“You deserve to give yourself the kind of love and understanding you willingly give to others.”
One of my favorite reminders, actually.
Let’s face it: oftentimes we forget ourselves in the process of wanting to please others too much.
In the end though, we realize that seeing the smiles on the faces of other people can’t really fully address your own void
To some extent yes, it brings you joy and a sense of fulfillment.
But have you ever thought about how important it is to acknowledge your own needs and wants?
So let me ask you this: when was the last time you put yourself first?
When was the last time you gave yourself what is due without feeling guilty?
If your answer is “never” or you have long forgotten when, then this is your sign to treat yourself kinder.
Hear me out on this: whatever you’ve been through, or whatever it is that you’re going through, no matter how f*cked up life may be, beating yourself up and depriving yourself won’t resolve the issue on hand or bring back time.
Hard slap I know. But you needed that.
If you want to change the space you’re in, start by being kinder to yourself.
Because as you take care of yourself more, you become happier and you also teach others how to treat you.
Stop questioning yourself whether you’re deserving or not of that kindness. That was never the question.
It’s all about recognizing your own worth and being comfortable with owning your space as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
Uhuh. Never disregard your own needs and wants. They matter. And you matter as much as anyone else. You don’t need to shut off that inner voice telling you what can make you become happier and more fulfilled in this life time. Acknowledge them and give yourself what is due. Because each time you fill up your own cup, you come from a space of overflow and you get to share more to others.
2. Have loving conversations with yourself
How you speak to yourself affects how you see and feel about yourself. Engaging in positive self talk allows you to appreciate and empower yourself more. Mind you though: it’s not just about saying things; it’s all about believing them too. On a personal note, what I do is that every time I stand in front of the mirror, I do my affirmations as I give myself the credit that is due, whole heartedly. Sometimes the exact words we need to hear need not come from others. We can just genuinely speak from the heart as we tell ourselves just those.
3. Set and observe boundaries
Respect is key in any relationship, including the one that you have with yourself. By setting boundaries, you allow yourself to exist in a happier space as you protect yourself from anything or anyone not in alignment with your core values. Never feel guilty for distancing yourself from unnecessary stress and drama. They don’t deserve to share spaces with you in the first place.
4. Invest on yourself and your growth
One of the best gifts you can give yourself is growth. You are the best investment you can ever make so don’t set aside opportunities to work on yourself, develop your potential and become the person you’re meant to be. Working on yourself is never an unnecessary expense — it’s a must if you want to make the most of this lifetime. So whether you enroll in a class that’s in alignment with your passion, get a coach, or go on that much needed vacation, do it. You grow more when you flow.
5. Pursue your dreams
You’re not just an enabler for others — you also deserve to make your dreams come true. Give yourself enough time and space to go for what you truly want in life. It’s never too late to listen to yourself and fulfill what makes your heart skip a beat. Make your own fairy tale come true by unapologetically taking steps towards your own north star, as you finally live your true purpose in this lifetime, whatever that may be for you. At the end of the day, you can always help others even as you pursue your own dreams. Never think it’s about choosing one over the other.
These are only 5 tips. You can do so much more to treat yourself with kindness.
Allow yourself to explore and implement them.
Because you are worthy of taking up space too.
Bigger is not always better.
There I said it.
But it’s quite true.
This stemmed from my recent experience eating in a buffet in Novotel. For Sunday lunch, the food spread was huge and the variety was quite impressive, given the presence of some uncommon seafood for grilling (think Curacha, and no, not the 90s movie, among others).
At first, since I didn’t have breakfast to make space for this feast (am I the only one who does this?), I was like: let’s do this. So off I went to sample some of the items immediately: got myself a huge slice of roast beef, a plateful of seafood (only half of which I can identify) and a bunch of baked veggies. Halfway through my delicious meal, my eyes started wandering around, looking for my next target. A part of me wanted to sample the rest of the eye candies on hand but guess what, before I can even go back to eating what’s left on my plate, somewhat I already felt full. What?! Paano masulit ang buffet (which happens to be the common biggest concern of Filipinos when indulging in eat-all-you-can restos, more so if they’re on the pricey side)?!
Geez. I should have remembered. Strategy is key to enjoy the sumptuous buffet spread more. I should have went around first to scout. Gotten smaller pieces. Took my time. And not ate like a hungry Viking having his last meal. Oh well, at that time what I did just made sense.
But looking at it now, I got to reflect about the times in the past where I got tempted to go for shiny objects, normally an upgrade or a size larger than usual, not necessarily because I needed it but just because I thought it would be a better deal for me.
Whether shopping at Landers or S&R for body wash and detergents which are big enough to be shared even to my neighbors;
Or when going for an upsize in my regular dessert, thinking I deserved it, while totally ignoring the additional calories and expense;
Or even when choosing a gift during Kris Kringle, my eyes normally dart to the biggest, most beautifully wrapped one.
But hey, what I have come to realize is that it’s not the size really which matters.
It’s the intention. It’s the purpose behind each choice we make.
Because small, medium or large, it doesn’t really matter.
Because enough is enough, based on your own standards.
Look at it this way:
Help, of whatever kind, still has an impact.
Growth, no matter the size or speed, is still progress.
Gifts, no matter how much they cost, are still thoughtful gestures.
Not all things have to be grand to mean more.
And to make the most of this lifetime, we should just focus on being grateful for whatever we have and whatever is given, taking only what we need while sharing with others what we have more of.
Even the smallest, simplest joys matter.
And yes, that includes the food in the buffet which will never run out so get only what you can finish. Remember, the more you let others enjoy the food alongside you, the faster it will be refilled. Applies to life’s blessings as well.
Now at this point in time, I want you to reflect:
What small things in your life can you appreciate more?
What can help you become more mindful of them?
I hope moving forward, you get to look beyond what is superficial and just embrace things as they are.
For all you know, what you have in front of you, is actually larger than life.
It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.
So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival
.
And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.
You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.
I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.
And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.
For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?
Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?
I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.
Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.
And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.
Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.
There I said it.
Never let what makes you special weigh you down.
Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.
Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.
Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.
It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.
I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.
To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.
To inform. To Understand. To Accept.
So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:
What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?
What can you do to inspire others to do the same?
I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.
Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.
Time to live with pride.
I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
As the song by Elton John goes.
So true at times.
Most especially if you’re coming from a space of hurt and heightened emotions.
Asking for forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
You have to deal with a lot of emotions, take in a lot of facts and brace yourself for whatever reaction the other party may have.
Yup it can be that scary.
However, if you really want to work on yourself and save the relationship on hand, learning to say sorry when at fault, can do wonders for you.
At the end of the day, it shows how much you value yourself and your relationships when the going gets tough and threatens the harmony you initially had.
At this point in time, I’d like you guys to pause and reflect accordingly:
What do you need to apologize for?
To whom?
Is it about a recent melt-down you had at work?
To your partner whom you have taken for granted?
Someone whom you’ve disrespected, whether knowingly or unknowingly?
To yourself, for neglecting your own needs and wants?
Ouch. I know. Trigger questions can hurt but they can also give you the clarity you need if answered as honestly as possible.
Keep in mind though that there’s no judgment and you are allowed to process everything accordingly in your own time and space.
Yes, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t feel like it. However, my take is: you don’t have to be rude as you take that in consideration too.
Being reminded to apologize is not an attack; it’s coming from a space of love and concern in an effort to bring back harmony that was lost during a conflict, whether internal or external.
Saying sorry allows you to do away with so much pride that prevents you from growing and your relationships from truly flourishing. Humility is needed for one to learn the important lessons in life about commitment, respect and boundaries, all three essential if you want to thrive in your chosen space. It’s all about embracing the fact that no one is perfect and we are all entitled to commit mistakes. What is more important though is learning to own up to the consequences of our actions, based on what is truly right and just, and not just on how we felt at any given point in time.
2. It helps saves relationships
Whether it’s about the people around you or with yourself, learning how to say sorry can make a big difference on how you see and deal with your relationships. Don’t let any good relationship go to waste. Saying sorry, when you are at fault (and sometimes even when you are not), is never a sign of weakness. It just shows how much you value the relationship on hand and how willing you are to work things out as you give everything a second chance, if you feel it’s something that’s well-deserved.
3. It helps unburden you
You don’t want to go through life with so much excess baggage from your daily conflicts and struggles. Travel light. Get everything that’s weighing you down off your chest by initiating a peaceful dialogue that will allow all parties involved air their side. It’s not about getting the desired results of knowing who’s to blame or what, but rather, being able to speak your truth and set yourself free from all what could have been.
4. It teaches you important lessons
Saying sorry allows you to become more self-aware about your actions and how you see and deal with your relationships. Being mindful about your words and actions based on the learnings from previous unwanted situations help you avoid the mistakes committed before.
5. It speaks good of your character
You can always choose to be the bigger person, someone who understands more and puts value in his relationships. People will be drawn more to you because they want someone who practices self-responsibility and accountability for his actions. And that’s quite rare nowadays when no one seems to want to admit to be at fault. I mean, check on what’s on the news today. Haha!
Saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do but it definitely is worth it if you truly believe in the value it can give you and the relationships at stake.
So hopefully, after reading this, you finally have a change of heart.
Never too late to say sorry.
And to change for the better.
It’s a sad day for me.
My fur baby, Miyuki just died.
And the rain outside matches the tears falling down my cheeks as I write this.
You see it’s not easy to let go of someone who has been with me for 3 years.
You see, I have always described Miyuki as my kindest, sweetest cat (I have 6 more).
He was, true to this description, till his last breath.
I vividly remember how I fell in love with him the first time I saw him in a Pet Shop in Cartimar.
I was just supposed to buy fish and supplies for my aquarium when I decided to just take a walk to look around the other pets available there.
Trivia: I always had a soft spot for animals and growing up, I used to say that I wanted to be a Zoologist someday. But after realizing that Science and I don’t really have much chemistry, that dream of mine changed eventually.
But back to my chance meeting with this beautiful soul.
I remember seeing him from afar, his big built and wavy tuxedo fur caught my eye immediately because he stood out amidst smaller sized kittens his age. Add the fact that he had a gold chain on his neck then, so how could I have missed him? Haha!
“He’s so huge and cute!” I told Drei who was accompanying me then who was also as mesmerized as I was.
I then approached the seller and asked about him. Back then, he was an 8-month old, big-boned exotic persian kitten with chubby cheeks and a flat low nose. Yes, I wanted to grab him and squeeze him and his overly fluffy black and white fur because he was that adorable when he looked at me but I had to stop myself as he wasn’t mine then…yet.
“How much?” I nonchalantly asked, pretending to be disinterested but deep inside I wanted to kidnap him already.
The seller gave a steep price and explained that Miyuki was just delivered that morning because the original owner was migrating abroad and could not take Miyuki with him. My heart broke into a thousand pieces then knowing how it must have been painful for both of them to be separated.
I nodded, said thanks and started to walk away after giving Miyuki one last look. I knew deep inside then that we had a connection but I was fighting with my inner logic that I went there to buy fishes for my aquarium and not a cat. Not a big, tuxedo cutie cat with beautiful eyes that warmed my heart instantly.
Walking away was futile as I found myself constantly thinking about Miyuki and discussing with Drei how much I wanted him but found him too pricey for a totally unplanned purchase.
But I know myself. I don’t fall in love easily. But with Miyuki, I just knew it immediately.
Was it the gold chain? His sad story? Or his purpose in my life eventually?
After doing two more rounds to process my thoughts, I found myself walking back to where Miyuki was. I remember having doubts when I approached the seller again and requested to hold Miyuki in my arms.
It felt like home. I was truly happy.
I knew one thing right then and there: He was my fur baby.
The way he hugged me tight and looked at me with such peaceful eyes allowed me to understand where he is coming from.
I had been left behind suddenly before by people whom I thought would stay. And it sucks big time. I can’t let it happen to this beautiful creature whose loyalty will put others to shame.
So trusting the Universe, we negotiated and after some calls, the odds aligned in our favor. We got Miyuki for the price we wanted. Though not a steal, that value was far less compared to the joy it brought me knowing that he was now mine.
And to seal that deal, the moment I hugged him again, he pooped on me. Haha! I remember not knowing whether to laugh or cry then. I saw it as a sign that he marked me his as well.
Who would have known that was the start of a beautiful 3-year love story with my kindest fur baby? One that I never thought would end until today because I had everything planned out: he will have his own wife and kids, we would take countless Christmas pictures as a family and watch Netflix and cuddle endlessly.
It was a beautiful vision.
A vision that I had after spending almost everyday with this beautiful soul who never got tired of reminding me how special I was no matter whatever I was going through at any moment.
One who never judged me when I felt I did something wrong nor when I had my moods.
He would still knock at 5am at my bedroom door, eat breakfast at 6am happily, sit by my side quietly at 9am as I start working , nudging me from time to time when he wants to go to the bathroom to do his business or when he just wants a quick hug in between. After a long day, he would quietly hop on my bed after I do my prayers and watch Netflix with me, staring at me every now and then to check if I am still awake or if he wants to be held. He perfectly knows that on or before 9pm he has to get out of my room so I can sleep, and he can wander around my place.
He was everyone’s favorite cat because he was the first one to ever reach out to all my other fur babies. He would never show aggression and will approach them slowly with eyes wide open and gently touch them with his hairy paw and smell them as he butts head with them. I always enjoy watching him play with the younger kittens, his energy quite surprising given his calm demeanor. He even has this practice of bracing himself as if like the toy race car that you have to pull back first before he launches himself forward to chase my other fur babies during play.
He has always been hard to bathe and would not look at me each time I had him take one or after he was groomed. He fears the presence of strangers and being placed inside the cat bag, because I feel he still has this notion that he was to be given away, time and again I have proven wrong in the last 3 years because my entire family showered him with so much love and affection he truly wanted and deserved, like how he managed to touch our lives in such a wonderful and meaningful way.
Even my dear friend Jen, the official godmother of my cats, who would take care of him whenever I will be traveling oversees fell in love with him and would always praise Miyuki for being such a sweet, lovable cat. I can’t blame her. He was an angel.
And today, as he was finally laid to rest after getting sick barely in a week’s time, he embarked on his journey using his little wings towards cat heaven, wherever that may be.
It pains me to have realized the signs that he was feeling something weird in the last few days, maybe because I was also too caught up with a lot of things in my life e.g. my cousin died a couple of days before, some changes in work schedules, project delays and a number of other matters that made me overlook that my Miyuki was trying his best to let me know he was saying goodbye.
I remember how he would go to my room and lie on my bed looking at the window quietly and stay there for long periods of time.
I can recall asking him at night when he cuddles near me when he would refuse to go out of my room even when it’s time and how he will run back in whenever I will bring him out. It struck me he wanted to stay by my side then.
When he started not eating and losing his energy, I would feed him by hand and hold him tight which in turn will make him take little sips of his milk and little bites on his food. He wanted to please me till the very end.
He started isolating himself from the rest of my fur babies and he will oftentimes go underneath the Christmas tree I had, something which he has never done before. Maybe it was his way of making himself be remembered during my most favorite time of the year.
And when I decided to bring him to the vet, he let out loud cries, I don’t know whether it’s because of pain or of pure sadness because he didn’t have enough time to say goodbye to his other brothers and sisters and it was obvious he didn’t want to leave us.
He knew. I just felt that.
And as much as I hate to say this, I think I knew too.
As a person who always writes down his dreams, I wrote 6 days before his death that I dreamed about Miyuki was dying. It was after having another dream about my aunt who passed away two months ago and she was crying.
I guess the Universe was already giving me signs then but since on that same day I had that dream, my cousin died from a motorcycle accident there after that may have led me to ignore it until it was too late.
But I know in my heart that I did everything I could, with all that I had to save Miyuki. I was there when he was admitted to Manila Feline Hospital and stayed there until I could. I never stopped reminding him how much I loved hime and that we will be waiting for him at home. He gave me one last look before I left. This was right after I came back from work on a weekend.
A few hours later, he died.
The last look he gave when I called his name took all of his strength remaining just to say goodbye and acknowledge me. I can never forget that face.I can never forget him.
Writing this now made me realize how much of an impact Miyuki had on my life.
He taught me how it is to love unconditionally.
Of how to appreciate simple joys.
How it feels to be supported and appreciated as I am.
He taught me how it is to look at others without judgment as I come from kindness.
I wish I could just be as kind as my kindest cat.
Miyuki was one of a kind. And he can never be replaced.
Run free, Miyuki.
Please watch over us all. I will miss you terribly.
You will always be my kindest, sweetest fur baby.
I love you forever Miyuki.
Fact: people will always remember not what you’ve done in the past, but rather the one thing (or things) that you have done at present.
I guess that’s where seeing is believing comes in.
And that is where judgement resides too.
Have you ever experienced being crucified (hopefully not literally though) by those around you just because of the that one mistake you have done, regardless of its size or impact?
I mean let’s face it, a lot of times people forget about your kindness when you commit something that’s totally out of character.
But hey, we are only human. And we are not perfect.
We are bound to commit mistakes. And that’s ok.
We have to be kinder to ourselves too.
However, we must also be mindful about our actions that come there after.
And of what comes next.
This was actually my realization that inspired me to write about this piece.
You see, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who had this habit of keeping others hanging when telling a story.
Are you familiar with the cliff hanger scenes in a series wherein you get too much excited to find out what the hero/heroine will do but then a commercial break appears or much worse, end credits signaling your long, agonizing wait till the next episode. Haha!
If you hate that feeling, imagine how I felt when my friend suddenly paused dramatically in mid sentence and looked at me smiling.
Mustering all my will power and courage as to not strangle her (haha!), I just looked at her straight in the eye, and asked in my least interested tone “And then?”
“You could have been more excited!” she said.
“I would have if you didn’t leave me hanging.”, me laughing harder.
Listening to her continue her story though, to be honest, it fell short of my expectations.
So that is what struck me: that I became too focused now on what she said after I asked “and then?” that I lost track of all other things she said beforehand.
And then demarcated the continuation of her story.
And the beginning of my disinterest (maybe because it was my inner self taking revenge for being left hanging, haha!) in her own delulu moment (sorry friend!).
Don’t get me wrong: I still let her finish and I genuinely gave my input about her concern on hand. After all, we are friends.
And at that moment, I realized an important lesson: we can always have our own “and then” moments.
My friend chose to handle things her way. That’s perfectly fine. It’s her narrative.
We can always pause first, reflect and test the waters. And then act there after.
We can always choose and commit to whatever decision we have made. And then we work on it.
We can always start all over again from scratch. And then work our way up once more.
People will always judge us, not just by the version they knew, but also by what we choose to become here and now.
Which means….when we define our very own “and then” moments.
And yes, it doesn’t need to flat out.
So now, I want you to take this time to reflect:
How are you going to craft your new narrative?
What happens next?
What will your “and then” moment be like?
I hope this piece inspires you to finally focus on owning your next chapter.
Don’t keep yourself (and others) hanging.
It’s only the beginning.
Of something far greater than you’ve ever imagined.
You can’t have it all.
Otherwise, you’ll be perfect. And that’s not possible.
Because nobody is.
And yes, that’s pretty much ok.
Hey, don’t get me wrong: you can always aspire for more.
No one is stopping you from dreaming bigger or achieving more.
You deserve that.
What I am trying to say is that it’s ok if you don’t get exactly what you want.
May it be winning in a competition.
The promotion you worked hard for.
The trip that got cancelled.
The person you were pursuing.
The relationship that you lost.
And whatever else that may have cause you pain and suffering.
Take this time to assess: what is it that’s burdening you as of the moment? How are you dealing with it?
Whatever it may be, no matter how heavy it may seem, please do me a favor: promise me you’ll be kinder to yourself.
Promise me that you will stop blaming yourself for what happened.
That you will stop thinking of yourself negatively.
That you won’t give up on yourself.
Do it not only for me, but for youself because you are worthy of second chances amidst all the craziness surrounding you.
A second, third, fourth or no matter how many it takes.
Your imperfections don’t make you insignificant.
It does not make you less of a person.
It makes you human.
And they humble you in the process of maximizing what you have so you can become what you’re meant to be.
It’s all about learning from your imperfections and the things that have gone wrong while working around them using the lessons you now have.
Never attach your happiness to things, people or situations that you feel will make your life perfect.
Your happiness is here and now. Within you, and whom you choose to be.
It does not come when things are perfect.
It comes when you are ready to embrace your reality and take up space as you are, no matter how imperfect the situation may seem.
Look around you. What do you need to be more mindful about? What can you appreciate more?
Look within you. What needs to change? How can you make that happen?
You are a work in progress. So are we. And that’s ok.
You may not have it all. And that’s fine.
Because all it takes is genuine appreciation for what you have and who you’re becoming as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
Keep going. Keep growing.
In your own special, imperfect way.
Being brave can take you further in life.
So true, don’t you think?
Think about this: how many times have your fears stopped you from becoming your own #bestmeever ?
Hey, don’t start beating yourself up now because that isn’t exactly the solution to overcome whatever hurdles you may have now.
Remember: loving yourself is actually your own responsibility. So never forget to give yourself what is due: kindness, understanding and the chance to maximize all the opportunities given to you by being brave enough to go for them while feeling worthy all through out.
I know: easier said than done. Most especially if you feel that the world has collapsed underneath you and everything around you just looks and feels uncertain. Not exactly ideal for anyone, if I may say.
However, if you’re truly committed to yourself, your happiness and your growth, know that you can summon that inner courage you thought you never had. Yup, it has always been there; you just have to inquire within and let your inspiration draw it out as you re-write your own story once more.
Here’s the thing: change is inevitable and very much beautiful. You just have to trust yourself and the process more to be able to really see the purpose behind each one unfold. Resisting change actually makes you feel stuck and blurs your own vision of growth and happiness. Think about this: what if the seemingly uncomfortable changes you’re undergoing now is actually preparing you for greater things ahead? Patience my dear; everything will eventually fall into place.
2. Failures
Nobody’s perfect. So why even pressure yourself too much to be just that? Let yourself be. Do what you can with all that you have and with the clearest intentions on hand. That will always be more than enough. Even if things don’t go as planned and you find yourself at the “losing” end, know that it’s not the end of the world. It’s actually just the beginning for you as you take new lessons to heart and use them accordingly moving forward. Yes, failures can be blessings in disguise too.
3. Growing old
Growing old is a privilege. Not everyone gets to celebrate his/her birthday until his/her hair turns gray. Embrace it. Stop equating it with loss of beauty, significance, health or mobility. Instead, see old age as a sign of growth and wisdom, an inspiration for all those who have yet to embark on the journey you have accomplished. The key here is to ensure that you make the most of each and every moment so that when you look back someday, you won’t have any regrets.
4. Starting all over again
Back to zero. This is what a lot of people dread, most especially during old age where they feel they have so much to lose. Not true though. With nothing else to lose, there’s so much more to gain as you commit to working your way up. To be free to do and be what you want in this lifetime is a priceless experience so never let tenure or the fear of letting go of what you have prevent you from pursuing what you truly want and deserve. It will always be worth it.
5. Embracing your authentic self
As you are, you are very much worthy and deserving to take up space. Never let anything or anyone make you feel otherwise. By being brave enough to show your authentic self to the rest of the world, you inspire others to set themselves free too from their own fear of rejection and judgment. Be the inspiration you were called to be in this lifetime.
I hope you get to reflect accordingly about these so that you can finally tap into that courage within as you live the life you truly want and deserve.
Believe in yourself. You can do it.
It’s unfortunate at times that we lose people along the way as we journey through life.
Whether we like it or not, certain circumstances prevent us from keeping everyone onboard all through out.
Yep, not everyone can be part of your #bestmeever journey till the end.
And that’s perfectly ok. Know that no matter how short a person’s role in your life may be, he/she has taught you the lessons you needed to know at that point in time.
However, included in the lessons you have to learn as you go through life is the willingness to fight for relationships worth saving.
Now, I want you to take this time and reflect: is there any relationship you wish to save, one that may have been affected before when life was tougher than usual?
A former flame with an unfinished business?
A family member you have strained your ties with?
An old friend you have hurt unintentionally?
And the list goes on.
Well, here’s the thing: sometimes we do things (and say things as well) which we don’t mean just because we are caught in the moment.
However, let it be known that it’s not exactly a free pass so to speak.
While we cannot undo the past, it is important to know that we still have the present moment to work with and allow ourselves to start all over again as we try to win back the people closest to our hearts.
Yup, it’s not yet the ending if it isn’t a happy one. Preach. Haha!
So yeah, you can still win them over. Or at least try.
Remember: if a relationship of whatever kind is worth saving. Go for it. You have nothing else to lose. You only have this lifetime to be happy so might as well do what you must for at the end of the day, at least you tried.
Nope. Not text. Not call. Not email. Not snail mail. Not through a friend or family member. Apologize face to face to the person you have severed ties with and show how genuinely you mean it. You don’t need to put on a show or make it grand; you just have to speak from the heart and really mean what you say. Don’t hide behind the digital space or any other person; be accountable for yourself and your actions and own the apology you are expressing.
2. Respect people’s reactions
While your intentions may be good, you can’t really expect everyone to take it the way you want them to. We all have different responses towards pain and it’s important to respect that and realize that this time around, the ball isn’t exactly on your court. You can’t (and should not) force things, relationships included. What is important here is you expressed your genuine apology and you allow yourself to listen to what the hurting party has to say and just let things be there after, coming from a space of humility and understanding.
3. Initiate the necessary changes
If you want to show your sincerity, don’t wait for the other person to tell you what needs to be done. What is key here is to reflect on what you fought about initially and what could be done differently moving forward. To win back another person, you must be willing to adjust accordingly based on your agreements or if none yet, based on what you think will be best for the relationship while taking into consideration what the other party is complaining about initially. Being pro-active can earn you extra brownie points along the way so whether or not you win the other person back, at least you have shown how much you value the relationship by embracing the changes needed.
4. Seek help from common friends/family you both trust
Bridging the gap. Pun intended haha! Kidding aside, people will respond more positively towards people they trust so if you have common friends or family members they adore fully, seek their help. Show them how much you mean your apology and ask them to help you win back the other person. Ask for tips they may have and work up a plan with them. Be humble enough to listen and accept their initial reaction though, most specially if they become over protective about the other person at first, which is quite normal. Know that eventually knowing that someone else has your back can relieve you of the unnecessary anxiety the waiting game can bring.
5. Be grateful for the impact of the other person on your own growth
I am beyond sure that once you implement the necessary improvements on your life in response to the need to make up for what you’ve done before that left people hurting, others will take notice. Never forget to be vocal and honest about thanking the other party because at the end of the day, whatever beautiful changes you have now in your space is because of the experience you initially had. This also allows the other person feel valued as he/she becomes instrumental to your own growth, and that of your relationship. Appreciation, of whatever form, can go a long way, most especially when it comes to saving relationships and winning people back.
I hope reading this inspires you to take action and win back the relationships you desire.
At the end of the day, nothing is impossible if you’re committed to making things right .
You can win this.
