This is actually coming from my own experience. I never did let my age get in the way of my dreams.
Imagine: transitioning careers at age 36. Starting from scratch. Experiencing rejections time and again because I was a newbie in the coaching practice back then. My 15 solid years of experience in advertising and marketing did not really matter to my prospects then in search of a professional coach for them.
Yes, it was a very humbling, frustrating and life-changing experience.
But I am glad I pushed through.
Because if I let the opinions of others, the rejections and all the challenges that came my way back then, I wouldn't be my own #bestmeever now: a multi-awarded global master coach with international best selling books and viral thought leadership articles to match.
I say all of these not to brag but to celebrate the wonderful journey it has been and how beautiful transitions can be if you willingly embrace it.
Ok, just to be clear: life transitions don't just pertain to your new chosen career. It can also mean changing relationships, pursuing a different passion, or exploring an unfamiliar aspect of yourself.
And it can happen at any age, not necessarily when your hair turns gray. The good thing about it though is that: know that it's ok.
Finding yourself at the crossroads of your life is normal. It means you're actually preparing yourself to grow even more so stop beating yourself up. Transitioning does not mean you're falling behind; it actually means you're finally ready to take that first step to moving forward and becoming the person you're meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
Mind you though: transitioning is never easy. I mean seriously, I don't know anyone who finds uncertainty and unfamiliarity as something joyful. Haha! Kidding aside though, more than just wanting it for yourself, changing the space you're in requires you to be fully committed and to do the work needed, no matter what.
Fear limits you and your dreams and giving in to it makes you settle for what you truly deserve. So it's best to reflect on this question, coming from a space of courage and vulnerability instead so that you may finally identify what you truly want best. Make sure to make it as specific as possible e.g. I want to be happy (like how? what's your space like? what will be the basis?) so that you have a clear vision of what you aspire to be.
2. Why do I want that transition for myself?
Remembering your own "why" grounds you and helps you through the darkest days. Be really honest about the value of your decision so that you get to hold on to your reasons along the way as you turn your "why" to "why not"? Acknowledge how transitioning will make you feel and how it will help you live your purpose, whatever it may be.
3. What's stopping me from moving forward with the transition I want for myself?
Fear. Finances. Responsibilities. Unworthiness. Health. Time. Space. All these and more. The goal here is to identify the things holding you back so you can process them accordingly based on what you can control and do away with those that you can't. At the end of the day, the only thing that can really stop you is yourself, because everything else has a solution, one way or another. Remember: if you really want something, nothing can stand in your way.
4. How committed am I to my transition?
It's a life-changing decision you have to make for yourself so you have to be 100% in. No halfway thoughts. There will be good days and bad days and you must be willing to embrace both equally. At the end of the day, know that i'll be worth it.
5. How can I go about my desired transition?
Planning is key. You don't just go into a new battle without carefully considering your options and the next steps that you should take. Write down your course of action, taking into consideration the step by step process you can go about to achieve your desired results: what do you need to do? who can help you? when? just some of the questions to guide you towards creating your road map to the new you.
I hope these questions can help prepare you for your upcoming transition, whatever that may look like for you.
One of the most memorable advertising campaigns I have ever worked on when I was still doing marketing and advertising for a living.
Who would have known years later, the said tagline will still ring true?
If you have been following me on social media or watching me go on-air for quite sometime now, you know how much I advocate for authenticity. I have always believed that it has always been one of my superpowers (alongside vulnerability, integrity and credibility) that allowed me to take up space in the coaching industry.
Part of being authentic is being able to love yourself whole and embrace yourself fully, flaws included. It's all about recognizing who and what you are fully, and being comfortable with it.
Imagine: living a life that allows you to just let yourself be, without fear of judgments nor worries about being caught off guard. I know. Very happy and stress-free.
The freedom that goes with being able to embrace yourself as you are fully can do wonders to your overall wellness and wellbeing, as it allows you to navigate through life in your own terms, take up space as you are, at your own pace while continuously working on yourself and your growth.
Enjoying that freedom requires you though to come into terms with things, people, and situations that make you cringe and want to hide in the process. Consider those as your own deep, dark secrets that you hold on to just to look good or be worthy in the eyes of others.
Mind you though: that's your ego talking. Using a megaphone to be precise. Haha!
Kidding aside, setting yourself free from the clutches of those seemingly uncomfortable details that surround your identity can help you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
I always liked this quote: " If you were born poor, that's not your fault. If you remain poor all through out your life, that's your choice." Can't agree more. While you might not have the most amazing starting point, know that by taking pride on your humble beginnings, you get to inspire others to do the same and embark on that powerful journey to change their lives. Your past shouldn't define you. How you take responsibility for it and use it as a tool to initiate the changes you want in your life, does.
2. Your failures and mistakes
In case you've forgotten: you are only human. So it's ok to commit mistakes and fail. It means that you are trying. What is not ok is when you let those shortcomings overwhelm you and negate your perception towards yourself. Be proud of your battle scars and learn from them. Because for all you know, some day, your journey will be someone else's survival guide. And that makes everything worth it.
3. Your present struggles
Struggling as of the moment does not make you less worthy, less respectable or less capable of having the life you've always wanted for yourself. Be brave enough to show your struggles and own them. Having things easy may be a good start for some; having to endure difficult times and allowing yourself to rise above them makes you beyond inspiring as you strive to do (and be ) better. It'll all be worth it in the end.
4. Your achievements
If you worked hard for it, don't be afraid to flaunt it. Never give in to the notion that when you post about your success, it's already bragging. Because truth be told, it's not. Say goodbye to success shaming. Remember, for as long as your intentions are clear and pure, you have every right to celebrate yourself and your win. How others see that is based on their own pains and projections; how you see it is based on your worth. And yes, you are very much deserving to acknowledge yourself and your wins.
5. Your Self
There you go. Bullseye! Haha! So when was the last time you felt really proud of yourself? Have you acknowledged how far you've gone and what you've become in the process? You don't have to wait until you reach your biggest goals to be able to celebrate yourself and your growth. Know that as you are, you are amazing so give yourself more credit. You deserve to take centerstage, regardless of your race, gender, status, position, health, looks or whatever other aspects that make you feel less of a person. They don't matter. You do.
I hope this blog post of mine allows you to toughen up and be brave enough to just let yourself be.
In my case, I lost count. Seriously.
Simply because, it's one thing I tell myself regularly when faced with uncertainty and challenging times.
Part of my own set of affirmations, you may say.
Come to think of it: it makes a lot of sense.
I mean how can you rise above the challenges as you face them head on if you don't toughen up?
Not just physically or mentally, but emotionally as well. Consider approaching this one holistically because at the end of the day, your entire wellness and wellbeing are at stake.
However, I believe that among those, it's our mindset that plays the biggest role when it comes to determining our success rate as we overcome challenges left and right.
This is where the value of working on your mental toughness comes into play.
Mental toughness is a quality of mind or intellect characterized by, among other things, a refusal to be intimidated, a determination to finish a contest even when things are going badly, and an ability to control emotions and remain highly focused when under the pressure of intense competition. (Oxford Definition).
At this point in time, I want you to quickly reflect: what do you do when you encounter a huge stumbling block in your own journey? How do you react?
Whatever your answer may be, know that it's ok. We all have different ways of responding to unwanted stimuli. So please don't start judging yourself this early. Haha!
Kidding aside, know though that oftentimes we become overwhelmed by the situation we are caught in because we let our heightened emotions take the lead. Taking this in consideration, it is very important to strengthen our mental toughness to allow us to still perform consistently despite what's happening around us by dealing mindfully with what's going on within us.
Remember, if you're mentally tough, you become less prone to experiencing stress, you become more motivated and confident as you adapt accordingly to any circumstance that may come your way, allowing you to learn and grow more in your own journey towards your own #bestmeever . Sounds amazing right?
Give yourself enough time and space to let your emotions settle down first so you don't react impulsively. Being mindful also allows you to explore only the things under your control as you recognize your priorities fully. This leads you to do away with the unnecessary distractions that can blur your decision making skills when you're feeling stressed.
2. Write down your thoughts
Fact: journaling can do wonders for you. By writing down your thoughts, you get to unburden yourself as you free your mind from unnecessary things taking up space. It also allows you to process your thoughts better as it provides you with an opportunity to revisit them some other time too as you come up with specific, workable goals that will best suit you. Best done with powerful coaching questions to help you align everything accordingly, with free pages that will allow you to just let your thoughts flow. If this resonates with you, please indulge my shameless plug about my #bestmeever life coaching planner which I recently launched to help people embark on their own self-discovery journey through journaling. Promise, it can help you big time.
Learning a new skill allows you to become more confident as you equip yourself with the knowledge and practice you need to thrive in your own journey. Always remember that you are the best investment you can ever make so never feel bad when you invest on yourself and your growth by taking those classes, certification program or whatever it may be that will allow you to grow further.
4. Choose the people you surround yourself with
You become the 5 people you surround yourself with so please ensure to have positive thinkers, achievers, good natured ones only in your sacred space. Never engage with people who make you feel less of a person and know that having boundaries does not mean you're being discriminating; it actually means you know how to value yourself and that's where mental toughness stems from: knowing what is good for you and taking it to heart always.
5. Seek professional help
Ok: seeking professional help is never a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength as you are able to humbly accept that you still have room for growth and that you are willing to journey towards your best with someone who knows how. Don't wait for the last minute before you ask for help if you feel that you're spiraling down fast because of what's happening around (and within) you. As early as now, do your own research and find a mental health professional or a coach that can help you with your needs, based on their area of expertise, credentials and body of work. Trust me, it will all be worth it, because you are, too.
Anxieties, worries and stress will always be there.
But you don't have to give in to them.
Beats me. Haha!
But seriously: do you find yourself so often worrying about alot of things that you feel so overwhelmed, unhappy and lost?
This is because you are holding on to a lot of things (and thoughts) that are weighing you down and making you feel that you need to resolve them all at the same time or find a way to escape.
Truth be told though: you don't have to.
It's basically the pressure from everyone else around you to conform with the norm and the extreme pressure you put on yourself to be in control always. Quite unhealthy, if I may say, in so many ways: physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially...and the list goes on, every time you stress yourself big time.
Taking those in consideration, it is very important to travel light as you journey towards becoming your own #bestmeever . Unburdening yourself from all the unnecessary stress allows you to go further and grow more in the process.
Close that chapter. It's over and done with, no matter how that will look like for you. Remember: stressing about it won't ever bring things back the way you want them to be. There are no rewinds; only flashbacks so instead of dwelling on what could have been, why not just focus on what is, here and now? At least you have the chance to create the changes you want for yourself as of the moment.
2. Your current state
Nothing is permanent in this world, including your current space. So if you're having difficulties as of the moment, know that it will pass. Same goes when you're having the best time of your life. Key here is to make the most of the moment. Stop overthinking or you'll miss out on the magic of the now. Allow yourself to be 100% present as you learn and grow from the experience, no matter how that will look like.
3. Things beyond your control
Being in an unfamiliar setting can be quite scary. And admittedly when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we find ourselves struggling to regain control. However, in the process, we forget the beauty of surrendering when things beyond our control happen. Stressing over things beyond our control won't fix the matter on hand; letting things be as we take responsibility over our actions and trust the process, will.
4. Choosing what's best for you
You know yourself best and you are very much deserving as much as anyone else. Never stress yourself over the reactions of others whenever you choose what will make you genuinely happy, complete and fulfilled. It's your life; you don't need the approval of others to live the way you want to.
5. The future
Here's one thing for certain: no matter how prepared you are, you can't say for sure how the future will be. While it's good to invest early on, never deprive yourself to enjoy the present. Depriving yourself of today's joys won't ever guarantee a future that's worth living. Give yourself a chance to just be, today. Because that is what you deserve, here and now. Do all that you can, with all that you have and then let go and move on with your life as of the moment.
I hope this post allows you to unburden yourself from the unnecessary stress in your life as of the moment.
I fondly remember how I discovered my love for writing accidentally when I was tapped to join the school paper way back then in High School as a writer for the Sports Section. Me, in sports. Yes, I know. Haha!
But that particular experience started it all. From writing sports articles, I gradually shifted to writing literary and news pieces for the public to consume.
And during those formative teenage years as well, I finally found writing down my thoughts on my journal as something both liberating and empowering at the comforts of my private space then.
I guess that's how my love for journaling started. And up to this day, I continue doing that practice that sets my mind, body and spirit free.
Which basically became my inspiration for creating my best-selling #bestmeever book series and recently, the first ever #bestmeever Life Coaching Planner so others can experience the transformative change of journaling when it comes to their overall health and well-being. That is why I made sure that my planner has a bunch of free pages and wide writing spaces for flowing thoughts.
Writing can really do wonders for you. Like seriously.
Your mental health suffers when you keep on thinking about things that rob you of joy and brings you so much stress and anxiety instead. Journaling allows you to do a mental dump --- where in you just write down all your thoughts as of the given moment and analyze from there what needs your focus and what needs to go. You don't have to hold on to each and every thought you have all at once. This frees your mind from the burden of having to process all at the same time, allowing you to relax a little more in the process.
2. Journaling allows you to become clearer with your dreams
Having your own quiet time allows you to inquire deep within and tap on to your greatest aspirations amidst the hustle and bustle of the real world. Journaling about your goals and dreams allow you to visualize them clearly, understand them better and strategize there after. It is when you are alone and immersed in your own thoughts that you come from honesty and vulnerability about things that really excite you and makes your heart skip a beat.
3. Journaling helps you recognize your progress
Writing down your milestones, big or small, allows you to have something to remind you during days that are tougher than others. Perfect for those who want to document their personal development journey, whether it involves getting your desired body or learning a new skill, journaling allows you to celebrate yourself along the way as you fill each entry about your latest adventure, realization or achievement.
4. Journaling helps you manage your emotions better
When overwhelmed by emotions, writing down your thoughts allow you to manage them accordingly This form of release allows you to center all your energy into putting words on feelings which you can't explain , allowing you to analyze them better and deal with them there after. What I also like about this is that on a personal note, I have something to look back at when all the heightened emotions have settled and I can finally be rational again, enough to come up with the best, non-impulsive decision.
5. Journaling improves your productivity
How different will your life be if you get to learn and discover how to prioritize tasks, manage your time well and deliver results smartly? Well you can experience that and more through journaling as it helps you process your thoughts accordingly while you write them down. This action gives your brain a visual aid, which helps it work more efficiently without the need to dissect abstract concepts.
I know, easier said than done.
However, much like all those mentioned, it's still very much possible to enjoy the present and live life fully minus any form of regrets.
While some of our past seemingly painful experiences can bring about anxiety and worries, as it affects you overall wellness and well-being, it's important to note that those actually provided you with life long lessons you need in your personal journey.
Yes, I am talking about the decisions which you have made before which left you thinking at present if everything was well worth it because it doesn't seem that way.
Listen, don't overthink. Everything happens for a reason, good or bad, so that you get to learn and grow from them there after. So stop beating yourself up for decisions that may have led to unexpected results but you know for a fact were all grounded on beautiful, pure and clear intentions.
Sometimes you outgrow people and relationships, not because they're bad (or you're bad), but rather simply because, you are no longer in alignment. Even the most familiar person you've been with for the longest time can change, in the same way that you can too, but always remember that sharing spaces is a matter of choice. It can't be one-sided only. So when you feel that you no longer feel happy or inspired and you've done everything you can to make the relationship work, let go and be comfortable with it. It's meant to be that way. And more often than not, it's for the best. So don't ever regret your decision of making space for new people in your life who are in alignment with your whole being at present.
2. Pursuing your dreams and passion
I am a firm believer of going for whatever makes your heart skip a beat and whatever inspires you to be your best, no matter what age or status you may have at present. Never feel bad about making that decision to make your dream come true. You deserve to at least give it a try and see where it takes you. You are very much worthy of turning it into reality so hang on, keep the faith, keep going and keep growing. You'll make it someday.
3. Choosing yourself first
Never feel guilty for putting your needs and wants first at times. Remember: you can't give what you don't have so it's very much important to practice self-care and self-love so you can come from a space of overflow. You matter as much as anyone else so don't ever see yourself as a mere provider of everyone else's needs and wants. You're definitely more than that. And if people can't accept that, it's ok. Still allow yourself to do what's best for you. You deserve that so never feel bad for giving yourself what is due.
4. Starting all over again from scratch
You are never too young or too old to begin living the life you want. It may be difficult at first but know that it gets better if and when you stay committed to yourself and your growth. Never regret your decision of embracing the life you want just because others are making you feel bad about it. They will never understand. And that doesn't matter. It's your life and you know what's best because you'll be the one taking responsibility after.
5. Investing on yourself and your growth
You are the best investment you can ever make. So never regret spending for whatever it is that will bring you genuine happiness and help you grow in the process. Whether it's a new laptop, a certification program you've been wanting to take or a much needed vacation, go for it for as long as you take responsibility for each decision there after. Life is too short to deprive yourself of the opportunity to live fully as you become your own #bestmeever without any regrets.
I hope after reading this you get to see things in a new light.
I am excited for you.
At the end of the day, there are things far beyond our control: the future, unforeseen situations, emerging trends and even the behavior of people, among others.
And the lost of control over these things brings about "unwanted" change, most of which cause us stress and a whole lot of disappointment.
I know. We all dread that feeling of being helpless and frustrated about everything going on around us which seem overly traumatic at first, so to speak:
A broken relationship.
A missed opportunity.
A competition lost.
An unexpected plot twist.
And so much more.
However, letting our disappointments get the best of us will not only affect our mental health, but rather our over all wellness and well being as well. Imagine: being distracted, losing your motivation and sometimes your appetite, feeling angry and sad, blaming yourself and others, feeling insecure -- just some of the things you may experience when you feel overwhelmed by the unexpected experiences you now have on hand.
Awareness is key if you want to be able to process things freely. Do not invalidate whatever it is that you're feeling as of the moment, no matter how painful it may be. Running away from your own emotions will only worsen your state. What you can do is accept things as they are and try to inquire within and recognize what your emotions are really telling you. Example: not getting the job promotion made you feel sad and disappointed. However, digging deeper, the real reason is because you are fearful about not being able to pay your outstanding loans. Being able to determine the root cause of whatever it is you're feeling now helps you address it strategically as you move forward.
2. Focus on what's under your control
This is what we oftentimes forget: we are resisting too much the reality that we have on hand that's beyond our control. The key here is to eliminate the need to be on top of everything and then just surrender (to) and trust the process. As you let go of the resistance and welcome change openly, you allow yourself to be free from all your disappointments as you focus on what can still be, based on the influence and power you have on the situation on hand. As I always say, let go of anything and everything that's beyond your control. Life gets easier that way.
3. Intentionally look for the silverlinings
Asking yourself "what is this situation teaching me?" or "what can be good about this?" can do a whole lot of wonders for you. Each time that you focus on the lessons to be learned and the silverl inings, you unburden yourself from the negative emotions you may be feeling, disappointment included. When you change the way you look at things, you change the way you feel towards them.
4. Count your blessings
Difficult times make us forget how blessed we are to begin with. When faced with challenges, try to recall all your wins from the past and acknowledge how far you've gone. By mindfully doing so, you allow yourself to shift from a space of disappointment to a space of gratitude, which opens up your life to new opportunities there after.
5. Revalidate yourself from within
When things go wrong as they sometimes will, our self-worth gets hit the most as we begin to question our own skills and value due to the disappointment we are feeling as of the moment. However, we should never let ourselves be defined by external factors. What happens to us doesn't define us. How we respond to them, does so it's very important to give ourselves the validation we want and need so that we can rise above the situation and move on and forward accordingly. Never deprive yourself from hearing the affirmations you deserve to hear from the most important person in the room: you.
Feeling disappointed at the onset of things that have gone wrong is ok.
What is not ok is to dwell in that space because truth be told, you deserve so much more.
Nothing is permanent in this world. Including what initially broke your heart.
I remember writing this down back then in grade school when I was answering a friend's autograph book (my, my, I missed this!).
This alongside my other favorite motto then "time is gold." Haha! I am sure you can all relate.
Kidding aside though, prioritizing my health has always been an advocacy of mine.
However, through the years, it has evolved from focusing on the physical aspect alone, to including several others: mental, social, emotional, financial...all of which comprise my definition of holistic wellness.
I have always believed that one should consider all the aspects that affects one's overall well-being and that it's ideal to treat each one equally to achieve that healthy balance, as part of becoming one's own #bestmeever .
Truth be told: you can't really function at your optimum if a certain aspect of your life holds you back e.g. your mindset, how you feel, the people around you, your finances -- yep all these have an impact in your growth so you must be mindful on how you address each aspects needs accordingly.
You deserve to pause. To rest and recalibrate. Don't ever feel guilty for giving yourself quality "me time". You are worthy of that, as much as everyone else. Avoid experiencing burn out by recognizing your own limits, needs and wants in the pursuit of your goals. Whether it's all about making pocket stops or taking a month long vacation, do what you must to keep you happy, inspired and charged up so you don't end up hating whatever it is that you're doing as of the moment. And yes, you don't have to hurry life.
2. Declutter your personal space
And no, I am not just talking about your messy room. Haha! But yeah, that's also included because remember: your physical space affects your mental health and your mood so always be mindful enough to keep it clean and tidy. Apart from that though, you may also want to declutter other aspects of your life which also influence your space: the people around you, your own behaviors and actions, situations you allow yourself to be in constantly -- know which of these you need to let go off because they no longer serve you and which ones you need to nurture so that you can grow even more. What you allow in your space influences you so know that you have the power to choose what's best for you.
3. Develop a healthy morning routine
How you start your day can greatly influence how the rest of your day will go. So it's very much important to start your day on a happy and healthy note: meditate for a few minutes after waking up, affirm yourself and practice gratitude before having a hearty breakfast, find time to exercise and be mindful enough to notice simple joys that can inspire you for the rest of the day. Do these every single day and notice how your life will change for the better there after.
4. Start a passion project
Do whatever it is that makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Regardless of your age, it's never too late to work on your passion project because that will give your life new meaning as it uplifts your sense of purpose. So yeah, this is your sign to start that business, build that NGO or audition for that role you've always wanted. You are your only limitation, so don't let yourself (and your insecurities) get in the way of what you're meant to be. Keep going -- that gives your life new inspiration and meaning.
5. Invest on personal development
You will always be the best investment you can make so don't ever feel bad when you spend for yourself and your growth. You need to value yourself enough for you to seek for ways on how else you can improve and grow so that eventually, you will end up happier and more fulfilled. Take that class. Get a coach. Embark on a self-discovery journey. You deserve to give yourself the kind of life you've always wanted to have. Go for it. That will always be better than having a lot of regrets about what could have been in the future.
I hope these help you improve your overall wellness as you learn and discover more about yourself in the process.
And yes, I had a grand time as I took my coaching hat off for almost two weeks and just let myself enjoy each and every moment with my loved ones during that trip.
What made that celebration even more special is the fact that my social media platforms and phone were filled with heartfelt greetings and well-wishers. I felt the love from all over. Never knew I mattered that much to a lot of people beyond expectations. And for that I am grateful. I just have to put it out here so that each and everyone who celebrated with me then will know. Again, thank you guys. You made this Unicorn very happy.
After blowing my official birthday candle then during our dinner at Baiyoke Sky Hotel, I had some ample time to reflect on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life as this new chapter unfolds.
I mean, I have always been a planner: I know what needs to be done upon going back to Manila, what my next steps will be, what programs I will be launching and how can make my 42nd year even more amazing.
Yeah, it was all about moving on and forward.
But then it struck me as well: in order to keep going, I must also stop a number of things, behaviors and whatever is holding me back from becoming my own #bestmeever .
And that isn't exactly easy, you know. Coming from honesty and vulnerability, much like everyone else, I have grown to be so comfortable with a number of things, people and situations, both knowingly and unknowingly, hinder my progress and prevents me from becoming truly happier in my space.
However, truth be told, I know that it will be all worth it when I muster all my strength to finally cut ties with these things that short change my own value as a person.
I hope that by sharing these with you, I know that one way or another you can relate too. My goal is not to be perfect in your eyes (or mine) but rather to show each one of us are very much alike and we are in this together.
And yes, you don't have to wait for your birthday to take action. Let's do this together now, shall we?
Presenting to you the top 5 things I intend to fully stop to allow myself to grow further in my 42nd year of existence:
It is what it is. While it's important to see the goodness in each and every person that I meet, I should not allow that perspective to blur what is here and now. Yeah, sometimes people are not just really having a bad day; it can be their usual reaction towards others and I must be mindful of that. Being totally open instead and coming from a genuine space of concern, I want to be more comfortable in telling people how things are from my end for as long as I am clear and honest with my intentions of doing so. After all, I am a firm believer that tolerating any form of bad behavior isn't exactly a sign of love.
2. Feeling guilty for letting people go
Not everyone has to play a part in our story, even those who have been with us for quite sometime but because of reason or two, have changed along the way. And that is fully ok. To outgrow people, To realize that we are no longer on the same page. To let them and myself be. It doesn't make any of us a bad person. It only makes us respect our personal spaces more. So I guess there's no sense of feeling bad about giving ourselves what is due in the first place: the freedom to grow on our own.
3. Allowing others to take me for granted
While I have been known to be kind and patient, I can't just let myself be in a one-sided relationship. I need to be more mindful of the circle I keep and what value they provide me as well. I mean, I can't just be too lenient when working with friends or family when it comes to agreed upon deliverables because exceptional output has nothing to do with the relationship but on one's commitment. Note to self: I don't have to please everyone and it's not my responsibility to save everyone as well. So this year, I am allowing myself to just be with people who know how to acknowledge and appreciate my value as they inspire me to be my best through good times and bad times. And that goes both ways, mind you. Because that is what we all truly deserve.
4. Overlooking the value of here and now
Admittedly there are times when life seems to be overwhelming: work, responsibilities, goals, expectations among others. But hey, it's best to remember that what we can only control is what is here and now ---and there are times we don't even have to be in control. I guess in this case, I need to allow myself to be 100% present wherever I am , without having to worry about the multiple hats I wear. And yes, I know I no longer need to wear them always at the same time. Because they don't define me. And what is important is how I make the most of today because that's the only thing for certain by simply letting myself be: flowing and free.
5. Thinking that I am invincible
Ok, admittedly that as we age, we forget that we also have new needs and wants to be addressed and a number of new limitations to accept. That's the hard part. While I know that I am in good shape, it's also important to acknowledge that staying up way late at night or engaging in super strenuous and highly stressful activities are no longer my cup of tea. I need to understand and accept that my body is changing and so I must support it with the tender loving care it deserves. It's all about recalibrating my adventures and how I view fun and excitement in my life. And no, I don't feel the need to belong to do this because I am doing it for myself and my own well-being, something far more important than simply fitting in.
Whew, that was a handful. However, what's good now is that we can be quite accountable for each other as we journey towards our own #bestmeever .
I have yet to be in a space where politics does not exist and gossiping is a thing of the past. And mind you, I have always been conscious enough to not get myself involve in any way simply because to be honest, I don't need any form of negativity in my space.
I guess that itself makes me a target of gossips: because I don't give a F*CK. Haha!
Admittedly though, when I was younger, I was fond of confronting people left and right, wanting to prove a point and assert myself in the process. That was me operating from my huge, bruised ego.
But now, through coaching, I have become more and more mindful about my actions as I gained clarity about what really matters most: my space, my peace.
The first step really is to understand why people gossip behind your back. Because with understanding you get to accept people as they are and free yourself from the notion that what they're doing is really all about you.
Because it's not. Really. I mean gossips are mere hear says. All assumptions. No facts.
You might be asking now: why do some people like to engage in it?
I can sum up some of the reasons why for your understanding, not tolerance: they feel insecure. They want to belong. Ego is hurting. They have nothing great happening in their lives as of the moment and they long for excitement. They want to gain sympathy by playing victim in their stories.
Reading through this, I know that it's still very hard to let them off the hook easily but practicing compassion, not only for them but towards yourself too, can do wonders for you as you deal with gossips accordingly.
If you're the listener, ask for proof. If you're the subject, hold on to your facts. You don't have to shove everything up their throats though. Just be prepared to show them when asked because at the end of the day, those screen shots, witnesses and other pieces of proof can vindicate you in no time. It's also fun to watch gossipers scramble in panic when they can't produce proof about their gossips. They'd probably leave you alone because you'll be no fun for them as an absorber.
2. Detach yourself from the rumors spreading around
You don't have to blame yourself for the situation or doubt yourself and your worth in the process. Again, their opinion is not your truth. You know better. And for as long as you have proof to show, walk on with your head up high and let the rumors around you die a natural death.
3. Let others experience you differently
When other people are questioning your capabilities or your worth, show them who you are and what you're really made of instead. Don't waste your time arguing with people who won't really give you a chance to prove yourself. Focus on just moving on, day after day, unbothered and focused on yourself and your growth as you journey towards your own #bestmeever and let others experience you as you are, outside of the rumors surrounding you. That is a game changer indeed.
4. Focus on being genuinely happy and in succeeding
Turn those gossips into stepping stones towards your happiness and biggest goals. Remember, people who are trying to pull you down are actually underneath you in so many ways so stay undaunted. Don't be distracted by unnecessary chatter that don't really contribute to your growth and happiness Let them be and just live each day as you please, letting yourself flourish fully along the way. Remember: success and genuine happiness can be the best form of revenge without even having to lift a finger to prove a point to your bashers.
Don't go out explaining yourself to people who don't really matter. Be with people who genuinely love and support you. Know that for as long as they know your truth, that will always be more than enough. Let them be the ones to put in good words for you. There are always two sides of the stories, but yours become powerful when others speak on your behalf about your worth and what's really true. Take this to heart: real friends and family will defend you in your absence. Such a comforting thought.
I hope this list empowers you the next time you experience being the talk of the town.
Remember: people close to you will always verify facts with you. Those who take just one side are not your people. And that's ok. You can't please everyone.
But you can always choose to hold on to your truth and the facts surrounding it.