So true at times.
Most especially if you’re coming from a space of hurt and heightened emotions.
Asking for forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
You have to deal with a lot of emotions, take in a lot of facts and brace yourself for whatever reaction the other party may have.
Yup it can be that scary.
However, if you really want to work on yourself and save the relationship on hand, learning to say sorry when at fault, can do wonders for you.
At the end of the day, it shows how much you value yourself and your relationships when the going gets tough and threatens the harmony you initially had.
At this point in time, I’d like you guys to pause and reflect accordingly:
What do you need to apologize for?
To whom?
Is it about a recent melt-down you had at work?
To your partner whom you have taken for granted?
Someone whom you’ve disrespected, whether knowingly or unknowingly?
To yourself, for neglecting your own needs and wants?
Ouch. I know. Trigger questions can hurt but they can also give you the clarity you need if answered as honestly as possible.
Keep in mind though that there’s no judgment and you are allowed to process everything accordingly in your own time and space.
Yes, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t feel like it. However, my take is: you don’t have to be rude as you take that in consideration too.
Being reminded to apologize is not an attack; it’s coming from a space of love and concern in an effort to bring back harmony that was lost during a conflict, whether internal or external.
Saying sorry allows you to do away with so much pride that prevents you from growing and your relationships from truly flourishing. Humility is needed for one to learn the important lessons in life about commitment, respect and boundaries, all three essential if you want to thrive in your chosen space. It’s all about embracing the fact that no one is perfect and we are all entitled to commit mistakes. What is more important though is learning to own up to the consequences of our actions, based on what is truly right and just, and not just on how we felt at any given point in time.
2. It helps saves relationships
Whether it’s about the people around you or with yourself, learning how to say sorry can make a big difference on how you see and deal with your relationships. Don’t let any good relationship go to waste. Saying sorry, when you are at fault (and sometimes even when you are not), is never a sign of weakness. It just shows how much you value the relationship on hand and how willing you are to work things out as you give everything a second chance, if you feel it’s something that’s well-deserved.
3. It helps unburden you
You don’t want to go through life with so much excess baggage from your daily conflicts and struggles. Travel light. Get everything that’s weighing you down off your chest by initiating a peaceful dialogue that will allow all parties involved air their side. It’s not about getting the desired results of knowing who’s to blame or what, but rather, being able to speak your truth and set yourself free from all what could have been.
4. It teaches you important lessons
Saying sorry allows you to become more self-aware about your actions and how you see and deal with your relationships. Being mindful about your words and actions based on the learnings from previous unwanted situations help you avoid the mistakes committed before.
5. It speaks good of your character
You can always choose to be the bigger person, someone who understands more and puts value in his relationships. People will be drawn more to you because they want someone who practices self-responsibility and accountability for his actions. And that’s quite rare nowadays when no one seems to want to admit to be at fault. I mean, check on what’s on the news today. Haha!
Saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do but it definitely is worth it if you truly believe in the value it can give you and the relationships at stake.
Oftentimes we beat ourselves up relentlessly whenever we experience failures, disappointments and unforeseen situations, most of which beyond our control.
And as we do this, we forget this very important fact: that no matter how bad we treat ourselves, that won’t be the solution to whatever concern we may have on-hand. In fact, that can even make things worse. And yes, same goes for those who have thought of committing suicide or any form of self-harm to resolve their issues. This is your reminder.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will, the key here is to practice self-compassion: giving yourself that full understanding, love and support that will allow you to forgive yourself and move on and forward from the experience minus the blame game.
Here are 5 things you can do to practice self-compassion:
You don’t have to be perfect to become your own #bestmeever ; you just have to give all that you’ve got, with all that you are each and every time an opportunity arises, regardless of the results there after. You are allowed to commit mistakes and your flaws don’t make you less deserving as a person. As you are now, as you strive to better, that’s more than enough.
2. Acknowledge how far you’ve gone in your journey
Don’t be caught up too much in the present chaos. Reflect on your previous success and give yourself more credit. You’ve made it this far. And you owe that to yourself. The least you can do is be kinder to yourself along the way, because you deserve that as you do your best.
3. Don’t let the pressure around you get the best of you
Fact: no matter how good you are, people will always judge you based on their standards and their experiences. And that’s ok. You don’t have to take their opinions to heart. You know yourself better. Treating yourself like trash won’t change their views about you so why bother? Focus on improving yourself and let your success do the talking. You don’t need to stress yourself out trying to explain to others why things happened as they did or why you’re not the person they paint you to be. You don’t owe anyone any explanation for letting yourself be so don’t be too hard on yourself when you feel pressured.
4. Remember that everything is temporary
You will always remember how badly you treated yourself long after the unfortunate event is over, leaving you with feelings of guilt, shame and anger. And those emotions can weigh you down big time, stopping you from achieving the growth you want in the first place. So never do any permanent harm to yourself over something that’s temporary. Instead reflect: will this issue of mine still matter after a day, a week, a month or a year’s time? If not, let go and forgive yourself. No sense of holding on to something that does not have a long term, life-changing impact on your life anyway.
5. Be mindful about silver linings
I say this time and again: everything happens for a reason. So behind each and every painful life experience is a beautiful lesson that will help you move on and forward. Focus on those. They matter more. It may not seem that way yet at present but those lessons will help you go and grow further in life only if you take them to heart. By accepting things as they are, understanding and forgiving yourself along the way, you allow yourself to grow in harmony with the flow life has in store for you. Stop resisting. Start trusting more.
At the end of the day, know that regardless of whatever you’ve been through and whatever space you’re in as of the moment, know that your experiences don’t define you and your worth.