Sigh.
That’s perhaps the only thing we can do whenever things don’t go as planned.
I mean, I know one way or another you can relate to any or all of these:
….ever set a goal worked so hard on it, which led you to be just one step away from achieving it e.g. a promotion at work, a financial target, winning a competition etc,…but then suddenly the biggest plot twist occurs and your journey suddenly gets cut short?
….did you ever find yourself in a near-perfect relationship with your seemingly ideal guy and then without warning you find your fairy tale love story ending abruptly?
…planned your dream vacation and then suddenly it got cancelled because of unforeseen events beyond your control?
I can actually go on and on with this list but heym you already know what I am talking about.
Yup, it’s a fact: things don’t always work out the way we want them to.
Which in turn leaves us feeling angry, sad, worried and a whole lot anxious about what’s next for us, totally forgetting our own #bestmeever journey.
Reason being is that we focus too much on what went wrong instead of seeing the beautiful silverlinings behind seemingly tragic ends.
Allow me to share with you the 5 reasons why things don’t work out initially.
1.) You are being saved from greater pain or danger
Yes. God (or the Universe) might have just saved your ass from something more severe hidden under your story’s plot. Ever heard of the people who got stuck in traffic on their way to work at the World Trade Center during the 9/11 bombing? Or the guy who missed the fatal flight to Kenya? Yep, you probably know a lot of those kind of stories. And yes, they’re real.
2.) You are given the chance to improve yourself even more
Not yet does not mean never. So how amazing is it to know that there’s still room for improvement and you’re given yet another chance to maximize it? It’s no secret that Pia Wurtzbach joined the National Pageant thrice, each time becoming better, before she won and got to represent the country in the 2015 Miss Universe, where she bagged the crown. What if you’re a Pia in the making? I know that made you smile. Allow.
3.) It’s allowing you to focus on yourself and recalibrate
Have you been so gung-ho when it comes to chasing your goals? Feeling tired, pressured and burned out? Things not working out in your favor allow you to step back, pause and re assess the space you’re in as you take that much needed break from it all. That’s actually the healthy (and humbling ) way to go about things: allow yourself to rest as you let the dust settle so you can clearly define what’s next for you. Yup, there’s life after chaos of whatever kind. You’ll survive and thrive.
4.) You learn important lessons you need
Good or bad, experiences help you grow by allowing you to learn important lessons you need in life. Ask yourself this each time things don’t go as planned: what is this situation teaching me? How can I apply the learning to my current space? You will be surprised on how smooth your life can be there after only if you take the lessons to heart.
5.) You deserve something (or someone) better
God knows better. Period. Someday you will meet that one person who will make you realize why you had to undergo so many heart aches and why all was worth it. Someday, you will look back and smile about lost opportunities and relationships that led you exactly to where you’re meant to be: happier and free. You just have to trust the process, do all that you can with all that you have, and know and believe that the best is yet to come. Soon!
So guys, if times are rough now, remember this:
Tough times are temporary.
All will be well eventually.
You just have to look beyond the challenging situations and realize that all will work out eventually.
Your journey is just beginning.
Now take a deep breath.
Because life goes on.
So can you.
Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
There is so much truth in this popular saying.
I mean, things won’t always go as planned and there will always be days which are less rosey than others.
More often than not, we fail to see the real value of the emotional pain that we are experiencing on hand as we just perceive it as one big problem.
Something that’s meant to destroy our plans and make us miserable.
However, we tend to forget that our pain is actually teaching us valuable lessons that we need in order for us to become our own #bestmeever .
And until we realize the 5 things that actually make our emotional pain worse, we will continue to suffer unknowingly due to our own choices.
Allow me to share them with you now so that you can try to avoid them at all costs:
1.) Resisting your pain
I know and totally understand this. I mean no one wants to feel pain right? I mean, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, regrets and many others can wreck havoc on one’s self. Mind you though that the only way you can deal with those is to actually allow them to come to surface and feel them. Because you can never process and understand them if you keep denying yourself of the opportunity to come face to face with them. Remember, you can only resolve what you acknowledge, your emotional pain included.
2.) You try to control everything about your pain
There will always be things beyond our control. It only adds up to the stress that you’re already feeling when you try to manipulate the entire situation and your own emotions just to lessen the pain. However, you cannot fake what you cannot control so don’t even go there. Try surrendering your worries and concerns instead, this can do wonders for you now as you navigate through your pain.
3.) You overthink about your pain
It’s there. face it as is. Stop thinking about a hundred and one non-existent narratives. Stop focusing on all those that could have been and focus on what is here and now. Don’t distract yourself with negative thoughts that won’t do your pain any good. You don’t need the added unnecessary anxiety brought about by overthinking..
4.) You see your pain as a dead end
Your pain, whatever it may be, is not your final destination. It’s merely a pitstop to prepare you for an even greater journey ahead. Stop focusing on how hopeless the situation may be at present and instead start thinking about your desired outcomes oncee you have accepted the space you’re in. YOu can always do something about your pain as you learn to grow in harmony with it. While it may not totally go away in the future, you don’t have to burden yourself with so much suffering by thinking that your life ended with your current pain. No honey, with or without pain, your life goes on. And so can you.
5.) You let your pain define you
You are not what you feel or what you’ve been through. So stop being unfair to yourself. Separate your emotions from the person that you are. You can be in pain and still be that amazing person for someone, somewhere out there. Never forget that you matter and that you will always be more than whatever pain broke you initially. Because you needed that so that the old version of yourself, with the new lessons learned from your painful experience, will finally peel off and reveal a better version of you. It’s part of the process.
I hope these can help you in managing your emotional pain better.
Remember, it’s only temporary.
It will pass.
And you will heal.
Someday. Somehow.
Until then, hold on.
And learn and grow from the experience
There will always be days which are less than perfect.
And that’s perfectly normal.
Once in a while, life throws you a curve ball, totally unexpected, leaving you struggling and confused as you try to control the situation on hand.
That’s part of human nature actually: wanting to be in control at all times, thinking that things should happen always the way we want them to.
But is that really the case?
Too much resistance at times can lead us to become frustrated when things don’t turn out to be in our favor, making us doubt ourselves.
We then begin to question our skills, our worthiness, and everything around us that causes our self-confidence to slide down dangerously.
When this happens, we end up feeling not good enough. And trust me, that isn’t exactly a nice space to be in.
You may ask: how can you feel good inside when everything else around you seems to be in total chaos and you’re against all odds?
That’s exactly the point: you are allowing the state of the things around you, become you. You are not what happens to you.
When situations seem unfavorable or people are treating you less than you deserve, when you focus on them, you amplify their impact on you.
What is key here is to recognize your need to become self-empowered so that you get to resolve that feeling of not being good enough.
1.) Remember that you have your own journey
Whenever you compare yourself with others or even your previous self (if you were doing good before), you rob yourself of the opportunity to grow in harmony with the now. You’re being unfair to yourself that way. Instead, what you can do is acknowledge your current progress. While it may not be perfect now, celebrate the fact that you’ve made it this far and most probably you’re still in time (and doing good) based on your own timelines and standards. Give yourself enough room to make mistakes and learn from them — that’s not exactly a bad thing, you know. Go and grow at your own pace, in your own space.
2.) Remember what you’re good at
Whatever that’s not working right now in your life, know that it’s only one aspect, not the whole so don’t ever let your results define you fully. Consider your journey and how far you’ve grown. Ask yourself this: what other things am I good at that can help me in my current space? Maybe it’s a matter of changing approach or simply changing your focus in the meantime until you feel fully inspired again. Creative? Think of news ways to approach it. A good writer? Write an inspiring story about your set back. A speaker? Talk about it. You can always make the most of what happens to you for a s long as you don’t let it define you.
3.) Consider it as a learning experience
Humbling, yet so empowering to know that there’s still room for growth. Embrace that beautiful lesson; it’s part of you as you become your own #bestmeever . Reflect on what you can improve on and who can help you in the process. Feeling not good enough is actually the push you need to step out of your comfort zone and commit to becoming your best. Don’t let any negative emotion pull you down.
4.) Take a time off to celebrate yourself
You don’t need to face everything all at once. Take a step back. Relax and ground yourself. It’s not the end of the world, my dear. You may not feel that you’re good enough in a particular space or for a particular person, but hey if you think long and hard about it, time and again, you have proven that otherwise. Try to write down the number of times you’ve succeeded in other matters. List down the number of people who have shown you love and inspiration. Note all the times you have felt proud of yourself. All those are beautiful justifications for you to move on and forward. Note to self: You’ve just encountered a hurdle. You’re not stuck in a rut. Because you’ve risen above that challenge before. Time and again.
5.) Make a difference in someone else’s life
You can always choose to lend a helping hand to those who have far less than you and have probably had things harder for them in general. Give yourself the same compassion you willingly give these people, You may feel small and insignificant now, but when you see the smiles on the faces of those you intentionally helped, that will change you. To feel different about yourself, allow yourself to make a difference in the lives of others. Because even in the smallest, simplest ways, like doing a favor or smiling or asking how they are — those can be life changing for them…and you as well. Because you matter too.
At this point, after having said all these, I just want you to remember this:
You will always be more than enough,
And that’s something good to hold on to, always.
Fact: You can’t know everything all at once.
And there will be times when even what you thought you knew well, won’t exactly be the case.
That’s the irony of it all.
And when this happens, we feel very helpless since we are used to always being in control, ensuring things happen as planned.
We end up feeling stressed, unhappy and unmotivated simply because we thought we had everything all figured out.
Let me remind you this harsh truth: we don’t.
In fact there are alot of things that we are probably clueless about yet we try so hard to make sense of everything:
We don’t know what others are going through, sometimes, ourselves included, yet we oftentimes judge them (and ourselves based on what we see and what we feel alone, and not based on what’s truly within anchored on facts.
We don’t know what the future has in store for us, yet we anxiously anticipate it and try to control it as much as we can.
We don’t know when our healing will happen, yet we assume that it will take forever and it’s ok to just wallow in our own misery and drive people away with our pain.
We don’t know how much time we have left yet we act as if tomorrow’s guaranteed and we can still put off relationships, goals, starting over among others.
We don’t know what we truly deserve because we refused to take risks because we fear of getting hurt, not realizing that we are hurting ourselves and others more in the process of holding back and not being true to ourselves.
We don’t know that we matter so much to other people outside of those who have taken us for granted that we forget as we dwell on what’s lost rather than what we can gain from exploring and being with others who make us feel valued.
We don’t know that somewhere out there, someone looks up to us despite us feeling so discontented and unhappy at times in our current space, thinking that we lack so much. and we let that define us.
We don’t know what love truly is because we base it on our previous experiences and associate it with a lot of what could have beens rather than focusing on what (and who) is here and now and what can still be when we give it a chance, despite its being unexpected and unconventional. We know a lot of excuses and we try to justify them left and right, not knowing that having all those will only leave us hurting and wondering more in the long run.
We don’t know…that we don’t know the answers to all these.
And we will never know if we don’t make that choice.
To see things differently and let ourselves be.
We will know if we listen not to our ego and not focus on our pains.
We will know once we step out of our comfort zone and be comfortable with just knowing and being.
We will know if and when we decide to take the risk coming from a space of love and purpose as we breakdown walls of pains and doubts.
We will know once we have accepted what we don’t know.
And that’s a very humbling, yet empowering experience.
Because that’s part of becoming our own #bestmeever .
I trust that by now, you know better.
As we age, whether we like it or not, we tend to become more and more forgetful.
That’s simply a fact of life.
We constantly evolve as life happens.
We try to adapt, to endure, to do and be our best as we try to keep up with the never ending cycle of ups and downs.
In the process, at times we feel overwhelmed by everything that’s happening around us and within us.
When this happens, we tend to forget how amazing our current space it as we focus on what went wrong or what didn’t go as planned, making us want to escape from the now as we seek validation and re-assurance somewhere else.
But ask yourself this: do you really have to?
Maybe not.
Maybe it’s really not about escaping,
Maybe it’s just about remembering what needs to be our anchor as we go through life, one day at a time.
It may seem lonely at times especially if you’re coming from a break up or when you lose a friend or loved one. Never forget though that there are people around you who will be willing to help you heal and move on and forward from whatever broke you. You just have to reach out and allow others to help you unburden yourself as you let go of your pains and what could have been. Never just keep things to yourself, because yeah, you really don’t have to. You are supported and loved.
2. You have a choice
Whether to say yes or no. To stay or go. To be whatever you want to be. It all lies in your commitment to yourself and the choices you have to make in order for you to become your own #bestmeever .Nothing can stop you if you truly believe in yourself and your own purpose, regardless of what others may have to say or do about it. Never forget your power of choice because that will allow you to push through.
3. Your time will come
Not now does not mean never. You just have to be patient with yourself and your journey. Never forget that everything that’s happening to you now is just preparing you for what you truly want and deserve. Hang on. Keep the faith. Everything will fall into place once you’re truly ready.
4. You’re just as important as everyone else
Never treat yourself as less deserving. Never forget your own value, your own worth. Keep it intact always. Because at the end of the day, you matter. A lot. So don’t let anyone, or anything make you feel otherwise.
5. You are whole
As you are, despite what you’ve been through or whatever else you’re going through as of the moment, never forget that you’re whole and complete. Everything and everyone else that comes into your life is just a bonus, not a missing piece.
May you never forget all these so that you get to live and enjoy a life that’s worth remembering.
Always. In all ways.
“I’ve had enough!”
This is the line that most commonly precedes an eruption of emotions.
Truth be told though, it’s not exactly a bad thing.
It means that you are actually setting boundaries and that you have finally realized how important they are in your life.
The key here is to allow yourself to feel, minus any form of judgment towards yourself and the negative emotion involved.
So do away with your personal biases about anger, guilt, shame, sadness, regret, fear or whatever negative emotion you may be feeling at present.
Remember, it’s not bad to feel them…just don’t be them (negative emotion).
Example: You can feel anger …. but, you don’t have to brand yourself as an angry person.
While you’re at it, allow me to share with you the 5 ways you can let go of negative emotions:
Don’t ever deny them or run away from them. Know that you can only resolve negative emotions you have come into terms with. Know them. Feel them. And then reflect: what is making me feel this way? What are these emotions telling me? Note that what they’re telling you, as mentioned before, may not be exactly a bad thing.
2. Question their validity in your present space
Ask yourself this: is what I am feeling based on facts or assumptions? Are these emotions still relevant at this point in my life? Most people tend to operate based on past experiences, including the negative emotions associated with them so it’s best to assess your current space instead and allow yourself to gradually heal from within.
3. Express them out responsibly
Don’t let any form of negativity overwhelm you as you let them all pile up from within. Consider releasing them by crying, shouting, exercising or channeling your feelings towards something that’s constructive, not destructive. Remember that you should always have yourself accountable for your actions so choose to express how you feel with care and consideration, not only for yourself, but for others as well.
4. Talk it out
It’s very important to know that you’re not alone. So reach out to your trusted family, friends or even a mental health professional (when needed) for you to be able to articulate how you feel and get to process and let go of all those negative emotions you have within. In the rare cases that no one is readily available,, you may want to consider journaling or recording a video to help you declutter your mind and heart.
5. Focus on what you can control
We tend to be overwhelmed at times because we try too hard to make things happen like we want them to but we tend to forget that some are actually beyond our control. What you can do though is make a list of stuff under your control and work on them. Anything that’s beyond your control, including the negative emotions associated with each, just let go. Surrendering can do wonders for you if you learn how to trust the process and yourself as well.
I hope this blog post of mine helps you unburden yourself with any emotions that are hindering you from becoming your own #bestmeever .
Like I always say,
if it does not help you grow, let go.
First things first:
Happy new year everyone!
I hope that you are just as excited as I am to welcome 2022 with open arms, mind and heart
Don’t you just love the gift of new beginnings?
I mean knowing that we made it this far, it’s not game over for us.
Life goes on. It always does.
So do away with being anxious and worried about the things to come. Remember, no matter how challenging last year may have been, things can be different now.
As we bid 2021 good bye, it’s time for us to embrace this new chapter of ours with much hope and positivity.
So it’s only fitting that we start what we have on our bucket list and our new year’s resolutions.
I actually started my day taking a long walk, enjoying the first sunrise of the year in this beautiful beach that I am at.
I took time to reflect and own the space I was in (and it was good thing that the beach was not that crowded then (see picture for reference). It’s so nice to feel grounded and empowered to be able to start the year on a clean slate as I thought of all the things I can begin with this year.
I want to share that experience with you guys.
There you go.
So what will you start on this year?
Whatever it is, start with all your heart.
Claiming this happier, healthier and more beautiful 2022 for all of us as we own our space.
When you’re ready to start on your journey towards becoming your own #bestmeever , message me.
Let’s make this year the best one yet.
