“Don’t be too happy. There might be something bad that’s about to happen soon.”
Have you ever heard this statement from your elders before?
I used to believe this before when I was younger but as I grew up and got to know myself on a deeper level, I began to question this.
Come to think of it: what’s wrong with being genuinely too happy to be living at present?
Like, is there really a limit to how happy a person should be?
And what’s with the curse thing? Why do we have to assume that there’s a mean trade off for just being in a space of joy?
Can you relate to all these?
Take this time to assess yourself: how happy are you allowing yourself to be?
What’s holding you back from being truly happy in your space?
Here’s the thing: most of the time, it’s guilt that’s making you feel uneasy and prevents you from truly being happy.
Guilt which can stem from a number of things:
Your responsibilities.
The opinion of other people.
Your assumptions.
Anxiety about the future.
And a whole lot more.
And believe me, guilt is something very heavy to carry. And takes up a lot of your head space and heart space too.
So how can you fully live and enjoy life given that?
The key here is to choose to let go of guilt so you can be genuinely happy with who you are and where you’re at.
It’s not about what you’ve been through, what you’re going through at present or whatever still awaits you that makes you deserving of true happiness. It’s how you choose to see yourself as you love yourself whole and embrace yourself fully. Never let anything or anyone else make you feel guilty for giving yourself the happiness you deserve to begin with. Happiness is your birth right, much like everyone else’s.
2. Take responsibility for yourself, your growth and your actions
Guilt comes in whenever you feel you’re neglecting yourself or others. Choosing to take responsibility for yourself and honoring your commitments will help you enjoy your current space more. It’s all about doing the best that you can with all that you have and being content with whatever your results may be there after, without fear or worries. You’ve done your part, and that will always be more than enough.
3. Let go of the things beyond your control
In life, sometimes we tend to beat ourselves up time and again for things we regret.Here’s the thing though: as you hold on to your regrets, what changes? Did your situation improve? Were you able to undo the past by hurting yourself? Or you just end up feeling stuck in a vicious cycle filled with guilt and a whole lot of what could have been? Maybe this is your sign to just let go. And by letting go does not mean you’re giving up. It only means you’re finally opening yourself to the possibility of moving forward as you focus on what you have control on: your genuine happiness now, wherever you may be at this point in time. Take this to heart: your past can hurt. But you can choose to heal and be happy at present.
4. Stop explaining yourself
No, you don’t need to justify your choices. No, you don’t need to explain yourself always. No, not everyone cares or will be willing to hear you out anyway. And guess what? All these are perfectly ok. You do you. You only feel guilty when you feel you fall short based on the standards of others. But honey, don’t even go that route. Focus on your own standards. They will never understand what your genuine happiness is to begin with. It’s a total experience that’s sacred to you, and yours alone. Keep it that way.
5. Share your happiness
Happiness is best enjoyed when shared with others. For as long as your intentions are clear, there’s nothing wrong with celebrating your wins or sharing your blessings to others, regardless of how the rest of the world might take them. Never compare your situation with that of others. Your journey is different to begin with. And it’s not your fault if others are not thriving as much as you are so don’t feel guilty. Instead, if you are in the position to inspire and help others, by all means, do so. Stop doubting yourself and making yourself feel unworthy of the happiness you are now experiencing. For all you know, you are the exact person someone out there needs to hear and experience to keep going in this lifetime. Don’t stop yourself from being a blessing to others just because of your assumptions and biases.
If there’s one thing I would like you to remember after reading this, it’s the fact that
Genuine happiness is free.
Take your share, whole-heartedly, without guilt.
You deserve it.
So I had this random conversation with a former workmate this morning and she said:
“What else could you want this year? You seem to have it all. You’re successful already!”
And it took me a moment before I thoughtfully replied:
“Thank you.”
Uhm yeah. That was the only reply I could muster at that point in time because her statement made me reflect about my current space.
She gave me a puzzled look and then said:
“I wish I can be as successful as easy and effortlessly as you did.”
At that moment, I immediately knew why I was taken aback.
While I have always been grateful about my life in general and everything I have at present, I didn’t really dig deep into my own journey towards achieving whatever it is I have on my plate now, until this conversation.
“…as easy and effortless as you did.”
OMG, did it really seem that way?
I can’t even fathom where to start as truth be told, the entire experience was far from that.
But yeah, I do get that impression a lot:
that my job as a life coach / counselor was easy because I just had to listen to my clients and give them something to reflect on without having to stay inside an office 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.
that hosting TV and radio was a piece of cake since all that is needed is be charming and ask interesting questions.
that taking my PHd was not that challenging because I have already graduated from the same University twice (UP Diliman proud Iskolar ng Bayan here) for my Masters and Undergraduate degree.
that I have my entire life all figured out.
Well, here’s the thing: everything is just the opposite. Haha!
Here’s the truth about these misconceptions:
It’s not easy to do coaching or counseling. There are a lot of things to process and a lot of energy to give out and absorb. Ask other professionals out there, I am sure they can relate.
Hosting requires a whole lot of internal planning, strategizing and rapport with the audience to draw out the best stories. Sometimes though, the guests don’t really cooperate. Haha!
PHd. Guys, PHd. Which means a whole lot of research and theories. Enough said.
And I am not ashamed or afraid to say that still, as I write this, I feel that I am a work in progress.
And I am perfectly fine with that because that means I still have room for growth.
Which makes every little step forward more rewarding and more exciting.
So going back to answer my former workmate’s question, there are still a lot of things on my bucketlist that I want to achieve.
One at a time, in my own pace and space.
I am not in hurry. Nor am I going to be complacent.
What I am basically saying is that I know that greatness takes time and I am willing to devote that ( and a bunch of others) just to make my dreams come true.
Yes, it takes a lot to be successful.
And I am not saying that I should be everyone’s benchmark for success because my definition of success may be different from yours.
It never was about how much I earned. The awards received or the number of followers, viewers, readers or listeners I had.
For me, being successful is having the time, means and energy to do what my heart genuinely desires and be truly fulfilled with it.
So that means, even as I have a long way to go, I value the freedom I have to explore without fear all the options in front of me, simply because I am allowing myself to, based on my own terms, wants and needs.
But mind you though: the entire journey to having that privilege is far from easy.
Success, no matter how you may define it, as candid as I can be, can be very costly and demanding.
The only question is for everyone reading this is:
are you willing to pay the price?
As they say, time is the best gift you can give to others (and yourself as well). So true. You can’t really bring back time so however you spend it must be in accordance to what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. In this case though, you must be willing to devote enough time, every single day, to doing at least one thing that will bring you closer to your goals. Consistency is key my dear. There are days you will feel too tired, too busy, too overwhelmed, but always remember that every second matters. It takes 10,000 hours of consistent, committed practice to be an expert in something. So be willing to spend just that for yourself and your dreams.
2. Losing people along the way
The sad truth about life is that not everyone gets to play a part in your story in the long run. Along the way, as you embark on your journey towards success, people whom you’ve had relationships with may simply fall off for various reasons: no longer in alignment with your goals, envy, change of priorities, a personal awakening …and a whole lot more. Admittedly, it may be painful at first but try to look at it this way: they’ve already fulfilled their purpose in your life. Now you’re clearing the way for new people to come in who will help you become the person you’re meant to be as you fulfill what you’re called to do. You don’t lose people who are meant to be in your space. You just welcome them when you’re finally ready.
3. A whole lot of smart and hard work
I would have loved it if I had a genie in a bottle to help make all my wishes come true. But I have to leave that part with Disney and focus on the reality that success demands a whole lot of smart and hard work. So be ready to bring in long hours, endure headache causing plot twists and challenge, overly tiring routines and a whole bunch of challenges to overcome along the way. Plus: be ready to indulge in a lot of slices of humble pie. Hehe. Bear in mind though that at the end of it all, when you work hard for what you truly want to achieve it, everything becomes more memorable and meaningful. You don’t want overnight success– you want a long lasting one that makes your legacy impactful.
4. Self work and self worth
Take this to heart: you are the best investment you can ever make. Your real confidence stems from knowing that you are at your peak state and that you are doing everything you can and giving all that you have as you pursue your biggest goals. Thus, learning more about yourself on a deeper level, working on your triggers and trauma and allowing yourself to nurture your potentials to the fullest will equip you with what you truly need when the going gets tough. Never feel guilty for spending on yourself and your growth because that is what you truly deserve. Your journey towards your own #bestmeever is a pre-requisite.
5. Unwavering faith
You become your thoughts. So it’s very important to keep believing in yourself and trusting the process. Never let difficult times change that. Don’t let previous failures get in the way. Also helps if you have a higher being to anchor to (whatever your religious belief may be, it’s ok), to ensure that when things seem almost impossible, your faith can pull you through. Praying can do wonders even during the most desperate situations. Never discount that fact because at the end of the day, I totally believe, that miracles do happen.
Having said all these, it’s now time for you to reflect:
in your own space, what are you willing to give up to be successful?
And what will make it all worth it?
You know what’s best for you.
And you deserve the success you want for yourself.
Good or bad, each and every experience teaches you the lessons you need in life.
One of my favorite things to say during interviews and talks.
Because it just rings so true, in so many ways.
I know though for a fact that it’s easier to absorb and learn lessons through good times, but the bigger question is: how do you respond when things don’t go as planned?
Be honest with yourself now: what do you do exactly when faced with uncertainty and seemingly unfavorable situations?
Do you become angry?
Do you resist them strongly?
Do you panic and breakdown?
Or do you blame others for your situation?
These are just some of the common reactions of people who are caught off guard and swept away by their heightened emotions.
However, the key here is to let the emotions settle down first to reveal the true life lessons underneath the challenging times encountered.
Seemingly difficult at first but very much possible by giving yourself enough time and space to just breathe and let yourself be.
Remember: unless it’s a matter of life and death, not everything has to happen all at once so stop overthinking and stop over reacting.
There I said it.
So now you can focus on what really matters most: the value of challenging experiences in your life as you see each one of them in a different light.
Nothing is permanent in this world, including tough times. Whatever it is you’re going through right now, no matter how hard, it will eventually come to pass. Think about this: would the thing or situation stressing you now still matter in a year’s time? I am so sure not as much, or not at all. It’s not the end of your journey; it’s just part of your story. And you’ll be ok eventually.
2. Surrendering does not mean you’re losing.
You can’t control everything. And you shouldn’t even try to. There is beauty in letting go and letting things be. For as long as you’ve given your best, with all that you have and all that you are, that’s more than enough. As you trust yourself and the process more, you actually win in life because you allow yourself to be taken to where (and become what) you’re meant to be. And yes, your #bestmeever journey won’t always be easy…but it will definitely be worth it.
3. Real relationships reveal themselves during hard times.
I think one of the biggest blessings in disguise that tough times carry is that it makes you realize who is really there for you and who is meant to stay in your life when all of this is over. Painful realization yes, especially if the people you were counting on turn their back on you. However, at least it gives you a clear picture of where you stand in their life. You can do away with people who didn’t even bother asking you how you were, people who didn’t listen to your side of your story and people who simply vanished into thin air. They are not your people, So make sure you don’t invite them in your space when things go well eventually, even if they invite themselves in again. Quality over quantity and I am beyond confident that your life can go on without them. Because based on what they’ve shown, they were never with you in this journey to begin with.
4. You get to know yourself better when times are hard.
You are stronger than you think you are and more resourceful and capable than you ever imagined. With nothing else to lose as you hit the lowest point in your life, you begin to explore possibilities bravely and that can lead you to your next breakthrough. It’s all about tapping into your inner greatness, because truth be told, you have everything within to help you get through and succeed in this lifetime.
5. You can change for the better when you’re not bitter.
Never to late to embrace change. Allow yourself to stop resisting it as you let time and space take the lead. Everything will fall into place once you have cleared your mind and heart from the things you need to let go of, as you welcome what needs to take up space so you can start all over again on a better, happier note. As they say, growth can start off messy at first. And that’s ok.
Hopefully this blog post makes it easier for you to embrace hard times this time around.
Always remember that you are exactly where you’re meant to be right now:
to learn the important life lessons to allow you to live life happily and fully.
No pain, no gain.
We grew up hearing this, time and again.
And at times, I must admit, I can’t help but agree with this.
While I wouldn’t mind having a smooth sailing life to begin with, I have embraced the fact that life in general has its own twists and turns.
Most of which are beyond our control.
Which actually makes sense to just let things be and embrace the lessons each and every not so good experience that life may bring instead of getting anxious and stressed.
I know. That won’t be a walk in the park.
However, it’s very much possible.
To see the silver lining in every painful experience we have.
And change for the better as we anchor on all the lessons learned.
Allow me to share with you the 5 painful life experiences that will shape you.
1.) A death of a loved one
This one is inevitable. As much as we want to be with people closes to our hearts, we just can’t. Death is something we cannot predict, more so stop permanently. It’s as natural as the sun rising daily, and as day turns to night. While the intensity of the pain may vary due to the cause or timeliness of the death, each death teaches us an important lesson: how to fully let go and be at peace eventually with the decision. It may take time and a whole lot of effort, however, full, genuine acceptance of things, people and situations which are no longer there are crucial for us to move on and forward when life throws a curve ball. It also teaches us the important lessons of valuing relationships and making the most of each and every moment, as we can’t really say when it’s our time to go (or let go of someone). Treat every single day as if it was your last. Very good reminder indeed.
2.) A major break up
Ouch. I feel you. Haha! I know, this can wreck havoc in one’s emotional state especially if you have always believed that you will end up with the person who broke your heart. Well take note of this: it doesn’t mean that if someone broke your heart, you won’t have your happily ever after someday. Because trust me, you will. And that’s the important lesson a break up teaches you: that you have to be patient enough to get what you truly deserve. That you need to love yourself first so that others will love you just as much. And when you’re able and ready, the right one for you will come eventually. You just have to be the love that you want to receive.
3.) A significant failure
I know it can be so frustrating when you work so hard on something and not get the desired results. Whether it’s a wasted opportunity, a competition lost, a business that went bankrupt … they all are teaching us the same thing : that we can always do better. Knowing that there’s room for improvement should inspire us to continue journeying towards our best . Remember, it doesn’t end when you lose ; it only begins when you embrace the new lessons learned and apply them there after.
4.) A betrayal
Experiencing something that’s totally unexpected like a betrayal can hurt big time. More so if it comes from a person that’s close to your heart. One can’t help but feel immense hurt, anger and pain when trust is broken. But trust me, that had to happen in order for you to learn very significant lessons in self-worth and discernment. Betrayals teach you to become more mindful about the relationships you keep and the people you allow in your space. It teaches you about what you deserve and how to value yourself more. And those lessons will go a long way as you meet various people in your life time. It pays to know.
5.) Outgrowing people, things and situations
There will come a time that certain relationships with people, things and circumstances will no longer spark the same joy or ignite further inspiration. That can be such a heart breaking experience to realize that something familiar is slowly fading to oblivion. Whether it’s a childhood friend, a place you grew up with or something you owned, letting go can be so difficult. However, it’s a must because it teaches you that life goes on. Not everyone or everything must play a part in your next chapter. It’s ok if it ends there. It already served its purpose. Be grateful that it happened. Then bravely turn the next page as you welcome new people and experiences in your space. You’ll be fine.
I hope that by reading through these you got to evaluate and appreciate your pains more.
Truth be told, each pain serves a beautiful purpose.
As you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
So embrace them fully, whole heartedly.
Because there’s so much to gain.
Sigh.
That’s perhaps the only thing we can do whenever things don’t go as planned.
I mean, I know one way or another you can relate to any or all of these:
….ever set a goal worked so hard on it, which led you to be just one step away from achieving it e.g. a promotion at work, a financial target, winning a competition etc,…but then suddenly the biggest plot twist occurs and your journey suddenly gets cut short?
….did you ever find yourself in a near-perfect relationship with your seemingly ideal guy and then without warning you find your fairy tale love story ending abruptly?
…planned your dream vacation and then suddenly it got cancelled because of unforeseen events beyond your control?
I can actually go on and on with this list but heym you already know what I am talking about.
Yup, it’s a fact: things don’t always work out the way we want them to.
Which in turn leaves us feeling angry, sad, worried and a whole lot anxious about what’s next for us, totally forgetting our own #bestmeever journey.
Reason being is that we focus too much on what went wrong instead of seeing the beautiful silverlinings behind seemingly tragic ends.
Allow me to share with you the 5 reasons why things don’t work out initially.
1.) You are being saved from greater pain or danger
Yes. God (or the Universe) might have just saved your ass from something more severe hidden under your story’s plot. Ever heard of the people who got stuck in traffic on their way to work at the World Trade Center during the 9/11 bombing? Or the guy who missed the fatal flight to Kenya? Yep, you probably know a lot of those kind of stories. And yes, they’re real.
2.) You are given the chance to improve yourself even more
Not yet does not mean never. So how amazing is it to know that there’s still room for improvement and you’re given yet another chance to maximize it? It’s no secret that Pia Wurtzbach joined the National Pageant thrice, each time becoming better, before she won and got to represent the country in the 2015 Miss Universe, where she bagged the crown. What if you’re a Pia in the making? I know that made you smile. Allow.
3.) It’s allowing you to focus on yourself and recalibrate
Have you been so gung-ho when it comes to chasing your goals? Feeling tired, pressured and burned out? Things not working out in your favor allow you to step back, pause and re assess the space you’re in as you take that much needed break from it all. That’s actually the healthy (and humbling ) way to go about things: allow yourself to rest as you let the dust settle so you can clearly define what’s next for you. Yup, there’s life after chaos of whatever kind. You’ll survive and thrive.
4.) You learn important lessons you need
Good or bad, experiences help you grow by allowing you to learn important lessons you need in life. Ask yourself this each time things don’t go as planned: what is this situation teaching me? How can I apply the learning to my current space? You will be surprised on how smooth your life can be there after only if you take the lessons to heart.
5.) You deserve something (or someone) better
God knows better. Period. Someday you will meet that one person who will make you realize why you had to undergo so many heart aches and why all was worth it. Someday, you will look back and smile about lost opportunities and relationships that led you exactly to where you’re meant to be: happier and free. You just have to trust the process, do all that you can with all that you have, and know and believe that the best is yet to come. Soon!
So guys, if times are rough now, remember this:
Tough times are temporary.
All will be well eventually.
You just have to look beyond the challenging situations and realize that all will work out eventually.
Your journey is just beginning.
Now take a deep breath.
Because life goes on.
So can you.
Happy 41st birthday, Self!
Yes, I am now officially 41.
And come to think of it, it’s such a beautiful experience to be able to reach this age. I mean growing up, I never had an idea how it would look and feel like. But hey, here I am now, blowing my candle and adding yet another year to my life.
While others become worried as they age, I am actually having a grand time embracing the person that I am becoming: my own #bestmeever . Yes, I truly believe that the best is yet to come.
Thinking about it now, it was definitely a one-of-a-kind roller coaster ride towards becoming the person I am meant to be. I lost count of the number of ups and downs, the twists and turns and everything that happened in between. But hey, I am genuinely grateful for all of them because they all happened for a reason, and the core being is that all those were essential to my learning and growth.
Coming from honesty and humility, I am just so happy that at this point in time, I no longer feel anxious about what the future may bring. There’s freedom in trusting myself and the process as I let myself (and things) be.
I have to say, experience indeed is the best teacher. I wouldn’t be a credible coach now if I haven’t experienced all those in the past 41 years. And today, I would like to share with you the 41 life lessons I learned which molded me into the person that I am now.
Indulge!
So there you go! I hope these life lessons resonate with you.
I look forward to learning more this year.
Thank you for celebrating my 41st birthday with me.
My heart is full.
As a whole, 2021 was a learning experience for me.
And that’s an understatement.
I mean I can’t say that it was a really awesome year because hey, the pandemic has taken a toll on all of us (mental health, relationships, business among others) and it’s not really easy for a travel bug like me to be oftentimes stuck at home because of travel restrictions during the lockdown.
On the other hand though, I am extremely grateful because to date, I am able to remain healthy and genuinely happy in my space and I am still blessed with a whole lot of opportunities to grow both on a personal and professional note. Taking these in consideration, I would say that 2021 was not that bad either.
Candidly speaking after seeing the big picture both ways, I totally believe that it taught me a whole lot of important life lessons which I need to take to heart as the new year approaches. I think they will all be quite useful as I (and you guys reading this) make our new year’s resolutions.
So there you go, I hope these life lessons help you in your personal journey towards becoming your own #bestmeever this coming 2022.
I look forward to journeying with you all and celebrating you and your growth along the way.
Thank you 2021 for the life lessons.
Happy New Year guys!
2022, we are ready.
Life Changing.
Best way to describe the COVID19 Pandemic.
And to this day, I still think that’s an understatement.
While in general it is seen as something destructive and evil because of the results it delivered world wide — we tend to forget that underneath them all are silver linings waiting to be discovered.
I have always believed that things happen for a reason and this entire situation is meant to change the way we look at things and ourselves (even life) in general.
Yes, it taught me a whole lot of valuable life lessons which I now take to heart.
1.) Never take anything (or anyone) for granted
In an instant, lives are lost. Many became unemployed. We got locked down. Face masks and face shields became mandatory. With these sudden changes, I got to realize the things I was taking for granted: my freedom, my work, my health…among others. Such an eye opener. So best to show love and appreciation here and now. Make the most of today.
2.) Simple joys are real joys
Appreciate the small things. They bring you true happiness. Bonding with your loved ones. Being able to rest. Working from home. Having food on your table. How many times have we missed their true value? Larger than life if I may say. And priceless.
3.) We always have a choice
How we react or respond to the whole pandemic is a matter of choice. We can either see it as a dead end or as an opportunity to thrive. It’s a matter of allowing ourselves to accept the present scenario whole heartedly as we do away with resitance and grow with the flow instead. At the very least, you reading this now is a testament of your choices made: at the very least, to survive. And that will always be more than enough for now.
4.) Everyone can be a hero
Wherever you are, whatever you do, you can always make a difference during challenging times. No one is too big or too small to help and change lives. It’s all about being empowered within and building that sense of community so that no one gets left behind. And that’s such a beautiful space to be in: alongside people who chose to be the heroes that they truly are.
5.) Life goes on. And it can get better.
Life may not always seem perfect and things may not always happen as planned, but life goes on. And it can only get better when we allow ourselves to grow in harmony with it. It’s all about choosing to maximize each and every single day so that no matter what happens, we will have no regrets. These detours will lead us to beautiful destinations, one of which is towards our own #bestmeever .
There you go. So in your case, what has the whole COVID19 Pandemic taught you? Looking forward to hearing the lessons you’ve learned along the way.
