Reflect on this: why does it seem harder to forgive ourselves than others when things go wrong?
Interesting question right? But very much relatable.
Oftentimes we beat ourselves up relentlessly whenever we experience failures, disappointments and unforeseen situations, most of which beyond our control.
And as we do this, we forget this very important fact: that no matter how bad we treat ourselves, that won’t be the solution to whatever concern we may have on-hand. In fact, that can even make things worse. And yes, same goes for those who have thought of committing suicide or any form of self-harm to resolve their issues. This is your reminder.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will, the key here is to practice self-compassion: giving yourself that full understanding, love and support that will allow you to forgive yourself and move on and forward from the experience minus the blame game.
Here are 5 things you can do to practice self-compassion:
You don’t have to be perfect to become your own #bestmeever ; you just have to give all that you’ve got, with all that you are each and every time an opportunity arises, regardless of the results there after. You are allowed to commit mistakes and your flaws don’t make you less deserving as a person. As you are now, as you strive to better, that’s more than enough.
2. Acknowledge how far you’ve gone in your journey
Don’t be caught up too much in the present chaos. Reflect on your previous success and give yourself more credit. You’ve made it this far. And you owe that to yourself. The least you can do is be kinder to yourself along the way, because you deserve that as you do your best.
3. Don’t let the pressure around you get the best of you
Fact: no matter how good you are, people will always judge you based on their standards and their experiences. And that’s ok. You don’t have to take their opinions to heart. You know yourself better. Treating yourself like trash won’t change their views about you so why bother? Focus on improving yourself and let your success do the talking. You don’t need to stress yourself out trying to explain to others why things happened as they did or why you’re not the person they paint you to be. You don’t owe anyone any explanation for letting yourself be so don’t be too hard on yourself when you feel pressured.
4. Remember that everything is temporary
You will always remember how badly you treated yourself long after the unfortunate event is over, leaving you with feelings of guilt, shame and anger. And those emotions can weigh you down big time, stopping you from achieving the growth you want in the first place. So never do any permanent harm to yourself over something that’s temporary. Instead reflect: will this issue of mine still matter after a day, a week, a month or a year’s time? If not, let go and forgive yourself. No sense of holding on to something that does not have a long term, life-changing impact on your life anyway.
5. Be mindful about silver linings
I say this time and again: everything happens for a reason. So behind each and every painful life experience is a beautiful lesson that will help you move on and forward. Focus on those. They matter more. It may not seem that way yet at present but those lessons will help you go and grow further in life only if you take them to heart. By accepting things as they are, understanding and forgiving yourself along the way, you allow yourself to grow in harmony with the flow life has in store for you. Stop resisting. Start trusting more.
At the end of the day, know that regardless of whatever you’ve been through and whatever space you’re in as of the moment, know that your experiences don’t define you and your worth.
Because each one of us is special in our own way, flaws included.
And that makes us all worthy of forgiveness and second, at times even a third, and fourth, chances.
