Fact: Not everyone will be happy for you when you succeed. Also a fact: You can’t force these people to change.
There, I said it. Now take it all in.
I know. And I totally get you.
Been there. Been that.
And to be candid about it, as I continue journeying towards my own #bestmeever , I continue to experience that still.
What I have come to realize about the entire experience of growing into the person you’re meant to be is that some people will not be able to grow in harmony with you.
As you soar higher in this life time, some will get left behind.
Sadly though, regardless of the relationship you have with them, these will be the very same people who will try to minimize your success.
I have heard (and been told upfront) these before:
“Only bronze?” – when I first placed in the 2022 edition of the Coach Awards in the Best Wellness Coach Category.
“He just probably paid for his awards and articles.” – when I got recognized by a number of international media and organizations for my work and got included in their listicles.
“You charge too much.” – from a person who hasn’t even tried my services and didn’t bother reading the testimonials of my clients
“He’s not that big time yet globally.” – said someone about my international exposures and clients.
“He’s just charming and the audience loves him that’s why he gets invited often” – said someone who questioned my multiple media exposures and subject matter expert interviews.
“National Bookstore? Only ranked #9. It’s just Amazon. Anyone can best selling author there.” – said someone who had a self-published book which barely made any sales.
And I can go on and on from the years of experiencing such.
And I know you can relate too.
When people tell you that you aren’t good enough.
That you had it easy.
That your achievements don’t really matter that much.
But let me tell you this now: that isn’t exactly the case.
Allow me to share with you the 5 things you can do when someone minimizes your success:
Remind yourself that you define your own success
Success is relative. And it’s not just anchored on huge milestones or achievements. Success can mean as much as starting your own fitness journey, saying NO for the first time or simply making it through the day. You define it. Never let others implement ridiculous metrics that you don’t even subscribe to.
2. Don’t carry the weight of others’ projections on you
When people try to bring you down, it stems from their own insecurities, frustrations and pains. Really successful and genuinely happy people don’t have time to minimize the success of others simply because they have so much joy in their space and they are very much secure to let others share spaces and grow in harmony with them. In my case, I always reflect: what can be their reason for doing that? What pain is driving their action? For all you know, they probably want your success for themselves. Or they try to bring you down because they feel they’re being left behind. That makes me feel compassion than resistance while letting go of the unnecessary baggage their comments bring. And yes, you don’t need to deal with their pains. It’s theirs to carry and process.
3. Reflect: What’s the value of their comment in your journey towards growth?
Oftentimes, the people who belittle you and your success don’t really have that much value in your life. Total strangers. Acquaintances. People you had a fall out with. So…why would their opinion matter? The mere fact that they didn’t have any significant contribution to your growth, why be burdened by what they have to say? You don’t have to take in everything and you don’t have to explain yourself.
4. Focus on those who truly value and celebrate you
You don’t deserve to be held back from becoming your best by anyone. So instead on dwelling too much on the approval and validation you never got, focus on all the kind words and gestures from people who genuinely love and support you. Their presence in your life weighs more. Reflect: who are these people in your life who truly have your back? Keep them closer.
5. Continue celebrating your success
Huge trigger for those who want to bring you down, if I may say. When you are very much secured about yourself and you have the purest intention of inspiring others as you share and celebrate success, its value amplifies. Someone out there needs to see you push forward so he/she will also be inspired to take his/her first step towards growth even if some people are making things harder than usual. Play the part. Be the disruptor. Show others how it’s done. Succeed even more. Consistency drives nay sayers beyond crazy. Best clap back ever without lifting a finger.
Wherever you are now, I hope you become more comfortable in acknowledging your own worth and success.
You don’t need anyone else to be proud of you to validate your progress and significance in this life time.
You matter. Everything about you does.
Take that to heart always as you give yourself the success that is due.
I will always be proud of you. Now, be proud of yourself too.
Do you believe in serendipity? I do. And you seeing this is no accident.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.
What is the key message of everything happening around you (and within you)?
Ok, don’t overanalyze. The key here is to embrace things as they are and allow yourself to really feel and understand what you need as of the moment.
To help you a bit, feel free to check on these 5 things that you need to know now. Who knows, they may exactly be the one you need for today to help you process everything:
1. Where you are now is just the starting point of your journey.
Don’t fret. While your present is teaching you all the lessons you need to thrive moving forward, it may not be exactly embody your final destination. Applies to when you’re having the time of your life or when it seems that you’ve hit your lowest point. Use whatever it is that your current space is teaching you so that you start strong as you embark on that life changing journey towards what you truly want and deserve in this life time. Remember: it’s not about where or who you are at present, but rather, what you choose to become (and do) about it. Yes, the exciting part is yet to happen.
2. You’ve been through worse and survived.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a number of less than pleasant situations that make us forget our very own worth and progress. Never let challenging times overwhelm you and invalidate your growth. Remember how far you’ve gone and honor yourself. I am sure that if you draw inspiration from your past experiences experiences you never thought you would survive but did, you can definitely ace the one you are facing now.
3. You have a choice.
You are not stuck. You are not helpless. Your life isn’t over. While there may be things beyond your control, you always have the choice to see them differently and allow yourself to focus on what you can still do. And whatever you choose for as long as you take responsibility, no matter how others may react towards your choices, know that you are not obliged to explain yourself and justify each one. So choose to stop stressing yourself because for as long as you’re alive, you can change the space you’re in by choice.
4. It’s time.
I don’t know but I felt like writing this. How does this resonate with you? Maybe it’s time to change careers? Pursue a passion you’ve parked? Invest on yourself? Say sorry? Fall in love? Go back home? I think now will always be the perfect time to do whatever it is that is in your heart because no one can really predict what the future holds for everyone of us. As what the famous quote of R’Bonney Gabriel said in her winning answer in Miss Universe then: if not now, then when? Makes a lot of sense to me. And hopefully, to you too.
5. You matter.
You have a beautiful role to play in this life time. Know that in your own little way, someone out there is inspired to push forward because you showed him/her that it’s possible. As you are also, regardless of what you’ve been through or whatever you’re going through as of the moment, know that you are supported and loved and that you are not alone in your journey. Remember: even total strangers have compassionate hearts. So allow yourself to take up space because that is what you deserve.
I know that as random as these thoughts may seem, I hope at least one resonated with you.
Because you reading this is a serendipitous moment leading you towards your own #bestmeever . Enjoy the journey.
It all starts with being so specific and precise about what is it that you really want to become? How does your best version look like? What does it feel? Check on your core values and create that vivid scenario in your mind so that you have something to anchor on as you transition towards your best. Avoid generic statements like “I just want to be happier.” or “I am financially stable.” . Fill in as much details as you can. Write them down if you must and you can add pictures as visual support even. Remember, the clearer you are, the better because your action plans become more aligned with your end goal in mind.
2.) Healthy habits
Yes, health is wealth. So we must treat our over all wellness and well-being as something that is priceless. Check on your habits. What are not working for you? What can you change? What can you add to compliment your desired results in your life? This requires a whole lot of honesty and commitment because as they say, old habits die hard. However, by choice, you can overcome those which have been wrecking havoc in your life, one step at a time, one day at a time. Whether it’s all about eating mindfully this time around, exercising, prioritizing your mental health, sanitizing your social circle or simply letting yourself be — create healthy habits that will help you become your best eventually.
3.) Commitment to a definite timeline
Your “when” is just as important as your “what” , “why” and “how”. Give yourself a specific target date of completion. When do you want to achieve all these? Identify milestones along the way so that you will be continuously inspired. Stay committed to your goals even during tough times by being flexible in your approach and celebrating growth of whatever size or impact. Do away with your notion of “someday” and “one day” and focus on turning each and every moment as a potential “day one” — where in you’re overly excited, very committed and hungry to pursue your dreams as you become the person you’re meant to be.
4.) A loving support group
While it’s awesome (and mandatory, actually) to be the greatest fan of one’s self, it would be nice to have people rallying behind your back as you reach for the stars and make your dreams come true. Involve the people closest to your heart: family, friends, significant others, mentors etc. — basically whoever you think can inspire you along the way when the going gets tough and when you have wins to celebrate collectively.
5.) An awesome life coach
No joke. Really. Get yourself a highly qualified coach to journey with you so that you get to navigate clearly in your personal or professional journey with the greatest of ease. Choose one you resonate with and one who embodies your very own aspirations e.g. if you want to work on your weight, self perception and mindset, try seeking for a coach that has done that and delivered results for himself and others. before . Someone who walks the talk, basically. Note that your chosen coach must just be inspiring for you so that each and every session that you have with that person, will be life changing as he motivates you fully, genuinely. Remember, your coach is perhaps one of the best investments you can make as you embark on a journey towards personal growth. So choose well.
After reading all these, now it’s time for you to reflect: what’s that one thing I can do immediately to become the best version of myself?
Then take it from there.
Cheering you on!
Happy 41st birthday, Self!
Yes, I am now officially 41.
And come to think of it, it’s such a beautiful experience to be able to reach this age. I mean growing up, I never had an idea how it would look and feel like. But hey, here I am now, blowing my candle and adding yet another year to my life.
While others become worried as they age, I am actually having a grand time embracing the person that I am becoming: my own #bestmeever . Yes, I truly believe that the best is yet to come.
Thinking about it now, it was definitely a one-of-a-kind roller coaster ride towards becoming the person I am meant to be. I lost count of the number of ups and downs, the twists and turns and everything that happened in between. But hey, I am genuinely grateful for all of them because they all happened for a reason, and the core being is that all those were essential to my learning and growth.
Coming from honesty and humility, I am just so happy that at this point in time, I no longer feel anxious about what the future may bring. There’s freedom in trusting myself and the process as I let myself (and things) be.
I have to say, experience indeed is the best teacher. I wouldn’t be a credible coach now if I haven’t experienced all those in the past 41 years. And today, I would like to share with you the 41 life lessons I learned which molded me into the person that I am now.
Indulge!
You can always love yourself more by choice, and it’s ok.
Whatever you tolerate will eventually take its toll on you. So don’t if it doesn’t sit well with you.
Never keep things to yourself. Speak up. Your personal freedom is more important than the reactions of others.
You don’t have much time but you can always choose to make the most of what you have.
To be different is a gift. Cherish it. Own it.
You can be successful and unhappy or struggling yet happy. You have the choice to turn both around.
What you truly deserve will always be better than what you initially wanted. Trust in God’s plan.
Every pain has a purpose. You just have to stop resisting and start seeing things beyond the hardships,
Your willingness to invest on yourself is commensurate to your willingness to grow. It’s a question of how much are you worth it?
You don’t ever need to justify the wring doings of others. Allow yourself to feel hurt and acknowledge that space. You don;t have to deny that because you want to save a relationship.
You can be independent, empowered and genuinely happy if you allow yourself to live outside of social and personal expectations.
Don’t minimize your goals based on your experience. Create goals based on what you really want and get enough experience and enlightenment to work on them no matter how big they may seem at first.
There’s more to life than just working to pay the bills.
A seemingly bad ending can actually be a prelude to a beautiful beginning.
If you’re not happy, then that’s not how the story ends yet.
Learn to normalize calling people as colleagues, acquaintances or whatever fits them if they’re not really your friends.
Your happily ever after is not based on a certain age, achievement or person. It’s based on what you truly feel within regardless of what you have or don’t have.
Commitment requires 100%. Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
Love comes unexpectedly. It pays off to always be ready.
There is much value in pausing, stopping and starting all over again. They shouldn’t be perceived as negative delays.
You are worth every risk you are willing to take.
For as long as you’re happy and healthy, you can become wealthy.
Feeling stuck at times can actually be a matter of choice.
Your credibility and integrity are priceless. So don’t act cheap.
Don;t sweat about things that won’t matter in 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 months or 5 years.
It’s ok to love people from afar.
Love is brave and proud. If it’s not, then that’s not love.
There’s no limit as to how many times you want to start all over again and reinvent yourself, for as long as you are clear with your goals and objectives.
You can’t be everything that the world expects you to be but you can always be your best and that’s more than enough.
Don’t let anyone or anything question your genuine happiness. You know better.
Struggling at times makes the whole journey even more rewarding.
Don’t let the people who have hurt you turn you into a person that you are not.
You are whole as is. Everyone who comes into your life is just a bonus.
Acknowledging your feelings and being truly honest with yourself are superpowers.
Everyone needs a coach. But there is a specific coach for someone.
It’s ok to cut ties. You don’t have to stay for the sake of old times, because if things were still the same, then cutting them off wouldn’t be an option in the first place. People change. Feelings too. So can you.
You don’t ever have to pressure yourself to conform just to be liked. You can be a disruptor and be loved.
Taking care of yourself, your looks, your mental health and well-being is never optional or dependent on anything or anyone else.
It’s ok to try and fail than to have a bunch of what if’s and what could have been’s.
You can never be really ready but you can always choose to be brave enough now to at least try.
Life goes on. It always does. So can you.
So there you go! I hope these life lessons resonate with you.
I look forward to learning more this year.
Thank you for celebrating my 41st birthday with me.
To be that authentic, unapologetic, grandest version of ourselves so that we can live the life we have always wanted and deserved through self-empowerment.
The thing is though, it takes a whole lot of work, commitment, trust and love to journey within.
To heal from the past, accept the now and gain clarity of our biggest visions in life as we discover self-empowerment takes time (and effort, mind you).
In some cases though, it takes longer for others because of these things that prevent them from having a smooth journey towards their best.
Allow me to share with you 5 of the biggest hurdles that may hold you back from becoming your own #bestmeever :
Comparing yourself to others
Ok, your journey, is yours alone. It’s totally different from anyone else’s in this planet. So every time you compare (and contrast) your progress with that of others, you allow yourself to get distracted. In the end, no matter how your journey goes, know that it’s meant to teach you important lessons so you can own your best version eventually.
2. Stressing over the little things
No journey is perfect. And guess what? The little bumps along the way make each one even more exciting. So stop sweating over the small stuff. It’s a waste of time and energy. I mean details matter and all and it wouldn’t hurt to double check along the way. However, in the event that there are unforeseen circumstances where things don’t go as planned, if it’s not life changing, just take a deep breath and let go. Nothing is worth more than your inner peace.
3. Expectations
Never attach your own happiness to mere expectations. Instead of conditioning yourself that you will be happy when you achieve this and that, why not try to be happy in the now, with all things as is, as you are. There are so many things to be grateful and happy about at present so allow yourself to grow in harmony with the now.
4. Pleasing others too much
You are not every one’s servant at their beck and call so stop thinking and acting like one. Remember, you also have the obligation to take care of yourself and give yourself what is due. So start saying ‘NO’ to others so you can say ‘YES’ more to yourself and your growth. At the end of the day, even if you don’t get the nod of others, the best person to please will always be yourself. And that will always be more than enough.
5. Putting yourself last
Making yourself a priority is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. There’s totally nothing wrong about considering your own needs and wants. Remember, taking care of yourself first will also allow you to take care of others more eventually. It has to start from you though as you give yourself the love and affection that you willingly give to others. How can you give what you don’t have? Self-empowerment comes first my dear.
I hope this list will help you catch yourself as you journey towards your best.
I look forward to seeing your own #bestmeever unfold soon.
