longer spark joy or if your what could have been(s) are weighing you down. Be grateful that once in your life you had that beautiful relationship of whatever kind happen in your life. That was its part of the story. It ends there as you learn and grow from the lessons it taught you. However, as you close chapters, realize that by doing so, you open up space for better things (and people) to come into your life. Life goes on. And so can you, even with the bridges you burned because they led to nowhere. Keep on building better ones of greater value which you deserve, ones that can help you become your own #bestmeever .
3. Save the best for last TO Enjoy the best here and now
While people judge an experience based on expectations about it being on a high note, there is so much beauty in just indulging in the now, being 100% present and rewarding yourself simply because you deserve it. Never attach your happiness or rewards for yourself to a certain goal achieved or milestone reach. Who says you can’t wear your nice clothes on an ordinary day or use your expensive China silver ware when there are no visitors? When will you embark on that much deserved vacation and allow yourself to have a break from it all? You see, here’s a common misconception: that we have all the time in this world. Not true at all. No one knows about what the future may bring. So why not just live in the moment as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions? Pursuing big goals doesn’t mean you have to postpone your happiness along the way. And yes, you can finally eat that box of expensive chocolates inside your refrigerator. Haha!
4. Actions speak louder than words TO Actions and words should equally speak as loud
Yep. For me, one is not more important than the other as they both have the same impact on people. Ever heard of love languages, communication and learning styles? It differs from one person to another. Thus, it’s best if you put equal importance to both your words and actions. Casing point: you need words to inspire, talk sense and motivate people as you show them your intentions. On the other hand, you can’t just rely on actions alone to cover for what’s unspoken and give the necessary explanations, level expectations and to address difficult conversations. And vise versa. So never take for granted one over the other.
5. Forgive and forget TO Forgive and never forget the lessons
I don’t know if it’s just me but I really don’t believe that when people offend you, you should just bury the hatchet and forget it ever happened. For me, it seems like you were invalidating your own feelings and thoughts them, making them as if they were less important than the situation on hand. I beg to differ though. I do believe in the power of forgiveness, but I also embrace the value of taking life lessons to heart and never forgetting them. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to share spaces with them and bring back things as they were before. You just can’t. There were learnings….and hopefully growth. Come from that space. You are not starting from ground zero up this time around; you are starting from experience. The goal here is to make the most of that new space, respect boundaries and allow things to unfold without putting too much pressure in bringing them the way they used to be. Who knows, going with the new may allow you to end up with something better and more valuable.
I know these may be too much for you to take, but hey, try to gain your own insights through them.
You don’t have to agree with me. I know for a fact that these might be a not so popular take on things.
And that’s ok. What is important is that you get new insights for your consideration.
As the saying goes, you know what’s best for you.
Keep it that way.
