Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be beautiful and worth sharing.
I hope this hits home hard.
Seriously. Having a highly curated life on social media does not exactly equate to enjoying life as is, in general.
But come to think of it: why do people tend to hide the other (note my conscious decision to use that neutral word) of life?
What is it about the less than perfect moments that make us want to hide them?
What misconceptions do you have about your own?
Take this time to reflect:
Which part of your life are you hiding from the rest of the world due to shame?
A failure?
Unguarded moments caught on cam?
Criticisms from others?
What makes you want to bury them into oblivion?
I know that you may have your own reasons for keeping them invisible to the prying eyes of everyone around you but hey, I just want you to know this:
It’s ok to share those less than perfect, less than happy moments with the rest of the world.
It doesn’t make you less of a person each time you talk about what others may be dreading to discuss.
In fact, by doing so, you become a beacon of hope and strength for all those who need to overcome their own shame.
How many times have you heard me say: “Your past should not define you.”? There, I said it again. But hey it’s true. Think about this: you can’t exactly turn back time more so undo what has been done. You can only focus on learning from the experience. That means, whatever you’ve been through before, no matter how tough life was, it’s ok. Show off your battle scars. They are beautiful reminders that you’ve made it this far in this life time, a privilege which not everyone gets to enjoy because they let their past hold them back.
2. Your present
Where you are right now at this point in your life is only temporary. So why be ashamed of it? It’s merely a pitstop; just a tiny spec in your life’s journey ahead. Wouldn’t it be inspiring for others to see how you decided to work on yourself at present to eventually become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever ? Know that your life at present does not have to be free from flaws to be meaningful and rewarding. What is important to remember here is that you were brave enough to start and committed enough to continue on with your journey.
3. Your relationships
Never hide the people you truly matter to you. Whether it’s a family member, a dear friend or a special someone, be proud of the relationship you have. That shows how much value you put in the relationship by acknowledging it fully. Ok, you don’t have to go overboard about posting sweet pics or writing mushy stuff every now and then; what I am saying is that never deny people in your life, regardless of how others may respond to your admittance. It’s ok though. You are not here to please anyone nor allow anyone to dictate whom you could share spaces with.
4. Your struggles
It’s normal to have ups and downs in life. Take that to heart please. Never be ashamed of your struggles. It’s ok to be vulnerable and admit that you need help. It actually shows how strong you are and how mindfully aware you are of your own needs and wants. At the end of the day, too much pride won’t help resolve your challenges on hand so best if you acknowledge your own difficulties and allow yourself to receive the support you need as you inspire others to be comfortable enough to ask for help too. No man is an island and nobody’s perfect so just stay true and give yourself what is due.
5. Your goals and dreams
No matter how big they may be, you are very much worthy of your own goals and dreams. If you truly want to manifest them to reality, speak with pride about them and feel as if they already came true. Don’t ever minimize them or shrink yourself just to fit in or to avoid being judged by others. It will never be worth each time you shortchange yourself. You have what it takes to succeed and no matter how ambitious you may seem, you have nothing to explain to others who aren’t even part of your dreams.
As you are, you are worthy to take up space, express yourself and live life fully and free.
Never let shame make you feel otherwise.
Time to live brave and proud.
Do you believe in serendipity?
I do.
And you seeing this is no accident.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.
Good or bad, each particular event in our lives is meant to shape us moving forward through key realizations and timely lessons.
And for some reasons, as rain pours down heavily outside of my window, I felt compelled to write this blog.
Is it a channeled message? Don’t know.
Is it something which perhaps may be timely and relevant for you? Perhaps.
To dig deeper on that note, take a few minutes to assess your current space.
How’s your journey towards your own #bestmeever ?
Are there patterns in your life you need to recognize?
What is the key message of everything happening around you (and within you)?
Ok, don’t overanalyze. The key here is to embrace things as they are and allow yourself to really feel and understand what you need as of the moment.
1. Where you are now is just the starting point of your journey.
Don’t fret. While your present is teaching you all the lessons you need to thrive moving forward, it may not be exactly embody your final destination. Applies to when you’re having the time of your life or when it seems that you’ve hit your lowest point. Use whatever it is that your current space is teaching you so that you start strong as you embark on that life changing journey towards what you truly want and deserve in this life time. Remember: it’s not about where or who you are at present, but rather, what you choose to become (and do) about it. Yes, the exciting part is yet to happen.
2. You’ve been through worse and survived.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a number of less than pleasant situations that make us forget our very own worth and progress. Never let challenging times overwhelm you and invalidate your growth. Remember how far you’ve gone and honor yourself. I am sure that if you draw inspiration from your past experiences experiences you never thought you would survive but did, you can definitely ace the one you are facing now.
3. You have a choice.
You are not stuck. You are not helpless. Your life isn’t over. While there may be things beyond your control, you always have the choice to see them differently and allow yourself to focus on what you can still do. And whatever you choose for as long as you take responsibility, no matter how others may react towards your choices, know that you are not obliged to explain yourself and justify each one. So choose to stop stressing yourself because for as long as you’re alive, you can change the space you’re in by choice.
4. It’s time.
I don’t know but I felt like writing this. How does this resonate with you? Maybe it’s time to change careers? Pursue a passion you’ve parked? Invest on yourself? Say sorry? Fall in love? Go back home? I think now will always be the perfect time to do whatever it is that is in your heart because no one can really predict what the future holds for everyone of us. As what the famous quote of R’Bonney Gabriel said in her winning answer in Miss Universe then: if not now, then when? Makes a lot of sense to me. And hopefully, to you too.
5. You matter.
You have a beautiful role to play in this life time. Know that in your own little way, someone out there is inspired to push forward because you showed him/her that it’s possible. As you are also, regardless of what you’ve been through or whatever you’re going through as of the moment, know that you are supported and loved and that you are not alone in your journey. Remember: even total strangers have compassionate hearts. So allow yourself to take up space because that is what you deserve.
I know that as random as these thoughts may seem, I hope at least one resonated with you.
Because you reading this is a serendipitous moment leading you towards your own #bestmeever .
Enjoy the journey.
It’s unfortunate at times that we lose people along the way as we journey through life.
Whether we like it or not, certain circumstances prevent us from keeping everyone onboard all through out.
Yep, not everyone can be part of your #bestmeever journey till the end.
And that’s perfectly ok. Know that no matter how short a person’s role in your life may be, he/she has taught you the lessons you needed to know at that point in time.
However, included in the lessons you have to learn as you go through life is the willingness to fight for relationships worth saving.
Now, I want you to take this time and reflect: is there any relationship you wish to save, one that may have been affected before when life was tougher than usual?
A former flame with an unfinished business?
A family member you have strained your ties with?
An old friend you have hurt unintentionally?
And the list goes on.
Well, here’s the thing: sometimes we do things (and say things as well) which we don’t mean just because we are caught in the moment.
However, let it be known that it’s not exactly a free pass so to speak.
While we cannot undo the past, it is important to know that we still have the present moment to work with and allow ourselves to start all over again as we try to win back the people closest to our hearts.
Yup, it’s not yet the ending if it isn’t a happy one. Preach. Haha!
So yeah, you can still win them over. Or at least try.
Remember: if a relationship of whatever kind is worth saving. Go for it. You have nothing else to lose. You only have this lifetime to be happy so might as well do what you must for at the end of the day, at least you tried.
Nope. Not text. Not call. Not email. Not snail mail. Not through a friend or family member. Apologize face to face to the person you have severed ties with and show how genuinely you mean it. You don’t need to put on a show or make it grand; you just have to speak from the heart and really mean what you say. Don’t hide behind the digital space or any other person; be accountable for yourself and your actions and own the apology you are expressing.
2. Respect people’s reactions
While your intentions may be good, you can’t really expect everyone to take it the way you want them to. We all have different responses towards pain and it’s important to respect that and realize that this time around, the ball isn’t exactly on your court. You can’t (and should not) force things, relationships included. What is important here is you expressed your genuine apology and you allow yourself to listen to what the hurting party has to say and just let things be there after, coming from a space of humility and understanding.
3. Initiate the necessary changes
If you want to show your sincerity, don’t wait for the other person to tell you what needs to be done. What is key here is to reflect on what you fought about initially and what could be done differently moving forward. To win back another person, you must be willing to adjust accordingly based on your agreements or if none yet, based on what you think will be best for the relationship while taking into consideration what the other party is complaining about initially. Being pro-active can earn you extra brownie points along the way so whether or not you win the other person back, at least you have shown how much you value the relationship by embracing the changes needed.
4. Seek help from common friends/family you both trust
Bridging the gap. Pun intended haha! Kidding aside, people will respond more positively towards people they trust so if you have common friends or family members they adore fully, seek their help. Show them how much you mean your apology and ask them to help you win back the other person. Ask for tips they may have and work up a plan with them. Be humble enough to listen and accept their initial reaction though, most specially if they become over protective about the other person at first, which is quite normal. Know that eventually knowing that someone else has your back can relieve you of the unnecessary anxiety the waiting game can bring.
5. Be grateful for the impact of the other person on your own growth
I am beyond sure that once you implement the necessary improvements on your life in response to the need to make up for what you’ve done before that left people hurting, others will take notice. Never forget to be vocal and honest about thanking the other party because at the end of the day, whatever beautiful changes you have now in your space is because of the experience you initially had. This also allows the other person feel valued as he/she becomes instrumental to your own growth, and that of your relationship. Appreciation, of whatever form, can go a long way, most especially when it comes to saving relationships and winning people back.
I hope reading this inspires you to take action and win back the relationships you desire.
At the end of the day, nothing is impossible if you’re committed to making things right .
You can win this.
Never say die.
How many times have you heard this in your life time?
Whether someone told you this or you have made this your own mantra, it still serves the same purpose:
To remind you to never give up.
I know, easier said than done.
I mean admittedly, life isn’t exactly perfect at all times. Well, it doesn’t have to be really, for it to be beautiful and meaningful, but this is a totally new context all together.
What I am basically saying is that sometimes life has its own twists and turns and sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are far from ideal, oftentimes very difficult to handle.
And when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we find ourselves wanting to just throw in the towel, run away and hope and pray by doing so closes that unwanted chapter.
Can relate?
Take this time to think: when was the last time you almost gave up on something? On someone?
What was the compelling reason then?
What was the impact of your decision?
I know that while some of you may think that it was the best decision made during that time, others may not exactly share that sentiment most specially after the dust has settled.
Because in reality, at times, giving up isn’t exactly the best solution.
1. When things are hard
Fact: you can only grow and become your own #bestmeever outside of your comfort zone. Which means when situations seem to be getting tougher and tougher and you feel overwhelmed, the key here is to pause and ground yourself, not run away at the first sight of the problem. Know that things may be hard at the beginning but if you totally commit to overcoming the challenges on hand, they become easier as you learn and grow in the process. Stop resisting and start embracing things as they are because they ae teaching you the valuable lessons you need moving forward. As they say, no pain, no gain.
2. When you truly want something
As Simon Sinek said: “Remember your Why.” You’ve made it this far. Why let everything go to waste by giving up now? Your goals and dreams deserve your 100% commitment so keep going. Remind yourself how much each one means to you and what is the value of achieving your goals and dreams eventually. Make your reasons larger than life so that they don’t get dwarfed by challenges along the way.
3. When it takes a lot of time
Not everything has to happen all at once. Greatness takes time. So should you. Don’t ever hurry growth as you may end up with half-baked results. Know that delays can also be blessings as they serve as your springboard towards improving yourself along the way as you discover the silverlining in each. Be more patient with yourself and your growth. You will fully bloom when it’s time. Until then, enjoy the journey.
4. When others are not supporting you
I’ve said it time and again before and I’ll say it again: you don’t need anyone’s go signal for you to finally give yourself what you truly want and deserve as you pursue your biggest dreams. Don’t let the lack of support from others stop you from what you’re called to do (and be). Be your own biggest cheerleader. Know that once you decide and commit to pushing through, you will eventually meet the right people who deserve to share spaces with you in this new journey of yours and who will support you unconditionally. Let others watch and see, because more often than not, they are secretly hoping that they were brave enough to at least try the way you did in their space. Yep, you are most probably triggering their insecurities.
5. When you have failed before
Your past doesn’t define you. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed before for as long as you keep going and keep improving each time you try again. Do things differently. Seek a new mentor. Learn from your mistakes. Do what you think is best so that this time around you don’t let your past failures haunt you and distract you from your goals. Know that those failures of yours will eventually be someone’s inspiration to try harder in their space and your entire journey will be someone else’s guide to ultimately surviving in this life time. Be the inspiration they (and you, yourself) need.
At the end of the day, remember this:
You will always be worth another chance, another try.
So please, don’t ever give up.
Coaching can be such a rewarding experience.
And this is based on actual experience.
You see, being a full-time professional coach for several years now, I got to maximize what my coaching practice has to offer: being able to work when and where I want to, being able to help people from all over the world get the breakthroughs they deserve while learning, growing, feeling fulfilled and genuinely happy along the way too.
I often get told by people that they want to pursue the same career because time and location freedom matter a lot to them.
I always tell them the hard truth though: it’s not easy to become a full-time professional coach. Because beyond the seemingly luxurious and freedom-filled lifestyle, is a whole lot of hard work on myself and my clients as well.
At the end of the day, it’s all about having a stable number of happy and satisfied clients and numerous testimonials and referrals based on my work as a coach.
Easier said than done though.
Consider the number of competition you have. Their offers. Their price points. And your chosen niche and practice.
What do you think is making it hard for you to secure coaching clients?
People need to know about you and what you do for them to become interested. How are you maximizing your social media platforms? Are you visible in the platforms where your desired clients are? Do you contribute to online discussions on LinkedIn or Facebook communities? Do you speak in reputable conventions? If you’re too shy or you’re quite uncomfortable showing up as a coach, then this is your sign to think again. As the saying goes, to see is to believe.
2. You don’t have a coaching brand
Amidst a sea of professional coaches, it’s very important to have a coaching brand that stands out from the rest. What do you represent in the coaching space? Who’s your market? What and how are you communicating? If you’re still unclear about these, then perhaps it contributes to the confusion your audience has about you. And for those with discriminating tastes, being just like one of the many won’t really make their cut.
3. Your price point needs adjustment
I always say that it’s important to put value on ourselves and in what we do best. In relation to that, we must also be humble enough to acknowledge our capabilities, credentials and body of work at present. This means that the goal is that you must be worth more than what you charge for. So if you’re only beginning in your practice, settle with an entry level rate. Work your way up. Go the extra mile. Let your value increase as you gather receipts of success consistently. Never overpromise. Never overprice. Make sure always that your prospective customers see you as a worthy investment of their time, money and resources. Remember: highly paid coaching superstars don’t happen overnight. So take your time and do the necessary work so you can charge as much.
4. There’s no rapport
A chemistry session presents the perfect opportunity to determine if there’s a fit between the coach and coachee. Question is: how do you present yourself during a chemistry session? Quick tip: never take for granted free sessions such as this. Just show up as your authentic self as you get to know the client better, genuinely listen and ask powerful questions. The goal should not be just to earn per se as you close the deal, but rather, make a positive lasting impression. Don’t go too hard sell. That breaks the intimacy of the session.
5. You don’t have client testimonials
Word of mouth is one of the most powerful form of marketing. Your reputation precedes you. The question is: what can you show to showcase the amazing results that you deliver? Who can vouch for you? What are your clients saying about partnering with you for their growth? Shared experiences matter a lot. After all, investing on one’s self and one’s growth is one of the best investments a person can make so make yourself highly bookable via the good reviews your clients have given you. No amount of online advertisement can compensate for authentic reviews in the long run. So if you’re just starting, give as many free sessions as you can and secure client testimonials from them. Focus on building your credibility first.
Hopefully you can take a step back and assess which of these aspects need work on your end.
Remember to be patient with yourself and your growth as a coach though.
Because when you’re truly ready, your clients will come.
No pain, no gain.
I think this has always been instilled in us while we were growing up.
To make us work harder.
To allow us to endure more.
To purge our character.
However, come to think of it, as I grew older and become more aware, I have realized that pain need not be the be all and end all of everything.
I think achieving our goals should not always be associated with having to endure painful situations first because truth be told, there are times when rewards do come easily, simply because everything is meant to happen that way.
Because even during our happiest times, we can gain a lot too.
From learnings to giving life a second chance. Or a third even.
And suffering becomes merely optional or even non-existent along the way.
This is just one of the myths that I have come to realize: that pain and suffering aren’t exactly 100% essential to one’s growth. Yeah, maybe to some extent yes, but know that we can always choose to grow in a manner that works for us, without necessarily banking on our previous narrative of resilience taught by our elders and society.
Ok, I know that forgiving someone who has done you wrong isn’t exactly easy. Depending on who has caused you pain (the closer the person is to your heart, the more painful it becomes) and the gravity of the action done (break up, falling out, betrayal…you tell me.), it would really take more than just an apology to make things right. Here’s the thing: for me, if you really want to make things right, forgive the person when you’re ready (given your own time, space and conditions) and choose to remember the lessons. This simply means that as you look back at that painful incident, you no longer have heightened emotions towards the person who has done you wrong, but you are quite at peace realizing the lessons which that event has taught you. And no, you don’t have to force yourself “bring back the old times” after forgiving someone if you feel that person no longer deserves to share spaces with you. You can always just choose to co-exist in your own respective spaces, until such time you realize otherwise.
2. You can fully unlove someone when things don’t work out.
In my opinion, no matter how painful the cause of your heartbreak may be, I believe that you can’t really totally unlove someone. If a person already has been a part of your life in a beautiful way, meaning you shared wonderful memories, grew together and inspired you along the way, even if someday things are no longer the same, you just can’t invalidate the existence of that relationship. What you can do though is accept the fact that you can love the other person on a different level instead e.g. from romantic to familial, loving someone from afar, recognizing the existence of the person who was once part of your life and taught you valuable lessons you needed moving forward.
3. An apology is needed to have closure.
Ok, while it would be wonderful to get that sincere apology from the person who has wronged you to allow you to move on, it’s not always the case. Sometimes it comes in too late. At times, it never happens. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold just because you are still waiting for that person who has caused you pain to make amends. Sadly though, we don’t have control over the emotions and actions of others. So it’s never a guarantee. Choose to give yourself the closure that you need and want by really coming into terms what the painful situation is teaching you and how you can use what has risen from this awareness as you start all over again. Your internal dialogue with yourself, as you practice love, compassion and understanding will allow you to close chapters without depending on anyone else, when you are truly able and ready.
4. You have to tolerate the one you love to make the relationship work.
Nope, I don’t think so. Tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love. More so if you are allowing yourself to be the recipient of rude and toxic behavior time and again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does. And when it comes to relationships, tolerating any form of wrong doing, contrary to the common notion of sacrificing for the sake of the relationship, will only result to bigger problems in the future. If you really want your relationship to work, be brave enough to have that difficult conversation and lay down all your cards, coming from a space of love and honesty and seek for a compromise. That’s how you can really work on your relationship: when both parties are willing to change for the better and exert the same effort in doing what’s best for you both.
5. Outgrowing people means you are ungrateful.
People come into your life for a reason, for a certain season. And the sad truth is, no matter how you try at times, you just can’t have everyone you grew up with play a part in your story as time goes by. Outgrowing people does not make you (or them) a bad person. We all change, in different ways, at different speeds. And that causes the relationships we have to change as well. While we try our best to make things work and make the relationships we have last, sometimes, when we have truly given our all and did our best, it’s ok to just let things be. The relationship you had already fulfilled its purpose – it’s up for you to nurture new ones along the way as you journey towards your best. Be grateful those happened and take all the lessons to heart. Because at the end of the day, the people you’ve outgrown will always be part of your past. And that’s something to cherish knowing that one way or another, they helped you become the person you’re meant to be. Life goes on for everyone.
So now, I hope that with the awareness that you have about the myths surrounding the painful experiences you may have had, you are able to discern fully what will be best for you moving forward.
Simply because:
There’s a whole lot more to gain when you look beyond the pain.
Whatever you take for granted will be taken away from you.
This hits home.
Seriously. No one (and nothing actually) deserves to be taken for granted.
I mean, hear me on this: everything happens for a reason.
And everyone who comes into your life has a purpose to fulfill.
It may not be evident at first and at times we may even be resistant if things don’t go as planned.
However, it is important to always keep our faith intact and to trust the process (and ourselves) accordingly.
Because only then we will get to discover the silver linings in each and every experience we have.
Given that, I want you to take this time first to be one with your surrounding.
What experiences do you have at present?
Who are in your circle?
What changes have you embraced?
Being mindful about your life at the moment allows you to recognize everything that has brought you to where you are at present and the purpose each one serves.
This teaches us to see each and every event, person, thing or space through the lens of gratitude, which can help us amplify what we want more of in life as we approach seemingly difficult situations with the least (or no) resistance.
There is so much beauty and power when you appreciate life as is.
As the saying goes, health is wealth. And this holds so much truth. It’s very important to always prioritize your over all health and wellbeing. That simply means indulging in regular self-care, surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, giving yourself what is due as you invest on yourself and your growth without feeling guilty. Think about this: if you can’t really do much if you’re bedridden, unhappy or totally stressed in your space so make sure that you don’t set aside your health and wellbeing for the sake of your work or just to please others. It’s definitely not worth it.
2. Your genuine relationships
It’s quite rare that you meet people who really have your back through good times and bad times so when you have them in your space, treasure them. Family, friends or any loved one who fall in this category deserve your 100% commitment, as you nurture your relationship with each one of them. Ensure that you always find time to check on each one of them, address any issue that may arise coming from a space of love and respect and celebrate them and the relationship that you have every single day, in all possible ways. Not everyone is qualified to take their place so never make them feel neglected.
3. Your talents and skills
You are the best investment you can ever make. So always take time to recognize your strengths, skills and talents that set you apart from the rest and nurture them. Take time to practice daily and share your gifts to others. Don’t ever be overconfident about them that you just assume that you could always deliver what is expected from you. Be humble enough to realize that you, much like everyone else, has room for improvement and you can always upgrade and upskill as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
4. The challenges along the way
I know. It’s quite hard to accept that life isn’t exactly smooth sailing at times. And more often than not, we try to brush things off that do not align with our plans or if they seem tougher to face than usual. But hey, I wanted to remind you that you should never set aside those because they carry with them the important lessons you need moving forward. Never let them invalidate your progress. Embrace them as they are. But learn how to look for the silver linings there after. They are just as valuable as any other milestone you will have during great days. Or even more actually.
5. The opportunities given to you
It’s true. Somewhere out there, someone wants to trade places with you because they see that you are so blessed in so many ways. So never take the opportunities given to you for granted. Whether it’s a new job, a second chance in life or love, or a chance to make a difference in the lives of others (or even in yours, as well), make the most of them. Give your best, with all that you have because truth be told, you can never be sure if you will be receiving the same favors in the future. You only have this lifetime to make the most of each and every opportunity to grow and be happy.
Hopefully after reading this you now see all the things, people and situations which fill your current space, in a different light.
Simply because, you also have a purpose to live alongside each one of them.
So never take them (or yourself) for granted.
“And the winner is….”
Not me.
Yep, you read it right.
I didn’t win during last night’s ceremony for the 2024 Pinoy Mavericks Awards of CIMB Bank PH.
Don’t get me wrong: the winners were deserving. Amazing stories. Beautiful advocacies. I celebrate you guys! Congratulations again! Such a beautiful experience to have shared spaces with you all. Beyond grateful also to the management of CIMB Bank PH for having me as one of the nominees for the inaugural edition. I am honored to be given a platform to tell my story and advocacy.
Admittedly though, coming from a space of honesty and vulnerability, when my name wasn’t called, it hurt initially.
I really wanted to win for all the people who have shown me their unwavering love and support all through out my journey: from my family, friends, loved ones, listeners, viewers, readers and complete strangers who appreciated my two video entries beautifully edited by Anton , allowing them to bring to life my story and my advocacy anchored on inclusivity and diversity.
But beyond that, I also really wanted to win the cash donation for my charity of choice, Camp Pag-Ayo Inc. , an NGO that advocates stigma reduction through art towards the LGBTQIA+ Community, HIV/AIDS and Mental Health. Despite that, I will still continue to work with them as promised, with or without the grant.
It is what it is.
So after taking several deep breaths and letting everything sink in, I remember telling myself the very thing I frequently tell others when faced with seemingly difficult situations:
Everything happens for a reason.
And that made me smile.
Because looking at what happened from a different perspective, I discovered the 5 learnings I had from losing.
Allow me to share them with you here:
There were criteria for judging. Personal preferences of the judges. And some other factors which may have determined that I wasn’t a fit for whatever it is they were looking for as of the moment. However, I have come to realize that despite that, I still felt the love and support of all the people who rallied for me, the members of the press who praised me and my advocacy and complete strangers who told me that they were vouching for me. And I shouldn’t take those for granted and let them be overshadowed by my initial feeling of disappointment. Even in my practice as a professional coach, I always tell my mentees that they can’t be the coach everyone expects them to be. And that’s perfectly fine. We all have spaces meant for us in this life time. Remember, whatever will be, will be.
2. My best will always be more than enough
People close to my heart know that I am not really competitive as a person. Entering this competition, I just focused on what truly matters most: being able to give my all, do my best and utilize this new platform to share my story of hope to everyone around me. Regardless of the result, for as long as I feel happy, complete and fulfilled with what I have done and what I chose to become in the process, that will always be more than enough. There’s nothing else more than doing one’s best so why stress? Be kinder to yourself guys and just let go and let things be. If you gave your best, you’ve done well. Give yourself a pat on the back.
3. Growth is a matter of choice
I chose to see things in a different perspective: instead of focusing on something I initially felt I lost (but in reality, it’s one I never had to begin with — winning the competition, that is), I chose to focus on what I have gained along the way: an even bigger platform for me, made new friends, new advocacies to support, new learnings and insights, an opportunity to dress up and look good and leave a lasting impression (indulge me on this. I never thought my chosen Fairytopia Modern Filipiniana look would generate so much positive reactions from the people on-ground and online. I got to appreciate my own style bible more. Like I said earlier to a number of people praising me before the awarding ceremony began: win or lose, what’s important is that I look good. LOL)…and the list goes on. Yep, I can definitely say I am growing.
4. Losing now does not invalidate my journey towards my best
Come to think of it: not getting the top prize last night does not make me less capable or insignificant. It does not invalidate the fact that I already have my own share of success in my work as a professional coach and as a best-selling author, and in my personal life as well. It will not, in any way, make me lose the skills I have (and will continuously upgrade and use) and the lasting relationships I have nurtured along the way that have helped me carve my own path in this lifetime. Losing does not define me; it’s not the end of it all. It’s just part of my journey to keep me humble, grounded, mindful and grateful, things we need to practice in this lifetime. There is no need to prove myself to anyone as I feel very secure in my space. My pace. And I intend to keep it that way.
5. Life always goes on
One for the books definitely. But now, it’s time to move on and forward and explore the next chapter. I am a firm believer that one day, I would look back at this event with a smile as I realize how it opened up better opportunities that are really meant for me. And until that day comes, I will always take all the lessons I have learned to heart, while trusting the process, giving my all and being my best while remaining grateful and excited for the wonderful new beginnings ahead.
Come to think of it now: with all these beautiful learnings I gained, I don’t think I lost at all.
I guess I can say in my own way, I actually won.
I celebrate you Self, now and always. In all ways.
This one’s for you.
And sharing with you guys reading this, too.
Thank you all for being part of my journey towards my own #bestmeever .
Cheers to exciting new adventures ahead!
It takes two to tango. It has to be give and take. Always.
Heard those time and again when it comes to relationships.
And I truly agree.
I mean I have always been an advocate of healthy relationships that are grounded on love, trust and respect.
Those are vital ingredients that help every person involved in a relationship grow in harmony with each other and as individuals as well.
I also believe that we should always be intentional in the relationships we keep.
On that note, I want you to take this time to reflect first on the relationships you keep.
What is the value of that relationship?
How is it helping you grow into the person that you’re meant to be?
Are you inspired by it genuinely?
These are some of the questions we tend to overlook because we take for granted the relationships we have.
Or the other way around actually.
Either way, that won’t do any good in the long run.
No one wants to be in a one-sided relationship.
After all, we all deserve to be loved, seen, heard, felt and celebrated by the people we choose to share spaces with.
Now, I totally feel that some of you may be triggered already because you feel that you’re not exactly getting what is due from the relationships you keep.
Know that with that awareness about where you stand in your relationship, you are now beginning to acknowledge your value as a person and you can initiate the changes you want moving forward as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
A lot of relationships falter because the lines of communication are not open. At the beginning of every relationship (and even as it progresses), always remember to have that benchmarking conversation about where you are at present and where you want to go eventually. Indicate your needs and wants and try to come up with a compromise so that (all) parties will be fully aware of their responsibilities. This presents something to look back to when things seem to be somewhat unfair or agreements have been overlooked. At the end of the day, you cannot resolve what you don’t know so it’s very important to lay down all your cards accordingly.
2. Speak up as it happens
Never keep your feelings to yourself. Its much healthier if you voice them out coming from a space of self-worth and respect. Don’t hold back because tolerating the actions of the other party might come out as something that’s acceptable for them. Remember, the end goal is to make the relationship work by addressing concerns accordingly without formulating false narratives based on mere assumptions as you hold on to them. It’s not about how the other party will react; it’s about you acknowledging the feeling of being taken for granted, whether intentionally or otherwise.
3. Set and maintain boundaries
Some people will always try to assert themselves just to get what they want. Hold your ground. Emphasize that a NO is a NO. Not a conditional one. Not something that can be set aside. Establish your own rules which you feel will be beneficial for your own wellness and wellbeing. And that’s totally ok. You are still entitled to your own space even with the numerous relationships you keep. Never lose yourself in the process of just wanting to keep them.
4. Do self check-ins
You are just as important as the people you’re in a relationship with, whether it’s a family member, a friend, workmate or significant other. It’s best if you always take time to inquire within and ask yourself how you’re really feeling as of the moment, based on how others are treating you. Are you genuinely happy in the relationship? Do you feel valued? Or is there something missing that you must acknowledge and address accordingly? Don’t be afraid to face the truth because that’s the only way you can work on yourself and your relationships.
5. Assess the growth of your relationship then act on it
Reverting back to value, assess how far you’ve grown as individuals and how much your relationship has improved through time. Determine the roles and contributions of all the people involved in the relationship and do a check and balance if everyone is giving what is due accordingly to the welfare of the relationship. If you feel that you’re not growing in your relationship or if it’s only the other party that’s benefitting, assess what’s holding you back and what needs to change accordingly in the relationship for you to be able to maximize your own potential and achieve your own growth. On the other hand, evaluate how your relationship has changed for the better through the years. Are you guys still on track based on your goals set initially? What is the current state of the relationship? Communicate all these to the people involved so that you can address all accordingly moving forward. In the end, if it’s no longer working for you, do what you think will be best, coming from a space of giving yourself what you truly want and deserve, because yes, you have that choice.
Always remember that you, much like everyone else, deserves to be treated and valued the way you want to.
Never let anyone make you feel otherwise.
If they do take you for granted, feel free to grant them what they deserve:
your absence.
Because life is too short to stay in a one-sided relationship to begin with.
Not yet.
One of the most disheartening phrases to hear when you have a lot of expectations.
On yourself and on others.
Can you relate?
Oftentimes we associate the word “yet” with delays and detours. And everything else that is not fully in alignment with our plans.
That leads us to think that anything with the word “yet” in it means something bad or disappointing.
Think about it: when was the last time you used the word “yet” and how did you respond to it?
When asked about getting your big break?
When asked about being able to finally pursue your passion?
If you finally found the one after dating so many people?
Have you eaten yet?
And yes, I could go on and on asking you questions that you may have found yourself answering with a phrase or sentence that includes the word “yet.”
Now if you just caught yourself answering from a negative space as you see “yet” in a bad light, then this is your sign to inquire within and hopefully realize that it (the use of yet, I mean) is not really all that bad.
In fact, it can actually be just as empowering as the word “yes”, when used (and viewed) differently.
Here are some of the ways you can use it differently:
Example:
Question: Have you achieved your goals for this year?
Answer (seeing it as an end by itself): Not yet. It’s quite hard.
Suggested reframing: Not yet but I truly feel I can make that happen anytime soon as I have new opportunities in the pipeline.
2. Come from a space of curiosity as you explore possibilities.
Example:
Question: Have you checked on the latest trends online about coaching?
Answer (coming from a disinterested space, seeing it as an add on task): Not yet. Busy.
Suggested reframing: I have yet to check on them but please do tell me what they’re about as I think they can be of value.
3. Use it as an empowering qualifier instead
Question: Have you addressed your problem completely?
Answer (triggered): Not yet.
Suggested reframing: Having quite a hard time now yet I am learning a lot and I am very much committed to pushing forward, one step at a time.
I hope these reframes help you see the word “yet” through a positive lens moving forward. Allows you to stress less and focus more on improving yourself and what you can still do at the moment.
Remember, delays and detours will always be part of your own #bestmeever journey. so don’t fret.
The best is YET to come.
And that’s something amazing to look forward to.
