Keep going. Keep growing.
This has been my mantra since after I celebrated my 42nd better last August 12 in Bangkok.
And yes, I had a grand time as I took my coaching hat off for almost two weeks and just let myself enjoy each and every moment with my loved ones during that trip.
What made that celebration even more special is the fact that my social media platforms and phone were filled with heartfelt greetings and well-wishers. I felt the love from all over. Never knew I mattered that much to a lot of people beyond expectations. And for that I am grateful. I just have to put it out here so that each and everyone who celebrated with me then will know. Again, thank you guys. You made this Unicorn very happy.
After blowing my official birthday candle then during our dinner at Baiyoke Sky Hotel, I had some ample time to reflect on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life as this new chapter unfolds.
I mean, I have always been a planner: I know what needs to be done upon going back to Manila, what my next steps will be, what programs I will be launching and how can make my 42nd year even more amazing.
Yeah, it was all about moving on and forward.
But then it struck me as well: in order to keep going, I must also stop a number of things, behaviors and whatever is holding me back from becoming my own #bestmeever .
And that isn't exactly easy, you know. Coming from honesty and vulnerability, much like everyone else, I have grown to be so comfortable with a number of things, people and situations, both knowingly and unknowingly, hinder my progress and prevents me from becoming truly happier in my space.
However, truth be told, I know that it will be all worth it when I muster all my strength to finally cut ties with these things that short change my own value as a person.
I hope that by sharing these with you, I know that one way or another you can relate too. My goal is not to be perfect in your eyes (or mine) but rather to show each one of us are very much alike and we are in this together.
And yes, you don't have to wait for your birthday to take action. Let's do this together now, shall we?
Presenting to you the top 5 things I intend to fully stop to allow myself to grow further in my 42nd year of existence:
It is what it is. While it's important to see the goodness in each and every person that I meet, I should not allow that perspective to blur what is here and now. Yeah, sometimes people are not just really having a bad day; it can be their usual reaction towards others and I must be mindful of that. Being totally open instead and coming from a genuine space of concern, I want to be more comfortable in telling people how things are from my end for as long as I am clear and honest with my intentions of doing so. After all, I am a firm believer that tolerating any form of bad behavior isn't exactly a sign of love.
2. Feeling guilty for letting people go
Not everyone has to play a part in our story, even those who have been with us for quite sometime but because of reason or two, have changed along the way. And that is fully ok. To outgrow people, To realize that we are no longer on the same page. To let them and myself be. It doesn't make any of us a bad person. It only makes us respect our personal spaces more. So I guess there's no sense of feeling bad about giving ourselves what is due in the first place: the freedom to grow on our own.
3. Allowing others to take me for granted
While I have been known to be kind and patient, I can't just let myself be in a one-sided relationship. I need to be more mindful of the circle I keep and what value they provide me as well. I mean, I can't just be too lenient when working with friends or family when it comes to agreed upon deliverables because exceptional output has nothing to do with the relationship but on one's commitment. Note to self: I don't have to please everyone and it's not my responsibility to save everyone as well. So this year, I am allowing myself to just be with people who know how to acknowledge and appreciate my value as they inspire me to be my best through good times and bad times. And that goes both ways, mind you. Because that is what we all truly deserve.
4. Overlooking the value of here and now
Admittedly there are times when life seems to be overwhelming: work, responsibilities, goals, expectations among others. But hey, it's best to remember that what we can only control is what is here and now ---and there are times we don't even have to be in control. I guess in this case, I need to allow myself to be 100% present wherever I am , without having to worry about the multiple hats I wear. And yes, I know I no longer need to wear them always at the same time. Because they don't define me. And what is important is how I make the most of today because that's the only thing for certain by simply letting myself be: flowing and free.
5. Thinking that I am invincible
Ok, admittedly that as we age, we forget that we also have new needs and wants to be addressed and a number of new limitations to accept. That's the hard part. While I know that I am in good shape, it's also important to acknowledge that staying up way late at night or engaging in super strenuous and highly stressful activities are no longer my cup of tea. I need to understand and accept that my body is changing and so I must support it with the tender loving care it deserves. It's all about recalibrating my adventures and how I view fun and excitement in my life. And no, I don't feel the need to belong to do this because I am doing it for myself and my own well-being, something far more important than simply fitting in.
Whew, that was a handful. However, what's good now is that we can be quite accountable for each other as we journey towards our own #bestmeever .
Because when we put all these on my list on a hard stop, there's no stopping us from growing and becoming the person we are meant to be.
Excited for that to happen.
Life changing.
Best way to describe each and every coaching experience I have had (and done).
And I kid you not.
However, had you asked me 6 years ago, I would have looked at you with a dumbfounded expression. Haha!
Seriously, I had no idea of what coaching was then.
The only knowledge I had about coaching then was related to those officials in sporting events. Uhuh.
Thank goodness for life's twists and turns that I got to discover the value of coaching during the lowest point in my life back then. And ever since, I got so hooked on it that I decided to make it as my career. Never regretted that decision.
Because as I type this, I am reminded why coaching is essential in our day to day lives.
Allow me to share with you how coaching (and acquiring coaching skills per se) helped me become my own #bestmeever :
1.) Coaching helped me become more self-aware
Through the use of powerful questions, I got to know and understand myself better: my needs and wants, fears and aspirations, hopes and dreams. This allowed me to embrace my current space with the least resistance, enabling me to maximize the present moment and opportunities that go with it. I love it whenever I have chemistry sessions and my prospective coachees have AHA moments about themselves. Priceless experience.
2.) Coaching helped me heal
I think it's safe to say that everyone of us may have a chapter or two in our lives that we want to forget. Coaching helped me become at peace with the painful events in my past as I forgave myself in the process of gaining clarity about the purpose of each and everything that I had to go to. Learning how to coach allowed me to journey with my clients towards their own healing as they embark on their next chapter whole heartedly.
3.) Having coaching skills helped me become more strategic so I can succeed
As I coach myself every now and then, I realized that one of the benefits that resulted from the clarity I get from coaching, is that I get to have crystal-clear goals and tailor-fitted action plans with timelines that lead to better performance and results because I have everything in sight, everything prepared ahead of time. It's like having a really sound game plan way before the game has started so winning does not become a mere option but a reachable reality.
4.) Coaching allowed me to have the dream lifestyle I want
I have never been the corporate, 9-5 guy ever since. More so, I hate routine jobs and endless paper works and not so productive meetings. When I got coached, I realized that I was meant to do something else. So I quit my marketing and advertising career and embarked on my journey towards becoming a life coach. When I learned how to coach and practiced consistently with all my heart as I delivered desired results for my clients time and again, I got to earn a living in my terms: working wherever and whenever I want, only a few hours per day. It also opened a lot of other opportunities on the side I never dreamed of: writing best selling book, hosting on radio, media interviews locally and internationally across multiple platforms, brand collaborations and a whole lot more which helped me earn more than I used to compared to when I was in another industry. Yes, I am a living testament that one can live comfortably as a professional coach, if one takes his/her practice seriously with 100% commitment.
5.) Coaching made me more inspiring
As mentioned earlier, coaching is indeed life changing. It helped me live with utmost authenticity, unapologetically as I become the grandest version of myself: my own #bestmeever living my dreams and my life in my own terms as I become my own boss. Having coaching skills allowed me to help others become just that too: leaders within, disruptors and exceptions to the rules as they embrace themselves whole and love themselves fully -- something which a lot of people long for in silence until they see their much-needed inspiration living his/her truth. That can be you.
I can definitely go on and on about the other benefits I have gotten from coaching, whether as a coachee or as a coach.
However, I would like for you to experience it yourself by joining our upcoming #bestmeever Coaching Essentials Workshop - A 2-day workshop to be held at the University Hotel at UP Diliman on May 20-21, 2023 from 8am-5pm. Together with my amazing coaching team, I will be teaching you a new coaching model and how you can use it to succeed in life and at work. On day 2, you will be taught how to come up with a strong personal brand through coaching to help amplify your impact and influence as you change lives with your new-found skills. For only P9,999, this can be the best investment you can give to yourself as you upskill and upscale.
This event is sponsored by Cleene, Mediplast, CDO Holiday Hams, Highlands Corned Beef, Diabetasol Sweetener, Ascof, Diatabs, Kremil-S, Immuntab, Enervon, C-Lium Fibre, Potencee and Oracare Mouthrinse.
For inquiries, you may message my public FB page or email me at [email protected] .
See you there!
"I'm lost."
Perhaps one of the most dreaded things to say in this lifetime.
And I can't blame you at all.
In fact I feel you.
Quite inevitably, once in a while, we experience bumps along the way as we course through life.
And these bumps can be quite terrifying at times, especially if they cause us so much stress and anxiety because suddenly we lose control of our journey.
This leads us to struggle even more, doing all that we can as we continuously resist the situation on hand.
However, more often than not, instead of resolving it, we find ourselves facing a dead end.
Yes, sadly we made everything worse by choice.
You see feeling overwhelmed can wreck havoc in one's decision making skills as one becomes engulfed in negative emotions.
That's when we find ourselves feeling lost and confused. Unhappy. Frustrated. And very much stuck in the space we wanted to get away from to begin with.
This actually applies to different aspects of one's life: whether you feel you've hit a dead end in your career, find yourself wondering if you made the right decision in pursuing your passion, settling in a relationship that does not seem to help you grow -- these are some of the things that you may have encountered along the way and one way or another, you felt so uncertain on how to go about everything next.
1.) Pause
Yep. Stop. For a while. It's ok. You don't have to do anything. Contrary to popular belief, even as you pause, you're actually growing. Because pausing allows you to ground yourself and think. It allows you to see what you need to see, oftentimes set aside as you focus too much on the stress and burden the challenge in front of you brings. Remember, things can only get worse if you act based on impulse so never let your negative, heightened emotions get in your way.
2.) Do a mental dump
Note: you feel lost and confused at times because there are so many things on your mind as of the moment. Unburden yourself by listing them all down. Take 15 minutes of your time and just let your thoughts flow. Don't edit yet. What is important is that you get to see everything that's actually taking space in your head. Because eventually, you will realize that not everything there deserves that much attention.
3.) Identify your priorities
Looking at your list, ask yourself this: what do I need to focus on now that will be life changing for me? Group the items you've listed down: what you can do away with, what can wait and what needs to be focused on now. Note: not everything has to happen at the same time. Limit your choices to 3 and then rank them accordingly. My take: choose what will bring in the most happiness to you. That has always worked for me.
4.) Focus on what you can control
I have always been an advocate of over all wellness and well being and that means doing away with anything (or anyone) that stresses you unnecessarily. Check on the things you have control or influence on. Then ask yourself this: what can I immediately do to maximize my control or influence over this matter? By strategically narrowing down your focus, you are able to unburden yourself with the unwanted pressure of making things happen all at once.
5.) Let things be
Feeling lost and confused can be such a humbling yet empowering experience as you discover more about yourself. It's part of your #bestmeever journey actually. So for as long as you've already done what you could with all that you have, based on your priorities and the things you can control -- that's more than enough. Give yourself a pat on the back and wait for things to unfold beautifully. Trust yourself and the process. You're exactly where you're meant to be: a temporary pitstop.
There you have it guys. The next time you feel lost and confused, stop resisting it.
Instead, embrace it and grow from the experience.
Because by choice, you can.
And until you're feeling sure again, don't decide on anything just yet.
"We can't do the Lasik procedure on your eyes. You have cataract in each."
My mouth wide open, my heart fell down the floor.
It can't be.
Yep, that was my very response when the doctor first told me that I had cataracts in my eyes.
Of course I was in extreme disbelief because 1.) I wasn't that old yet (young at 41) and 2.) that means I have to be operated on, much like how my mom and favorite aunt had theirs removed last year. And 3.) that means that I will have to put my life on hold for quite sometime in order for me to heal.
Come to think of it: that was actually my fear: to "stop living". For the longest time, I have gotten used to my work routine and it just feels weird and scary for me to just be at home, doing nothing. While I have always been an advocate of over-all wellness, self-care and self-love, I must admit though that hard stops are sometimes difficult for me because I know that a lot of people depend on me to help them in their own personal journeys in discovering their own #bestmeever .
But hey, I can choose to resist or just accept my situation whole heartedly and happily while looking for that seemingly elusive silverlining at present. I chose to go hunting for the good stuff. Haha!
So immediately after returning from my birthday trip in Singapore, I had my blood work done, got my doctor's clearance and then scheduled my operation. Mind you though: everything happened within a week's time after returning. Yep that fast. So on my end, I also had to fix my schedule, do a general cleaning of my space so that everything will be disinfected and talk to my clients and tell them that I will be gone for a whole two weeks. I also had to rush the templates for my morning postings in my coaching community on Facebook so that people can still continue reflecting daily even in my absence.
After setting everything up and making sure that I have covered all bases, I was finally ready to undergo my surgery.
"I am quite surprised that you are still able to function with your eyes, given this."
And then the doctor showed me how big my cataract was.
See that gray part blocking the entire eye? That's the culprit. I know! I got scared too upon seeing it.
A part of me felt relieved that it was detected because for more than a decade, I have been using driving glasses and contact lenses whenever I go on-air or deliver live talks. It never struck me that I had something like that until recently when my night vision deteriorated fully and I can't even drive and focus well when the sun is up. Everything was blurry and grayish...uhm, and now I know why,
The promise of being able to see clearly minus the glasses made me excitedly put on my hospital gown. I would have wanted a better fit, but who am I to complain?
This is how I would look if I get pregnant. Lol.
Upon entering the operating, I remember praying to God to at least allow me to surrender to the entire process and just trust everything. Believe me, when you're going under the knife and it involves your eyes and you are not sedated, it's not really a walk in the park experience seeing what gets to poke your eyes. Haha!
The operation was a success, albeit some of the moments the doctor had to stop because I was tensing up. Apparently, I was as calm as can be when my left eye was operated on first and then the week after, I had my right eye done. And that became a different story. Thank God for Dr. Gerard Bordador of Veterans Eye Center for being so patient, careful and understanding of his wriggly patient who gets startled whenever something is poked in his eyes. Haha!
Mind you though, it was just the beginning. The real work comes in when I have to apply eye drops hourly and take my antibiotics daily. These also coincide with the fact that: 1.) I couldn't wash my face for two weeks to avoid soap getting in my eyes 2.) I can't lift heavy objects, more so work out as intensely as I used to for a month 3.) Can't bend down, moreso do inversions so I have to say good bye temporarily to my aerial silks practice 4.) Can't drive or spend long hours straining my eyes online until it heals 5.) I have to wear my transition glasses for a month or so to ensure my eyes are protected, indoor and outdoor.
The last one was a relief because I didn't like the way the goggles looked on me. Lol.
My constant, up to now as I blog.
Anyway, the million dollar question is: does it hurt?
Answer: during the operation, it was a bit uncomfortable but didn't sting really. I mean, I doubt it if anyone enjoys getting his eyes poked while staring at a kaleidoscope of lights haha. Afterwards, that's when eye drops hurt at times (remember there's a wound in the eyes and it's still not fully healed), which led me to shed tears and hop a round a bit. Haha! I also got a head ache after my right eye got operated on but it was easily gone after I took paracetamol. The other discomforts to which I am still gradually adjusting to now is being able to read text upclose as some letters seemed garbled at times but I was told that it will eventually be ok, of which I truly believe because I myself have less typo errors now, unlike during the first few days, that's why I decided to blog only now before starting on my regular coaching sessions.
My views and my life definitely changed.
For the better.
Come to think of it, I realized I really needed this mandatory time of. Unknown to many, I recently experienced a heart break that left me feeling a bit lost, confused, and in pain. That's a different story though. I was quietly navigating through my emotions then with the help of my own coach and my loving, selected few who were my support system. The hard stop allowed me to process everything better and treat myself kinder, because apparently, for quite sometime, I wasn't really giving myself the kind of love I willingly give others. I just forgot and this pause made me remember.
The change in my daily routine really helped. While I struggled at first to contain all my unused energy, I found a blissful experience in just letting things be, journaling and reflecting about what I can do differently in my life. I took the opportunity to see things differently and clearly this time around, inspired by my cataract operation. I began assessing my space, my relationships and myself, as honestly and as vulnerable as possible. And that allowed me to grow with the flow in my current space where fear of not being in control no longer existed.
Here's a glimpse of what I was doing in the last two weeks:
I started doing short morning walks. Here's me doing one at 6am around the amenities area of my condo. Started with 10 minuter walks, gradually increasing to an hour as days go by, while being mindful of not letting my sweat get in my eyes. Or else. Running can wait.
I have recently discovered the joys in doing stretching in the morning. As I can only do light exercise and I am not allowed to bend over or invert, this routine helped me loosen my tight muscles and prevents me from having a sedentary lifestyle while stuck at home. My yoga mat has become one of my best friends.
I've said it before and will say it again: Netflix is one of the greatest inventions of the century. I can't imagine surviving the last two weeks without it. I got to watch a lot of documentaries and reality tv series this time around and learned a thing or two that would like to include in my own bucketlist. Soon.
I got myself new transition glasses, without any grades for my eyes! My first time in over 10 years to own a pair of shades! can't wait to head to the beach soon. But for now, I use it when I go online or when I have to do my grocery. And I can see 10x better or even more actually compared to before, minus the thick graded lenses! Wohoo!
Brave as I am, I started going out (to the mall) to do errands by myself and burn calories while doing so (indoor walks where there is less pollution and exposure to unwanted elements). Trivia: Gosh, I was like a kid gushing at how bright the mall lights were and how I can now read signages from afar. Never seen everything in full color until now. Simple joys but my heart overflowed after seeing so much gray before.
While it was tempting to just eat every now and then with the free time I have onhand, I chose to still be mindful of my diet. I stuck with my intermittent fasting, ate more veggies (something I learned from a previous relationship that allowed me to love myself more) and committed to my daily cardio routine. And lo and behold, I managed to shed off more pounds in the process, to date, after almost three months, 14 lbs to be exact. My target is to lose perhaps another 5 more lbs and I will have my 2018 body then where I was at my fittest. Pushing forward! Grateful that heart breaks have beautifying effects on me. Haha!
The time off allowed me to reconnect with my roots as well. After 10 years, went back to visit my province in Pampanga. Everyone there was caught by surprise and some even cried. It was a heart warming experience to see my relatives whom I haven't seen for the longest time. Time heals all wounds indeed. And this season in my life allowed me to experience just that. This one's for the books.
And of course, God wanted to cheer me up and sent me good news. So I got nominated in the 2022 Coach Awards for Best Executive Coach and Best Wellness Coach . Two categories. Alongside coaching industry leaders and game changers from all over the world. My heart jumped for joy, especially upon seeing people vote for me and campaign for me openly. Win or lose, I am grateful for this opportunity to be recognized for what I love doing best. Please do click on the highlighted links to vote please. Love you!
Lastly, I finally got to hang out with dear friends. Gosh, how much I missed human interaction with people who truly get me and vise versa! This lunch was fun and life changing in its own way as always. They said I was rocking my glasses. And that my new body was banging. Thank you for the vote of confidence my friends. I gratefully receive your compliments.
Went to my check up the other day and this is how my eye looks like. All clear now. Healing beautifully.
Exactly how I feel within.
Healing happily. Completely.
My cataract operation allowed me to see things clearly and feel deeply.
It was a journey towards my own #bestmeever .
And today, I start my next chapter, #unicorning all over .
Thank you for joining me.
Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
There is so much truth in this popular saying.
I mean, things won't always go as planned and there will always be days which are less rosey than others.
More often than not, we fail to see the real value of the emotional pain that we are experiencing on hand as we just perceive it as one big problem.
Something that's meant to destroy our plans and make us miserable.
However, we tend to forget that our pain is actually teaching us valuable lessons that we need in order for us to become our own #bestmeever .
And until we realize the 5 things that actually make our emotional pain worse, we will continue to suffer unknowingly due to our own choices.
Allow me to share them with you now so that you can try to avoid them at all costs:
1.) Resisting your pain
I know and totally understand this. I mean no one wants to feel pain right? I mean, guilt, shame, sadness, anger, regrets and many others can wreck havoc on one's self. Mind you though that the only way you can deal with those is to actually allow them to come to surface and feel them. Because you can never process and understand them if you keep denying yourself of the opportunity to come face to face with them. Remember, you can only resolve what you acknowledge, your emotional pain included.
2.) You try to control everything about your pain
There will always be things beyond our control. It only adds up to the stress that you're already feeling when you try to manipulate the entire situation and your own emotions just to lessen the pain. However, you cannot fake what you cannot control so don't even go there. Try surrendering your worries and concerns instead, this can do wonders for you now as you navigate through your pain.
3.) You overthink about your pain
It's there. face it as is. Stop thinking about a hundred and one non-existent narratives. Stop focusing on all those that could have been and focus on what is here and now. Don't distract yourself with negative thoughts that won't do your pain any good. You don't need the added unnecessary anxiety brought about by overthinking..
4.) You see your pain as a dead end
Your pain, whatever it may be, is not your final destination. It's merely a pitstop to prepare you for an even greater journey ahead. Stop focusing on how hopeless the situation may be at present and instead start thinking about your desired outcomes oncee you have accepted the space you're in. YOu can always do something about your pain as you learn to grow in harmony with it. While it may not totally go away in the future, you don't have to burden yourself with so much suffering by thinking that your life ended with your current pain. No honey, with or without pain, your life goes on. And so can you.
5.) You let your pain define you
You are not what you feel or what you've been through. So stop being unfair to yourself. Separate your emotions from the person that you are. You can be in pain and still be that amazing person for someone, somewhere out there. Never forget that you matter and that you will always be more than whatever pain broke you initially. Because you needed that so that the old version of yourself, with the new lessons learned from your painful experience, will finally peel off and reveal a better version of you. It's part of the process.
I hope these can help you in managing your emotional pain better.
Remember, it's only temporary.
It will pass.
And you will heal.
Someday. Somehow.
Until then, hold on.
And learn and grow from the experience
It's not always about moving on and forward.
Yup, there are days when you should just let yourself be and accept things as they are.
Know that if nothing's happening (or things aren't going as planned), it doesn't mean that you're not growing so stop being anxious about it.
What is important to know is that whatever space you are in now, it's exactly where you are meant to be, because that space will teach you something of value to your personal (or professional) growth.
Any form of resistance won't do you any good. So open yourself up to possibilities instead: ask yourself what can be beautiful about the space I am in now? Start being intentional in looking for silver linings so that you get to accept and appreciate wherever you are as of the moment.
2. Appreciate your progress
Trust me, you wouldn't feel stuck in the first place if you haven't made any movement in your life at all. So take this time to give yourself a pat on the back and see how far you've gone. Assure yourself that you're doing a good job. That will make the waiting game more bearable.
3. Know that this space of yours is temporary
If you take to heart that your situation can change any moment now, how will you handle it differently? So stop beating yourself up and just consider whatever it is you're going through as a mere pitstop: it's just preparing you as you recharge and recalibrate yourself to become fit enough to make it to the finish line: of becoming your own #bestmeever .
4. Do what you can
Your current space is not a hopeless one. Know that there will always be something there that you can control. Focus on that and do what you can as you give your all. That will always be more than enough, regardless of the result that you may get. At the end of the day, you (and your growth) will always be worth the try. It's not about making huge milestones always-- even the smallest steps matter. Don't underestimate the power of sending just one email, reading a couple of pages of your book or even exercising for as little as 5 minutes a day -- they can do wonders for you even during the most stressful situations.
5. Learn something new
Feeling stuck is a good sign to take a step back and assess what is it that you need to learn in your life now that will benefit you in the long run as you overcome this space of yours? Think about enhancing your skill sets or beefing up your resume with a new credential. Know that self-improvement was never dependent on the situation one's in, but rather, it's based on one's choices.
So there. I hope these help you feel better while you bask in your current space.
Remember, it's you won't be staying there permanently so make the most of it.
As a whole, 2021 was a learning experience for me.
And that's an understatement.
I mean I can't say that it was a really awesome year because hey, the pandemic has taken a toll on all of us (mental health, relationships, business among others) and it's not really easy for a travel bug like me to be oftentimes stuck at home because of travel restrictions during the lockdown.
On the other hand though, I am extremely grateful because to date, I am able to remain healthy and genuinely happy in my space and I am still blessed with a whole lot of opportunities to grow both on a personal and professional note. Taking these in consideration, I would say that 2021 was not that bad either.
Candidly speaking after seeing the big picture both ways, I totally believe that it taught me a whole lot of important life lessons which I need to take to heart as the new year approaches. I think they will all be quite useful as I (and you guys reading this) make our new year's resolutions.
So there you go, I hope these life lessons help you in your personal journey towards becoming your own #bestmeever this coming 2022.
I look forward to journeying with you all and celebrating you and your growth along the way.
Thank you 2021 for the life lessons.
Happy New Year guys!
2022, we are ready.
Not everything (or everyone) deserves to be in your space.
And that's perfectly ok.
You don't have to force yourself to hold on to things or people which do not spark joy.
You don't have to settle in a space that does not inspire growth.
And yes, you have that power of choice to turn your life around.
As the year draws to a close in a couple of days, now is actually the best time to reflect about what you finally need to let go of so that next year will be far better.
I have spent the last few weeks reflecting and this is the list I have come up with.
It was quite amusing coming to realize why I have tolerated them for the longest time thinking that they were normal or that I needed them when fact is, I can actually live without them and doing such will allow me to flourish more.
1.The drama
Oh my gosh, time and again I have been invited to participate in the drama of other people, whether as a by stander or an actual character in their story. I thought I was helping by being there only to realize that I only wanted to be there because subconciously I was being validated for having that sense of belongingness. Crazy I know. When I caught myself, I immediately distanced myself at the onset of any form of drama that is thrown my way. And yes, I am now living my own story, with my happily ever after.
2.) The extreme pressure on yourself
It's a fact that the society has certain standards to be met and that people have a lot of expectations about me and what I do. That only adds up to the pressure I used to give myself, wanting to live up to my own ideals in harmony with those of others. Not good for me. I realized that I was practically driving myself to getting burned out and unhappy about what I was doing because I was doing all them out of obligation to comply rather than inspiration. So what I did though was loosen up: I allowed myself to go at my own pace, redefined my concept of productivity and allowed myself to find joy outside of what i do, and realize through happiness from within. End result: I actually became happier and my productivity is maximized even as I take certain days off.
3.) The excuses
I know that at some point, having excuses were meant to protect myself from an unfamiliar or unpleasant situation. However, come to think of it, what is making it difficult for me to express myself in black or white was the need to please by sugarcoating my words. When I arrested that false notion, I am pleasantly surprised that people loved my honesty and authenticity and that it was ok to just go do what feels right as long as I will be taking responsibility for my actions. The goal goes beyond succeeding in a new endeavor, but rather maximizing and growing from each and every experience that's not limited by any form of excuse. At the end of the day, only my excuses and self-doubts can limit me. And I won't let that happen. Not today, Satan. Haha!
4.) Your what could have beens
I know that at times we tend to look back at the past and succumb to the overwhelming thoughts of being able to do so much more before. These thoughts leave us doubting ourselves in the process at present. Fact though is that we all can't turn back time. So upon reflecting, I personally just focused on what I have here and now and how I can make the most of it. It's not about what could have been, maybe because it's meant to be like that and that's something I need to be able to accept. My new practice is to focus on what can still be as I do everything under my control so that I look at all past events, regardless of the results with much gratitude and the future, with much optimism.
5.) Your excess baggage
Yaaasss to this! I mean we all have been through a lot and perhaps even going through so much more at present. But hey, holding on to all these things and repeating them to ourselves over and over again will not help us find the right solution to them and will only lead to more anxiety. Clearing our minds and focusing on what we can still do, will. Don't let your excess baggage distort your future journey. Travel light. Trust me on this. Everything becomes more enjoyable there after, provided you know where you want to go next and you are committed to make that happen fully.
I hope these help you reflect on your current space. If you're having a hard time wrapping things up this year as you figure out what you can live without, then worry not. Will be launching my free workshop in my self-empowerment community this December so make sure to register in advance because limited slots are available so that next year, as you start it, will definitely your best year ever.
According to an ad by Adidas for their campaign against patronizing fake products:
Fake hurts real.
And I couldn't agree more.
At times people try to fake things to make them look more appealing, more successful, more ideal.
And in the pursuit of wanting to belong and accepted, they forget that in the long run, faking it does not really allow one to make it.
In fact, at times, faking it can cause one to have a breakdown rather than his/her much wanted breakthrough.
That's not exactly an ideal space to be caught in.
Because rather than avoiding the real issue by padding on "perfect patches" to create an ideal life, what is key here is to accept one's self whole and love one's self fully to be truly empowered from within.
At the end of the day, becoming one's #bestmeever is all about anchoring one's self on authenticity and integrity.
Do not ever try to mask your emotions just to get the approval of others or to become someone's aspirations. Contrary to popular belief, vulnerability is a superpower that few people have. Never invalidate how you feel or see yourself as weak when you cry. Know that it takes a whole lot of strength to acknowledge one's emotions and doing such allows you to process them fully and address what is really needed beyond the fake smiles (or tears). It's ok not to be ok and you are allowed to cry if needed. Know that people who are really true to you will love and accept you for who and what you are, no matter how you feel.
2. Your credentials
If you didn't earn it, don't flaunt it. Never pretend to be an expert in something that you are not. Not only will you be putting yourself in a jeopardy if you fake it, but also, you'll be endangering those who actually believe in you. Know that greatness takes time and a whole lot of hard work and commitment so don't short change yourself and others by putting certifications or degrees you never had or claiming a job title that is not backed up by your actual expertise. Allow yourself to take the high road and journey accordingly towards your best, without finding the need to impress others along the way as you focus on yourself and your growth.
3. Your successes
Credit grabbing is a big no-no and don't ever banner things under your name which have not really happened or that were merely blown up to crazy proportions just to stir interest or gain approval. Stop claiming things you've never done, claiming programs you never made or results you never delivered. Again, it's very important to let your consistent results speak for you instead of bannering false ones. Remember, it's harder to make up for a reputation that's tainted versus working hard to achieve the successes you really want for yourself and others.
4. Your associations
Please. Quit telling you know this person or this celebrity or you're a part of an elite group if you're really not. Meeting them once or twice does not make them your friend you know, so don't abuse that word. Know that as much as it's important to associate yourself with the big wigs, it's also important to realize that you, as you are, have your own value to uphold outside of that association. Don't let your credibility depend on the "relationships" you have (no matter how tight or superficial they may be)...build it yourself instead.
5. Your commitments
You are as good as your word. So if you're merely faking it and giving promises left and right just to get the approval of others without really committing to them fully, then you are compromising your integrity big time. Don't ever give your word for the sake of. Know that trust can be easily broken and hard to restore and that's one thing that's far more important than just looking good temporarily. Each and every time you break your word, you break the chance to build a long, lasting, genuine relationship with others and yourself.
So there, I hope these help you avoid the things that you must not fake to ensure that you breeze through life without the need to justify the lies and actions not in alignment with your authentic self.
Stay true always.
Life isn't all rainbows and unicorns.
That's a fact.
Because there will be times that life will throw you a curve ball that will catch you off guard.
The thing is, at times, that curve ball can be larger than life.
Too large for you to dodge it.
Before you know it, it hits you hard.
And you find yourself struggling to regain your composure and bring everything back the way they used to be.
But that's not easy at all.
You see, things don't always go as planned, no matter how hard you prepared for them.
It's when things go wrong that you become overwhelmed by the stress and pressure the entire situation brings.
Leading you think: "I want to give up!"
Trust me, I can definitely relate to being in that almost hopeless space.
And it's not something I (or have others) want to experience again.
1.) Remember that pain and suffering are temporary.
It will pass. It's just a phase. Allow yourself to come from that space so that you don't make drastic permanent decisions that you will regret in the long run. What is key here is to try to endure and enjoy the entire journey as you seek for new learnings and opportunities for growth along the way. Ask yourself this: What is this situation teaching me? The beginning is always the hardest but it doesn't have to be like that all through out the way.
2.) Hold on to your "WHY"
Living your purpose every single day is not always easy. However, it will always be worth it. So when the going gets tough, allow yourself to anchor on your biggest "WHY" and remind yourself all the reasons that got you started in the first place. Try to utilize the same passion and feelings you've had before things got rough so that you become unstoppable in the process.
3.) Visualize your desired results.
Sometimes difficult situations distract us from our goal. Take time to pause, calm yourself and visualize your ultimate goal away from the chaos. Be as detailed as possible and allow yourself to feel as if you've already achieved it. It's a beautiful way to inspire yourself to push forward.
4.) Try once more.
There's no limit in trying or in starting all over again. If you really want it, then give it all you've got. Remember, each try brings you closer to your goal. Celebrate wins in between, big or small. Know that regardless of the result, you learn in the process and that allows you to grow to your own #bestmeever .
5.) Surround yourself with inspiration.
Seek support from people you love. Take time to read inspiring stories. Talk to people who have managed to overcome the same challenges you have at present. Fill your mind with positive thoughts. At the end of the day, you can always give yourself the much needed hope you're looking for.
So now, if you're reading this and you feel like you're almost giving up, take this as your sign to do otherwise.
Because you deserve one more try.
