Sorry seems to be the hardest word.
As the song by Elton John goes.
So true at times.
Most especially if you’re coming from a space of hurt and heightened emotions.
Asking for forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
You have to deal with a lot of emotions, take in a lot of facts and brace yourself for whatever reaction the other party may have.
Yup it can be that scary.
However, if you really want to work on yourself and save the relationship on hand, learning to say sorry when at fault, can do wonders for you.
At the end of the day, it shows how much you value yourself and your relationships when the going gets tough and threatens the harmony you initially had.
At this point in time, I’d like you guys to pause and reflect accordingly:
What do you need to apologize for?
To whom?
Is it about a recent melt-down you had at work?
To your partner whom you have taken for granted?
Someone whom you’ve disrespected, whether knowingly or unknowingly?
To yourself, for neglecting your own needs and wants?
Ouch. I know. Trigger questions can hurt but they can also give you the clarity you need if answered as honestly as possible.
Keep in mind though that there’s no judgment and you are allowed to process everything accordingly in your own time and space.
Yes, you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t feel like it. However, my take is: you don’t have to be rude as you take that in consideration too.
Being reminded to apologize is not an attack; it’s coming from a space of love and concern in an effort to bring back harmony that was lost during a conflict, whether internal or external.
Saying sorry allows you to do away with so much pride that prevents you from growing and your relationships from truly flourishing. Humility is needed for one to learn the important lessons in life about commitment, respect and boundaries, all three essential if you want to thrive in your chosen space. It’s all about embracing the fact that no one is perfect and we are all entitled to commit mistakes. What is more important though is learning to own up to the consequences of our actions, based on what is truly right and just, and not just on how we felt at any given point in time.
2. It helps saves relationships
Whether it’s about the people around you or with yourself, learning how to say sorry can make a big difference on how you see and deal with your relationships. Don’t let any good relationship go to waste. Saying sorry, when you are at fault (and sometimes even when you are not), is never a sign of weakness. It just shows how much you value the relationship on hand and how willing you are to work things out as you give everything a second chance, if you feel it’s something that’s well-deserved.
3. It helps unburden you
You don’t want to go through life with so much excess baggage from your daily conflicts and struggles. Travel light. Get everything that’s weighing you down off your chest by initiating a peaceful dialogue that will allow all parties involved air their side. It’s not about getting the desired results of knowing who’s to blame or what, but rather, being able to speak your truth and set yourself free from all what could have been.
4. It teaches you important lessons
Saying sorry allows you to become more self-aware about your actions and how you see and deal with your relationships. Being mindful about your words and actions based on the learnings from previous unwanted situations help you avoid the mistakes committed before.
5. It speaks good of your character
You can always choose to be the bigger person, someone who understands more and puts value in his relationships. People will be drawn more to you because they want someone who practices self-responsibility and accountability for his actions. And that’s quite rare nowadays when no one seems to want to admit to be at fault. I mean, check on what’s on the news today. Haha!
Saying sorry may be one of the hardest things to do but it definitely is worth it if you truly believe in the value it can give you and the relationships at stake.
So hopefully, after reading this, you finally have a change of heart.
Never too late to say sorry.
And to change for the better.
As the song goes, sorry seems to be the hardest word.
And I am so sure, we can all relate to this.
Mind you, this goes both ways.
What I mean is that: accepting forgiveness isn’t exactly a walk in the park. At times, I even think, based on experience, it’s even harder than asking for forgiveness.
Maybe because there are a lot of things to consider: the magnitude of the offense, the relationship at stake, the consequences there after...and the list goes on.
Therefore, in my opinion, it’s only right to give the person you’ve offended enough time and space, as you show how genuinely sorry you are, without really expecting immediate acceptance of your apology in return.
Come to think of it, when was the last time you said sorry to someone you have hurt and how did it go?
Did you even apologize or was something holding you back?
This is also quite understandable. It’s not easy to come from a space of humility and courage, knowing that you can be rejected based on what happened. However, I think apologizing is much easier compared to carrying the guilt that goes with the offense in the long run.
Take this time to reflect: what do you think could you do differently so that the other party will be more receptive to your apology?
Please take note of the operative word: genuinely. Meaning, come from your heart. There is such a huge difference when it comes to merely sending out a direct message, a text, an email or a phone call to actually scheduling and meeting up with the other person you’ve offended and apologize face to face. That’s the way you can actually measure the sincerity of the person. Unless the forces of nature intervene or in a life threatening situation, I have always believed that when there’s a will, there’s a way. Think about this: if you had time to hang out before when things were smooth, what difference does finding time to discuss things in person, have now? Need to travel? Why not. Local or overseas, if the other person is worth it, you would. It’s all about being humble and sincere enough to initiate that difficult conversation , face to face as you put value in a relationship worth saving.
2. Ask what you can do to make up for it
At times, your sorry can only do so much. Express your sincerity more by asking what you can do to help lessen the impact of the wrong doing. Is it all about paying for the damage? Giving another schedule? Finding a replacement? Doing what it takes to earn that forgiveness gives you extra points, albeit sometimes more challenging than it seems. But hey, if you’re really sorry for your mistakes and really want to patch things up, take note of the terms of the other party. Because this time around, you have to work with their terms. And you can’t complain.
Fact: people don’t really heal at the same time, more so, not as fast as you want them to. Never force them to accept your apology or to bring things back the way they used to be immediately. Be patient enough to wait when they’re ready. In the meantime, focus on doing things that can assure them of your purest intentions without having to expect anything in return. In the process, don’t also pressure yourself too much to make things right. You’ve already done your part, so give yourself more credit for that.
4. Check in after some time
It’s not just about burying everything 6 ft below the ground after saying your apologies. Take time to reach out after sometime, say a month or so, to check on the other party. Remember to ask how they’re doing, reiterate your intentions for doing so and tell them that you are open to discuss anything if needed. Avoid looking desperate by messaging them so often and forcing yourself and the other party to be ok. If it doesn’t work out after a month, try again after another month or two. Never give up on a relationship that matters to you and the opportunity to receive the forgiveness you want and deserve too for yourself.
5. Change for the better
Any apology will be meaningless if you don’t embrace the necessary changes that need to go with it. So whether or not the other person accepts your apology, what is important here is that you change for the better. Establish healthier habits, invest on yourself and your growth, make yourself and others proud by becoming your own #bestmeever . That way, whether the other person is ready to accept your apology or not, you’ve proven to yourself that you are capable of doing what is right and best for you as of the moment. And you don’t need anyone else’s go signal to apply the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Cheer up, I am sure someday, that other person will take notice. Until then, continue working on yourself so it doesn’t happen again.
I hope by this time you have enough ideas on how to go about asking for forgiveness.
Remember, at the end of the day, you owe it not only to the person you’ve offended but also to yourself.
Simply because with every sincere apology, you set yourself free.
