Oh no, not again.
And I was right. 3 new messages. From different people suffering from anxiety and stress from the COVID19 Pandemic.
Hearing my phone's notification after a long day at work (I already coached 3 regular clients before that), admittedly I got rattled.
Especially when I just got off the shower, thinking that I will be able to call it a day. But the upon seeing the messages, I knew that was a far shot.
That was all I can tell myself.
But deep inside, I knew I that was the exact state I was in.
Blame it on the long day I had or on the even longer months in community quarantine, suddenly I just found myself in a very dark mood.
Ok guys, even Unicorns have bad hair days. I guess today was mine. Haha! Peace!
"Lord, why did all these have to happen? Why do we all have to suffer?"
These were the questions I asked myself in frustration. I caught myself just in time and apologized immediately to HIM. Sorry. Me and my bad mood.
And then suddenly, as if on cue, I was given a flash back of why I felt miserable to begin with: two days before, I encountered a troll in my Amazon account, my credit card got hacked, my Amazon seller's account got blocked. To add to that: I spilled food on my newly changed sheets, I double booked 2 new clients which made one cancel, I overlooked an international podcast interview schedule with a digital influencer from the US. And then I just came back home, tired from coaching 3 clients. The last few days were really, really long, stressful and hard.
All I wanted was to rest.
But with the 3 messages which just came in, I knew I couldn't in the next hour, or two, or so.
Don't get me wrong guys, I love what I do. Really. But I am also sure that you've had those days which just don't seem to work out as planned. Today was one of those days.
I stared at the messages for a while, took a deep breath and decided to go down and take a walk first to shrug off all strands of negativity that have found their way to me.
And in 5 minutes, I was able to put on my shoes, my face mask and my face shield...and upon doing so, I knew I was ready so I went out and pressed DOWN on the elevator.
"So fitting to my mood", I said to myself almost sarcastically while laughing at how dry my humor was. Geez. So not me on a regular day!
I started minding my own business, admittedly a bit anxious at the thought that I have to reply to the 3 messages that I received in a while. I didn't want to short change them so I was doing my best to psyche myself in the process.
My thoughts were suddenly disrupted as the elevator door opened and an old guy in a wheel chair being pushed by a little girl entered.
The guy was scowling, his forehead creased heavily. His eyes cut through mine like daggers. If I hadn't known better, I was guessing that he was gritting his teeth underneath his mask.
I guess I'm not the only one in a bad mood I told myself as I stared back and then I noticed something.
The guy was crippled. Had a big cast on his leg which he kept on rubbing and complaining about to his younger companion who was totally clueless on how to react.
My heart went out to these two people immediately.
My mind though, went elsewhere. Back in time. Several years back to be exact.
I remember that day when I had to rush to the hospital because my Mom was confined---again. Overwhelmed with work, graduate school and other matters in between during that time, I could barely focus while I tried to listen to the doctor explaining to me the procedures which needed to be done on my Mom. I just zoned out. In my head, I was no longer able to decipher what the doctor was saying since I was mentally computing all the expenses to be incurred and the pending workload I have. Not being able to take it anymore, I decided to get myself some fresh air, practically running towards the elevator while trying to make sense of everything that was happening. “This can’t be happening. Why me?!” I muttered under my breath. . At that very moment, I hated my life. I felt that I had the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. Yup, I had all those drama when I was younger. Pre-life coach days. Hahaha! Staring at the elevator, I pressed the “down” button. What is it about elevator buttons and my moods? Hahaha! When the door opened, I saw some people inside with mixed emotions on their faces. Misery does love company I said to myself. Welcome to my pity party. As the elevator doors opened on the next floor, I was suddenly startled by a very perky and happy tone.
“Beep, beep, coming through!” I looked up and saw a middle aged man on a wheel chair. Assisted by a nurse, he had no arms and legs. He greeted us: “Hello everyone! My apologies, my “car” takes up too much space!” then he gave a wide smile. (Original statement: Hello everyone! Sorry malaki masyado ang kotse ko, malaki sa space!) I couldn’t help but force a smile when his eyes caught mine. He winked just before the door opened again and then he said: “Bye guys. All will be well! Carry on! Beep, Beep! Coming through.” (Original statment: Bye po! Kapit lang, ok lang yan! Kaya niyo yan! ) I was taken aback as I walked slowly out of the elevator as well, still staring at the man. Here I was complaining about my situation when in fact, I am still so blessed in so many ways than one. I had my family, my work, my post-grad studies among others.
I had complete sets of arms and legs. I was healthy. And yet, I thought I was in deep shit. But that man made me realize I was not. If he can be happy, why can't I? Yep. All will be well. And I must carry on. So I turned around, walked towards the elevator once more and pressed the “UP” button.
And went up to my mom and stayed with her, with my heart full and me, overly grateful.
Up to this day.
"Ding, Dong" (elevator sound, for the lack of exact sound)
The door finally opened to the ground floor and I let the little girl turn her back as she pulled the wheel chair out, with the old guy scowling at me still.
What I did next though, surprised me.
"Ingat and enjoy po!" as I gave him my biggest mega-watt smile even though I know he couldn't see it through my mask and face shield combined. I silently hoped my eyes sparkled bright enough though. (Translation: Take care and enjoy yourself!)
His reaction validated they did.
The old guy looked startled. I thought he would get angry as I started to prepare to get off the elevator myself while holding the door for them, bracing myself for insults and the like.
And then a miracle happened.
His brows straightened and eyes softened. And then muttered "Thank You" under his breath.
I almost forgot that I was supposed to take a walk because I actually pressed the "UP" button once more in the elevator.
And as the door started to close, I saw the old guy take a quick glance back in my direction.
I knew from that time on that I managed to change a life.
Like he did, unexpectedly, with mine.
And as the elevator went up, I was reminded this beautiful thought while feeling excited and inspired to answer the messages sent initially to me for help:
I will rise above these challenges.
I am actually blessed in so many ways: I am thriving in my practice, my family and I are healthy, I am given multiple life changing opportunities globally and I am dearly supported and loved by people who matter to me. I am given the power, the position and influence to help others. This is my life's purpose. And I chose to live it, every single day, every single way, no matter what. And I am beyond grateful.
Thank you for reminding me that I am just tired. But I am damn lucky and blessed.
And as the doors opened once more to my floor, I took inspiration from the lines of that miraculous guy who thought me a very important life lesson years ago, made relevant today:
Beep, beep. I am coming through.
And then I added my usual Unicorn and Rainbow icons at the end of my message.
I knew then that all will be well.