I have yet to be in a space where politics does not exist and gossiping is a thing of the past. And mind you, I have always been conscious enough to not get myself involve in any way simply because to be honest, I don't need any form of negativity in my space.
I guess that itself makes me a target of gossips: because I don't give a F*CK. Haha!
Admittedly though, when I was younger, I was fond of confronting people left and right, wanting to prove a point and assert myself in the process. That was me operating from my huge, bruised ego.
But now, through coaching, I have become more and more mindful about my actions as I gained clarity about what really matters most: my space, my peace.
The first step really is to understand why people gossip behind your back. Because with understanding you get to accept people as they are and free yourself from the notion that what they're doing is really all about you.
Because it's not. Really. I mean gossips are mere hear says. All assumptions. No facts.
You might be asking now: why do some people like to engage in it?
I can sum up some of the reasons why for your understanding, not tolerance: they feel insecure. They want to belong. Ego is hurting. They have nothing great happening in their lives as of the moment and they long for excitement. They want to gain sympathy by playing victim in their stories.
Reading through this, I know that it's still very hard to let them off the hook easily but practicing compassion, not only for them but towards yourself too, can do wonders for you as you deal with gossips accordingly.
If you're the listener, ask for proof. If you're the subject, hold on to your facts. You don't have to shove everything up their throats though. Just be prepared to show them when asked because at the end of the day, those screen shots, witnesses and other pieces of proof can vindicate you in no time. It's also fun to watch gossipers scramble in panic when they can't produce proof about their gossips. They'd probably leave you alone because you'll be no fun for them as an absorber.
2. Detach yourself from the rumors spreading around
You don't have to blame yourself for the situation or doubt yourself and your worth in the process. Again, their opinion is not your truth. You know better. And for as long as you have proof to show, walk on with your head up high and let the rumors around you die a natural death.
3. Let others experience you differently
When other people are questioning your capabilities or your worth, show them who you are and what you're really made of instead. Don't waste your time arguing with people who won't really give you a chance to prove yourself. Focus on just moving on, day after day, unbothered and focused on yourself and your growth as you journey towards your own #bestmeever and let others experience you as you are, outside of the rumors surrounding you. That is a game changer indeed.
4. Focus on being genuinely happy and in succeeding
Turn those gossips into stepping stones towards your happiness and biggest goals. Remember, people who are trying to pull you down are actually underneath you in so many ways so stay undaunted. Don't be distracted by unnecessary chatter that don't really contribute to your growth and happiness Let them be and just live each day as you please, letting yourself flourish fully along the way. Remember: success and genuine happiness can be the best form of revenge without even having to lift a finger to prove a point to your bashers.
Don't go out explaining yourself to people who don't really matter. Be with people who genuinely love and support you. Know that for as long as they know your truth, that will always be more than enough. Let them be the ones to put in good words for you. There are always two sides of the stories, but yours become powerful when others speak on your behalf about your worth and what's really true. Take this to heart: real friends and family will defend you in your absence. Such a comforting thought.
I hope this list empowers you the next time you experience being the talk of the town.
Remember: people close to you will always verify facts with you. Those who take just one side are not your people. And that's ok. You can't please everyone.
But you can always choose to hold on to your truth and the facts surrounding it.