Whatever you take for granted will be taken away from you.
This hits home.
Seriously. No one (and nothing actually) deserves to be taken for granted.
I mean, hear me on this: everything happens for a reason.
And everyone who comes into your life has a purpose to fulfill.
It may not be evident at first and at times we may even be resistant if things don’t go as planned.
However, it is important to always keep our faith intact and to trust the process (and ourselves) accordingly.
Because only then we will get to discover the silver linings in each and every experience we have.
Given that, I want you to take this time first to be one with your surrounding.
What experiences do you have at present?
Who are in your circle?
What changes have you embraced?
Being mindful about your life at the moment allows you to recognize everything that has brought you to where you are at present and the purpose each one serves.
This teaches us to see each and every event, person, thing or space through the lens of gratitude, which can help us amplify what we want more of in life as we approach seemingly difficult situations with the least (or no) resistance.
There is so much beauty and power when you appreciate life as is.
As the saying goes, health is wealth. And this holds so much truth. It’s very important to always prioritize your over all health and wellbeing. That simply means indulging in regular self-care, surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, giving yourself what is due as you invest on yourself and your growth without feeling guilty. Think about this: if you can’t really do much if you’re bedridden, unhappy or totally stressed in your space so make sure that you don’t set aside your health and wellbeing for the sake of your work or just to please others. It’s definitely not worth it.
2. Your genuine relationships
It’s quite rare that you meet people who really have your back through good times and bad times so when you have them in your space, treasure them. Family, friends or any loved one who fall in this category deserve your 100% commitment, as you nurture your relationship with each one of them. Ensure that you always find time to check on each one of them, address any issue that may arise coming from a space of love and respect and celebrate them and the relationship that you have every single day, in all possible ways. Not everyone is qualified to take their place so never make them feel neglected.
3. Your talents and skills
You are the best investment you can ever make. So always take time to recognize your strengths, skills and talents that set you apart from the rest and nurture them. Take time to practice daily and share your gifts to others. Don’t ever be overconfident about them that you just assume that you could always deliver what is expected from you. Be humble enough to realize that you, much like everyone else, has room for improvement and you can always upgrade and upskill as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
4. The challenges along the way
I know. It’s quite hard to accept that life isn’t exactly smooth sailing at times. And more often than not, we try to brush things off that do not align with our plans or if they seem tougher to face than usual. But hey, I wanted to remind you that you should never set aside those because they carry with them the important lessons you need moving forward. Never let them invalidate your progress. Embrace them as they are. But learn how to look for the silver linings there after. They are just as valuable as any other milestone you will have during great days. Or even more actually.
5. The opportunities given to you
It’s true. Somewhere out there, someone wants to trade places with you because they see that you are so blessed in so many ways. So never take the opportunities given to you for granted. Whether it’s a new job, a second chance in life or love, or a chance to make a difference in the lives of others (or even in yours, as well), make the most of them. Give your best, with all that you have because truth be told, you can never be sure if you will be receiving the same favors in the future. You only have this lifetime to make the most of each and every opportunity to grow and be happy.
Hopefully after reading this you now see all the things, people and situations which fill your current space, in a different light.
Simply because, you also have a purpose to live alongside each one of them.
So never take them (or yourself) for granted.
“And the winner is….”
Not me.
Yep, you read it right.
I didn’t win during last night’s ceremony for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank PH.
Don’t get me wrong: the winners were deserving. Amazing stories. Beautiful advocacies. I celebrate you guys! Congratulations again! Such a beautiful experience to have shared spaces with you all. Beyond grateful also to the management of CIMB Bank PH for having me as one of the nominees for the inaugural edition. I am honored to be given a platform to tell my story and advocacy.
Admittedly though, coming from a space of honesty and vulnerability, when my name wasn’t called, it hurt initially.
I really wanted to win for all the people who have shown me their unwavering love and support all through out my journey: from my family, friends, loved ones, listeners, viewers, readers and complete strangers who appreciated my two video entries beautifully edited by Anton , allowing them to bring to life my story and my advocacy anchored on inclusivity and diversity.
But beyond that, I also really wanted to win the cash donation for my charity of choice, Camp Pag-Ayo Inc. , an NGO that advocates stigma reduction through art towards the LGBTQIA+ Community, HIV/AIDS and Mental Health. Despite that, I will still continue to work with them as promised, with or without the grant.
It is what it is.
So after taking several deep breaths and letting everything sink in, I remember telling myself the very thing I frequently tell others when faced with seemingly difficult situations:
Everything happens for a reason.
And that made me smile.
Because looking at what happened from a different perspective, I discovered the 5 learnings I had from losing.
Allow me to share them with you here:
There were criteria for judging. Personal preferences of the judges. And some other factors which may have determined that I wasn’t a fit for whatever it is they were looking for as of the moment. However, I have come to realize that despite that, I still felt the love and support of all the people who rallied for me, the members of the press who praised me and my advocacy and complete strangers who told me that they were vouching for me. And I shouldn’t take those for granted and let them be overshadowed by my initial feeling of disappointment. Even in my practice as a professional coach, I always tell my mentees that they can’t be the coach everyone expects them to be. And that’s perfectly fine. We all have spaces meant for us in this life time. Remember, whatever will be, will be.
2. My best will always be more than enough
People close to my heart know that I am not really competitive as a person. Entering this competition, I just focused on what truly matters most: being able to give my all, do my best and utilize this new platform to share my story of hope to everyone around me. Regardless of the result, for as long as I feel happy, complete and fulfilled with what I have done and what I chose to become in the process, that will always be more than enough. There’s nothing else more than doing one’s best so why stress? Be kinder to yourself guys and just let go and let things be. If you gave your best, you’ve done well. Give yourself a pat on the back.
3. Growth is a matter of choice
I chose to see things in a different perspective: instead of focusing on something I initially felt I lost (but in reality, it’s one I never had to begin with — winning the competition, that is), I chose to focus on what I have gained along the way: an even bigger platform for me, made new friends, new advocacies to support, new learnings and insights, an opportunity to dress up and look good and leave a lasting impression (indulge me on this. I never thought my chosen Fairytopia Modern Filipiniana look would generate so much positive reactions from the people on-ground and online. I got to appreciate my own style bible more. Like I said earlier to a number of people praising me before the awarding ceremony began: win or lose, what’s important is that I look good. LOL)…and the list goes on. Yep, I can definitely say I am growing.
4. Losing now does not invalidate my journey towards my best
Come to think of it: not getting the top prize last night does not make me less capable or insignificant. It does not invalidate the fact that I already have my own share of success in my work as a professional coach and as a best-selling author, and in my personal life as well. It will not, in any way, make me lose the skills I have (and will continuously upgrade and use) and the lasting relationships I have nurtured along the way that have helped me carve my own path in this lifetime. Losing does not define me; it’s not the end of it all. It’s just part of my journey to keep me humble, grounded, mindful and grateful, things we need to practice in this lifetime. There is no need to prove myself to anyone as I feel very secure in my space. My pace. And I intend to keep it that way.
5. Life always goes on
One for the books definitely. But now, it’s time to move on and forward and explore the next chapter. I am a firm believer that one day, I would look back at this event with a smile as I realize how it opened up better opportunities that are really meant for me. And until that day comes, I will always take all the lessons I have learned to heart, while trusting the process, giving my all and being my best while remaining grateful and excited for the wonderful new beginnings ahead.
Come to think of it now: with all these beautiful learnings I gained, I don’t think I lost at all.
I guess I can say in my own way, I actually won.
I celebrate you Self, now and always. In all ways.
This one’s for you.
And sharing with you guys reading this, too.
Thank you all for being part of my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
Cheers to exciting new adventures ahead!
It takes two to tango. It has to be give and take. Always.
Heard those time and again when it comes to relationships.
And I truly agree.
I mean I have always been an advocate of healthy relationships that are grounded on love, trust and respect.
Those are vital ingredients that help every person involved in a relationship grow in harmony with each other and as individuals as well.
I also believe that we should always be intentional in the relationships we keep.
On that note, I want you to take this time to reflect first on the relationships you keep.
What is the value of that relationship?
How is it helping you grow into the person that you’re meant to be?
Are you inspired by it genuinely?
These are some of the questions we tend to overlook because we take for granted the relationships we have.
Or the other way around actually.
Either way, that won’t do any good in the long run.
No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship.
After all, we all deserve to be loved, seen, heard, felt and celebrated by the people we choose to share spaces with.
Now, I totally feel that some of you may be triggered already because you feel that you’re not exactly getting what is due from the relationships you keep.
Know that with that awareness about where you stand in your relationship, you are now beginning to acknowledge your value as a person and you can initiate the changes you want moving forward as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
A lot of relationships falter because the lines of communication are not open. At the beginning of every relationship (and even as it progresses), always remember to have that benchmarking conversation about where you are at present and where you want to go eventually. Indicate your needs and wants and try to come up with a compromise so that (all) parties will be fully aware of their responsibilities. This presents something to look back to when things seem to be somewhat unfair or agreements have been overlooked. At the end of the day, you cannot resolve what you don’t know so it’s very important to lay down all your cards accordingly.
2. Speak up as it happens
Never keep your feelings to yourself. Its much healthier if you voice them out coming from a space of self-worth and respect. Don’t hold back because tolerating the actions of the other party might come out as something that’s acceptable for them. Remember, the end goal is to make the relationship work by addressing concerns accordingly without formulating false narratives based on mere assumptions as you hold on to them. It’s not about how the other party will react; it’s about you acknowledging the feeling of being taken for granted, whether intentionally or otherwise.
3. Set and maintain boundaries
Some people will always try to assert themselves just to get what they want. Hold your ground. Emphasize that a NO is a NO. Not a conditional one. Not something that can be set aside. Establish your own rules which you feel will be beneficial for your own wellness and wellbeing. And that’s totally ok. You are still entitled to your own space even with the numerous relationships you keep. Never lose yourself in the process of just wanting to keep them.
4. Do self check-ins
You are just as important as the people you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s a family member, a friend, workmate or significant other. It’s best if you always take time to inquire within and ask yourself how you’re really feeling as of the moment, based on how others are treating you. Are you genuinely happy in the relationship? Do you feel valued? Or is there something missing that you must acknowledge and address accordingly? Don’t be afraid to face the truth because that’s the only way you can work on yourself and your relationships.
5. Assess the growth of your relationship then act on it
Reverting back to value, assess how far you’ve grown as individuals and how much your relationship has improved through time. Determine the roles and contributions of all the people involved in the relationship and do a check and balance if everyone is giving what is due accordingly to the welfare of the relationship. If you feel that you’re not growing in your relationship or if it’s only the other party that’s benefitting, assess what’s holding you back and what needs to change accordingly in the relationship for you to be able to maximize your own potential and achieve your own growth. On the other hand, evaluate how your relationship has changed for the better through the years. Are you guys still on track based on your goals set initially? What is the current state of the relationship? Communicate all these to the people involved so that you can address all accordingly moving forward. In the end, if it’s no longer working for you, do what you think will be best, coming from a space of giving yourself what you truly want and deserve, because yes, you have that choice.
Always remember that you, much like everyone else, deserves to be treated and valued the way you want to.
Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.
If they do take you for granted, feel free to grant them what they deserve:
your absence.
Because life is too short to stay in a one-sided relationship to begin with.
Not yet.
One of the most disheartening phrases to hear when you have a lot of expectations.
On yourself and on others.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes we associate the word “yet” with delays and detours. And everything else that is not fully in alignment with our plans.
That leads us to think that anything with the word “yet” in it means something bad or disappointing.
Think about it: when was the last time you used the word “yet” and how did you respond to it?
When asked about getting your big break?
When asked about being able to finally pursue your passion?
If you finally found the one after dating so many people?
Have you eaten yet?
And yes, I could go on and on asking you questions that you may have found yourself answering with a phrase or sentence that includes the word “yet.”
Now if you just caught yourself answering from a negative space as you see “yet” in a bad light, then this is your sign to inquire within and hopefully realize that it (the use of yet, I mean) is not really all that bad.
In fact, it can actually be just as empowering as the word “yes”, when used (and viewed) differently.
Here are some of the ways you can use it differently:
Example:
Question: Have you achieved your goals for this year?
Answer (seeing it as an end by itself): Not yet. It’s quite hard.
Suggested reframing: Not yet but I truly feel I can make that happen anytime soon as I have new opportunities in the pipeline.
2. Come from a space of curiosity as you explore possibilities.
Example:
Question: Have you checked on the latest trends online about coaching?
Answer (coming from a disinterested space, seeing it as an add on task): Not yet. Busy.
Suggested reframing: I have yet to check on them but please do tell me what they’re about as I think they can be of value.
3. Use it as an empowering qualifier instead
Question: Have you addressed your problem completely?
Answer (triggered): Not yet.
Suggested reframing: Having quite a hard time now yet I am learning a lot and I am very much committed to pushing forward, one step at a time.
I hope these reframes help you see the word “yet” through a positive lens moving forward. Allows you to stress less and focus more on improving yourself and what you can still do at the moment.
Remember, delays and detours will always be part of your own #bestmeever journey. so don’t fret.
The best is YET to come.
And that’s something amazing to look forward to.
Good or bad, each and every experience teaches you the lessons you need in life.
One of my favorite things to say during interviews and talks.
Because it just rings so true, in so many ways.
I know though for a fact that it’s easier to absorb and learn lessons through good times, but the bigger question is: how do you respond when things don’t go as planned?
Be honest with yourself now: what do you do exactly when faced with uncertainty and seemingly unfavorable situations?
Do you become angry?
Do you resist them strongly?
Do you panic and breakdown?
Or do you blame others for your situation?
These are just some of the common reactions of people who are caught off guard and swept away by their heightened emotions.
However, the key here is to let the emotions settle down first to reveal the true life lessons underneath the challenging times encountered.
Seemingly difficult at first but very much possible by giving yourself enough time and space to just breathe and let yourself be.
Remember: unless it’s a matter of life and death, not everything has to happen all at once so stop overthinking and stop over reacting.
There I said it.
So now you can focus on what really matters most: the value of challenging experiences in your life as you see each one of them in a different light.
Nothing is permanent in this world, including tough times. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, no matter how hard, it will eventually come to pass. Think about this: would the thing or situation stressing you now still matter in a year’s time? I am so sure not as much, or not at all. It’s not the end of your journey; it’s just part of your story. And you’ll be ok eventually.
2. Surrendering does not mean you’re losing.
You can’t control everything. And you shouldn’t even try to. There is beauty in letting go and letting things be. For as long as you’ve given your best, with all that you have and all that you are, that’s more than enough. As you trust yourself and the process more, you actually win in life because you allow yourself to be taken to where (and become what) you’re meant to be. And yes, your #bestmeever journey won’t always be easy…but it will definitely be worth it.
3. Real relationships reveal themselves during hard times.
I think one of the biggest blessings in disguise that tough times carry is that it makes you realize who is really there for you and who is meant to stay in your life when all of this is over. Painful realization yes, especially if the people you were counting on turn their back on you. However, at least it gives you a clear picture of where you stand in their life. You can do away with people who didn’t even bother asking you how you were, people who didn’t listen to your side of your story and people who simply vanished into thin air. They are not your people, So make sure you don’t invite them in your space when things go well eventually, even if they invite themselves in again. Quality over quantity and I am beyond confident that your life can go on without them. Because based on what they’ve shown, they were never with you in this journey to begin with.
4. You get to know yourself better when times are hard.
You are stronger than you think you are and more resourceful and capable than you ever imagined. With nothing else to lose as you hit the lowest point in your life, you begin to explore possibilities bravely and that can lead you to your next breakthrough. It’s all about tapping into your inner greatness, because truth be told, you have everything within to help you get through and succeed in this lifetime.
5. You can change for the better when you’re not bitter.
Never to late to embrace change. Allow yourself to stop resisting it as you let time and space take the lead. Everything will fall into place once you have cleared your mind and heart from the things you need to let go of, as you welcome what needs to take up space so you can start all over again on a better, happier note. As they say, growth can start off messy at first. And that’s ok.
Hopefully this blog post makes it easier for you to embrace hard times this time around.
Always remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now:
to learn the important life lessons to allow you to live life happily and fully.
Not yet. Maybe later. Someday.
How many times have you said these familiar phrases to yourself?
I want you to take this time first to reflect: when do you say these to yourself?
When you want to change careers?
Have dinner?
Say sorry?
Pamper yourself?
And the list goes on I am so sure.
But come to think about this: do these things ABSOLUTELY deserve to be set aside and delayed?
I mean, is it really about not having a choice at that particular point in time or is it how much deserving you feel you were, given whatever situation you were in?
Oops, that may trigger a little.
But hey, know that it’s ok to come from honesty and vulnerability in order for you to truly understand yourself and what really drives (or stops) you.
Because that way, you will be able to give yourself what is due, a number of which perhaps you have chosen to park initially because you were not coming from a space of self worth and self love.
Can you relate with me on this? Do you have a piece of clothing that you bought early on and you’re saving it for a special occasion? I used to be like that: thinking that I have to wait for a milestone or a life changing event for me to wear my new clothes or those deemed “too much” for everyday casual use. But then over the weekend, I caught myself upon seeing a bunch of unused clothes inside my closet. It made me think: why am I just staring at them and admiring them when I can actually wear them, for no reason at all? I just had to feel deserving at that particular point in time. And I really did. So off to the mall I went, my family quite shocked as they saw me wearing fancier than usual clothes for Sunday brunch. But all I said to them when asked was “Why not? Life is too short not to wear beautiful clothes.” And yes, you can quote me on that. Haha! P.S. At the end of the day, I can always wear them again when that special occasion comes. So why delay something I can be truly happy about now?
2. Treat yourself to something that you really want
Saving for the rainy days is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. But also consider that all those money won’t matter if you feel unhappy and deprived. Go watch that musicale. Get yourself that bag. Indulge in a premium pampering session at Roman Baths Scrubbing Salon (ok, pardon the shameless plug, haha!). You are very much deserving as anyone else so don’t ever put your needs and wants last. After all, it won’t be a daily thing — just once in a while when you feel that a little pick me upper can do wonders for you moving forward, as a sign of self love.
3. Get that make over
Because why not? You are allowed to change, look and feel beautiful inside and out without anyone else’s approval. It’s part of becoming your own #bestmeever — to be comfortable in your own skin as you evolve and grow into the person that you’re meant to be, no matter how that may look like. So yeah, schedule that salon visit after reading this.
4. Upskill and upgrade
You will always be the best investment you can ever make. So never set aside your personal growth because that affects everything (and everyone else) around you. I totally believe that if you want something, you will find means and ways to make it happen. Enroll in that class. Get yourself a coach. Level up your wardrobe. Get that laptop you need. It’s never too early or too late to give yourself what you need at the moment so you can grow fully there after.
5. Have a break.
You’re not a robot. And no amount of battery or fuel can help you function at your peak. It’s all about giving yourself that much deserved (and very much needed) break. You’re only human after all. You also need to relax, recharge and recalibrate accordingly. Go on that dream vacation. Hang out with your loved ones. Spend some quiet “me time” with your book and pet close by. You are allowed to disconnect from social media and just let yourself be with no pressure or worries. Take your time off to heal and allow yourself to feel and realize what you need to do as you start all over again there after.
I totally believe that there’s no perfect timing when it comes to giving yourself what is due.
Because now will always be better than later.
Or never.
Fact: Work is not life.
But that doesn’t mean you have to take whatever job you have just to pay the bills.
With the exception of those undergoing much financial stress and left with no option, of course.
I mean seriously, how do you find the job you have now?
I want you guys to reflect:
How’s the job you have now? The environment you’re working in? The perks?
Come from a space of honesty and realize by doing so, you allow yourself to acknowledge what you need to act on and how to go about the next steps there after.
And no, this is not a call for you to resign or quietly quit. So please tell your boss and the HR not to blame me. Haha!
This is your sign to just assess the space you’re in and give yourself what is due: the recognition of your own needs and wants and how your present job fits in.
Admittedly though, it’s not easy to start from scratch. Take it from me who gave up a lucrative but highly successful career in advertising and marketing after 15 years to pursue professional coaching full time. It was indeed a humbling journey.
However, truth be told, it was all worth it.
Because for me, coaching full time is far more rewarding as I help people from all over the world discover and become their own #bestmeever, working wherever and whenever I wanted, compared to just staying inside the four walls of my corner office while building brands and waiting for the clock to strike 5 or sometimes even until overtime work is done.
Before you even go to it, please remember that “I’m OK” is not synonymous to being genuinely happy. Being genuinely happy means waking up inspired each day to go to work, enjoying the company of people around you, seeing the silver linings in adversity while being grateful for the growth your job provides you. It also means being content in your space because what you do, where you are and who you work with makes your heart smile daily.
2. Am I able to maximize all my skills and potentials?
Your skills and talents are gifts. Use them to your advantage, in order for you to grow and change lives there after. Are you able to do that in your current space? Are you given key opportunities to showcase what you can do and be empowered to go beyond your limits? Remember: you can only grow as much as you allow yourself to….and as much as your chosen space lets you. Think about that.
3. What does my current job have to do with my life purpose?
Living your purpose each and every single day means having a job that can bring you closer to your long term goals. Inquire within: what do you think are you meant to do in life? How is your job related to that? Change what you must but never give up on what you feel you’re truly meant to be. You have a unique purpose in this life time. Live it.
4. What’s my biggest “What if….” in terms of my career?
Do you experience having that nagging question inside your head? Do you keep on asking yourself how things could have been so different had you taken a different job offer or pursued a new career altogether? As you age, you begin to realize that it’s more important to tick off items in your bucket list than just settle for the sake of. So at this point in time, what would you really, really want to tick off? Just be honest.
5. What job won”t be a “job” for me?
I always ask this question: if there was one thing that you would like to do, over and over again, even if you’re not paid, what will it be? That’s your dream job, no matter what that may look like. However, it takes a whole lot of honesty to accept that, accountability to pursue it and commitment to make it truly happen just the way you envisioned it. The good thing though: hard as it may seem, it will always be worth it to have a job that gives you the most happiness, peace and fulfillment.
I know by this time you are probably in deep thoughts about your current job and space.
Don’t hurry. Let everything sink in and take your time to think about what’s next for you.
Because whatever it may be, you will always know what’s best for you.
You’re not helping the other person when you tolerate bad behavior.
There I said it.
I know I might get raised eyebrows by claiming that but hey, I stand by for what I think and feel is right.
I have always believed that each one of us is responsible for our actions no matter how we feel.
So therefore, I can’t seem to find or recognize any valid excuse for treating others unkindly or exhibiting bad behavior.
That’s called accountability.
I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble here but you see, tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love and concern for someone.
In fact, instead of helping that person, you are actually crippling him/her as you prevent him/her to see his/her fault and the need to take responsibility on the situation on hand.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect: what are you currently tolerating in your space? Who’s involved? Why do you do so?
Know that it’s ok to be truly honest with yourself because I totally feel that you are coming from a well-meaning space. At least you are more aware now, right?
What is key here is that you now know that anything you tolerate won’t do you any good in the long run, even with the best intentions on hand.
Remember this: no one can force you to do things or be with people who are not in alignment with your core values and those which rob you of your happiness and joy. Own your space. Don’t let others cross your boundaries for whatever reason because you, much like everyone else, is deserving to take up space as you are and keep it the way you want to. Let them understand that a NO is definitely a NO.
2. Lying
You deserve the truth and nothing less. Allowing someone to continuously lie to you means that you are not being honest with yourself too. So if you really want to help people take responsibility for themselves, you have to always ensure that they come from a space of truth because only with real awareness comes acceptance and change there after. Better to hear the harsh truth than live a lie, right?
3. Violence
Non-negotiable for me. On a personal note, this is something I am very particular with, even before getting in a relationship with someone. I always tell them: the moment you lift a finger on me and intentionally hit me, it’s over. No ifs or buts. I hope you realize that the same goes for you too. That no one ever has the right to use violence to make a point. So if you think that accepting all those punches or pinches makes you the better person, no, not really. Don’t start creating a raging monster. Read that again.
Ever heard of the saying: “When there’s a will, there’s a way.” So true right? So never let anyone escape his responsibility to honor his/her word and commitment by calling out excuses and focusing on what is needed to be done and delivered accordingly. Don’t let anyone take your kindness for granted. While it’s ok to give some time and space due to unforeseen events, if it happens all too often or you end up following up most of the time and not get any confirmation about what happens next, then you may want to put your foot down and draw the line.
5. Negativity
To be honest: you don’t need any kind of toxic relationship in your life. Every relationship, whether it’s with your family, friends, at work or anywhere you may be connected with, should always bring out the best, not the stress in you. You don’t want to be the absorber of everyone’s negativity nor be verbally put down in the process. That’s not your role. It will never be. If the relationship you’re in is not helping you grow, let go. You can always nurture new ones when you eventually meet and end up with people who truly deserve to be in your space.
As we wrap this up, I hope by now you have a clearer picture of all the things that you are tolerating in your space that’s not really working for you.
With this new awareness, may you be able to to change your ways of showing your love, care and compassion from tolerating people to empowering people to take responsibility for themselves and their actions.
Because you can. And because that is what you deserve too.
As the song goes, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
And I am so sure, we can all relate to this.
Mind you, this goes both ways.
What I mean is that: accepting forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park. At times, I even think, based on experience, it’s even harder than asking for forgiveness.
Maybe because there are a lot of things to consider: the magnitude of the offense, the relationship at stake, the consequences there after...and the list goes on.
Therefore, in my opinion, it’s only right to give the person you’ve offended enough time and space, as you show how genuinely sorry you are, without really expecting immediate acceptance of your apology in return.
Come to think of it, when was the last time you said sorry to someone you have hurt and how did it go?
Did you even apologize or was something holding you back?
This is also quite understandable. It’s not easy to come from a space of humility and courage, knowing that you can be rejected based on what happened. However, I think apologizing is much easier compared to carrying the guilt that goes with the offense in the long run.
Take this time to reflect: what do you think could you do differently so that the other party will be more receptive to your apology?
Please take note of the operative word: genuinely. Meaning, come from your heart. There is such a huge difference when it comes to merely sending out a direct message, a text, an email or a phone call to actually scheduling and meeting up with the other person you’ve offended and apologize face to face. That’s the way you can actually measure the sincerity of the person. Unless the forces of nature intervene or in a life threatening situation, I have always believed that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Think about this: if you had time to hang out before when things were smooth, what difference does finding time to discuss things in person, have now? Need to travel? Why not. Local or overseas, if the other person is worth it, you would. It’s all about being humble and sincere enough to initiate that difficult conversation , face to face as you put value in a relationship worth saving.
2. Ask what you can do to make up for it
At times, your sorry can only do so much. Express your sincerity more by asking what you can do to help lessen the impact of the wrong doing. Is it all about paying for the damage? Giving another schedule? Finding a replacement? Doing what it takes to earn that forgiveness gives you extra points, albeit sometimes more challenging than it seems. But hey, if you’re really sorry for your mistakes and really want to patch things up, take note of the terms of the other party. Because this time around, you have to work with their terms. And you can’t complain.
Fact: people don’t really heal at the same time, more so, not as fast as you want them to. Never force them to accept your apology or to bring things back the way they used to be immediately. Be patient enough to wait when they’re ready. In the meantime, focus on doing things that can assure them of your purest intentions without having to expect anything in return. In the process, don’t also pressure yourself too much to make things right. You’ve already done your part, so give yourself more credit for that.
4. Check in after some time
It’s not just about burying everything 6 ft below the ground after saying your apologies. Take time to reach out after sometime, say a month or so, to check on the other party. Remember to ask how they’re doing, reiterate your intentions for doing so and tell them that you are open to discuss anything if needed. Avoid looking desperate by messaging them so often and forcing yourself and the other party to be ok. If it doesn’t work out after a month, try again after another month or two. Never give up on a relationship that matters to you and the opportunity to receive the forgiveness you want and deserve too for yourself.
5. Change for the better
Any apology will be meaningless if you don’t embrace the necessary changes that need to go with it. So whether or not the other person accepts your apology, what is important here is that you change for the better. Establish healthier habits, invest on yourself and your growth, make yourself and others proud by becoming your own #bestmeever . That way, whether the other person is ready to accept your apology or not, you’ve proven to yourself that you are capable of doing what is right and best for you as of the moment. And you don’t need anyone else’s go signal to apply the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Cheer up, I am sure someday, that other person will take notice. Until then, continue working on yourself so it doesn’t happen again.
I hope by this time you have enough ideas on how to go about asking for forgiveness.
Remember, at the end of the day, you owe it not only to the person you’ve offended but also to yourself.
Simply because with every sincere apology, you set yourself free.
Credibility. Integrity. Authenticity.
Three core values that I keep closest to my heart.
Seriously though. On a personal note, words can’t express the importance of these three when it comes to one’s personal and professional life, so to speak.
Time and again, I have proven to myself that by being able to uphold my own core values, I managed to open doors that helped me in my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
While the three mentioned have equal importance, oftentimes, I get to be asked how I built and maintained my credibility through the years as I practice coaching. Maybe because among the three, this requires the most work.
To align everyone reading this: having credibility means the quality of being believable and worthy of trust . I believe that in order for one to be able to build credibility, it’s a combination of having desirable behaviors, attitudes and skillsets that will make one trust-worthy.
On that note, since it’s quite challenging to build and easy to lose so to speak, it’s very important for us to protect it as much as we can.
Remember, as they say: trust, once gone, is hard to regain.
Hard truth indeed.
So given that, I want you to take this time to reflect: how have you been building and maintaining your credibility?
Are there certain behaviors and attitudes that compromise yours, whether consciously or unconsciously?
What actions are working against your credibility?
Whatever your answer may be, know that your awareness can be your stepping stone to addressing what needs to be dealt with in terms of building and maintaining your own credibility.
You are as good as your word. So make sure you honor every contract you signed, every promise you’ve given and stand by every word that you said. Broken promises lead to having trust broken which eventually can result in relationships, whether on a personal or professional note, breaking up. So before you have any regrets, try your best to commit only to things you are sure you can manage well. That way, you don’t end up tarnishing your credibility with promises you can’t (and don’t intend to) keep.
2. Being inconsistent
How can you trust someone who’s unpredictable in terms of behavior and actions? Every single day, show up, do your best, keep your word, follow through, and never leave anything or anyone hanging, no matter how difficult situations may be at times. Don’t be afraid to be (and show) your authentic self because as you are, much like everyone else, you deserve to take up space. Drop all the masks, let go of all the pretensions. You don’t need those if you want to build your credibility and your relationships around you.
3. Blaming others always
Taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is sexy. There I said it. Haha! Kidding aside, it’s quite admirable seeing people who are able to be accountable for the decisions and results they have in life. Know that each time you blame others and refuse to take responsibility for your own life, you risk losing the confidence of people in you as you drown in your own victim mentality. Always take to heart that regardless of what happens to you and within you, you have the power of choice to be accountable for your desired results moving forward.
4. Overpromising, Underdelivering
One of the things I repeat time and again to my coach mentees is to always walk the talk. You can’t just rely on your words to do the magic for you. You have to bundle it with the right, intentional actions to be able to deliver accordingly what is needed. While it’s nice to assure people with what you say, make sure the assurance stays when you act on it. That means making sure that you give your best into fulfilling the expectations you have set in others. Otherwise, any misalignment in your words and actions can cause people to doubt you and the validity of your words. And that’s certainly not a space you want to be caught in, right?
5. Communicating vaguely
Sometimes, when you want to play it safe, you say things for the sake of e.g. soon, next year, a lot, before etc. just to satisfy a certain question posted. Here’s the thing: when you really want to commit to something, you will be really specific with the details because you know that you (and the other party) deserve to know accordingly so that expectations and actions can be managed better. So stop using words that are hard to qualify and giving out information that lacks important details to ensure that you don’t lose the attention and trust of those listening to you as you speak. Facts over assumptions always, in all ways.
By now, I do hope that you get to embrace the importance of building and maintaining your credibility.
Always remember that your thoughts and actions should always be in alignment with your true intentions.
Because by ensuring that, you are able to keep your credibility in tact.
And that’s a priceless experience.
