"I'm lost."
Perhaps one of the most dreaded things to say in this lifetime.
And I can't blame you at all.
In fact I feel you.
Quite inevitably, once in a while, we experience bumps along the way as we course through life.
And these bumps can be quite terrifying at times, especially if they cause us so much stress and anxiety because suddenly we lose control of our journey.
This leads us to struggle even more, doing all that we can as we continuously resist the situation on hand.
However, more often than not, instead of resolving it, we find ourselves facing a dead end.
Yes, sadly we made everything worse by choice.
You see feeling overwhelmed can wreck havoc in one's decision making skills as one becomes engulfed in negative emotions.
That's when we find ourselves feeling lost and confused. Unhappy. Frustrated. And very much stuck in the space we wanted to get away from to begin with.
This actually applies to different aspects of one's life: whether you feel you've hit a dead end in your career, find yourself wondering if you made the right decision in pursuing your passion, settling in a relationship that does not seem to help you grow -- these are some of the things that you may have encountered along the way and one way or another, you felt so uncertain on how to go about everything next.
1.) Pause
Yep. Stop. For a while. It's ok. You don't have to do anything. Contrary to popular belief, even as you pause, you're actually growing. Because pausing allows you to ground yourself and think. It allows you to see what you need to see, oftentimes set aside as you focus too much on the stress and burden the challenge in front of you brings. Remember, things can only get worse if you act based on impulse so never let your negative, heightened emotions get in your way.
2.) Do a mental dump
Note: you feel lost and confused at times because there are so many things on your mind as of the moment. Unburden yourself by listing them all down. Take 15 minutes of your time and just let your thoughts flow. Don't edit yet. What is important is that you get to see everything that's actually taking space in your head. Because eventually, you will realize that not everything there deserves that much attention.
3.) Identify your priorities
Looking at your list, ask yourself this: what do I need to focus on now that will be life changing for me? Group the items you've listed down: what you can do away with, what can wait and what needs to be focused on now. Note: not everything has to happen at the same time. Limit your choices to 3 and then rank them accordingly. My take: choose what will bring in the most happiness to you. That has always worked for me.
4.) Focus on what you can control
I have always been an advocate of over all wellness and well being and that means doing away with anything (or anyone) that stresses you unnecessarily. Check on the things you have control or influence on. Then ask yourself this: what can I immediately do to maximize my control or influence over this matter? By strategically narrowing down your focus, you are able to unburden yourself with the unwanted pressure of making things happen all at once.
5.) Let things be
Feeling lost and confused can be such a humbling yet empowering experience as you discover more about yourself. It's part of your #bestmeever journey actually. So for as long as you've already done what you could with all that you have, based on your priorities and the things you can control -- that's more than enough. Give yourself a pat on the back and wait for things to unfold beautifully. Trust yourself and the process. You're exactly where you're meant to be: a temporary pitstop.
There you have it guys. The next time you feel lost and confused, stop resisting it.
Instead, embrace it and grow from the experience.
Because by choice, you can.
And until you're feeling sure again, don't decide on anything just yet.
"We can't do the Lasik procedure on your eyes. You have cataract in each."
My mouth wide open, my heart fell down the floor.
It can't be.
Yep, that was my very response when the doctor first told me that I had cataracts in my eyes.
Of course I was in extreme disbelief because 1.) I wasn't that old yet (young at 41) and 2.) that means I have to be operated on, much like how my mom and favorite aunt had theirs removed last year. And 3.) that means that I will have to put my life on hold for quite sometime in order for me to heal.
Come to think of it: that was actually my fear: to "stop living". For the longest time, I have gotten used to my work routine and it just feels weird and scary for me to just be at home, doing nothing. While I have always been an advocate of over-all wellness, self-care and self-love, I must admit though that hard stops are sometimes difficult for me because I know that a lot of people depend on me to help them in their own personal journeys in discovering their own #bestmeever .
But hey, I can choose to resist or just accept my situation whole heartedly and happily while looking for that seemingly elusive silverlining at present. I chose to go hunting for the good stuff. Haha!
So immediately after returning from my birthday trip in Singapore, I had my blood work done, got my doctor's clearance and then scheduled my operation. Mind you though: everything happened within a week's time after returning. Yep that fast. So on my end, I also had to fix my schedule, do a general cleaning of my space so that everything will be disinfected and talk to my clients and tell them that I will be gone for a whole two weeks. I also had to rush the templates for my morning postings in my coaching community on Facebook so that people can still continue reflecting daily even in my absence.
After setting everything up and making sure that I have covered all bases, I was finally ready to undergo my surgery.
"I am quite surprised that you are still able to function with your eyes, given this."
And then the doctor showed me how big my cataract was.
See that gray part blocking the entire eye? That's the culprit. I know! I got scared too upon seeing it.
A part of me felt relieved that it was detected because for more than a decade, I have been using driving glasses and contact lenses whenever I go on-air or deliver live talks. It never struck me that I had something like that until recently when my night vision deteriorated fully and I can't even drive and focus well when the sun is up. Everything was blurry and grayish...uhm, and now I know why,
The promise of being able to see clearly minus the glasses made me excitedly put on my hospital gown. I would have wanted a better fit, but who am I to complain?
This is how I would look if I get pregnant. Lol.
Upon entering the operating, I remember praying to God to at least allow me to surrender to the entire process and just trust everything. Believe me, when you're going under the knife and it involves your eyes and you are not sedated, it's not really a walk in the park experience seeing what gets to poke your eyes. Haha!
The operation was a success, albeit some of the moments the doctor had to stop because I was tensing up. Apparently, I was as calm as can be when my left eye was operated on first and then the week after, I had my right eye done. And that became a different story. Thank God for Dr. Gerard Bordador of Veterans Eye Center for being so patient, careful and understanding of his wriggly patient who gets startled whenever something is poked in his eyes. Haha!
Mind you though, it was just the beginning. The real work comes in when I have to apply eye drops hourly and take my antibiotics daily. These also coincide with the fact that: 1.) I couldn't wash my face for two weeks to avoid soap getting in my eyes 2.) I can't lift heavy objects, more so work out as intensely as I used to for a month 3.) Can't bend down, moreso do inversions so I have to say good bye temporarily to my aerial silks practice 4.) Can't drive or spend long hours straining my eyes online until it heals 5.) I have to wear my transition glasses for a month or so to ensure my eyes are protected, indoor and outdoor.
The last one was a relief because I didn't like the way the goggles looked on me. Lol.
My constant, up to now as I blog.
Anyway, the million dollar question is: does it hurt?
Answer: during the operation, it was a bit uncomfortable but didn't sting really. I mean, I doubt it if anyone enjoys getting his eyes poked while staring at a kaleidoscope of lights haha. Afterwards, that's when eye drops hurt at times (remember there's a wound in the eyes and it's still not fully healed), which led me to shed tears and hop a round a bit. Haha! I also got a head ache after my right eye got operated on but it was easily gone after I took paracetamol. The other discomforts to which I am still gradually adjusting to now is being able to read text upclose as some letters seemed garbled at times but I was told that it will eventually be ok, of which I truly believe because I myself have less typo errors now, unlike during the first few days, that's why I decided to blog only now before starting on my regular coaching sessions.
My views and my life definitely changed.
For the better.
Come to think of it, I realized I really needed this mandatory time of. Unknown to many, I recently experienced a heart break that left me feeling a bit lost, confused, and in pain. That's a different story though. I was quietly navigating through my emotions then with the help of my own coach and my loving, selected few who were my support system. The hard stop allowed me to process everything better and treat myself kinder, because apparently, for quite sometime, I wasn't really giving myself the kind of love I willingly give others. I just forgot and this pause made me remember.
The change in my daily routine really helped. While I struggled at first to contain all my unused energy, I found a blissful experience in just letting things be, journaling and reflecting about what I can do differently in my life. I took the opportunity to see things differently and clearly this time around, inspired by my cataract operation. I began assessing my space, my relationships and myself, as honestly and as vulnerable as possible. And that allowed me to grow with the flow in my current space where fear of not being in control no longer existed.
Here's a glimpse of what I was doing in the last two weeks:
I started doing short morning walks. Here's me doing one at 6am around the amenities area of my condo. Started with 10 minuter walks, gradually increasing to an hour as days go by, while being mindful of not letting my sweat get in my eyes. Or else. Running can wait.
I have recently discovered the joys in doing stretching in the morning. As I can only do light exercise and I am not allowed to bend over or invert, this routine helped me loosen my tight muscles and prevents me from having a sedentary lifestyle while stuck at home. My yoga mat has become one of my best friends.
I've said it before and will say it again: Netflix is one of the greatest inventions of the century. I can't imagine surviving the last two weeks without it. I got to watch a lot of documentaries and reality tv series this time around and learned a thing or two that would like to include in my own bucketlist. Soon.
I got myself new transition glasses, without any grades for my eyes! My first time in over 10 years to own a pair of shades! can't wait to head to the beach soon. But for now, I use it when I go online or when I have to do my grocery. And I can see 10x better or even more actually compared to before, minus the thick graded lenses! Wohoo!
Brave as I am, I started going out (to the mall) to do errands by myself and burn calories while doing so (indoor walks where there is less pollution and exposure to unwanted elements). Trivia: Gosh, I was like a kid gushing at how bright the mall lights were and how I can now read signages from afar. Never seen everything in full color until now. Simple joys but my heart overflowed after seeing so much gray before.
While it was tempting to just eat every now and then with the free time I have onhand, I chose to still be mindful of my diet. I stuck with my intermittent fasting, ate more veggies (something I learned from a previous relationship that allowed me to love myself more) and committed to my daily cardio routine. And lo and behold, I managed to shed off more pounds in the process, to date, after almost three months, 14 lbs to be exact. My target is to lose perhaps another 5 more lbs and I will have my 2018 body then where I was at my fittest. Pushing forward! Grateful that heart breaks have beautifying effects on me. Haha!
The time off allowed me to reconnect with my roots as well. After 10 years, went back to visit my province in Pampanga. Everyone there was caught by surprise and some even cried. It was a heart warming experience to see my relatives whom I haven't seen for the longest time. Time heals all wounds indeed. And this season in my life allowed me to experience just that. This one's for the books.
And of course, God wanted to cheer me up and sent me good news. So I got nominated in the 2022 Coach Awards for Best Executive Coach and Best Wellness Coach . Two categories. Alongside coaching industry leaders and game changers from all over the world. My heart jumped for joy, especially upon seeing people vote for me and campaign for me openly. Win or lose, I am grateful for this opportunity to be recognized for what I love doing best. Please do click on the highlighted links to vote please. Love you!
Lastly, I finally got to hang out with dear friends. Gosh, how much I missed human interaction with people who truly get me and vise versa! This lunch was fun and life changing in its own way as always. They said I was rocking my glasses. And that my new body was banging. Thank you for the vote of confidence my friends. I gratefully receive your compliments.
Went to my check up the other day and this is how my eye looks like. All clear now. Healing beautifully.
Exactly how I feel within.
Healing happily. Completely.
My cataract operation allowed me to see things clearly and feel deeply.
It was a journey towards my own #bestmeever .
And today, I start my next chapter, #unicorning all over .
Thank you for joining me.
Sigh.
That's perhaps the only thing we can do whenever things don't go as planned.
I mean, I know one way or another you can relate to any or all of these:
....ever set a goal worked so hard on it, which led you to be just one step away from achieving it e.g. a promotion at work, a financial target, winning a competition etc,...but then suddenly the biggest plot twist occurs and your journey suddenly gets cut short?
....did you ever find yourself in a near-perfect relationship with your seemingly ideal guy and then without warning you find your fairy tale love story ending abruptly?
...planned your dream vacation and then suddenly it got cancelled because of unforeseen events beyond your control?
I can actually go on and on with this list but heym you already know what I am talking about.
Yup, it's a fact: things don't always work out the way we want them to.
Which in turn leaves us feeling angry, sad, worried and a whole lot anxious about what's next for us, totally forgetting our own #bestmeever journey.
Reason being is that we focus too much on what went wrong instead of seeing the beautiful silverlinings behind seemingly tragic ends.
Allow me to share with you the 5 reasons why things don't work out initially.
1.) You are being saved from greater pain or danger
Yes. God (or the Universe) might have just saved your ass from something more severe hidden under your story's plot. Ever heard of the people who got stuck in traffic on their way to work at the World Trade Center during the 9/11 bombing? Or the guy who missed the fatal flight to Kenya? Yep, you probably know a lot of those kind of stories. And yes, they're real.
2.) You are given the chance to improve yourself even more
Not yet does not mean never. So how amazing is it to know that there's still room for improvement and you're given yet another chance to maximize it? It's no secret that Pia Wurtzbach joined the National Pageant thrice, each time becoming better, before she won and got to represent the country in the 2015 Miss Universe, where she bagged the crown. What if you're a Pia in the making? I know that made you smile. Allow.
3.) It's allowing you to focus on yourself and recalibrate
Have you been so gung-ho when it comes to chasing your goals? Feeling tired, pressured and burned out? Things not working out in your favor allow you to step back, pause and re assess the space you're in as you take that much needed break from it all. That's actually the healthy (and humbling ) way to go about things: allow yourself to rest as you let the dust settle so you can clearly define what's next for you. Yup, there's life after chaos of whatever kind. You'll survive and thrive.
4.) You learn important lessons you need
Good or bad, experiences help you grow by allowing you to learn important lessons you need in life. Ask yourself this each time things don't go as planned: what is this situation teaching me? How can I apply the learning to my current space? You will be surprised on how smooth your life can be there after only if you take the lessons to heart.
5.) You deserve something (or someone) better
God knows better. Period. Someday you will meet that one person who will make you realize why you had to undergo so many heart aches and why all was worth it. Someday, you will look back and smile about lost opportunities and relationships that led you exactly to where you're meant to be: happier and free. You just have to trust the process, do all that you can with all that you have, and know and believe that the best is yet to come. Soon!
So guys, if times are rough now, remember this:
Tough times are temporary.
All will be well eventually.
You just have to look beyond the challenging situations and realize that all will work out eventually.
Your journey is just beginning.
Now take a deep breath.
Because life goes on.
So can you.
Happy 41st birthday, Self!
Yes, I am now officially 41.
And come to think of it, it's such a beautiful experience to be able to reach this age. I mean growing up, I never had an idea how it would look and feel like. But hey, here I am now, blowing my candle and adding yet another year to my life.
While others become worried as they age, I am actually having a grand time embracing the person that I am becoming: my own #bestmeever . Yes, I truly believe that the best is yet to come.
Thinking about it now, it was definitely a one-of-a-kind roller coaster ride towards becoming the person I am meant to be. I lost count of the number of ups and downs, the twists and turns and everything that happened in between. But hey, I am genuinely grateful for all of them because they all happened for a reason, and the core being is that all those were essential to my learning and growth.
Coming from honesty and humility, I am just so happy that at this point in time, I no longer feel anxious about what the future may bring. There's freedom in trusting myself and the process as I let myself (and things) be.
I have to say, experience indeed is the best teacher. I wouldn't be a credible coach now if I haven't experienced all those in the past 41 years. And today, I would like to share with you the 41 life lessons I learned which molded me into the person that I am now.
Indulge!
So there you go! I hope these life lessons resonate with you.
I look forward to learning more this year.
Thank you for celebrating my 41st birthday with me.
My heart is full.
Never too late to start on something great, something new.
I couldn't agree more.
This was actually the thought I had this morning while I was jogging, after realizing that it was already the 1st of August.
Yup, finally my birthday month as I turn 41 on the 12th.
I know, just a few days from now before I age a little more, albeit happily and gracefully, I'd like to think. haha!
While other people find it terrifying, I actually find celebrating birthdays (and aging) as a beautiful reminder that life goes on.
And that means, whatever space you are in now, you can still make it better as you journey towards your own #bestmeever .
So do away with the notion that aging is all about being frail, wrinkles and just watching life pass you by.
Because you know what, it will always be more than that.
You just can't wait once a year to reflect, recalibrate and realize how blessed you are to celebrate yourself. Ok make that twice, because at times we do the same thing during new year. Imagine how different your life will be if you wake up excited every single day, anticipating wonderful presents and just being more aware of your progress. Remember, aging is not about how many years have passed you by; you can age happily and gracefully every single day as you choose to grow along the way as you celebrate yourself unconditionally.
2, Do away with superficial attachments
One thing I learned about life: people and things come and go. And you know what, that's ok. So instead of stressing and sulking over attachments that have faded into oblivion, focus on the real connections made. Remember, each person and everything that happens to you has its own purpose and no matter how short, they probably have fulfilled it in their own way. Come from a space of acceptance and bask in the beauty of what was while remaining happy and excited over what is here and now.
3. Create a birthday bucket list
This one is very exciting for me because I get to chunk down my bigger goals into what's workable within a year. This involves letting go of all the things (and people) that are no longer serving you well and becoming really honest with yourself and what you really want to have or achieve as you get a year older. Having a clear picture of the things you want to have and achieve, with a highly strategic action plan to turn them into reality makes your journey towards your entire year ahead more exciting and inspiring.
4. Be intentional in closing painful chapters in the past
I always say, you can only move on and forward if you have learned to be at peace with your past. And this means goving yourself the closure you want and deserve, with or without the consent (or presence) of the other parties involved. It's all about reflecting fully, and accepting things as they were and acknowledging things as they are now. You have the power of choice to turn that page in your life and never look back so that you won't be distracted as you live the life you've always wanted without anything holding you back.
5. Have a healthy relationship with yourself
You are the most important person inside the room. You can age happily and gracefully by having a healthy relationship with yourself, giving yourself what you want and what is due, choosing the space you want to be in and the people you want in your circle and allowing yourself to live the life you've always wanted without any form of judgment or fear. Yes, self-love and self-care play a very important role in aging wonderfully.
Let me end this blog post by saying that yes, age is but a number.
It's not the number of years that count.
But rather, how you make each day, each moment ,
of every year added to your life, count.
May you age happily and gracefully too.
Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
There is so much truth in this popular saying.
I mean, things won't always go as planned and there will always be days which are less rosey than others.
More often than not, we fail to see the real value of the emotional pain that we are experiencing on hand as we just perceive it as one big problem.
Something that's meant to destroy our plans and make us miserable.
However, we tend to forget that our pain is actually teaching us valuable lessons that we need in order for us to become our own #bestmeever .
And until we realize the 5 things that actually make our emotional pain worse, we will continue to suffer unknowingly due to our own choices.
Allow me to share them with you now so that you can try to avoid them at all costs:
1.) Resisting your pain
I know and totally understand this. I mean no one wants to feel pain right? I mean, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, regrets and many others can wreck havoc on one's self. Mind you though that the only way you can deal with those is to actually allow them to come to surface and feel them. Because you can never process and understand them if you keep denying yourself of the opportunity to come face to face with them. Remember, you can only resolve what you acknowledge, your emotional pain included.
2.) You try to control everything about your pain
There will always be things beyond our control. It only adds up to the stress that you're already feeling when you try to manipulate the entire situation and your own emotions just to lessen the pain. However, you cannot fake what you cannot control so don't even go there. Try surrendering your worries and concerns instead, this can do wonders for you now as you navigate through your pain.
3.) You overthink about your pain
It's there. face it as is. Stop thinking about a hundred and one non-existent narratives. Stop focusing on all those that could have been and focus on what is here and now. Don't distract yourself with negative thoughts that won't do your pain any good. You don't need the added unnecessary anxiety brought about by overthinking..
4.) You see your pain as a dead end
Your pain, whatever it may be, is not your final destination. It's merely a pitstop to prepare you for an even greater journey ahead. Stop focusing on how hopeless the situation may be at present and instead start thinking about your desired outcomes oncee you have accepted the space you're in. YOu can always do something about your pain as you learn to grow in harmony with it. While it may not totally go away in the future, you don't have to burden yourself with so much suffering by thinking that your life ended with your current pain. No honey, with or without pain, your life goes on. And so can you.
5.) You let your pain define you
You are not what you feel or what you've been through. So stop being unfair to yourself. Separate your emotions from the person that you are. You can be in pain and still be that amazing person for someone, somewhere out there. Never forget that you matter and that you will always be more than whatever pain broke you initially. Because you needed that so that the old version of yourself, with the new lessons learned from your painful experience, will finally peel off and reveal a better version of you. It's part of the process.
I hope these can help you in managing your emotional pain better.
Remember, it's only temporary.
It will pass.
And you will heal.
Someday. Somehow.
Until then, hold on.
And learn and grow from the experience
There will always be days which are less than perfect.
And that's perfectly normal.
Once in a while, life throws you a curve ball, totally unexpected, leaving you struggling and confused as you try to control the situation on hand.
That's part of human nature actually: wanting to be in control at all times, thinking that things should happen always the way we want them to.
But is that really the case?
Too much resistance at times can lead us to become frustrated when things don't turn out to be in our favor, making us doubt ourselves.
We then begin to question our skills, our worthiness, and everything around us that causes our self-confidence to slide down dangerously.
When this happens, we end up feeling not good enough. And trust me, that isn't exactly a nice space to be in.
You may ask: how can you feel good inside when everything else around you seems to be in total chaos and you're against all odds?
That's exactly the point: you are allowing the state of the things around you, become you. You are not what happens to you.
When situations seem unfavorable or people are treating you less than you deserve, when you focus on them, you amplify their impact on you.
What is key here is to recognize your need to become self-empowered so that you get to resolve that feeling of not being good enough.
1.) Remember that you have your own journey
Whenever you compare yourself with others or even your previous self (if you were doing good before), you rob yourself of the opportunity to grow in harmony with the now. You're being unfair to yourself that way. Instead, what you can do is acknowledge your current progress. While it may not be perfect now, celebrate the fact that you've made it this far and most probably you're still in time (and doing good) based on your own timelines and standards. Give yourself enough room to make mistakes and learn from them -- that's not exactly a bad thing, you know. Go and grow at your own pace, in your own space.
2.) Remember what you're good at
Whatever that's not working right now in your life, know that it's only one aspect, not the whole so don't ever let your results define you fully. Consider your journey and how far you've grown. Ask yourself this: what other things am I good at that can help me in my current space? Maybe it's a matter of changing approach or simply changing your focus in the meantime until you feel fully inspired again. Creative? Think of news ways to approach it. A good writer? Write an inspiring story about your set back. A speaker? Talk about it. You can always make the most of what happens to you for a s long as you don't let it define you.
3.) Consider it as a learning experience
Humbling, yet so empowering to know that there's still room for growth. Embrace that beautiful lesson; it's part of you as you become your own #bestmeever . Reflect on what you can improve on and who can help you in the process. Feeling not good enough is actually the push you need to step out of your comfort zone and commit to becoming your best. Don't let any negative emotion pull you down.
4.) Take a time off to celebrate yourself
You don't need to face everything all at once. Take a step back. Relax and ground yourself. It's not the end of the world, my dear. You may not feel that you're good enough in a particular space or for a particular person, but hey if you think long and hard about it, time and again, you have proven that otherwise. Try to write down the number of times you've succeeded in other matters. List down the number of people who have shown you love and inspiration. Note all the times you have felt proud of yourself. All those are beautiful justifications for you to move on and forward. Note to self: You've just encountered a hurdle. You're not stuck in a rut. Because you've risen above that challenge before. Time and again.
5.) Make a difference in someone else's life
You can always choose to lend a helping hand to those who have far less than you and have probably had things harder for them in general. Give yourself the same compassion you willingly give these people, You may feel small and insignificant now, but when you see the smiles on the faces of those you intentionally helped, that will change you. To feel different about yourself, allow yourself to make a difference in the lives of others. Because even in the smallest, simplest ways, like doing a favor or smiling or asking how they are --- those can be life changing for them...and you as well. Because you matter too.
At this point, after having said all these, I just want you to remember this:
You will always be more than enough,
And that's something good to hold on to, always.
Fact: You can't know everything all at once.
And there will be times when even what you thought you knew well, won't exactly be the case.
That's the irony of it all.
And when this happens, we feel very helpless since we are used to always being in control, ensuring things happen as planned.
We end up feeling stressed, unhappy and unmotivated simply because we thought we had everything all figured out.
Let me remind you this harsh truth: we don't.
In fact there are alot of things that we are probably clueless about yet we try so hard to make sense of everything:
We don't know what others are going through, sometimes, ourselves included, yet we oftentimes judge them (and ourselves based on what we see and what we feel alone, and not based on what's truly within anchored on facts.
We don't know what the future has in store for us, yet we anxiously anticipate it and try to control it as much as we can.
We don't know when our healing will happen, yet we assume that it will take forever and it's ok to just wallow in our own misery and drive people away with our pain.
We don't know how much time we have left yet we act as if tomorrow's guaranteed and we can still put off relationships, goals, starting over among others.
We don't know what we truly deserve because we refused to take risks because we fear of getting hurt, not realizing that we are hurting ourselves and others more in the process of holding back and not being true to ourselves.
We don't know that we matter so much to other people outside of those who have taken us for granted that we forget as we dwell on what's lost rather than what we can gain from exploring and being with others who make us feel valued.
We don't know that somewhere out there, someone looks up to us despite us feeling so discontented and unhappy at times in our current space, thinking that we lack so much. and we let that define us.
We don't know what love truly is because we base it on our previous experiences and associate it with a lot of what could have beens rather than focusing on what (and who) is here and now and what can still be when we give it a chance, despite its being unexpected and unconventional. We know a lot of excuses and we try to justify them left and right, not knowing that having all those will only leave us hurting and wondering more in the long run.
We don't know...that we don't know the answers to all these.
And we will never know if we don't make that choice.
To see things differently and let ourselves be.
We will know if we listen not to our ego and not focus on our pains.
We will know once we step out of our comfort zone and be comfortable with just knowing and being.
We will know if and when we decide to take the risk coming from a space of love and purpose as we breakdown walls of pains and doubts.
We will know once we have accepted what we don't know.
And that's a very humbling, yet empowering experience.
Because that's part of becoming our own #bestmeever .
I trust that by now, you know better.
As we age, whether we like it or not, we tend to become more and more forgetful.
That's simply a fact of life.
We constantly evolve as life happens.
We try to adapt, to endure, to do and be our best as we try to keep up with the never ending cycle of ups and downs.
In the process, at times we feel overwhelmed by everything that's happening around us and within us.
When this happens, we tend to forget how amazing our current space it as we focus on what went wrong or what didn't go as planned, making us want to escape from the now as we seek validation and re-assurance somewhere else.
But ask yourself this: do you really have to?
Maybe not.
Maybe it's really not about escaping,
Maybe it's just about remembering what needs to be our anchor as we go through life, one day at a time.
It may seem lonely at times especially if you're coming from a break up or when you lose a friend or loved one. Never forget though that there are people around you who will be willing to help you heal and move on and forward from whatever broke you. You just have to reach out and allow others to help you unburden yourself as you let go of your pains and what could have been. Never just keep things to yourself, because yeah, you really don't have to. You are supported and loved.
2. You have a choice
Whether to say yes or no. To stay or go. To be whatever you want to be. It all lies in your commitment to yourself and the choices you have to make in order for you to become your own #bestmeever .Nothing can stop you if you truly believe in yourself and your own purpose, regardless of what others may have to say or do about it. Never forget your power of choice because that will allow you to push through.
3. Your time will come
Not now does not mean never. You just have to be patient with yourself and your journey. Never forget that everything that's happening to you now is just preparing you for what you truly want and deserve. Hang on. Keep the faith. Everything will fall into place once you're truly ready.
4. You're just as important as everyone else
Never treat yourself as less deserving. Never forget your own value, your own worth. Keep it intact always. Because at the end of the day, you matter. A lot. So don't let anyone, or anything make you feel otherwise.
5. You are whole
As you are, despite what you've been through or whatever else you're going through as of the moment, never forget that you're whole and complete. Everything and everyone else that comes into your life is just a bonus, not a missing piece.
May you never forget all these so that you get to live and enjoy a life that's worth remembering.
Always. In all ways.
You're more than enough.
Always.
I tend to repeat that time and again to help people who are suffering from low-esteem and doubting their self-worth.
And more often than not, it's because these people have redefined themselves with things, situations and associations, which don't really serve them well.
What is important to know now is that any description you put after the word "I AM" is very powerful so be careful what you affirm as your personal truth.
Yep, those things, can actually become your reality if you truly embrace them and believe them as is.
Such is the case with people who subscribe so much to the standards of others that they tend to measure their self worth based on the approval of others, which truth be told, should not be the case at all. Feeling guilty now? Kidding.
Yes my dear. Work is not life. You were not born to just earn money to pay the bills. You are meant to enjoy life to the fullest, with all that you are and everything that you allow yourself to become eventually. Your job title, your industry, your expertise...all those won't really matter in the long run. They don't make you better than the rest of the world. Because really, you're more than what you do.
2. Your relationships
It's not about who you know or who you're with that determines your self-worth: it's about who you choose to become alongside people who share your space. So do away with name dropping or banking on associations. Choose to be your own person as you create a name for yourself. You deserve to own your space and identity. Never borrow from anyone else.
3. Your achievements
While your achievements can take you further in life, your attitude can bring you closer to the hearts of those around you. You are more than the medals, the recognitions and success you have attained. And you should be comfortable with your own skin even if you haven't reached your full potential just yet. You have your own journey towards your own #bestmeever , and it's definitely special in it's own way. So celebrate yourself as you are, with all that you have. You deserve it.
4. Your past
It's over and done with. So why still hold on to it? You are not your mistakes, your failures, your trauma, your losses...and everything else that's part of your past. You are what you choose to do at present as you become the person you're meant to be: genuinely happy and free from yesterday's chapters. Just learn the lessons and do away with the associated definition of who and what you were. That's not you now, anyway.
5. Your money in your bank account
Fact: some of the happiest people I know have little money and the saddest ones are those who have so much. So don't ever let money define your self worth. It's not about how much money you have, burt rather, how much you've given in terms of time, effort and love that will linger in the minds of the people around you. So make your presence count instead because it's the greatest gift you can give. Just my two cents worth.
I'd like to end this post with this reminder:
Whoever you are at the moment, whatever you choose to become, you will always be worthy of the love, care and admiration that you willingly give to others.
Because like I said earlier, in case you've already forgotten,
you are more than enough.
