You can only accept things which you fully understand.
This has always been one of my favorite things to tell my coaching clients.
So true, don’t you think.
I am basically coming from a premise that humans oftentimes, if not always, resist what is unfamiliar.
That is the very reason why change can be so scary at times.
However, we must be ready to embrace change always because as they say, it’s inevitable.
But how can you embrace something which you don’t fully know about or understand?
Oops. there we go again. Questioning things even before we try it. Got you there! Haha!
But yes, that basically shows my point.
Don’t fret though. Tips are just around the corner.
Ok, I know change can be too overwhelming at times. So the key here is to create enough space between you and your thoughts and assumptions (and if possible, the trigger source per se), so you don’t get too caught up in the moment. Never let yourself act out of impulse. Instead, focus on retreating temporarily to your safe space (no matter how that may look like for you), as you gather facts and respond based on them. Yep, respond, not react.
2. Do away with your biases
We have all grown up differently, having sets of experiences which are unique to us. These experiences have formed biases that blur our logic and decision making, as they focus too much on what is familiar, pleasurable or what we think is right. However, biases are more often than not mere assumptions and at times no longer serve their purpose when put in the current context. So best if you ask yourself: what am I merely assuming in this case? What biases of mine are coming into play? Then answer both as honestly as possible.
3. Focus on the value
Like I always say, good or bad, everything that happens to you has a reason. When you want to understand something that you are initially resisting, whether it’s an unfortunate turn of events or an unexpected detour, focus on the value it brings: the lessons, the growth and the new opportunity to start all over again on a clean slate moving forward. Consider yourself lucky to be able to learn and grow along the way as you understand your space better. A powerful question you can ask yourself is: What is this teaching me? Try it.
4. Be open
You can’t control everything. And that’s perfectly fine. Because you shouldn’t. Trust in the grander design of things far beyond your knowledge and power. Know that if you just allow yourself to flow, you actually grow more in the process.
5. Experience it for yourself
As they say, don’t knock it off until you try it. See for yourself. Experiencing things (and people) as they are fully allows you to understand completely as you go face to face with your fears, assumptions and desires moving forward. Give it a chance. Whether you finally say yes or no, you are worth the decision you are making for as long as you’re coming from a space of full understanding.
I hope this helps you understand the space you’re in at the moment.
Know though that whatever that may look like for you at present, it’s ok.
You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
On your way to your own #bestmeever .
Bigger is not always better.
There I said it.
But it’s quite true.
This stemmed from my recent experience eating in a buffet in Novotel. For Sunday lunch, the food spread was huge and the variety was quite impressive, given the presence of some uncommon seafood for grilling (think Curacha, and no, not the 90s movie, among others).
At first, since I didn’t have breakfast to make space for this feast (am I the only one who does this?), I was like: let’s do this. So off I went to sample some of the items immediately: got myself a huge slice of roast beef, a plateful of seafood (only half of which I can identify) and a bunch of baked veggies. Halfway through my delicious meal, my eyes started wandering around, looking for my next target. A part of me wanted to sample the rest of the eye candies on hand but guess what, before I can even go back to eating what’s left on my plate, somewhat I already felt full. What?! Paano masulit ang buffet (which happens to be the common biggest concern of Filipinos when indulging in eat-all-you-can restos, more so if they’re on the pricey side)?!
Geez. I should have remembered. Strategy is key to enjoy the sumptuous buffet spread more. I should have went around first to scout. Gotten smaller pieces. Took my time. And not ate like a hungry Viking having his last meal. Oh well, at that time what I did just made sense.
But looking at it now, I got to reflect about the times in the past where I got tempted to go for shiny objects, normally an upgrade or a size larger than usual, not necessarily because I needed it but just because I thought it would be a better deal for me.
Whether shopping at Landers or S&R for body wash and detergents which are big enough to be shared even to my neighbors;
Or when going for an upsize in my regular dessert, thinking I deserved it, while totally ignoring the additional calories and expense;
Or even when choosing a gift during Kris Kringle, my eyes normally dart to the biggest, most beautifully wrapped one.
But hey, what I have come to realize is that it’s not the size really which matters.
It’s the intention. It’s the purpose behind each choice we make.
Because small, medium or large, it doesn’t really matter.
Because enough is enough, based on your own standards.
Look at it this way:
Help, of whatever kind, still has an impact.
Growth, no matter the size or speed, is still progress.
Gifts, no matter how much they cost, are still thoughtful gestures.
Not all things have to be grand to mean more.
And to make the most of this lifetime, we should just focus on being grateful for whatever we have and whatever is given, taking only what we need while sharing with others what we have more of.
Even the smallest, simplest joys matter.
And yes, that includes the food in the buffet which will never run out so get only what you can finish. Remember, the more you let others enjoy the food alongside you, the faster it will be refilled. Applies to life’s blessings as well.
Now at this point in time, I want you to reflect:
What small things in your life can you appreciate more?
What can help you become more mindful of them?
I hope moving forward, you get to look beyond what is superficial and just embrace things as they are.
For all you know, what you have in front of you, is actually larger than life.
It was a very colorful event, so to speak.
Both literally and figuratively if I may say.
So I just came back from my stint as a keynote speaker in the Sorsogon Pride Summit (thank you to the Provincial Government of Sorsogon for having me), as part of the celebration of the 2024 Kasanggayahan Festival
.
And I must tell you, even if I have done a lot of talks and advocacy work geared towards promoting inclusivity and diversity for the LGBTQIA+ community, this experience opened my eyes to new possibilities.
You see, it was the first time I saw kids (I assume they were just around 11-13 years old) participate actively in the summit. And I kid you not when I say that their make up and get up would put even the best contestants of Ru Paul’s Drag Race to shame.
I was in awe of their confidence and how comfortably they expressed themselves based on what was true for them and not on what the society expects, something which, in other places or circumstances, will get raised eyebrows and heads shaking with disapproval.
And yet there I was, beaming with pride, as I welcomed them onstage during the awarding ceremony of the program, wherein each LGBTQIA+ group who participated were duly recognized for their support to the said event.
For a moment, I reflected: how would things look for me now if I had the same courage and support from all the people around me back then when I was struggling to figure out who and what I was while growing up?
Would life have been better? Happier? Would I still have journeyed towards my own #bestmeever ?
I wouldn’t know now for sure. My journey growing up in a time when being gay was quite unacceptable and anyone who did not conform with the societal norm was ostracized and ridiculed endlessly, was far from what my eyes are showing me now and what my heart is letting me feel.
Don’t get me wrong: I have no regrets. I totally believe that my own set of experiences have led me to genuinely advocate for inclusivity and diversity through the years which I believe, gradually, is initiating the much needed changes I longed to see when I started.
And we are very much deserving of it, regardless of our race, gender, status, accomplishment, religion or whatever standards that may divide us, knowingly or unknowingly.
Being different is a gift. It shouldn’t be taken against anyone who is just very much deserving to take up space as he/she is.
Standing out is not a crime. Fitting in is not a must. It’s all about respect.
There I said it.
Never let what makes you special weigh you down.
Own your space by fully embracing who and what you are, no ifs, or buts.
Be proud of what you chose to become amidst the ups and downs in life.
Those LGBTQIA+ kids made me realize that there was hope.
It was so heartwarming to witness each one of them being seen, heard, felt and celebrated.
I fervently hope such goes on long after the Pride summit is over.
To make that happen, we need each other, members of the LGBTQIA+ community or otherwise.
To inform. To Understand. To Accept.
So at this point in time, I want you to reflect on this:
What must you change within you so you can understand and accept others better?
What can you do to inspire others to do the same?
I look forward to seeing you do your part in creating a world where no one gets left behind.
Where someday, everyone can just be themselves, safely and free.
Time to live with pride.
I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.
Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.
Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.
Harsh. Tell me about it.
You see I have been ghosted before by
…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;
…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;
…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;
…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;
…friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.
A bunch, I know. Whew.
But trust me, I learned my lesson well.
Never chase people back.
That’s called having self-respect.
The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.
You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:
Am I not good enough?
Is there someone else?
And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.
Do yourself a favor: don’t.
You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.
I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.
Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things, blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.
2. It’s about them, not you
No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.
3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal
Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.
4. Remember who you really are
Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.
5. Plan your comeback
The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.
There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.
I always say this to people who are forcing themselves in certain situations:
Don’t come from obligation. Come from inspiration.
Makes sense right?
I mean who wants to be merely forced to do things just because it’s their duty or that responsibility was bestowed upon them?
Whether it’s about being the eldest in the family to take care of all your siblings or the youngest who is expected to just listen and follow,
To being the breadwinner in the family,
to having a senior (or most junior) position at work where expectations and deliverables vary
among others.
Can you relate?
I guess the bigger question is: how much do you really like what you’re expected to do every single day based on the role you portray?
Let’s be honest. It can be quite hard at times.
Simply because as you try to live up to the expectations of others, you oftentimes put yourself and your needs last simply because you feel that you shouldn’t be a priority because work (or your role) calls.
Imagine the stress, the shame, and other negative emotions that are brought about by the pressure to conform and just deliver.
However, truth be told, forcing yourself won’t do you (or the relationship at stake) any good.
You’ll only end up hating yourself and the space you’re in, in the long run.
So the key here is to come from inspiration, as you fill in each responsibility or duty with new meaning to keep you going.
As you challenge yourself by handling multiple tasks all at the same time, you allow yourself to learn and grow in the process. No matter how uncomfortable the situation may seem at first, by embracing it fully minus any form of resistance, you get to make the most of the journey as you become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever .
2. Take note of the lives you can change
You are perhaps the ray of hope everyone else around you needed at that time. Be that enabler of change. Know that the seeds you plant today may bring about that much needed growth and change you dreamed not only for others, but for yourself as well. It just had to start with you loving what you do.
3. You allow your relationships to bloom
Never underestimate your impact in the lives of others. By willingly helping out, you help build trust and establish stronger bonds with the people around you. This makes the journey easier when you allow them to support you as well to ensure that everyone is on the same page, with the same goal in mind so you never feel alone as you take the lead.
4. You get to recognize your own value
It could have been anyone else, but it was handed on to you. There’s a reason for everything and God does not give you any challenge that you can’t overcome. It’s been given to you because it’s meant to teach you beautiful lessons you need moving forward. You are the chosen one. You are good enough, worthy enough. Know that someday you will look back and realize why everything had to happen that way. Simply because, they were preparing you to become the person you’re meant to be.
5. You don’t end up having regrets
When you don’t like what you’re doing, you tend to complain left and right, oftentimes missing out on the important moments, milestones and lessons along the way. By loving what you do and being inspired by your own responsibilities, you get to maximize the space you’re in and look beyond desired results as you just focus on enjoying the journey while living fully. Don’t let your obligations stop you from making the most of this lifetime.
I hope after reading this, you have unburdened yourself from the responsibilities you may be carrying.
Use them as a springboard instead that will bring you closer to what you’re meant to be:
an amazing inspiration to everyone else around you.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be beautiful and worth sharing.
I hope this hits home hard.
Seriously. Having a highly curated life on social media does not exactly equate to enjoying life as is, in general.
But come to think of it: why do people tend to hide the other (note my conscious decision to use that neutral word) of life?
What is it about the less than perfect moments that make us want to hide them?
What misconceptions do you have about your own?
Take this time to reflect:
Which part of your life are you hiding from the rest of the world due to shame?
A failure?
Unguarded moments caught on cam?
Criticisms from others?
What makes you want to bury them into oblivion?
I know that you may have your own reasons for keeping them invisible to the prying eyes of everyone around you but hey, I just want you to know this:
It’s ok to share those less than perfect, less than happy moments with the rest of the world.
It doesn’t make you less of a person each time you talk about what others may be dreading to discuss.
In fact, by doing so, you become a beacon of hope and strength for all those who need to overcome their own shame.
How many times have you heard me say: “Your past should not define you.”? There, I said it again. But hey it’s true. Think about this: you can’t exactly turn back time more so undo what has been done. You can only focus on learning from the experience. That means, whatever you’ve been through before, no matter how tough life was, it’s ok. Show off your battle scars. They are beautiful reminders that you’ve made it this far in this life time, a privilege which not everyone gets to enjoy because they let their past hold them back.
2. Your present
Where you are right now at this point in your life is only temporary. So why be ashamed of it? It’s merely a pitstop; just a tiny spec in your life’s journey ahead. Wouldn’t it be inspiring for others to see how you decided to work on yourself at present to eventually become the person you’re meant to be: your own #bestmeever ? Know that your life at present does not have to be free from flaws to be meaningful and rewarding. What is important to remember here is that you were brave enough to start and committed enough to continue on with your journey.
3. Your relationships
Never hide the people you truly matter to you. Whether it’s a family member, a dear friend or a special someone, be proud of the relationship you have. That shows how much value you put in the relationship by acknowledging it fully. Ok, you don’t have to go overboard about posting sweet pics or writing mushy stuff every now and then; what I am saying is that never deny people in your life, regardless of how others may respond to your admittance. It’s ok though. You are not here to please anyone nor allow anyone to dictate whom you could share spaces with.
4. Your struggles
It’s normal to have ups and downs in life. Take that to heart please. Never be ashamed of your struggles. It’s ok to be vulnerable and admit that you need help. It actually shows how strong you are and how mindfully aware you are of your own needs and wants. At the end of the day, too much pride won’t help resolve your challenges on hand so best if you acknowledge your own difficulties and allow yourself to receive the support you need as you inspire others to be comfortable enough to ask for help too. No man is an island and nobody’s perfect so just stay true and give yourself what is due.
5. Your goals and dreams
No matter how big they may be, you are very much worthy of your own goals and dreams. If you truly want to manifest them to reality, speak with pride about them and feel as if they already came true. Don’t ever minimize them or shrink yourself just to fit in or to avoid being judged by others. It will never be worth each time you shortchange yourself. You have what it takes to succeed and no matter how ambitious you may seem, you have nothing to explain to others who aren’t even part of your dreams.
As you are, you are worthy to take up space, express yourself and live life fully and free.
Never let shame make you feel otherwise.
Time to live brave and proud.
Do you believe in serendipity?
I do.
And you seeing this is no accident.
I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.
Good or bad, each particular event in our lives is meant to shape us moving forward through key realizations and timely lessons.
And for some reasons, as rain pours down heavily outside of my window, I felt compelled to write this blog.
Is it a channeled message? Don’t know.
Is it something which perhaps may be timely and relevant for you? Perhaps.
To dig deeper on that note, take a few minutes to assess your current space.
How’s your journey towards your own #bestmeever ?
Are there patterns in your life you need to recognize?
What is the key message of everything happening around you (and within you)?
Ok, don’t overanalyze. The key here is to embrace things as they are and allow yourself to really feel and understand what you need as of the moment.
1. Where you are now is just the starting point of your journey.
Don’t fret. While your present is teaching you all the lessons you need to thrive moving forward, it may not be exactly embody your final destination. Applies to when you’re having the time of your life or when it seems that you’ve hit your lowest point. Use whatever it is that your current space is teaching you so that you start strong as you embark on that life changing journey towards what you truly want and deserve in this life time. Remember: it’s not about where or who you are at present, but rather, what you choose to become (and do) about it. Yes, the exciting part is yet to happen.
2. You’ve been through worse and survived.
Sometimes we find ourselves in a number of less than pleasant situations that make us forget our very own worth and progress. Never let challenging times overwhelm you and invalidate your growth. Remember how far you’ve gone and honor yourself. I am sure that if you draw inspiration from your past experiences experiences you never thought you would survive but did, you can definitely ace the one you are facing now.
3. You have a choice.
You are not stuck. You are not helpless. Your life isn’t over. While there may be things beyond your control, you always have the choice to see them differently and allow yourself to focus on what you can still do. And whatever you choose for as long as you take responsibility, no matter how others may react towards your choices, know that you are not obliged to explain yourself and justify each one. So choose to stop stressing yourself because for as long as you’re alive, you can change the space you’re in by choice.
4. It’s time.
I don’t know but I felt like writing this. How does this resonate with you? Maybe it’s time to change careers? Pursue a passion you’ve parked? Invest on yourself? Say sorry? Fall in love? Go back home? I think now will always be the perfect time to do whatever it is that is in your heart because no one can really predict what the future holds for everyone of us. As what the famous quote of R’Bonney Gabriel said in her winning answer in Miss Universe then: if not now, then when? Makes a lot of sense to me. And hopefully, to you too.
5. You matter.
You have a beautiful role to play in this life time. Know that in your own little way, someone out there is inspired to push forward because you showed him/her that it’s possible. As you are also, regardless of what you’ve been through or whatever you’re going through as of the moment, know that you are supported and loved and that you are not alone in your journey. Remember: even total strangers have compassionate hearts. So allow yourself to take up space because that is what you deserve.
I know that as random as these thoughts may seem, I hope at least one resonated with you.
Because you reading this is a serendipitous moment leading you towards your own #bestmeever .
Enjoy the journey.
Never say die.
How many times have you heard this in your life time?
Whether someone told you this or you have made this your own mantra, it still serves the same purpose:
To remind you to never give up.
I know, easier said than done.
I mean admittedly, life isn’t exactly perfect at all times. Well, it doesn’t have to be really, for it to be beautiful and meaningful, but this is a totally new context all together.
What I am basically saying is that sometimes life has its own twists and turns and sometimes we find ourselves in situations that are far from ideal, oftentimes very difficult to handle.
And when things go wrong, as they sometimes will, we find ourselves wanting to just throw in the towel, run away and hope and pray by doing so closes that unwanted chapter.
Can relate?
Take this time to think: when was the last time you almost gave up on something? On someone?
What was the compelling reason then?
What was the impact of your decision?
I know that while some of you may think that it was the best decision made during that time, others may not exactly share that sentiment most specially after the dust has settled.
Because in reality, at times, giving up isn’t exactly the best solution.
1. When things are hard
Fact: you can only grow and become your own #bestmeever outside of your comfort zone. Which means when situations seem to be getting tougher and tougher and you feel overwhelmed, the key here is to pause and ground yourself, not run away at the first sight of the problem. Know that things may be hard at the beginning but if you totally commit to overcoming the challenges on hand, they become easier as you learn and grow in the process. Stop resisting and start embracing things as they are because they ae teaching you the valuable lessons you need moving forward. As they say, no pain, no gain.
2. When you truly want something
As Simon Sinek said: “Remember your Why.” You’ve made it this far. Why let everything go to waste by giving up now? Your goals and dreams deserve your 100% commitment so keep going. Remind yourself how much each one means to you and what is the value of achieving your goals and dreams eventually. Make your reasons larger than life so that they don’t get dwarfed by challenges along the way.
3. When it takes a lot of time
Not everything has to happen all at once. Greatness takes time. So should you. Don’t ever hurry growth as you may end up with half-baked results. Know that delays can also be blessings as they serve as your springboard towards improving yourself along the way as you discover the silverlining in each. Be more patient with yourself and your growth. You will fully bloom when it’s time. Until then, enjoy the journey.
4. When others are not supporting you
I’ve said it time and again before and I’ll say it again: you don’t need anyone’s go signal for you to finally give yourself what you truly want and deserve as you pursue your biggest dreams. Don’t let the lack of support from others stop you from what you’re called to do (and be). Be your own biggest cheerleader. Know that once you decide and commit to pushing through, you will eventually meet the right people who deserve to share spaces with you in this new journey of yours and who will support you unconditionally. Let others watch and see, because more often than not, they are secretly hoping that they were brave enough to at least try the way you did in their space. Yep, you are most probably triggering their insecurities.
5. When you have failed before
Your past doesn’t define you. It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve failed before for as long as you keep going and keep improving each time you try again. Do things differently. Seek a new mentor. Learn from your mistakes. Do what you think is best so that this time around you don’t let your past failures haunt you and distract you from your goals. Know that those failures of yours will eventually be someone’s inspiration to try harder in their space and your entire journey will be someone else’s guide to ultimately surviving in this life time. Be the inspiration they (and you, yourself) need.
At the end of the day, remember this:
You will always be worth another chance, another try.
So please, don’t ever give up.
No pain, no gain.
I think this has always been instilled in us while we were growing up.
To make us work harder.
To allow us to endure more.
To purge our character.
However, come to think of it, as I grew older and become more aware, I have realized that pain need not be the be all and end all of everything.
I think achieving our goals should not always be associated with having to endure painful situations first because truth be told, there are times when rewards do come easily, simply because everything is meant to happen that way.
Because even during our happiest times, we can gain a lot too.
From learnings to giving life a second chance. Or a third even.
And suffering becomes merely optional or even non-existent along the way.
This is just one of the myths that I have come to realize: that pain and suffering aren’t exactly 100% essential to one’s growth. Yeah, maybe to some extent yes, but know that we can always choose to grow in a manner that works for us, without necessarily banking on our previous narrative of resilience taught by our elders and society.
Ok, I know that forgiving someone who has done you wrong isn’t exactly easy. Depending on who has caused you pain (the closer the person is to your heart, the more painful it becomes) and the gravity of the action done (break up, falling out, betrayal…you tell me.), it would really take more than just an apology to make things right. Here’s the thing: for me, if you really want to make things right, forgive the person when you’re ready (given your own time, space and conditions) and choose to remember the lessons. This simply means that as you look back at that painful incident, you no longer have heightened emotions towards the person who has done you wrong, but you are quite at peace realizing the lessons which that event has taught you. And no, you don’t have to force yourself “bring back the old times” after forgiving someone if you feel that person no longer deserves to share spaces with you. You can always just choose to co-exist in your own respective spaces, until such time you realize otherwise.
2. You can fully unlove someone when things don’t work out.
In my opinion, no matter how painful the cause of your heartbreak may be, I believe that you can’t really totally unlove someone. If a person already has been a part of your life in a beautiful way, meaning you shared wonderful memories, grew together and inspired you along the way, even if someday things are no longer the same, you just can’t invalidate the existence of that relationship. What you can do though is accept the fact that you can love the other person on a different level instead e.g. from romantic to familial, loving someone from afar, recognizing the existence of the person who was once part of your life and taught you valuable lessons you needed moving forward.
3. An apology is needed to have closure.
Ok, while it would be wonderful to get that sincere apology from the person who has wronged you to allow you to move on, it’s not always the case. Sometimes it comes in too late. At times, it never happens. However, it doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold just because you are still waiting for that person who has caused you pain to make amends. Sadly though, we don’t have control over the emotions and actions of others. So it’s never a guarantee. Choose to give yourself the closure that you need and want by really coming into terms what the painful situation is teaching you and how you can use what has risen from this awareness as you start all over again. Your internal dialogue with yourself, as you practice love, compassion and understanding will allow you to close chapters without depending on anyone else, when you are truly able and ready.
4. You have to tolerate the one you love to make the relationship work.
Nope, I don’t think so. Tolerance isn’t exactly the best way to show your love. More so if you are allowing yourself to be the recipient of rude and toxic behavior time and again. You don’t deserve that. Nobody does. And when it comes to relationships, tolerating any form of wrong doing, contrary to the common notion of sacrificing for the sake of the relationship, will only result to bigger problems in the future. If you really want your relationship to work, be brave enough to have that difficult conversation and lay down all your cards, coming from a space of love and honesty and seek for a compromise. That’s how you can really work on your relationship: when both parties are willing to change for the better and exert the same effort in doing what’s best for you both.
5. Outgrowing people means you are ungrateful.
People come into your life for a reason, for a certain season. And the sad truth is, no matter how you try at times, you just can’t have everyone you grew up with play a part in your story as time goes by. Outgrowing people does not make you (or them) a bad person. We all change, in different ways, at different speeds. And that causes the relationships we have to change as well. While we try our best to make things work and make the relationships we have last, sometimes, when we have truly given our all and did our best, it’s ok to just let things be. The relationship you had already fulfilled its purpose – it’s up for you to nurture new ones along the way as you journey towards your best. Be grateful those happened and take all the lessons to heart. Because at the end of the day, the people you’ve outgrown will always be part of your past. And that’s something to cherish knowing that one way or another, they helped you become the person you’re meant to be. Life goes on for everyone.
So now, I hope that with the awareness that you have about the myths surrounding the painful experiences you may have had, you are able to discern fully what will be best for you moving forward.
Simply because:
There’s a whole lot more to gain when you look beyond the pain.
Whatever you take for granted will be taken away from you.
This hits home.
Seriously. No one (and nothing actually) deserves to be taken for granted.
I mean, hear me on this: everything happens for a reason.
And everyone who comes into your life has a purpose to fulfill.
It may not be evident at first and at times we may even be resistant if things don’t go as planned.
However, it is important to always keep our faith intact and to trust the process (and ourselves) accordingly.
Because only then we will get to discover the silver linings in each and every experience we have.
Given that, I want you to take this time first to be one with your surrounding.
What experiences do you have at present?
Who are in your circle?
What changes have you embraced?
Being mindful about your life at the moment allows you to recognize everything that has brought you to where you are at present and the purpose each one serves.
This teaches us to see each and every event, person, thing or space through the lens of gratitude, which can help us amplify what we want more of in life as we approach seemingly difficult situations with the least (or no) resistance.
There is so much beauty and power when you appreciate life as is.
As the saying goes, health is wealth. And this holds so much truth. It’s very important to always prioritize your over all health and wellbeing. That simply means indulging in regular self-care, surrounding yourself with people who are good for you, giving yourself what is due as you invest on yourself and your growth without feeling guilty. Think about this: if you can’t really do much if you’re bedridden, unhappy or totally stressed in your space so make sure that you don’t set aside your health and wellbeing for the sake of your work or just to please others. It’s definitely not worth it.
2. Your genuine relationships
It’s quite rare that you meet people who really have your back through good times and bad times so when you have them in your space, treasure them. Family, friends or any loved one who fall in this category deserve your 100% commitment, as you nurture your relationship with each one of them. Ensure that you always find time to check on each one of them, address any issue that may arise coming from a space of love and respect and celebrate them and the relationship that you have every single day, in all possible ways. Not everyone is qualified to take their place so never make them feel neglected.
3. Your talents and skills
You are the best investment you can ever make. So always take time to recognize your strengths, skills and talents that set you apart from the rest and nurture them. Take time to practice daily and share your gifts to others. Don’t ever be overconfident about them that you just assume that you could always deliver what is expected from you. Be humble enough to realize that you, much like everyone else, has room for improvement and you can always upgrade and upskill as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
4. The challenges along the way
I know. It’s quite hard to accept that life isn’t exactly smooth sailing at times. And more often than not, we try to brush things off that do not align with our plans or if they seem tougher to face than usual. But hey, I wanted to remind you that you should never set aside those because they carry with them the important lessons you need moving forward. Never let them invalidate your progress. Embrace them as they are. But learn how to look for the silver linings there after. They are just as valuable as any other milestone you will have during great days. Or even more actually.
5. The opportunities given to you
It’s true. Somewhere out there, someone wants to trade places with you because they see that you are so blessed in so many ways. So never take the opportunities given to you for granted. Whether it’s a new job, a second chance in life or love, or a chance to make a difference in the lives of others (or even in yours, as well), make the most of them. Give your best, with all that you have because truth be told, you can never be sure if you will be receiving the same favors in the future. You only have this lifetime to make the most of each and every opportunity to grow and be happy.
Hopefully after reading this you now see all the things, people and situations which fill your current space, in a different light.
Simply because, you also have a purpose to live alongside each one of them.
So never take them (or yourself) for granted.
