“Always be nice.”
I think this is one of the most misunderstood statements our parents and teachers have told us through the years.

I mean, if you were like me, I used to interpret that as you always have to obey others, conform with the norm and say yes to everything thrown at you.

It didn’t help that statement was further reinforced with punishments when not observed accordingly based on the expectations of others.

You see back then I equated being nice with having no boundaries and pleasing others all the time so I can get the validation I wanted.

And looking back, it didn’t do me any good at all.

In general, people pleasing makes you forget your own value as you struggle to meet the needs and wants of others while setting aside your own.

This leads you to believe that validation can only come from external sources e.g. family, friends, significant others or even random strangers which make it totally unhealthy and unsustainable as you drain yourself in the process.

In the same regard, unknown to many, people pleasing also amplifies one’s ego, making a person think that he “actually looks good in the eyes of others as he does what is right and due”.

No truth to that at all.

So now, I would like to clear the definition of being nice.

Being nice means giving yourself what is due so you can do the same for others without compromising your self-worth.

There I said it.

Now, if you’re having a hard time letting go of people pleasing, here are 5 ways to help you do so:

  1. Remember that you can be kind and have boundaries

Kindness is a two way street. Give yourself what you’re willingly giving others. Being kind to yourself means acknowledging your own needs and wants without feeling guilty, so you will be able to whole heartedly provide for others coming from a space of inspiration instead of obligation. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

2. Allow yourself to disappoint others

Hear me out on this: if disappointing others means you are able to give yourself the kind of love and care that you deserve, so be it. At the end of the day, you don’t want people to stay in your life just because they benefit from you. Check on the relationships you keep — who are really there for you through thick and thin? Those people will understand if you choose to attend to your personal needs as well because they value you outside of what you can do for them. Also, in general, audience impact is only 10% in any criteria for judging so don’t worry about not getting the nods of others who don’t deserve to be in your space. Haha!

3. List down the things that make you feel good about yourself

As we focus too much in pleasing others, at times we forget how amazing we are. So it’s best to create a list of your achievements, skills and talents and include anything and everything else that makes you appreciate yourself more. You are far valuable than you can ever imagine and as you come from a space of self-worth, you do away with the need to get any validation from others there after. There is so much power when you affirm yourself.

4. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely there for you

Be with people who treat you like you genuinely matter. They are the ones who can inspire you to keep moving forward when saying NO becomes tougher than usual or when you see yourself falling into the spiral once more of people pleasing. Have people check in on you and be sure to be brave and humble enough to seek help when needed. You deserve to be seen, heard, felt and celebrated as you are. Never forget that.

5. Invest on yourself and your growth

Oftentimes, we find ourselves wanting to compensate for our own insecurities by pleasing others, hoping that their approval will make our self doubts go away. However, that isn’t exactly the case. Dealing with your own insecurities so they don’t take the lead in your relationships is imperative. This simply means that you should be willing to work on yourself as you invest on your self and your growth. How can you take care of yourself better? What do you need in order to grow more? Whether it’s a time off from everyone around you, or learning a new skill or finally deciding for yourself…do it. That way, you get to discover and become your own #bestmeever regardless of what others may have to do or say. You don’t need their approval anyway.

To know your true worth, you don’t have to please people to get their validation.

You just have to inquire within and appreciate yourself as you are.
You matter. Always. In always.

“As the saying goes….”
Followed by a quote to justify whatever argument is being presented.
Sounds familiar, right?

I am sure you have heard this time and again from your parents, friends, work mates, or even random acquaintances.

Normally this statement pops up when someone wants to remind you of something, hoping that a quote can influence you to do just that or when a point has to be further emphasized.

Take this time to reflect: in your space, what old sayings did you frequently hear? How did you take them?

Now before you start overthinking again about your response, please take this to heart:

Those sayings are subject to your own interpretation.

You have a choice to agree with them or question them.

And that’s ok.

After all, it’s your own journey. Your rules. Your take on things too.

In my case admittedly, while growing up I subscribed to majority of how the old sayings went, thinking that a bunch of wise words from someone I don’t even know will do the same wonders it did for them perhaps.

However, as life happened, I realized that by having much self-awareness, and coming from a space of authenticity, I can choose how to reframe the statements to best fit any given situation I am in.

That, my friend, can be such a liberating and empowering experience indeed.

Allow me to share with you the my 5 new takes on old sayings I grew up with:

  1. Fake it till you make it TO Face it till you make it

You all know by now how much I value authenticity. I totally believe that by embracing your truth you allow yourself to humbly accept your current space. By doing so, you become 100% present which can help you think of strategic ways to go about a certain situation as you recognize what is here and now. Hiding behind a facade can only take you on a short distance and can be quite tiring as you struggle with what is real and what is not. Don’t wait for the the guilt or shame to get to you. Face your challenges head on, with all that you are and all that you have at that given point in time. That will always be more than enough, regardless of the results you get. Because at the end of it all, it becomes a learning (and growing) experience for you.

2. Don’t burn bridges TO It’s ok to burn bridges as you build better, more meaningful ones.

Fact: Not everyone will be part of your happily ever after. Know that everything happens for a reason so just embrace things as they are. Let them (and yourself) be. You have to be brave enough to let go of things (and people) who no longer spark joy or if your what could have been(s) are weighing you down. Be grateful that once in your life you had that beautiful relationship of whatever kind happen in your life. That was its part of the story. It ends there as you learn and grow from the lessons it taught you. However, as you close chapters, realize that by doing so, you open up space for better things (and people) to come into your life. Life goes on. And so can you, even with the bridges you burned because they led to nowhere. Keep on building better ones of greater value which you deserve, ones that can help you become your own #bestmeever .

3. Save the best for last TO Enjoy the best here and now

While people judge an experience based on expectations about it being on a high note, there is so much beauty in just indulging in the now, being 100% present and rewarding yourself simply because you deserve it. Never attach your happiness or rewards for yourself to a certain goal achieved or milestone reach. Who says you can’t wear your nice clothes on an ordinary day or use your expensive China silver ware when there are no visitors? When will you embark on that much deserved vacation and allow yourself to have a break from it all? You see, here’s a common misconception: that we have all the time in this world. Not true at all. No one knows about what the future may bring. So why not just live in the moment as you take responsibility for yourself and your actions? Pursuing big goals doesn’t mean you have to postpone your happiness along the way. And yes, you can finally eat that box of expensive chocolates inside your refrigerator. Haha!

4. Actions speak louder than words TO Actions and words should equally speak as loud

Yep. For me, one is not more important than the other as they both have the same impact on people. Ever heard of love languages, communication and learning styles? It differs from one person to another. Thus, it’s best if you put equal importance to both your words and actions. Casing point: you need words to inspire, talk sense and motivate people as you show them your intentions. On the other hand, you can’t just rely on actions alone to cover for what’s unspoken and give the necessary explanations, level expectations and to address difficult conversations. And vise versa. So never take for granted one over the other.

5. Forgive and forget TO Forgive and never forget the lessons

I don’t know if it’s just me but I really don’t believe that when people offend you, you should just bury the hatchet and forget it ever happened. For me, it seems like you were invalidating your own feelings and thoughts them, making them as if they were less important than the situation on hand. I beg to differ though. I do believe in the power of forgiveness, but I also embrace the value of taking life lessons to heart and never forgetting them. Forgiving someone does not mean you have to share spaces with them and bring back things as they were before. You just can’t. There were learnings….and hopefully growth. Come from that space. You are not starting from ground zero up this time around; you are starting from experience. The goal here is to make the most of that new space, respect boundaries and allow things to unfold without putting too much pressure in bringing them the way they used to be. Who knows, going with the new may allow you to end up with something better and more valuable.

I know these may be too much for you to take, but hey, try to gain your own insights through them.

You don’t have to agree with me. I know for a fact that these might be a not so popular take on things.

And that’s ok. What is important is that you get new insights for your consideration.

As the saying goes, you know what’s best for you.
Keep it that way.

Time is gold.
I think that is one of the most famous quotes I grew up with.

However admittedly, back then when I was younger, I used to appreciate it on a superficial note.

As a mere answer to an autograph book question or to have something “profound” posted on my wall.

Through the years though, I saw it differently as I aged.

Much like how brought that to the surface when a coachee of mine submitted a list of his, 8 minutes past our agreed upon deadline.

While he had his own reasons, I wanted him to reflect on a question that perhaps can change his view about time (and life ) in general:

What do you think is the value of 8 minutes in your life?

And that led to a deeper understanding and appreciation of his commitment to himself and his growth.

I think through the years, with heightened awareness and new sets of experiences, I began to appreciate the value of time at its core, something which I impart generously to all of my coachees and mentees as they work on becoming the person they’re meant to be.

And I don’t just mean long term or seasonal changes brought about as time goes by. I also see value in each and every second that passes my life by, making sure that no time is wasted just because of uncalled for reactions towards unforeseen events.

Don’t get me wrong: not wasting time does not mean you always have to be on the go, moving forward and chasing your goals relentlessly. It’s all about the mindful use of time, no matter how long or short and that may be. And being mindful about it means making the most of it, whether resting, pausing or just letting yourself be in between pursuits of your dreams.

Being mindful means observing and sticking to your commitments, not only to others but also to yourself and your own growth. It’s all about intentionally finding time to do and give what is due so that you become your own #bestmeever no matter how busy life may be.

It’s all about becoming 100% present always as you go through life so that you get the most of each and every moment as you learn and grow in the process from all things, good or bad, that happens to you and for you.

It’s all about allowing yourself to feel, whatever it is that you need to acknowledge at any given point in time without judging yourself because you are entitled to that. What is important though is that as you set yourself free to express your emotions, it is imperative to practice accountability towards them too. At the end of it all, it’s never an excuse to let others around you suffer just because you were having a bad day. Take that to heart.

It may seem so trivial now to focus on just 8 minutes and make it seem like it’s larger than life, when we oftentimes take it for granted. However, truth be told, it is.

Imagine this: what can happen within 8 minutes? Reflect on your current space and see for yourself how valuable time can be.

You see, it can mean different things for different people:

…it can be life changing for a mother who gets to see her child for the first time after the long labor;

…it can heal wounds for someone who’s dying and wanted to make amends with his family and friends before going;

…it can make or break a much-awaited opportunity that’s presented;

…it allows for longer expressions of love between people.

And the list goes on.

What I am saying here is that 8 minutes isn’t exactly just a minuscule of time.

Depending on how you see and use it, it can be life changing. And believe me, that’s an understatement.

So at this point in time, I hope you see the value in each and every moment you have as you celebrate every breath you take.

You deserve to live fully. To become your own #bestmeever .
You just have to give yourself time.
And fully committing for 8 minutes to whatever it is that will bring you growth and joy, for starters isn’t bad at all.

Because that can jumpstart something big for you in the long run.

P.S. My coachee now submits way ahead of his scheduled deadline and found new inspiration along the way. My heart is happy, full, and proud. Thank you for the inspiration.

Saying NO is such an empowering experience.

Contrary to popular belief, saying NO does not limit you.

In fact, it opens new doors for you as you come from a space of worthiness and self-love.

Because each and every time you say NO to others, you say YES to yourself and your growth.

Allow me to share with you my take on the 5 times you must say NO in your life:

1.) When your life is at risk

This is a no-brainer. Don’t ever put yourself in such a situation that will compromise your safety. No amount of reasoning can be made that will justify you endangering or losing your life in the process. Trust your instincts and keep safe always. In all ways.

2.) When someone disrespects you

You are as worthy and lovable as everyone else. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise. Be confident about yourself. Speak up. Take a stand. And don’t allow others to own your space. You are fully deserving of your own, to begin with.

3.) When others dictate the life you must lead

Choose your own course. Pursue your own career. Follow your passion. Be whatever you want to be. That is your right. Don’t let anyone put you inside a box. You’re meant to be free. Keep it that way.

4.) When you are forced to stay in toxic relationships

Any relationship that you choose to have should be able to spark joy and growth. Say NO to those that hinder your growth and make you doubt yourself. Always remember that you have that choice to filter who you allow in your space.

5.) When you’re not your #bestmeever

Allow yourself to rest. To feel. To just be. It’s ok to say NO when you’re not your best. Give yourself enough time and space to reflect and recalibrate. You can always bounce back and start all over again when you’re truly ready.

After reading all these, I look forward to seeing you become comfortable when saying NO to these things happening in your life soon.

Fact: You can’t be too ambitious if you’re 100% committed to your success.

Pursuing your biggest dreams isn’t that easy always.

Admittedly, there are a lot of challenges and struggles before you reach your goals.

Take it from me who was told time and again by a lot of people (seriously, I lost count) when I was starting my career from scratch that going global as a professional coach and as an author “was too big of a dream”.

For others yes.

But for me, it was worth the try.

However, what I realized was that you don’t have to stress yourself out and become too anxious in the process of fulfilling your ambition.

And yes, depression and success don’t necessary have to go hand in hand.

The solution though is not to minimize your goals, but rather, empower yourself to become bigger than your worse fears and anxieties.

So if you’re highly ambitious like me, allow me to share with you these 5 ways you can deal with anxiety:

Your biggest “WHY” will keep you grounded when the going gets tough. Always be inspired by that life changing reason that made you decide to embark on your awesome journey towards becoming the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .

The more you resist, the more it persists. So be open to changes, challenges and a whole lot of uncertainties in between. Instead of resisting your journey, embrace it fully and ask yourself what you can learn from each and every experience that you encounter along the way.

Ok, repeat this after me: “I am doing perfectly well.” Celebrate small wins because they are beautiful reminders that you’re getting closer to where you want to be. Whether it’s getting a random compliment, learning a new skill or simply making it through a difficult day, give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it for stepping up and pursuing your own biggest dreams. Not everyone can do that and that gives you another reason to celebrate. Affirm yourself as often as possible.

Like seriously: comparing yourself with others is one of the biggest causes of anxiety. So please stop. Do yourself a favor and focus on yourself and your own growth. Do what you must, give your best always and stay committed to the results you want to achieve. Eyes on the prize, always.

Find your happy space. Be with people who make you feel loved and supported. Read about the inspiring stories of your role models. Look back gratefully at how far you’ve gone since you’ve started and recognize how much you’ve grown in the process. Create an environment that will help you thrive and make you realize that you don’t have to worry about what lies ahead. You got this!

There you go. I hope these inspire you to follow your heart as you pursue your biggest dreams.

You deserve it.

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