No pain, no gain.

We grew up hearing this, time and again.

And at times, I must admit, I can’t help but agree with this.

While I wouldn’t mind having a smooth sailing life to begin with, I have embraced the fact that life in general has its own twists and turns.

Most of which are beyond our control.

Which actually makes sense to just let things be and embrace the lessons each and every not so good experience that life may bring instead of getting anxious and stressed.

I know. That won’t be a walk in the park.

However, it’s very much possible.

To see the silver lining in every painful experience we have.

And change for the better as we anchor on all the lessons learned.

Allow me to share with you the 5 painful life experiences that will shape you.

1.) A death of a loved one

This one is inevitable. As much as we want to be with people closes to our hearts, we just can’t. Death is something we cannot predict, more so stop permanently. It’s as natural as the sun rising daily, and as day turns to night. While the intensity of the pain may vary due to the cause or timeliness of the death, each death teaches us an important lesson: how to fully let go and be at peace eventually with the decision. It may take time and a whole lot of effort, however, full, genuine acceptance of things, people and situations which are no longer there are crucial for us to move on and forward when life throws a curve ball. It also teaches us the important lessons of valuing relationships and making the most of each and every moment, as we can’t really say when it’s our time to go (or let go of someone). Treat every single day as if it was your last. Very good reminder indeed.

2.) A major break up

Ouch. I feel you. Haha! I know, this can wreck havoc in one’s emotional state especially if you have always believed that you will end up with the person who broke your heart. Well take note of this: it doesn’t mean that if someone broke your heart, you won’t have your happily ever after someday. Because trust me, you will. And that’s the important lesson a break up teaches you: that you have to be patient enough to get what you truly deserve. That you need to love yourself first so that others will love you just as much. And when you’re able and ready, the right one for you will come eventually. You just have to be the love that you want to receive.

3.) A significant failure

I know it can be so frustrating when you work so hard on something and not get the desired results. Whether it’s a wasted opportunity, a competition lost, a business that went bankrupt … they all are teaching us the same thing : that we can always do better. Knowing that there’s room for improvement should inspire us to continue journeying towards our best . Remember, it doesn’t end when you lose ; it only begins when you embrace the new lessons learned and apply them there after.

4.) A betrayal

Experiencing something that’s totally unexpected like a betrayal can hurt big time. More so if it comes from a person that’s close to your heart. One can’t help but feel immense hurt, anger and pain when trust is broken. But trust me, that had to happen in order for you to learn very significant lessons in self-worth and discernment. Betrayals teach you to become more mindful about the relationships you keep and the people you allow in your space. It teaches you about what you deserve and how to value yourself more. And those lessons will go a long way as you meet various people in your life time. It pays to know.

5.) Outgrowing people, things and situations

There will come a time that certain relationships with people, things and circumstances will no longer spark the same joy or ignite further inspiration. That can be such a heart breaking experience to realize that something familiar is slowly fading to oblivion. Whether it’s a childhood friend, a place you grew up with or something you owned, letting go can be so difficult. However, it’s a must because it teaches you that life goes on. Not everyone or everything must play a part in your next chapter. It’s ok if it ends there. It already served its purpose. Be grateful that it happened. Then bravely turn the next page as you welcome new people and experiences in your space. You’ll be fine.

I hope that by reading through these you got to evaluate and appreciate your pains more.

Truth be told, each pain serves a beautiful purpose.

As you journey towards your own #bestmeever .

So embrace them fully, whole heartedly.

Because there’s so much to gain.

Pain is inevitable.

Suffering is optional.

There is so much truth in this popular saying.

I mean, things won’t always go as planned and there will always be days which are less rosey than others.

More often than not, we fail to see the real value of the emotional pain that we are experiencing on hand as we just perceive it as one big problem.

Something that’s meant to destroy our plans and make us miserable.

However, we tend to forget that our pain is actually teaching us valuable lessons that we need in order for us to become our own #bestmeever .

And until we realize the 5 things that actually make our emotional pain worse, we will continue to suffer unknowingly due to our own choices.

Allow me to share them with you now so that you can try to avoid them at all costs:

1.) Resisting your pain

I know and totally understand this. I mean no one wants to feel pain right? I mean, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, regrets and many others can wreck havoc on one’s self. Mind you though that the only way you can deal with those is to actually allow them to come to surface and feel them. Because you can never process and understand them if you keep denying yourself of the opportunity to come face to face with them. Remember, you can only resolve what you acknowledge, your emotional pain included.

2.) You try to control everything about your pain

There will always be things beyond our control. It only adds up to the stress that you’re already feeling when you try to manipulate the entire situation and your own emotions just to lessen the pain. However, you cannot fake what you cannot control so don’t even go there. Try surrendering your worries and concerns instead, this can do wonders for you now as you navigate through your pain.

3.) You overthink about your pain

It’s there. face it as is. Stop thinking about a hundred and one non-existent narratives. Stop focusing on all those that could have been and focus on what is here and now. Don’t distract yourself with negative thoughts that won’t do your pain any good. You don’t need the added unnecessary anxiety brought about by overthinking..

4.) You see your pain as a dead end

Your pain, whatever it may be, is not your final destination. It’s merely a pitstop to prepare you for an even greater journey ahead. Stop focusing on how hopeless the situation may be at present and instead start thinking about your desired outcomes oncee you have accepted the space you’re in. YOu can always do something about your pain as you learn to grow in harmony with it. While it may not totally go away in the future, you don’t have to burden yourself with so much suffering by thinking that your life ended with your current pain. No honey, with or without pain, your life goes on. And so can you.

5.) You let your pain define you

You are not what you feel or what you’ve been through. So stop being unfair to yourself. Separate your emotions from the person that you are. You can be in pain and still be that amazing person for someone, somewhere out there. Never forget that you matter and that you will always be more than whatever pain broke you initially. Because you needed that so that the old version of yourself, with the new lessons learned from your painful experience, will finally peel off and reveal a better version of you. It’s part of the process.

I hope these can help you in managing your emotional pain better.

Remember, it’s only temporary.

It will pass.

And you will heal.

Someday. Somehow.

Until then, hold on.

And learn and grow from the experience

menu-circle