I’ve been ghosted.
Yup, time and again. Even before Halloween.

Scary thought huh? But coming from vulnerability, it’s quite real.

Ok, for those who are not yet familiar with the term, ghosting is the term used when people suddenly disappear in your life without any advise, cutting all communication in the process.

Harsh. Tell me about it.

You see I have been ghosted before by

…a person I was dating constantly before, during a time I felt everything was going well, then suddenly just vanished;

…people who wanted to work with me, laid down their plans and then disappeared when I asked for the final signed contract;

…by people who owed me money and just seen zoned my messages or worse, just blocked me;

…employers who got me and then left me hanging, unable to fulfill their promises and timelines;

friends (at least I thought they were) who suddenly left when things went rough.

A bunch, I know. Whew.

But trust me, I learned my lesson well.

Never chase people back.

That’s called having self-respect.

The very thing that is initially shattered because of being left behind suddenly.

You see being ghosted can make you doubt yourself big time:

Am I not good enough?

Did I do something wrong?

Is there someone else?

And before you know it, you find yourself creating negative narratives to support your doubts.

Do yourself a favor: don’t.

You will always be worth more than who left you. Keep it that way.

I know it may be hard at first but it’s very much possible to move on and forward after being ghosted.

Here are 5 ways to help you recover after being ghosted:

  1. Accept the situation as it is

Never deny the fact that you’ve been left behind and that the other party did not give a fuck as to how it will make you feel. It is what it is. Stop justifying things,  blaming yourself endlessly or invalidating what you’re feeling here and now. It would not help at all. Allow yourself to feel what is needed, no matter how painful it is, so you will understand where you’re coming from and what can still be done outside of the presence of the party/person who left you. Remember: you can’t resolve what you haven’t accepted fully yet.

2. It’s about them, not you

No decent person will just suddenly disappear on someone else without any reason or prior advice. So more often than not, it’s about how the ghoster (is there such a word?) is projecting his own fears and pains on you and how he sees ghosting as the perfect escape as to not take responsibility in facing them (or you). So quit overthinking and realize that people, including those who ghost others, sometimes operate based on their unhealed pain. Don’t let yours get in the way of your truth.

3. Give yourself enough time and space to heal

Nope, don’t jump ship. Nope, you don’t need to plot revenge. Nope, you don’t need a rebound. What you need is full understanding of your needs and wants and how you can address them outside of the relationship that you had that has disappeared indefinitely. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you, go on a self-care journey and appreciate what you still have in your space now. For all you know, you’ve been missing out on the simplest joys simply because you missed someone terribly. Look around. Look within. And yes, you don’t have to forgive them immediately. So stop forcing it until you’re truly ready.

4. Remember who you really are

Don’t let the ghosting define you. Remember: you only lost one person (or whatever the number may be); you never lost your own worth, the skills and talents that brought you the opportunities and success in the first place, and the love and support of other people who chose to stay with you. This is your chance to be brave for yourself and give yourself what is due: more credit, more love, more understanding.

5. Plan your comeback

The best revenge will always be becoming better than the person he/she/they left: your own #bestmeever . Focus on investing on yourself and your growth. Start all over again. Pursue what truly makes you feel happy, complete and fulfilled. Consider this: only a chapter of your life story is closed. Your happily ever after is still ahead and that’s something to look forward to, even if some people won’t be there anymore to play a part in your story. And guess what? That’s ok. Not everyone has to.

There’s life after being ghosted.
And trust me, it can be far better than you ever imagined.
Time to rise again.

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